“I’m not.”
“Aren’t you?” Xavier gave me a level look. “Alexander, you’ve hesitated every time you’ve spoken to me today. You’ve waited for me to look at you, then gotten nervous when I do. You want me, but you keep your distance because you’re afraid once I have you, and get bored, you’ll lose everything.”
I was. And we both knew it. What did he expect me to say? “Shouldn’t I be?”
“No. And that’s why I’ll stick with the rules. Because they give you a choice.”
“No, they really don’t. I work closely with you, not Luther. Crossing those lines would have a lot more damage.”
“I’ve just told you they wouldn’t.”
“Which is you asking for more trust than you’re giving me.” I hiked up my chin, trying to fight back the trembling that wanted to take over my whole body. “You could destroy my life with a word. You’re afraid to trust your own partner with something you’ve shared before. I’m not sure what you expect me to do with that.”
“Wait. Wait until I don’t wonder if you’ll destroy the man I love.”
“I think he’s stronger than you’re giving him credit for.”
Xavier nodded. “Maybe. But it’s been three days and I can tell he wants to come over here and fight for you. What do you think he’d do if he’d already fucked you? If you submitted to him and he felt responsible for you?”
I looked over at Luther and I couldn’t find a single thing to say. Xavier was right. I wouldn’t mean to hurt either of them, but I could. They were both giving me control. All I had to do was say no, to say I wasn’t ready.
But once I said yes, I’d be between them. I had the power to ruin something so tenacious I didn’t think either of them realized it. Only Xavier knew enough to be afraid. He needed Luther. But I wasn’t sure Luther realized how much.
“I don’t want to hurt either of you. But you’re both offering me everything. I keep saying no when I want to say yes.” I had to be honest. Otherwise, I’d end up playing both sides and…no. Hell no. “You two have to talk. You can’t put this on me. It’s not fair.”
“No. It isn’t.” Xavier rubbed his fist against his lips. “Let’s go home. A home that is yours, no matter what happens. If I was in your place, I couldn’t resist him. As for you and I…” He shook his head. “You will have to let me know what you’re comfortable with. You’ve reminded me how much power I have over you. Power he doesn’t. Until you can set that aside and see me as a man who struggles to do what he has every day for almost ten years…please feel free to tell me I’ve crossed the line. It is yours to set and I will respect it. Always.”
“I don’t get this game. Not even a little.”
“I know you don’t. Just know I won’t judge you. And that despite what you might think, Luther and I understand one another. I’m pushing him. I know I am. You’re a test. One he can’t fail.”
“That’s clear as mud.”
“It really is, isn’t it?” He groaned and leaned against the barrier. “How’s this. If he seduces you, we’ll talk. But I hope he won’t. I’d rather he wait until we all trust this is real.”
“It’s already real to me.”
“I know.” He pushed away from the barrier, speaking softly. “But what do you have to lose if you’re wrong?”
I watched him go. Watched Luther pull him into his arms and speak softly to him. What they had didn’t include me. And I got that.
But the answer to Xavier’s question would never change.
Even if he couldn’t hear me.
I roughly dragged my sleeve across my cheek to dry the tears that fell.
“Everything.”
Chapter Six
A week, then two, went by and my doubts started to fade. Maybe Xavier had actually been listening. Maybe he believed me when I said I didn’t want to hurt Luther. Maybe I did have some power.
I still saw Luther every morning, but he never crossed the lines Xavier had set. We discussed the fashion show. My insecurity when those with more experience came to me for advice because they thought Xavier trusted my opinion. My fear of my tie not being straight enough when I pulled on my jacket and went to meetings with Xavier and important people.
Every day began and ended with Luther trying to help me. But he never got too close. Never looked at me too long. I’d become nothing but an employee. Maybe a friend he kept at arm’s length. He praised me for helping Xavier. Told me I was doing better than he’d ever imagined.
But we were little more than neighbors sharing the same space. He didn’t touch me. Didn’t watch me.
My job was all that mattered.
Exactly what I’d wanted.
Until I missed the attention. The touches. The mark he’d left on my neck which had faded. I spent most nights going over files alone in his office. Xavier never came to speak to me. And neither did Luther.
After the first week of making sure I still wore my suit when walking around the house, I brought the latest stack of files to Luther’s office in my pajama pants, finished going over them, then grabbed a book. I needed to feel something, anything, so I grabbed the scariest book I could find. One about a killer who’d gone after gay men. It was a true story.
I ignored the tears that spilled when I started picturing my father every time the killer found a man. Got him to confess he was gay, promising he wouldn’t judge.
The same lie my father had told me before he’d died. He’d been preparing to rob a bank with my mother. I was eight. In school still, doing well because bad grades meant bringing too much attention to my parents.
One of my teachers was gay and he came out at school. The staff supported him. Most of the students did too. I talked to him and told him I felt like him. My parents always put on such a good show when they went to meetings he said I was lucky. I shouldn’t be afraid.
My father got everyone to come to the living room. Told me we were family. There were no secrets between us. When I told him, he didn’t react. He looked at my brothers.
“Trust is a weakness.”
He didn’t have to say anything else. My mother looked at me, whispered a word I couldn’t make out.
Maybe she’d told me to run. That would’ve made sense. Because after they left, my brothers almost killed me.
They left me alone when I said I’d been lying. I was scared of girls, that was all. When were Mommy and Daddy coming home?
They never came home.
My eldest brother, Erik, was twelve years older than me. He made a lot of money selling drugs. Until I was thirteen, I didn’t realize the ‘packages’ I delivered were drugs.
When he went to jail the second oldest, Christian, took care of me. For three years until Erik got out. Those three years weren’t bad. He never got violent without Erik around. I just had to steal food for us to eat. I was good at it.
Erik was released shortly after my sixteenth birthday. He’d apparently decided on a new career of car theft and either I could make myself useful or I could get the fuck out.
Setting the book aside, I folded my knees against my chest and wondered if my brothers would try to find me. Would they worry about me turning them in? They probably wouldn’t go back to Xavier’s building, they weren’t stupid enough to risk getting caught. If they hadn’t already been arrested.
I hadn’t asked Xavier if he’d gotten his car back and he hadn’t mentioned it. If my brothers were in prison it was their own damn fault. Maybe Christian would come out a better man. Maybe he’d finally be free of Erik, like I was free of them both.
Was it horrible of me that I couldn’t find it in me to care? That thinking about my family hurt too much, so I usually tried not to?
Christian hadn’t been as horrible to me, but he’d still left scars.
You’re thinking about him an awful lot for someone who doesn’t care.
Groaning, I unfolded my legs and brought the book back to the shelf where I’d found it. The office door opened and I glanced over my should
er.
Luther came over, looking at the book and making a face. “Not the most pleasant read. I had nightmares for weeks after I finished it.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. At least the guy was caught.”
“He should have been caught sooner.”
“True.” I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling exposed standing here shirtless in front of Luther. I missed how comfortable I’d been around him before all the rules, but there was no way to get that back. “I’m sorry for bumming around in your office. I just wanted a change of scenery.”
His brow furrowed. “Alec, I told you to make yourself at home. Don’t apologize for doing so.”
“Okay, I just…” I lowered my gaze. “I’m gonna go put a shirt on.”
I started for the door.
He put his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. “Don’t.”
Swallowing hard, I held still as his hand slid over my shoulder. He pressed his lips to the side of my neck.
“Luther, we can’t—”
“We won’t if you ask me to stop.” He grazed his teeth along my flesh and I shivered. “I stayed away from you to make things easier for us both. But I fucking hate it. Xavier can have his win. I don’t care.”
“Yes, you do.” My voice was barely over a whisper. I didn’t pull away, I wasn’t ready for him to stop touching me, but if I let it go too far, we’d ruin everything. “All Xavier asked was that I tell him before doing anything with you.”
Letting out a low laugh, Luther rested his head on my shoulder. “This is a conversation he and I should have.”
“Definitely. But I don’t want him thinking I feel pressured. Or that I’m doing anything behind his back.” I moved away from Luther as he lifted his head. Turning, I chewed at my bottom lip. “This is going to change everything.”
“But in a good way.” He brushed a strand of hair off my cheek and tucked it behind my ear. “If it helps, I trust you with him. I was more afraid that he’d hurt you, but you’re tough.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Are you giving me permission to fuck your boyfriend?”
He laughed. “You always had that from me. I’m not the one who made the rules.”
Shaking my head, I put some space between us. He was so relaxed, so easy to be around, regaining the comfort I’d had with him at the beginning wouldn’t take much effort. But I wouldn’t go there. Not without knowing Xavier was okay with it.
“Don’t stress too much about it, Alec. Get some sleep. Xavier has his business trip this weekend, and since we don’t have your passport yet, you won’t be able to join him and you can actually enjoy a whole weekend off.” His lips slanted slightly. “I may have plans for you.”
“Assuming he agrees?”
“No. As enjoyable as it would be, I won’t keep you in my bed the entire time. I want to bring you out. Have some fun.” He stepped up to me, curving his hand around the back of my neck and pressing a kiss to my forehead. “He won’t object to that. We both know you deserve it.”
Damn it, why did he have to be so perfect? I smiled up at him, then left the office, heading to my room for the night.
Hopefully, the last time he’d try to tempt me.
And I’d have to walk away.
Chapter Seven
With Xavier’s trip coming up, the office was even more chaotic than usual, and I was right in the middle of it all. No one dared approach the boss when he was stressing about samples, hemlines that looked even a little off, or sketches that weren’t perfect examples of his work.
Since the sketches were his and he didn’t think any of them were good enough, he stayed in his office all day, cursing his pencils, his sharpeners, and whoever had designed the paper he was using because it was ‘awkward’.
I didn’t draw, so I had no idea how to help him. When I texted Luther, he just assured me his man always got like this before a trip and it was best just to leave him be.
Which was easy for him to say, since he wouldn’t see Xavier until tonight when he drove him to the airport with two security guards they both trusted to go with him. I’d asked why Luther didn’t go himself and he let out a bitter laugh.
“He’s much more concerned with the company’s safety than his own. He wants me here so I can make sure we don’t have another break in.” He shrugged as we finished up breakfast and got ready to head to work. “I’ve learned to pick my battles over the years. This isn’t one that would lead anywhere good. At least he’s finally accepted that he needs protection.”
And that he needed help. Which was where I came in. Fine, everyone else saw him freaking out as perfectly normal, but it didn’t have to be. Why shouldn’t he be able to start this trip feeling in control and confident? He wasn’t too powerful to need some reassurance.
I pushed away from my desk and knocked on his door.
“The building better be on fire!” The sound of something hitting the door made me hesitate. Xavier let out a rough, irritated sound. “Are you coming in or what?”
Opening the door, I braced myself to duck if he threw anything else. But he was standing by the window, hands shoved in his pockets, glaring out at the city like its very existence pissed him off.
“What do you want, Alexander?”
“To figure out what I can do to get you to chill.” I spotted his drawing pad on the floor by his bookshelf and went to pick it up, carefully smoothing the pages before setting it on his desk.
He watched me, eyes narrowed. “That’s not your job.”
“That’s debatable, but either way, I hate seeing you like this. Please let me help.”
“I’m not sure you can.”
Crossing the room, I went behind his desk and patted the back of his chair. “Come sit. I want to try something.”
With an exaggerated sigh, he strode over and sat stiffly in the chair. “I appreciate the effort, Alexander, but there’s nothing you can do that will…Mmmphh.”
“You were saying, sir?” I grinned as I dug my fingers into the tight muscles of his shoulders. He’d probably be better off with a professional masseuse, but they’d probably get their head bitten off. He was less likely to yell at me.
“Unless you want to kneel for me, don’t call me ‘sir’.”
“Hmm…I might be better on my knees that I am with massages.” I rubbed the back of his neck, drawing out another muffled groan. “But that would be inappropriate.”
His laugh was strained. “Bringing it up at all is inappropriate.”
“You’re right. I won’t do it again.” I went back to rubbing his shoulders, sensing the tension easing out of them. His breathing slowed and I grinned as he tipped his head to the side, exposing his neck. There was only one way I could think of to get him more relaxed. I brought my lips to his throat. Tasted his skin with a flick of my tongue. And whispered, “Sir.”
He turned and stood abruptly, pulling me against him and bringing his lips to mine in a bruising, desperate kiss. His hands tangled in my hair as he fucked my mouth with his tongue, moaning as I reached for his belt. He grabbed my wrist, holding it in place as he took his time exploring my mouth, taking control from me as he sucked on my bottom lip, biting with just enough pressure for me to whimper.
My dick swelled as Xavier grazed his teeth along my jaw, then down the side of my neck. Just below my collar, he bit down hard enough leave a mark, pinning me against his desk as I writhed against him, gasping in air as the pain warped to pleasure.
“When Luther sees that, he’ll get the message.” Xavier kissed his way back up my throat, then claimed my lips again. “You belong to us. There’s no backing out now.”
I flicked my tongue over his bottom lip. “You don’t scare me, Xavier. I’m not going anywhere.”
His lips curved into a devilish smile. “You might change your mind when you see how demanding I can be.”
“Yeah?” I knew he hated when I didn’t use proper English, but I wanted to push him a little bit, just to see how he’d react. “You gonna just talk abo
ut it or—”
He pressed his fingers to my lips. “We’re not starting things off with your first punishment. Behave.”
“Do you want me to get back to work? I’m sure there are some files to take care of. Do you want me to double check if the tulle skirts are packed properly?”
“I want you on your knees, pet.” Xavier pressed his thumb into my mouth, his eyes hooded as I sucked on it. “Isn’t that what you were offering when you called me ‘sir’?”
I circled his thumb with my tongue, releasing it slowly. We both knew where this was going, but I wanted him to take control. Something about surrendering to him was safer than just doing what I wanted.
But I still didn’t know how far I could push before earning the punishment he’d mentioned. That I’d agreed to when I’d signed the contract.
There’s only one way to find out.
“Was I offering something, sir?” I gave him my most innocent look. “I’m only your assistant. I’m here to do whatever you need me to.”
“Careful.” Xavier grabbed the collar of my shirt, lifting me against him. “This room is pretty soundproof, but if I spank you hard enough, someone’s bound to hear.”
Oh fuck. No, I definitely didn’t want that.
“Get on your knees. Now.” His hand moved to my shoulder. A warning that he wanted me to behave.
I lowered to my knees.
“Undo my belt and pull it free. Lay it on my desk. I really hope I won’t have to use it, but you do seem to enjoy testing me.”
Biting my bottom lip, I followed his instructions silently. There was no way I’d chance earning that punishment now, but I appreciated him setting the boundaries. I didn’t have to push any more to find them. They were clear.
“Good boy. Now clasp your hands at the base of your spine. Just like that.” He stroked my hair. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous. I’ve been imagining this moment for weeks.”
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