Fall With Me

by Julie Particka

  “How am I supposed to tell you that you scare the shit out of me? That I’m afraid I’m going to fall for you all over again and you’re going to rip my already-broken heart out and stomp on it? That I’m afraid to try because I worry my heart can’t even work right anymore? That on the off chance I’m wrong and there’s something real between us, it’ll never last because I hate your sister for what she did and you will never in a million years choose me over her? Is that what you want to hear?”

  He spun on me and pressed me against the wall, his body angled against mine so I felt every hard inch of him. “That’s the thing, Jem, I want to hear it all. I want to understand you and be there for you.” He searched my face, my eyes, as if he could see straight into my soul.

  “Then help me.” I hadn’t known what I was going to ask for until I started talking. Then the truth of last night hit me. Sutton had made an offer, and I wanted to take him up on it more than I would have thought possible. Somehow, being around him made me realize just how much I missed and loved Lacey. No matter how angry I was at her, the thought of her being used and tossed aside by Adam made me want to throw up. “Help me destroy Adam Richmond so he never hurts me or anyone I care about again.”

  Sutton paled for a second, his mouth working as if there were words that refused to be spoken. Then, without warning, his lips were on mine again, and there was no room for fighting, no room for denial. Not even any room for fear. There was just Sutton and the kiss and our souls mingling on our breath. The clenching pain that had plagued me since lunch left my stomach on the wings of butterflies.

  Lots of butterflies.

  Too many butterflies.

  I shoved away from him as a new panic took hold. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  Chapter Six

  -Sutton-

  Way to go, man. Shove yourself on her and make her throw up. All in less than an hour. That has to be some sort of record.

  My inner voice had been in lecture mode since right after Jenna had gone home sick yesterday. Its favorite topic revolved around the string of women in Chicago and how I hadn’t changed as much as I thought if I was shoving Jenna against walls at work. One key difference between Chicago and now was when she hadn’t shown up at work this morning¸ I’d been worried. Then I spent the rest of the day kicking myself over and over again.

  One minute I had myself convinced to back off and just talk to her about Lacey and why they needed to revive their friendship. Then I wound up with Jenna pinned against the wall and couldn’t get thoughts of her lips out of my head.

  And then she’d christened TJ Lohan’s new bathroom.

  Her dad had been less than chatty today, too. “She was up all night,” was the most he’d say.

  It wasn’t enough.

  “Sutton, as soon as you’re done cleaning up, you can take off. I’ll see you Monday.” Mr. Brandt loaded the toolbox he took home every day, the power tools having already been tucked into a secured basement alcove.

  “Thanks, sir. Do you and Mrs. Brandt have big plans this weekend?” It was their anniversary, and I was praying Jenna’s getting sick wouldn’t derail whatever had been on the agenda.

  “We’re going to a bed-and-breakfast on the lake near where I proposed to her. Actually, if you’d check in on Jenna for us, I’d appreciate it. She insisted it was food poisoning, but I know her mother tends to worry.”

  If I believed in lucky stars, I would have thanked the fuck out of mine. “Of course.”

  “Thanks.” He glanced around the basement, then at his watch. “Do you think you could…?”

  “Go, Mr. Brandt. I’ve got this. Happy anniversary.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Sutton. You’re a good man.”

  As soon as he walked out the door, I turned into a whirlwind, whipping through the rest of the cleanup in thirty minutes. I rushed home, only to have my phone chime with a message.

  Shit. Mom.

  She’d called this morning on my way to the job, but it hadn’t looked like she left a message. The voicemail showing up now without another call meant there’d been a service hiccup. If I didn’t check it, there’d be hell to pay later.

  “Sutton, it’s your mother. I’m going to assume you’re at work.” Because if I wasn’t, she expected me to pick up. When I’d come home from Chicago, my parents had welcomed me with open arms, as long as I stuck to the straight and narrow—no more women or drunken nights at the bar. They’d even helped me secure the loan on my house. Considering I’d just left a posh job in Chicago to work for Mr. Brandt, the banks had been more than a little leery. As far as my parents were concerned, screwup time was officially over. And they were right—as usual. “—pick up your mail. There are a couple things that look like bills in the stack. Maybe it’s time you actually sent a change of address? Either way, you should come get them before they get misplaced.” In other words, before someone decided I was slacking off and needed to be shown the error of my ways.

  As much as I would have loved to put off a stop at my parents’ until tomorrow, it was better to deal with it now than have it hanging over my head. Plus, maybe Mom would have some soup I could steal.

  After getting cleaned up, I headed straight over, only to find Lacey instead of my parents.

  “The prodigal son returns. Great timing. Mom and Dad left for dinner about fifteen minutes ago.” She picked up a stack of mail tied neatly with string and slapped it in my palm.

  “Thanks.”

  When I turned to leave, she didn’t let go of the bundle. “How is she?”

  I didn’t have to ask who. “Jem’s fine. She’s dealing with things and trying to move on.”

  Lacey released my mail and started wringing her hands together. “Has she asked about me? Or said when she might be willing to talk to me? I miss her.”

  No matter how much I loved my sister, her self-centeredness was hard to deal with sometimes. “She tries not to think about you. Or Adam. Or you and Adam. As much as you want it to be, Lacey, this isn’t really about you. If you’re her friend, you need to let her come to you on her terms. Be there for her, rather than expecting her to be there for you.”

  “I want to be. I’m not sure how if she won’t talk to me and let me explain, though.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Pretty sure you hooking up with her boyfriend doesn’t need much in the way of explanation. Speaking of, where is dear Adam?”

  She wouldn’t meet my eyes when she answered. Her silence made it pretty clear she’d rather not talk about it. My not moving made it equally obvious she didn’t have a choice. “He’s at the bar. Some of his friends drove in with him to go to a Tigers game tomorrow.”

  “Weird how he’d come to town and go out with ‘the guys’ rather than spend time with his fiancée.” Maybe that would finally get through her thick skull and she’d see how little the jerk cared about her.

  Blowing out a breath, Lacey swept her fingers through her dark hair. The circles under her eyes were rapidly trying to match the color. She made getting the guy look like hell on earth. It made no sense why it was proving this difficult to get her to give him up. “Please stop pretending you understand anything. Jenna’s my best friend. I need her.”

  God, she was going to push this until someone broke. “What you need is to grow up and take some responsibility for your actions.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “Maybe try harder.”

  “Damn it, our wedding announcement is in the paper today. It’s online. It’s everywhere, Sutton. I need to talk to her and explain things before she gets wind of it from someone else.”

  “And if that’s your definition of trying harder, you don’t deserve her for a friend.”

  I spun around and marched through the door. Dealing with disapproval from my parents would have been better than that conversation. When I sagged into the driver’s seat of my car, it felt like my whole being deflated. Lacey was my sister, and I wanted to make sure she had a great life. Moments like
this, though, made me understand Jenna’s anger. Lacey didn’t act repentant in the least, and I was starting to wonder if there was any way she would see the truth about Adam.

  Tonight wasn’t about Lacey. Like I’d told her, sometimes it needed to be about the person who was hurt and, if anything, I wanted to keep Jenna from suffering any more because of this mess. She’d trusted me by letting me take her out. I needed to trust her to decide if she wanted her revenge or not. Tossing the mail on the passenger seat, I sped off to a couple stops and then on to the Brandts’.

  All the windows were dark when I pulled into the drive, save a flickering coming from the family room. Perfect. Before I managed to close the car door, my phone buzzed. Chicago area code but not one of my contacts. I knew if I answered, a woman’s voice would be on the other end. Maybe I’d recognize it, maybe not. One thing I knew for sure was I didn’t want to find out. I declined the call and blocked the number. Eventually, they’d stop calling.

  There was only one woman I cared about now, and she was right here. I walked to the front door, rang the bell, and waited.

  And waited.

  I rang it again.

  This time the waiting had me worried. What if it had been more than food poisoning? What if something was really wrong with Jenna?

  I rang the bell and pounded on the door. If she didn’t answer this time, I was hopping the fence and going to the slider off the deck. Maybe it would be unlocked. Damn it. Should I call 911?

  Then the door cracked open. “Can I help… Sutton?”

  She sounded like hell.

  “I, uh, your dad wanted me to check in on you.”

  “He left like thirty minutes ago. I just fell asleep.” She rubbed her eyes. “Are we good now? You know I’m… Are those flowers?”

  “Uh. Yeah.” I held them toward the door. “I brought soup and crackers, too.”

  “I don’t understand. You brought food and flowers because…why?” She swept lank hair from her forehead. Her skin was pale, eyes sunken under the dark circles. Like so many times before, it was as if she and my sister were trying to be mismatched twins. As always, Jenna was the more beautiful of the two. Seeing her like this made my heart both swell and ache.

  “Because I wanted to talk and apologize and—” And what? Plot with you how to best destroy my sister’s relationship with your ex? That conversation would wait until she wasn’t on the verge of death. “Look. You’re obviously still not feeling well. I have nowhere you’d be keeping me from. Let me take care of you tonight.”

  “I don’t need a babysitter.” The way she bit her lip as her brows knit together had the words “least of all you” playing on repeat in my skull. She’d already said she didn’t know how to deal with me on a romantic level; maybe the best course of action was to steer us to where we’d tried to head before.

  “What about a friend?” I picked up the bag with the food and dangled it in front of her. “We can watch rom-coms until you fall asleep. I’ll make fun of them, and you can shush me.”

  “Screw that.” Her wan smile didn’t light her face, though it softened everything from her expression to her stance. “You get a choice of marathons: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or Avengers.” She swung the door open and waved me inside. “And not a word about how crappy I look. I’m well aware.”

  She didn’t, though. Sure, she looked like she was sick, but she was wearing Tinker Bell pajamas that hugged her curves and furry slippers that made her feet look like monster paws. Sick or not, she was adorable.

  The slippers made scuffing noises as she led me into the kitchen. She started to sway when she opened a cupboard for bowls. When her eyes rolled into her head, I stepped up and caught her falling form. Her eyelids fluttered open. “I was so ‘that girl’ right then, wasn’t I?”

  “Kind of, but I’ve always been a sucker for you as that girl.”

  “At least I’m not drunk?”

  “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. No one will ever know that food poisoning got the best of you.” I winked, and this time her smile made me want to forget everything else except having her closer.

  “My hero.”

  That was it. I was done for. I swept her into my arms, fighting the urge to let my fingers inch toward the bottom edge of her shorts and turn this into something far more than friendly. “Glad you finally acknowledged that. Now I’m going to take you into the other room and lay you on the couch. And you are going to keep your little ass there while I get you fed and hydrated.”

  She gave a weak laugh as I settled her onto the cushions. “You’re in trouble then, because my ass is far from little, which means that entire order is voided.”

  I leaned close and whispered in her ear, “I can fit it in my hands to pick you up. It’s small enough for my purposes.” This time when her eyes rolled back, I didn’t think it was from being sick. Especially not with the way her nipples puckered beneath the tank top. “Stay here. Doctor’s orders.”

  When I returned carrying a tray with bowls of soup, a plate of crackers, and water bottles, she pushed herself to sitting. “Thanks, but if you plan on ‘playing doctor,’ I have to say your timing sucks.” The air quotes made it obvious she wasn’t referring to the soup.

  “And I have to say if you’re cracking that joke, you aren’t as sick as I thought.”

  “Shut up and feed me.”

  “Movie?”

  “I’m already on Thor. You should have come at like noon if you actually wanted a choice in the matter.”

  She pushed play, and I sat next to her, trying my best to remember I was here as her friend. Not the guy scheming against his sister. And definitely not the guy who’d made out with Jenna after paintball. The last bit was kind of hard with her bare leg pressed against mine, especially with how short her pajama bottoms were. Was she even wearing panties under them?

  “Hey. Are you watching the movie, feeding me, or staring at my legs tonight? Trying to decide how self-conscious I should be.”

  I jerked my head up and turned to the TV. “Nope. I’m getting my Kat Dennings fix. And I’m only going to spoon-feed you if you don’t eat on your own.” Mainly because I needed her functioning on all cylinders when I told her about Lacey’s engagement. There was no way I was letting her find out on her own.

  “Perfect. This is why watching movies with guys is better. We don’t argue over who gets who. Though if I’m ever forced to switch teams, I will wrestle you for her. Natalie Portman doesn’t do a thing for me.” Jenna moved to pick up her bowl of soup. Her hands shook, sloshing her dinner, and she set it on the tray in favor of a cracker.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? I could get you a straw.”

  “Hardy-har. I just need some carbs in me to get in balance. Watch the damn movie.”

  I reached up and swiped crumbs from her lips with my thumb. “As long as you eat. No ulterior motives. I only want you healthy.”

  “Why? I mean, other than promising Dad you’d look in on me, why the hell do you care?” That guarded look she had when she answered the door was making a repeat appearance.

  The biggest problem was there were more answers to her question than I wanted to think about, much less count or list. As soon as she asked, they started rushing through my brain like it was mental NASCAR. Before the thoughts took over and I started spewing all of them, I said, “Work’s a lot more fun when you’re there.”

  She froze with her mouth open, cracker halfway to her perfect lips. For at least fifteen seconds, she stayed like that, staring at me, before she finally bit down. She spent longer chewing before she responded. “Can’t have you miserable at work, can we?”

  “Jem…”

  “Shhh. This is my favorite part.” She twisted toward the TV again, watching as Chris Hemsworth smashed a glass on a diner floor. Not even the flickering light from the screen could hide the way she clenched her fists and swallowed hard. Once the scene ended, she resumed munching on her saltines.

  It wasn’t the same thoug
h. My stupid comment had changed something, and damn it if I didn’t want to change it back. What was I actually here for? I’d checked on her, and she was fine. Now that she had moved on to the soup, she would have a full belly and be better than fine.

  Lacey’s engagement announcement was nothing more than an excuse. I’d planned to come over before I knew that had hit the paper. Even if Jenna were 100 percent tonight, I wasn’t ready to broach that subject, much less the topic of breaking the happy couple up. No, I was here because I wanted more from her than a partner in crime. She’d always been that sort of ghost who haunted me through college and more after graduation. Now that we’d kissed—now that I’d tasted her—I didn’t want to give her up.

  By the time we started Captain America, Jenna was on crackers and Pepsi, and the color had returned to her face. When I sat down after switching the Blu-rays, I draped her legs over my lap. She didn’t protest, instead settling against the arm of the couch. We weren’t that far into the movie when I braved tugging off one monster-foot slipper and began kneading her foot with my thumbs.

  The first, weak “You don’t have to do that” protest quickly gave way to quiet moans. My cock started to respond to the sound, and I moved her legs so she wouldn’t feel me getting hard. This wasn’t about sex—even if part of me clearly wanted it to be—it was about repairing whatever I’d broken…again in order to pave the way to something better.

  When I finished with her feet, I started to work my way up her legs, being careful to stay well below the temptation of her shorts. As Steve Rogers was taking a nosedive into the Arctic, quiet snores broke the stillness. Without the worry of her reading into it, I looked my fill at Jenna.

  The food and water had done her a lot of good. And in sleep, the stress that had hardened her features went soft, quiet. For a second, she was the sixteen-year-old girl asking me to take her to my room again. Only this time, she wasn’t drunk. And she wasn’t underage. And I wouldn’t have said no.