Sins of September

by Graysen Blue

Jesse clears his throat, but I don’t look at him as I open the box, taking the wrist corsage out. I hand the empty box to Jesse and bring the flowers up just beneath my nose. It smells floral and finally I feel as if spring is officially in the air. It’s late March and the leaves on the trees are starting to burst forth.

  Evan watches as I slip it on to my wrist, and he smiles. “I’m glad the red matches,” he says. “My mom tried to talk me out of red, saying it could clash with all the different shades, but somehow, I pictured your dress being this exact shade.”

  “You chose well,” I reply.

  Jesse’s clearing his throat again.

  “Chance and Willow are meeting us at the restaurant,” Evan says, “I guess we better get goin’.”

  Scout is now part of the audience, kneeling on the seat of one of the living room chairs, peering over the high back of it as if she’s spying. “Are you gonna kiss September?” she asks, stifling a giggle with her hand.

  Okay. I make a mental note to embarrass the shit out of my baby sister in a few years.

  “Scout,” Jesse says, his tone clearly irritated, “You get to your room. We’ll talk about manners in just a bit.”

  Scout gets the same hangdog look I’ve seen on Jesse once or twice, usually after he’s pissed me off with something he’s said that’s inappropriate. “Yes sir,” she says quietly, taking leave.

  Jesse turns back to us. “Have a great time. Remember curfew, and oh, September? You got your cell in case there’s a family emergency?”

  Family emergency? Seriously?

  “Yeah, uh . . . it’s in my purse,” I reply, picking up the slim shoulder purse I bought in black to match my three inch heels from the table in the entry hall.

  “Well make sure you keep it on in case I need to reach you. Where’s your jacket?” he asks, looking around and not seeing it, his eyes then returning to my dress—the upper part where my boobs are pushed up nicely on the strapless, ruched dress.

  “Dad,” I tease, knowing my reference to him as a father figure will end this verbal torture. It’s the mid-seventies out. I’ll be fine.”

  He mumbles something that sounds like either “Have a good time,” or “That dude’s slime.” I really can’t be sure. Evan doesn’t notice, that’s how quietly it was said.

  “Nice meeting you, sir,” Evan says. “I’ll make sure September is home by curfew.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “‘Nite,” I say, starting to enjoy this little game. “Don’t wait up.”

  We quickly make our exit into Evan’s late model Impala. I’m impressed at his manners, opening the car door for me, holding his hand out to help me out once we arrive at the restaurant for dinner.

  The restaurant they selected is one of Fort Smith’s finest. Willow and I gab in the restroom about how totally expensive the entrees are.

  “That didn’t stop me,” she brags, applying a bit more mascara. “Hey, Chance can afford it and I know damn well Evan can too, so let’s just enjoy the fuck out of it.”

  “I hear that,” I giggle and then wonder whose voice it is saying that. I hear my cell beep from inside my clutch. “Hey, I’ll be right out,” I call after her.

  I pull my cell out. I have a text from Jesse.

  Don’t let him put his fucking hands on you. I mean it.

  Okay. What’s this about?

  Or what? I text back. Yeah, he needs to be called out on this shit. He’s the one that wants me to fucking go through these rites of passage, and now what? He’s stalking me all the way through it?

  I don’t think so!

  Don’t fuck with me, September.

  I’m on a date. Phone is off now.

  And I did. I powered it off and left the restroom to join my date and my friends. This was Jesse’s idea and by God, he’s going to see it through.

  We finish dinner, and head to the dance. A great band is playing some awesome cover tunes and some original stuff of their own. They’ve got a unique sound—somewhere between Train and Maroon 5.

  Evan, with his sandy-brown hair, green eyes and all-American kind of jock look can dance and move like I’ve never seen. I feel flustered, as if I can’t keep up. We wear each other out on the dance floor, and finally, he drags me off, because we need to get freshened up for pictures.

  Willow and I run into each other again in the restroom.

  “Looks like you’re digging the fuck out of Evan,” she remarks, re-applying lip-gloss. “Chance says that Evan is so freaking hot after your ass, girl. So are you guys gonna hook up tonight you think?”

  Our eyes meet in the mirror. “Uh . . . no,” I say, acting insulted. “This is like our first date. Hello?”

  “Shit,” she says, caressing her cheek with a blush brush. “You’re eighteen, right? And a senior?” she continues.

  I nod.

  “What’s holding you back then? This is the last formal dance of our school year. Seal the deal, babe.”

  I glance at her, not really getting the message.

  “Look,” she says, giving me a long sigh. “Evan’s mom works with your neighbor, Casey Collins? And well she kinda spilled the beans on the details of the relationship you had or still have with your step-daddy. I’m not getting all judgy on you, here. I mean I only know because Evan told Chance, and he told me. The point is that Evan asked you out, in spite of that, so it must make you feel, I dunno—grateful?”

  Fuck me.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Willow. I mean, Casey dated my stepfather and he dumped her. Sounds like she’s trying to get some revenge for being scorned. What I can’t get past is the fact that you pose as my friend, and then dump this shit on me?”

  She tries to appear contrite, but it isn’t working. “Well,” she says with a shrug, “I just thought you should know, and for the record, I for one certainly didn’t want to believe it.”

  And then the point really hits me. Evan believes it. Evan asked me out in spite of it. Evan must think I’m gonna be grateful for that.

  Fuck Evan.

  She’s finishing with her make-up, pushing her make-up bag back inside of her purse. “Ready?” she asks.

  “Yeah—I gotta go potty. Meet you back out there.”

  “‘Kay,” she says. “See you in a couple.”

  Before the door to the bathroom closes behind her, I’ve got my cell powered up. There’s a text from Jesse.

  Sorry I’m an ass. Love you.

  Some of my anger dissipates. Jesse is just trying his best to make sure I don’t miss out on my coveted teenage years. But it’s too late to go back when you’ve been older. It’s the equivalent of turning back time, and I’ve no desire to do that.

  I smile and text him back.

  Skipping the after party. Be ready to bury your cock inside me when I get home.

  I make my way out into the hallway, hearing the band in the background announcing their next song.

  Lady’s choice.

  Yeah. My choice is to get the fuck outta here. But I have to see this evening through, despite knowing what Evan thinks he knows, and what he plans to get.

  I get through the picture taking, the last dances that are slow ones, practically cringing because of Evan’s closeness, his hands massaging the bare skin on my upper back.

  As the evening comes to a close, I tell Evan I’m not feeling well, and request that he take me home.

  “Are you sure?” he asks, frowning with disappointment.

  “I’m positive,” I reply. “Willow told me what your deal was in the ladies room, about the nasty rumor you seem to be spreading around about me.”

  His eyes widen, and he’s at a loss for words.

  “Hey,” he starts, but I interrupt him.

  “You know, Evan, don’t insult me with some lame denial. You can either take me home now, or I’ll call a cab. Either way, nothing’s happening between you and me tonight—or ever.”

  In silence he takes me home.

  I tell him there’s no need to walk me t
o the door, and I thank him for a wonderful evening. He knows I’m being a shit.

  Once inside, I close the front door, leaning back against it releasing a sigh.

  Jesse’s at my side instantly, pulling me into his arms. “Hey, I got your message, baby. I won’t lie. I’m so fucking glad you decided to come home to me.”

  “Jesse, will you promise me something?”

  He quirks his lovely brow. “What’s that?”

  “Promise me no more talk of things you think I’m missing, no more pushing me into these rites of passage activities. I don’t need them.”

  “I promise,” he whispers his lips touching mine. “Was it that bad?”

  I share with him the conversation between Willow and me at the dance. Jesse shakes his head, his jaw twitches, in anger. “I didn’t realize Casey had so much vindictiveness in her.”

  “Yeah, and I didn’t realize I’m the topic of gossip at school. Fuck them all. In two months I never have to see any of them again.”

  He wraps an arm around my waist, “If it makes you feel any better, it was pure hell for me tonight,” he admits as we walk together towards my room. “Let me make it up to you.”

  Chapter 29

  * * *

  “The minute people fall in love, they become liars.” - Harlan Ellison

  May 22, 2011

  I’m somewhere in the middle of this procession of royal blue and antique gold caps and gowns. The graduating class of 2011 takes their places on the bleachers of the stage in the huge auditorium of Washington High School.

  The rest of the auditorium is packed with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters of this graduating class. I know somewhere out there in the throng of people, Jesse and Scout are watching this momentous occasion.

  Right now, Daniel Ellis, the class valedictorian is giving his speech. Beside me, Shayla takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.

  I look over at her and she smiles. It’s a bittersweet smile because these past six months have been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster ride for the both of us.

  Shayla’s managed to move past her ordeal, though it hasn’t been easy. True to her word, she ended her affair with Pierce, and by the grace of God, no one in her family was ever the wiser. She’s been accepted at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill this coming September, and she is thrilled to be leaving the area and starting fresh somewhere else.

  Missy’s been accepted at Mississippi State, the same college where her fiancé is transferring to in the fall.

  My news is rather exciting as well, and I’ve not shared it with anyone yet.

  Daniel’s speech is over and the thunderous applause is deafening, finally quieting down as Mr. Wellington, the dean of students takes the podium.

  “Now it’s time to announce the scholarships being awarded this year for students having shown superior achievement in the various curriculums of study.”

  My heart beat speeds up and my eyes search the auditorium to find Jesse and Scout. Mr. Wellington has announced the first three scholarship winners before I spot them. He’s announcing number four now, and I know that I’m the next one on the list after that.

  “For outstanding achievement and academic excellence in the area of Science and Biology, this year’s William K. Sykes Memorial Scholarship of $25,000 is awarded to September Lynn Dawson, who has been accepted into the College of Business at the University of Arkansas fall semester.”

  The thunderous applause and the look on Jesse’s face has me fairly bursting at the seams. I make my way to the podium to take the rolled parchment that is tied with a royal blue ribbon from the dean, and shake his hand before I turn to go back to my seat. Jesse is beaming, his smile is beautiful and Scout continues to clap like a maniac.

  “Congrats,” Shayla whispers to me as I sit back down. “You sure kept that secret.”

  “And you’ve kept mine,” I whisper back to her. “Thank you for that, Shayla.” She squeezes my hand again and the rest of the scholarships are awarded, and then it’s time for each of us to be called up in alphabetical order to receive our diplomas.

  Afterwards, on the way home, Jesse tells me how proud he is of me. Scout echoes his praise from the back seat of my car.

  “Does that mean you’re going to move away?” she asks.

  “U of A has a campus in Fort Smith, so it looks like you’re stuck with me,” I answer.

  Jesse takes us out to dinner to celebrate, and when we get home, there’s a beautiful bouquet of roses and two wrapped gifts with a card on the coffee table in the living room.

  “What’s all this?” I ask.

  “Open mine first,” Scout says excitedly, grabbing the rectangular package with the bright pink bow and handing it to me. I take a seat on the sofa, and Jesse sits down on one side, Scout on the other.

  “Okay,” I say, feeling kind of shy at being the center of their attention.

  I pluck the bow and ribbon, tear open the paper and there’s a beautiful silver picture frame, with a candid shot Jesse took of Scout and me this past Christmas encased in it. The love between sisters is captured in a way I never would’ve expected from a camera.

  “Oh Scout,” I say, turning to her, and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “Thank you so much. I love it. It’s going right on my nightstand—next to my bed.”

  “You’re welcome,” she says, “It was Dad’s idea but I picked out the frame.”

  “You chose well,” I reply, giving her a kiss on her forehead.

  Jesse hands me the next gift, and it’s a small wrapped box. My fingers are a bit shaky, but I manage to get the paper off and it’s another velvet box. I open it and see the most gorgeous sapphire ring ever; it has two smaller topaz stones set on either side of it.

  “Oh Jesse,” I breathe, plucking it from the velvet box. “It’s beautiful.”

  “It’s your school colors,” Scout pipes up.

  “It’s also our birthstones,” I reply, looking into his eyes. “Sapphire for September, and two topaz gems for November.”

  “That’s me and Dad,” she says happily.

  “This ring is all of us,” I reply, sliding it onto my finger and holding it out so that I can admire it. “Thank you both so much.”

  “You still have a card to open. It’s from your grandparents.”

  I open the envelope and it’s a money-holder graduation card. There’s a brief note written from Gram:

  We are proud of you, September. Please know that we love you and want nothing but the best for you. Hoping you’ll come for a visit this summer.

  Love,

  Gram and Pappy

  There’s a check for a thousand dollars enclosed. I show Jesse the card.

  “You and Scout should think about taking a trip there this summer. I’m gonna be working my regular job, and I’m also starting my own small construction business on the side. I won’t have much time for anything else.

  “What?”

  “Yep. That’s my surprise. I got approved for a small business loan. It’s time I start thinking about being my own boss, growing my own business. Planning for the future.”

  And I wonder if I’m in those future plans. Things are happening so fast—my graduation, my scholarship for college, and now Jesse’s starting a business.

  Later that night, Jesse comes to my bed. He’s quiet and gentle, sinking his cock into my heat with slow deliberation, moving inside of me with measured strokes. His upper body is raised, resting his weight on his forearms on either side of me.

  I feel his tongue tracing the shell of my ear, his warm breath caressing my skin. He nips at my lobe, and whispers, “I’ve thought about this all fucking day. About being inside of you, claiming what is mine.”

  “Am I?” I ask quietly.

  “Aren’t you?” he counters, thrusting himself in deeper, making me moan with the fullness of him. I feel myself clench and grip and he gives me a soft kiss on my lips. “Yes you know you’re mine. Your pussy knows it, your tits kno
w it; your lips know it.”

  “When can we stop sneaking around then?” I ask. “When will I feel like I’m part of your future plan?”

  He stops moving and I instantly regret causing that to happen. “Is that what’s bothering you?” he asks.

  “Keep fucking me,” I say, moving my hands down to cup his ass.

  He moves again, this time his rhythm picks up; he’s thrusting harder. “Baby, nothing has changed. I love you; you know that. But you’ve got college in your future, and I’ve got this business I’m starting. Our future isn’t gonna be built by repeating mistakes of the past. It’s got to be based on shared dreams and goals. Isn’t that what you want?”

  My mind is in fuzzy-fuck mode. At the moment all I can think about is my impending orgasm that’s getting really close. I writhe underneath him, mewling his name.

  “Tell me what you want?” he asks, and I’m not sure if he’s referring to our future or the moment.

  “Fuck me harder,” I rasp, tightening my legs around his hips, drawing him in deeper. “I want you to fuck me and not care who the hell knows about it.”

  He slams in to me harder, pulling back and thrusting into me again and again. “Like this?” he rasps, and I can tell he’s just as close as I am.

  “Fuck yeah,” I say, and I’m there, the waves of pleasure release from my core and spread throughout every muscle and nerve ending as I whimper his name over and over again.

  Jesse moans and stiffens. His cock throbs as he empties his climax into me. He shudders one last time and I take it all, my pussy constricting the last of my orgasm around his dick, squeezing every last drop of his love from him.

  He finally pulls out, and rolls off to my side, his arm flung across his forehead. Once our breathing evens out and coherent thoughts return, he rolls to his side, and his fingers gently push a stray lock from my face.

  “Hey,” he says softly, stroking my cheek, “Let’s see how things go this summer. I mean I know my feelings won’t change, baby. But I also know that what you want at eighteen isn’t necessarily what you’re gonna want at thirty. Does that make sense?”

  I look up at him, one arm crooked underneath my head. “Why does it always come down to me? Why are you always so damn certain that I’m not old enough to know my own mind?”