Sins of September

by Graysen Blue

  “Because,” he says with a sigh, his finger tracing a nipple, “I didn’t know my own mind at eighteen—I mean, I thought I did, but look what happened? I pretty much fucked things up.”

  “You did a lot of things right, Jesse. It’s time you let yourself off the hook. You weren’t the one who left.”

  “I just don’t want you to have any regrets, babe. And by the way, when I met with the lawyer about setting up my business, I also asked him to file the papers for a divorce. It should be final in six months. So you see, I am moving ahead with planning my future - our future.”

  “Oh Jesse,” I sigh, scooting closer. “I love you.”

  Chapter 30

  * * *

  “Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake.” - Henry David Thoreau

  It’s mid-June and when I think about where I was a year ago compared to now, it boggles my mind.

  Despite my determination to take my part-time job to full-time over the summer, Jesse has put his foot down on that numerous times. “You’ve got enough on your plate. You start college in the fall. You need to have some social life this summer.”

  “Social life? With whom?”

  He thought about that for a moment and then chuckles. “Do you suppose someday your teenage years will come hunting you down?” he asks.

  Here we go.

  “No, don’t think so. That only happens with men and I think it’s called mid-life crisis.”

  “Smart ass,” he replies, smacking my behind playfully.

  “You love that ass,” I tease.

  “True dat,” he replies, grabbing me and pulling me up against his hard, muscled body, twisting his hand in my ponytail so my head tilts back far enough that he can place open-mouthed kisses along the column of my throat.

  I moan. “Can’t do this, Jesse, unless you want to be late for work.”

  “Come see me for lunch?” he asks.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. Doesn’t Scout have her swimming lessons this afternoon?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Swing by the work site after you drop her off and we can . . . have lunch.” He gives me a wicked grin.

  “Are you still over working on the new skating rink?”

  “Yep.”

  “Will uh . . . you be wearing your hardhat?”

  He cocks a brow at me and grins. “Want me to?”

  I blush. “Yeah, and keep your tool-belt on, too.”

  He chuckles softly, kissing my shoulder now. “My girl’s got her freak goin’, huh?”

  “Maybe so,” I reply, running my tongue along his ear and softly blowing into it. “See you a little after twelve… for lunch.”

  I make sure I’m dressed appropriately for my lunch date with Jesse. I’m wearing an extremely short jean skirt, no undies, tank top and heeled sandals. Very accessible clothing.

  I drop Scout at the community pool, making sure she’s already applied her sunscreen and has her nose plugs.

  “I hate wearing nose plugs,” she gripes. “They make me look like a dork.”

  “When you learn how to shut off your sinuses when you’re under water then you won’t need them. Besides, who you trying to impress at the pool?”

  “Never mind,” she replies, blowing me off. “See you at three.”

  “Have fun,” I call out as she trudges to the entrance gate with her backpack full of pool toys.

  I pull back out into traffic and head towards Jesse’s job site. I’ve been there a couple of times before to bring him dinner when the weather was still cold and wet out. Today is sunny and warm, with a slight breeze making the Arkansas humidity not seem quite as thick.

  I pull into the dirt drive that is marked as “Construction Entrance” and drive about a quarter mile over a small hill and past a small wooded area. I pull up next to his red pick-up truck, shutting off the engine and glancing around.

  Then I see him and as always, I’m totally affected by how this man looks in his work garb. The broad shoulders, impressive pecs, firm flat belly, along with the bulge of his thigh muscles that show beneath his denim clad work jeans—that serve to make me instinctively constrict my PV muscle.

  He sees me, says something to the guy that’s on the dozer, and then heads over to the car.

  “Hey babe, you been here long?”

  “Just long enough to enjoy the view,” I tease.

  “I better have been in that view,” he replies, leaning down to kiss me through the open window. “What’d you bring me for lunch?”

  What?

  “What?”

  “Lunch—you know? That meal that takes place after breakfast but before dinner?”

  “Oh—you mean you really wanted to have lunch?”

  “Scoot over you knucklehead,” he says, chuckling.

  I have to lift myself up and over the console in order to get into the passenger seat, and with the short jean skirt I’m wearing that’s tight around the hips, I’m fairly sure I might’ve flashed anyone that could’ve been looking over at the time.

  Jesse drives to a nearby DQ and orders hot dogs and milkshakes for us, and then drives back to the site, pulling off the dirt construction road in the area that’s wooded.

  “Let’s have a picnic here,” he suggests. “It’s out of the sun and kind of secluded.”

  I grab the spare beach towel that I keep on the backseat for when I pick up Scout from her swimming lessons because she’s usually still dripping wet.

  Damn he’s wearing the tool belt.

  My inner voice is pure slut today for some reason.

  I spread the towel out on the grass and we sit down to eat. “This is nice,” I say, trying to tuck my legs up underneath me, and hoping like hell we aren’t on top of any fire ant colonies what with me being without undies and all.

  “You okay?” he asks, seeing me fidgeting with my skirt, as he takes a big bite of his Coney dog.

  “Yep. Just getting . . . comfy.”

  “So listen,” he says, taking a drink of his milkshake. “I’ve got some good news, and I wanted you to be the first to know.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “I’m now a certified contractor, licensed in both Arkansas and Oklahoma.”

  He is wall-to-wall smiles now.

  “That’s awesome. Congratulations!”

  “Yep. Plus, I’ve found a building to lease, I’ve got bids on some equipment and as I get it up and running, I’ll add some part-time headcount. You see, I still plan to work as project foreman here, but along with that, I’ll be bidding on new construction jobs as well under my limited liability corporation. Believe it or not, there’s still a lot of re-building going on six years after Katrina.”

  “But doesn’t that mean you’re going to be putting in a lot of hours?”

  “There’s no getting around that, baby, but I don’t want you worrying about how we’re going to pay for the rest of your college, understand? We’re a team now.”

  “Oh Jesse,” I sigh. “I love you so much.”

  “Come here,” he says, his voice a soft growl.

  I try to scoot over, but my tight skirt isn’t cooperating. I try to get my legs out from under me to kneel and then I hear his voice.

  “Fuck September,” he growls loudly, “Where the hell are your panties?”

  I flush with embarrassment. “I didn’t wear any . . . I mean, I thought . . . “And then I catch his devilish grin.

  He stands up, taking off his hardhat, and I watch as he removes the tool belt slung low on his narrow hips. I feel my tongue dance across my lower lip. He extends his hand down to me so that he can pull me to my feet.

  Once he does, he brings me up against his rock hard body, and his hands are all over my behind, while his mouth lowers to mine.

  “You taste like relish,” I comment, my tongue tracing his lower lip teasingly. He nips at mine and then takes me by the hand, and leads me back into the thicket of trees.

  He backs me up against a sturdy oak tree and his eyes
show pure dominance and it’s hot as hell when he closes the space between us. His white tee shirt is dirty, and his well-muscled skin has a film of perspiration on it from working outside that makes his bronze skin shiny and sexy.

  I feel him; smell him and my lips and tongue taste him as he devours me with his mouth, his warm breath teasing my senses, his tongue mating with mine in perfect rhythm.

  His hands grasp the bottom of my tank and he lifts it up and over my head, letting it drop to the ground as his hands cup and squeeze my breasts, his touch is like fire on my skin. I feel my fingernails digging into his back as he continues his sweet assault with his mouth and hands, and my arousal is evident in the soft moans he allows to escape from me between kisses.

  He moves a hand from my breast and I feel the movement and hear the sound of his zipper being lowered, and feel his hard erection spring free against my belly. His hand lowers to the bottom of my skirt lifting it up and over my hips exposing my naked flesh to the elements of nature. My bare ass can feel the bark of the oak tree pressing against the sensitive skin, but it’s just a raw, dull pain—nothing compared to the ache between my legs that needs relief.

  Only the kind that Jesse can give me.

  As if reading my mind, he pushes one thick finger up inside my wet core, and then another quickly follows, as my hands dig into his shoulders for support. He continues fucking me with his fingers, curving them and turning them so that shock waves of pleasure are rippling through me with a force that is taking me to the brink.

  I’m moaning now, and my hips are rocking into his hand, wanting him to fuck me longer, deeper.

  “Fuck me with your cock,” I rasp, my teeth biting into his shoulder, my fingernails digging into his back harder.

  His fingers leave my dripping pussy, and I feel the tip of his cock as he rubs it back and forth gently against my slit. With one powerful thrust, he buries himself deep inside of me and I cry out with the pleasure he’s inflicting. His hands are cupping my ass now, being the shield between my skin and the rugged bark of the tree as he backs out and thrusts into me again and again, lifting me up so that his cock gets full penetration while my arms are wrapped tightly around his neck wanting him as deep as he possibly can be.

  He is mine. I am his.

  “Fuck you feel good,” he rasps, driving himself into me again and again. “Never had a pussy this sweet,” he murmurs softly into my ear and my heat is ready to burst with the pent up orgasm he’s giving me. I mewl and whine and he knows I’m close. “Come on baby,” he croons driving his cock in and out, harder and faster. “Come with me, that’s right, let it out.”

  And I’m there with him, feeling the rush of the climax taking over, pushing me over the edge and releasing my pleasure in waves that match his, and wash over the both of us again and again until he’s emptied himself inside of me, and with one last shudder, we’re spent.

  We’re both breathing heavily with our exertion, our hearts beating against our chests at the same pace.

  His lips move to mine, and then move to my neck, his tongue teasing a lobe.

  “Oh baby,” he breathes huskily. “We gotta do lunch more often.”

  Chapter 31

  * * *

  “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” - Martin Luther King

  It’s the first part of August and the Arkansas heat and humidity are doing their best to make our lives more miserable than ever. Scout spent last night with Amber.

  Jesse and I are still lounging in his bed, the ceiling fan above making a whooshing sound as it tries to disperse the air conditioning throughout his room. It’s Sunday morning and we have no other place to be at the moment.

  “It’s too hot to even fuck,” I say, wiping my forehead. “I think our A/C needs checked.”

  “I know how to cool you off,” Jesse teases, pulling my tank top over my head. “My tongue can make you shiver and get goose bumps as I recall.”

  He starts a slow, sensuous trail with his tongue, and I do manage to shiver with what it does to me. He works magic wherever he touches.

  Jesse’s cell rings on the bedside table. It’s barely eleven o’clock and he glances at the caller I.D. “It’s your grandparents,” he says.

  “They’re usually in church by now,” I reply, frowning. “I hope nothing’s wrong. I just talked to Gram last week for an hour.”

  They usually call my cell and not Jesse’s anyway.

  He grabs the phone and I sit up immediately, bringing the sheet up to cover me.

  “Hey,” Jesse answers, his hand rubbing my shoulder. Then he suddenly stops, pulls away and stands up. His nakedness distracts me momentarily, until I hear his voice again and it’s different.

  “Are you serious?”

  I immediately get on my knees and scoot over to the edge of the bed, taking the sheet with me. Jesse’s back is to me now and he’s pacing. It seems forever until he speaks again.

  “Okay. When?”

  Long fucking pause.

  “Alright, yeah—I totally understand. Let me check my schedule at work tomorrow to see what I can re-arrange to free up some time this week. Are you thinking you’ll be back mid-week from El Paso?”

  El Paso?

  “You’re flying, right?”

  Pause.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow evening, Ruth. I’ll know better then how soon I can get away.”

  Pause.

  “I agree. Okay. Later.”

  By this time I realize I’ve forgotten to breathe. Something is wrong.

  Terribly wrong.

  “Jesse-”

  He turns to face me and the color has left his face.

  Oh. My. God.

  “Is it Grandpa?” I ask, feeling my voice crack.

  “Uh . . . no. It’s your ma, September. She’s not dead. She’s alive and living in El Paso. Your grandparents located her. They’re flying there Tuesday morning to see her and to maybe bring her back with them to Meridian.”

  My heart drops to my knees. I sink back down in the bed.

  “What? I don’t understand?”

  My world is starting to crash and burn. Part of me is so relieved that she’s alive, because no matter what, she is my mother. But the questions and uncertainty are blanketing me in a thick, dark fog of confusion and doubt.

  Jesse is beside me, taking my hand to his lips. He knows I’m starting to panic. “I don’t know all of the specifics. All I know is what Ruth told me just now on the phone. “Your Ma is alive, and living in El Paso. She’s got amnesia. She’s been that way for a couple of years I guess. She goes by another name. She doesn’t remember anything from her past.”

  “What are they gonna do if she won’t come back with them?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know.”

  “Why are they involving you?”

  “For Chrissake, she’s your mother,” he snaps, pulling away and placing his hands on his hips.

  “And your wife.” I snap back. “Why didn’t Gram call me?”

  There’s only one answer to that question and neither one of us verbalizes it.

  Of course Gram and Grandpa would expect Jesse to step up to the plate and be there now that Mama has surfaced.

  To have and to hold from this day forward.

  The reality is blinding and a kaleidoscope of images flashes through my mind, scrambling my ability to focus on the obvious. I’ve been fucking her husband for damn near a year.

  For better or for worse.

  We’ve fallen in love and I’m not ready to part with that—with him. She can’t have him back. He’s mine now. He belongs to me.

  For richer, for poorer.

  Jesse sees the panic setting in, the uncertainty of us, and of our future. My mind races through the conversations we’ve had—the ones about her, the ones where he tells me about his regrets, and his mistakes. The excuses he’s made for her fucking walking out on all of us the way she did five years ago.

  In sickness and in health. />
  A lifetime has come and gone in those five years. I’m eighteen, but I’ve lived more and experienced more than most thirty year olds have, and I’m not about to roll over and pretend it never happened.

  To love and to cherish.

  “There are things you need to be saying to me right now that you’re not saying, Jesse.”

  From this day forward . . .

  “I’m still in shock. I mean what the fuck? Give me five minutes to digest this shit, will you?”

  Until death do us part.

  “Take all the time you need,” I reply.

  Chapter 32

  * * *

  “In youth we learn, in age we understand.” - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

  Jesse got further details the following evening when he called my grandparents back and informed them that he was able to clear Thursday, Friday and the following Monday from his job taking emergency leave. He would be heading to Meridian if they needed him there, but that would be dependent upon whether my mother wants to return to Meridian with them.

  Apparently, it was through my grandparent’s tenacity and due diligence that had led them to find my mother. After the PI had failed to turn anything up, and was taken off their payroll, my grandparents decided to use whatever no-cost resources were available as a last ditch effort to find her.

  They had contacted the Salvation Army’s Missing Persons Bureau and another agency called ‘NamUs’, who produced flyers with her picture and stats, including scars and birthmarks, and circulated them to shelters, soup kitchens, churches, hospitals, free clinics, morgues, and group homes throughout the country. A month later, they had been contacted by a women’s shelter near El Paso, Texas with a match.

  The problem is that the woman they located has no memory of who she is—or was. She’s suffering from injury-induced amnesia, and has been at the shelter for two years. Social services placed her there after she was released from a county hospital in Presidio, Texas, where she had been in a coma for three months prior to that.