All I Want is Everything

by Daaimah S. Poole

  “I want to go on vacation somewhere far like that.”

  “We’ll do that real soon. I can’t wait to see you when I get back.”

  “I can’t wait to see you either,” I sighed.

  “Why don’t you go apply for a passport today so the next time I go I can bring you with me?”

  “Okay.”

  I went and applied for my passport. I did want to be worldly. I was twenty-five and had never been anywhere. That was insane.

  I missed Corey so much. When he arrived in baggage claim I was there waiting for him. As soon as saw me he gave me a hug.

  “I’m glad you came. You can drop me off over at Quad,” he said.

  “Why? What you got to do?” I asked, disappointed.

  “I have to meet a group there.”

  “Oh. I thought you didn’t have anything scheduled.”

  “No?” He looked at me and I knew he could tell I was upset. “Listen, if you want you can go with me.”

  “No, just call me when you finish working.” I was not about to be the next Aisha, waiting around for him in the studio. I dropped him off, went home and checked my mail.

  Nitra had sent me a package with brochures for the daycare. There was a little note attached that read:

  Dear Kendra, Thank you so much for going into business with us. Everything is coming along great. I just wanted to get your opinion on some of the furniture.

  I called Nitra. I wanted to let her know she didn’t need my approval on everything. She had children and she was a better judge of furniture and toys.

  “Hey, Kendra.”

  “Hey. I was just calling to tell you that whatever you decide on at the daycare is fine. I’m just an investor.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah, just keep me in the loop, but I trust your judgment. Okay?”

  “Okay, thank you so much, Kendra. I can’t wait until we open and I can quit my job. Thanks for helping us out. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Oh, I’ve been meaning to call you to tell you that Marcus has been asking for you.”

  “I’m not talking to him. We’re over, girl. I got somebody new.”

  “I know that’s right,” she laughed.

  Chapter 21

  Corey took taking me somewhere to heart. He called me and asked if I had anything to do tomorrow. I told him no and he instructed me to pack.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Somewhere hot and beautiful, like you,” he said as we arrived at the airport. He wanted it to be a surprise. But I looked at the plane ticket as soon as he handed it to me. I was on my way to Hawaii. It was my first time on a plane. I tried to remain calm, but I was terrified. I had a window seat, and after the plane took off I looked out and saw I was flying over clouds. The sight scared me so much I closed my eyes. Corey was trying to make me open them but I wouldn’t. All I could feel was the plane shaking and my body leaning back.

  “Open your eyes.”

  “No.”

  “Why not?” he said as he held my hand, but I just shook my head. I kept them closed until we switched to our second plane. By then I was a little more relaxed and able to watch a movie.

  We arrived in Hawaii and I was silly to think that women in hula skirts were going to be waiting for us to put leis around our necks. We went to baggage claim and there was a older Hawaiian man waiting with a white sign that read “Corey Washington.”

  “Hello, Mister Washington, welcome to Honolulu. Let me get your bags.” He grabbed our luggage and walked us out to a black Lincoln Town Car. The driver drove us to our hotel. Our hotel was not far from the main street. It was a beachfront property. I couldn’t wait to go and change my clothes and see everything. I felt so special that Corey had brought me here. We went upstairs put our luggage down and took a walk around the hotel. Everything was open and breezy.

  Hawaii was the most beautiful place. The sky was blue with traces of white, thin clouds. The water was a clear baby-boy blue, and the sun was beating down on me, nice and hot. Palm trees were all around, swaying. There were white sailboats in the distance. It was the most serene thing I’d ever seen. I really wished my mom and family could see this. I have to bring them here so they can experience this, I thought. This is living.

  Dinner was cooked by our own personal chef, who was wearing a big white hat. He served us a four-course meal. After dinner the island band played music. Corey took me on a romantic walk on the beach. He reached out for my hand and kissed it. I smiled and couldn’t believe how lucky I had become.

  “Thanks for this trip,” I said as we walked in the sand.

  “No thank you.” He said as he raised my chin up to kiss him. He then brought me in closer as he gently raised my dress, placed me on the sand and began kissing me all over my body. I heard the waves coming in crashing and I had my legs wide open not caring if someone was looking out their hotel room. He kissed on my lower half so succulently that I felt like my clitoris was going to burst. The sand was in my hair and the water was crashing in the distance. I looked up in the dark sky and saw the moon and my only thought was that I was literally in paradise.

  The next day I was pampered all day. Corey arranged for us to have side-by-side massages. He reached out and kissed my hand. I felt so good, so loved, so relaxed. I wished it would never end.

  The next morning I awoke to light, gentle kisses all over my neck. Corey did not stop with his affection and attention. Aisha was a damn fool. He had been saying the same thing about Marcus. Like, why wouldn’t they appreciate good people like us?

  “I’m hungry. I’m about to order room service,” he said. I grabbed a white robe out of the closet and looked over the menu. He ordered a frittata—mushrooms, spinach, diced tomatoes and onion.

  “Order me Belgian waffles and fruit,” I said.

  After we ordered breakfast I lay back in the bed in Corey’s arms. He kissed me one more time and said, “I think I might love you.”

  “How can you love me already?” I asked, lifting my head and turning to him.

  “You don’t believe in love at first sight?”

  “No. I think it can be lust at first sight, but not love.” I laughed.

  “Well, how about, I adore you. And I knew from the moment I saw you that I wanted to be with you. Yes, I did. I even remember what you had on that day in the studio.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I forgot, but I still adore you, Boo. And I think I want to marry you.”

  “Yeah, right,” I laughed.

  “You wouldn’t marry me?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “So you wouldn’t marry me if I asked you?”

  “No, because you wouldn’t be serious.”

  “Yes, I would. If I asked you would you say yes?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? We’re soul mates. You know that, don’t you? I never felt like this about anyone so soon. So will you marry me?” he said as he got on bended knee and placed an imaginary ring on my finger.

  “No. Ask me again in six months when you are serious,” I said as I threw a pillow at his head.

  We spent the weekend swimming, snorkeling, riding and lying around by the pool and beach. I felt so inspired and refreshed. Being there made me want to tackle the world.

  On the last day an island woman asked to read our fortune. She grabbed Corey’s hand and traced his palm. Then she said, “Your love is standing right in front of you.”

  “What about my career?”

  “In your career you will need hard work and dedication to make your dreams come true.”

  Then it was my turn, but I was reluctant.

  “I don’t believe in that stuff,” I told Corey. “My mom said when you let someone read your future you are inviting evil into your life.”

  “Girl, be quiet and let her read your palm.” Corey laughed as he forced me to hold my hand out.

  The woman traced my hand and said, “F
ire surrounds you, and you can’t always put out the flames, although you will try.”

  “Fire?”

  “Yes, fire in your heart and something from your past,” she said as she traced the lines in my hand. They usually gave vague answers that would fit any situation, but her talking about fire hit close to home. So I asked her about my career. She said I was going to make it and that Corey was my true love. I somewhat believed her.

  I was so excited that I was in love with Corey. It was the first time I’d ever loved anyone besides Marcus. He called me regularly just to say, “I adore you.” Me and Corey were all over the place—at every party and event. We were the official new couple. I knew Aisha was probably somewhere sick, taking a razor to her wrist. I told Corey everything about growing up: my mom, my dad, the fire. He even told me I should probably talk to my dad. With him life was fun. Everything was obtainable and he never said “no.” We haven’t argued yet. Me and Marcus was arguing over why didn’t you pay a bill and whose turn it is to treat. I never looked at a phone bill. He didn’t come home complaining to me about how hard life was because he made it easy. He went out everyday and made opportunities happen for himself. He was good with the music, but he still had other business. He even had a rim shop in Maryland with one of his frat brothers, Aaron. And Marcus was sending messages through John, but I wasn’t thinking about him. Why would I go back to him? I had a man who looked good, had money and treated me like royalty.

  Chapter 22

  I had finished my project. I was so excited. The album was called The Songstress. It was going to be released in May. So from now until then I was going to be doing a lot of promo stuff and putting in time with Corey. I thought our relationship worked because we both were in the business and knew what we were going through.

  I loved everything about Corey. He wasn’t jealous, and I knew he wanted me to succeed. He had even been talking to me about us doing the marketing for my project in addition to what the label was going to do. His only flaw was he was too materialistic. I wasn’t complaining, though. He always says, “My girl got to be seen in the best.” He likes to buy me things only people that know would know what it is.

  He bought me a red and black Marc Jacobs bag and Bul-gari sunglasses with crystal rhinestone flowers on the side. Then today he sent me for a surprise spa service at the Claudia La’Betue Alexander Salon. He bought me the Ultimate Relaxation package—three people working on me at once. It was heavenly. One man was giving me a pedicure and foot massage. Another one was giving me a manicure and hand massage. The last person was doing a treatment to my scalp. It was so relaxing.

  I had to get ready to go on a twelve-city tour with Tashay to promote our albums. Shelly was going with me as my unofficial stylist/personal assistant and friend. We had to be at Newark International by ten in the morning, and it was eight, but I hadn’t showered or packed yet. Shelly was knocking on my door.

  “You ready?” she asked once I let her in.

  “No.”

  “You have ten minutes.”

  “I didn’t even pack yet.” My stuff was all over the place. I was so embarrassed that I was running late and that my place looked a mess.

  “Listen, just get in the shower and tell me what you want to bring and I’ll pack it. I am your personal assistant.” She laughed.

  “You right. All my clothes were cleaned. I just tried to pull out the right shoes to go with the outfits.” When I came out of the bathroom, everything was neatly packed and at the door. She had my plane ticket and driver’s license in her hand. I thanked her and we on our way to the airport.

  Tashay was building a reputation as a bitch. Everyone was talking about her—they said she had no talent and thought the world revolved around her. I just hoped she didn’t try that shit with me. She might still be mad at me about what Beazie had said about her that day in the studio. That was him talking, not me. But if she didn’t understand, oh well. I don’t need to be friends with her—she didn’t pay my bills. Our tour consisted of doing shows at a bunch of historically black colleges. The first school we did was Prairie View A&M University in Texas.

  Tashay was my opening act but she was getting treated like the superstar and I wasn’t feeling that. She had a whole production team with her. She had a stylist, hairdresser, publicist, manager, dancers and a whole choreographed routine. Meanwhile, I was in the bathroom trying to put on my own makeup and curl my own hair.

  “Hey, girl. You need my people to get you ready?” she asked.

  “No, I’m okay.” I didn’t know if she was for real or being smart. Not only did this bitch have a makeup team, she had a camera crew following her around. She said she was getting footage for a possible reality show called “Tashay: The Making of a Star.”

  She went on first. And I was happy—at least that let her know my rank. I was Touchlight’s hottest up-and-coming artist, not her. And no matter how much fluff she had around her, she wasn’t better than me. Shelly and me watched from backstage. I was curious to see her perform. The music started loudly. When Tashay and she got onstage she turned into a baby Shakira. She had on a pair of jeans with a split going straight down the crack, and both of her butt cheeks were exposed. She wasn’t even a little sexy—she was so disgustingly slutty. The white light was following her. She started singing. There was silence—the audience was not enthused. The crowd was just sitting there unmoved. Then she began clapping her hands, shaking her hips from side to side, and said, “I want y’all to sing along with me and do what I do.”

  People were looking around like, who is this girl?

  Then she got desperate, put the mic back in its hook and said, “Listen, I want y’all to sing along with me. What’s up? Okay. All right. And then you clap clap. Okay. All right. And then you clap clap. She began shaking her ass one butt cheek at a time. I thought surely the women would say, Who is this trick?, but everybody started cheering her on. The crowd began participating, “Okay. All right. And then you clap clap,” singing the song with her. She was walking back and forth on the stage with her dancers. She made these ugly faces like something was hurting on her as she tried to sing again. Then she pulled a guy from the audience up onstage with her and grinded on him like he was a pole. She wasn’t singing at all. She was shouting into the microphone sounding a mess. But her crew said, “You did great, baby,” as she exited the stage. It was hard for me to go on after that. Unbelievable I thought.

  The crowd was so hyped from Tashay shaking her ass when I came onstage and I didn’t have my ass out, I almost got booed, until I began to sing “Don’t Wait” and hit some high notes. I did good, but not as good as Tashay.

  The next night we were performing at Texas Southern University in Houston. Right before the show, I called home to check on my family. It was so hard being away from them. I really missed everybody and wasn’t keeping in touch way that I should have.

  “How is Texas?” my mother asked.

  “Mom, I get off the plane, do the show, go to a hotel, and get back on the plane. I never really get to see any of the city but the airport.”

  “Well, other than that, how is it going?” my mother asked.

  “Good. I’m getting tired. We have six more stops and then I’ll be back in New York. Maybe y’all can come and meet me and we can have dinner.”

  “We can do that and oh I forgot to tell you something.”

  “What, Mom?”

  “You know Marcus has a baby on the way?”

  “With who?” I said in shock.

  “Some girl from his job with two kids already.”

  “Why would you tell her that?” I heard John say in the background.

  My mom responded, “She doesn’t care.”

  John grabbed the phone.

  “I don’t know why Mommy told you that mess. You don’t need that while you are on the road.”

  “Is she serious? How? When? How he feel about it?” I asked.

  “I don’t really know. I guess he’s happy. He sent Mr.
Skip down south with his sister, so he got his dream. Don’t worry about him. Do what you got to do okay? I’m going to put mommy back on the phone.”

  Wow, is all I could say repeatedly to myself. I couldn’t be mad at Marcus. If I wasn’t willing to have a baby, he was going to have one—one way or another. It’s just messed up; he started a family without me. He moved on and I had moved on too. I was just mad he went and had his first child with somebody who had two kids already. I wasn’t upset. I didn’t care. I really didn’t—at least that’s what I told myself. I had to get myself together get onstage and still give a good performance.

  “Kendra are you okay? Are you upset?” my mom asked, breaking the silence.

  “No, not at all. Good for him. I’m not worried about Marcus.”

  “That’s what I was trying to tell your brother, that you didn’t care. We need to go and thank that woman for having that sorry-ass man’s sorry-ass baby. I’m glad you left him.” I agreed with my mom but I was still a little hurt.

  “Mom, I’ve got to go,” I said, rushing her off the phone and standing momentarily shaking my head. Shelly ran over and asked what’s going on. I told her nothing.

  I was glad she was on the road with me. I had someone to talk to. She was helping me with everything. She was my entire posse all rolled into one. She was my eyes and ears as to what was going on. Tony really should have been here on the road with me, I thought.

  “Look at Tashay. She’s in Vibe magazine in the ‘Next’ section,” Shelly said. I looked at the magazine and there she was with a big picture, talking about her album.

  “And she has a sampler CD hosted by DJ Mines.”

  “Really? Let me see,” I said as she showed me her CD. “I wonder how she got in there,” I said aloud.

  “You should be in here. You need to get in your manager’s ear. He’s running around with his other group when he needs to be trying to get your situation right.”