All I Want is Everything

by Daaimah S. Poole

  Shelly was thinking exactly what I was thinking. I had to call Tony. He had signed this teenage boy group called Handsome. He said he wanted them to be the next big boy group, but ever since then I hadn’t been a priority. I dialed him up. His answering machine came on and I demanded for him to call me back.

  The next night we were in Georgia doing a show at Clark Atlanta. I looked outside my window and saw a truck that said TASHAY WORLD on a wrapped, big pink Hummer truck. Her name was in diamond sparkling letters and there was a picture of her wearing bright pink jeans with COMING SOON! written on her ass. She was leaning over, holding a globe and winking. I couldn’t hate. That truck was so major.

  Once we drove up to the Clark Atlanta campus a crowd was already waiting for us. Tashay’s people were handing out T-shirts and her sampler CDs from the side of her Hummer. She got out of the van and her stylist screamed, “Tashay is in the building.” The students looked at her, then at the truck and rushed her to get her autograph.

  Meanwhile, me and Shelly got out of the van and nobody even looked my way except for this one guy who asked us if we were part of Tashay’s camp.

  “No!” I snapped. Shelly turned to the guy and said, “She is a singer too! She is Kendra Michelle.”

  His demeanor changed and then gave me his card and told me he could help get me signed.

  “I already have a deal. I’m signed to Touchlight.”

  “Yeah? I never heard of you before. Well, now that I met you, I will definitely show you love,” he said rubbing his ear. “You coming out next year?”

  “No, this May.”

  “What? And I didn’t hear of you yet? I get everything that’s hot,” he said.

  “Thanks,” I said as I walked into the building, passing Tashay and all her fans. I didn’t appreciate getting treated like a stepchild.

  As soon as I got back in New York the first person I called was Tony again. He really needed to step up his game. Why was Tashay getting all this attention? She ain’t hot. She can’t sing and right now she was looking like a star and I was looking like, Who are you? She is even in this month’s Sophisticated Black Hair magazine. This is too much. Tony better get on his job.

  The moment he answered the phone I yelled, “Why is it I can’t get in touch with you, Tony? Why is it that Tashay got all this promotion and I don’t have any? I’m tired of hearing about this bitch and how hot she is. She is not better than me and I want you to make sure people know that. On tour she had her stylist, her publicist and her maaaannnnnagggger. Meanwhile, I was there all alone. I was doing my own damn makeup and shit.” I screamed, “She can’t sing and she is blowing up because she has good management. She even has a blog.”

  “I can get you a blog. I’m going to make some things happen.”

  I called Beazie to tell him about everything that happened on tour. I knew he hated her and I could confide in him.

  “She is whack don’t sweat that chick. She is not going to sell like you. She doesn’t have any talent. I wouldn’t even worry about her. All that hype is nothing, ya mean? We know the real. Everybody else will find out. And when they do, she won’t be able to give away a CD.”

  “You right. I got to go. That’s Tony on the other line,” I said as I clicked over to speak with him. “Tony, what’s up?”

  “I called Maya and spoke to a bunch of people in PR. And they said they don’t know anything about the promotional CDs and truck. They said she must be doing all of that on her own. She has a sponsor.”

  “Who is her sponsor?”

  “She is the new face of Alisanye Jeans.”

  “Well, get on your job and find someone to sponsor me,” I said as I hung up on him.

  Chapter 23

  When I told Corey about everything he told me not to worry and he would try to get me some help, giving my project more buzz. He even said that I should fire Tony.

  “Why?”

  “Because he eatin’ off you. What has he done for you since he got you signed?” He was right but I wasn’t ready to fire Tony just yet.

  “Look, I’m going to hire you a PR team. Don’t worry about nobody else. Just do you, and you are going to do great. You are very talented and you will get your turn Boo,” he said.

  “I know. I just feel like I should have more going on. Like people still don’t even know who I am and my album is going to be out in a few months.”

  “Don’t worry. When we get back we’ll sit down and make everything happen. Right now let’s just take this ride to Maryland. My brother has some tickets to the Wizards game.”

  “I don’t feel like going anywhere. I want to stay here and make sure Tony’s doing what he supposed to do. I have so much at stake. Corey I have to make it.”

  “And you will. One day ain’t going to hurt you. You need to go, and it will take your mind off of everything. When we get home we are going to get on it. I have too many connects in this city for my baby not to blow.”

  We drove to Maryland in his black Range Rover. “I need you to drive. I have to make some calls and I need to concentrate,” he said as I got in the driver’s seat. My boo was about his business all the time even when he was supposed to be relaxing. I listened in on his conversation; he was negotiating with an artist to pay him more money for his track. I listened quietly and let him handle his business.

  I met Corey’s brother Walter. They didn’t favor at all. Walter was tall and brown, and worked as an engineer for the government. His wife, Tianna, was a teacher and was also tall and brown and very simple. They were dressed in sneakers, jeans and sweat shirts, while me and Corey looked like we were going to the club. I had on an army fatigue colored hat. My curls were cascaded down the sides of my face. My short black jacket had a few rhinestones on it. My Frankie B. jeans were hugging my waist. I felt silly for having on heels and being all dolled up at a basketball game. As we walked to our seats I kept feeling like I was about to fall. Corey held my hand so I wouldn’t. We walked down to our seats by the floor right behind the court. I knew a little about basketball from John but didn’t know any of the players. I was texting back and forth with Shelly the entire game. I wanted her honest opinion about my situation.

  After the game Walter and his wife went home. Corey wanted us to go past this club called Love. We rode up and it was real crowded. It was huge, like a big warehouse. We checked the car into valet and walked right in the front door past the people waiting in line. Corey was a local celebrity. People were saying “What’s up?” and shaking his hand. It was so crowded—people were pushing and shoving because some guy decided he was going to throw money in the air and make it rain. We walked upstairs to the second level and straight to the back of the club. It was just me and him, but then his frat brother Aaron walked up, said hello, and took a seat. He was five-eleven, an Indian-red shade of brown, and had dark, wavy close-cut hair on his head and face. Corey kissed my hand and then said he would be right back.

  “Where you going, Corey?” I asked.

  “I’ll be right back.” He said as he winked at me and blew me a kiss.

  I didn’t like being alone in this club with all these people I didn’t know.

  I heard the deejay announcing all the celebs in the building. Then I heard him say, “We have Corey Washington aka Core, super producer, and his lady Kendra Michelle in the house. Here’s her new song, “Don’t Wait.” Corey came back to the table and made me stand up, and then everyone started dancing.

  “You didn’t have to that.”

  “Yes, I did babe. I told you I got you. We going to make this thing right for you. We are going to be an industry power couple.” I smiled.

  Then out of the corner of my eye I saw Aisha. She had on a navy blue and gold suit jacket that she was wearing as a dress. Her arm was all wrapped on this big light-skinned guy. Corey saw her but didn’t acknowledge her. He looked up at her once and then at me to see if I had seen her. I acted like I didn’t.

  Then Aaron asked “You see Aisha?”

 
; “Yeah, I saw her,” he said.

  “That dude she with play with the Redskins. She’s a straight-up gold digger.” Aaron said shaking his head.

  “I know. That’s why I left her,” he said as he swallowed the remainder of his drink.

  The rest of the evening we partied hard. People kept coming over to our table. We danced and I met a few more of Corey’s friends. On the way out we walked past Aisha, who had this smirk on her face. I just turned my head the other way. The valet pulled up with the car. Her and her dude was waiting for their car to pull up.

  Her dude was hugging her waist from behind. She was all over the place looking a mess. Then Aisha broke away from her date and said “Corey, I need to talk to you. We need to talk right now,” she said.

  “Man, get out of here. I don’t have time for this,” he said as he opened my door and I got in. She was tripping big time. Then the stupid girl actually jumped in the backseat of the car.

  “Aisha, get out the car now!” Corey yelled.

  I’m looking like, what the fuck? I got out of the car and just watched. She wouldn’t budge. She wrapped her arms around the head rest like it was a teddy bear and was crying, “Corey, please talk to me.”

  “Aisha, I’m not playing. Get out this car.” She was making a scene and people were looking at us trying to figure out what was going on. I wanted to pull the bitch out of the car myself but I was trying to stay out of it. Corey looked over at me and said, “I’m sorry babe.” I turned my head. I couldn’t believe he had me outside the club with people looking at us. A few minutes later, tired of asking her to leave, Corey said, “I’m going to call the cops. Move!” as he tried to pull her out.

  “No, I’m not moving until you talk to me. Talk to me, Corey. I love you. I love you. Please, Corey. I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I was wrong. I was wrong for cheating on you. Don’t you still love me? Don’t you?” she said crying. I was getting more than an earful. So she left him. He said that he’d left her. I didn’t say anything—I just listened.

  “Aisha, get out. I mean it, I’m going to call the cops on you. You’re causing a scene.”

  “Call them, I don’t care. I love you, Corey,” she screamed. She then got out of the car and onto her knees and started pleading for him to take her back. She said, “Sorry, I was wrong. Please forgive me.”

  “Yo, don’t do this here. Stop, Aisha. I can’t deal with this right now.” Corey said madly walking away.

  She got off her knees and Corey got in the car. I got back in and we pulled off. Instantly, his phone started ringing nonstop. He turned it off and there was silence. I wanted to say something, but there was nothing to be said, really. He tried to turn the radio on. I turned it off.

  “What was that all about? Corey, why is she saying she is sorry for breaking up with you? You said you broke up with her.” I questioned him.

  “I did break up with her. She is crazy. She doesn’t know what she is talking about. What does it matter who broke up with who? We’re not together and I’m with you, right?”

  “Yeah, but why you have to lie about everything? She said you still calling her.”

  “I didn’t lie to you. I don’t call her. I’m with who I want to be with.” We rode all the way home without talking.

  Bubbles and my mom called with an earsplitting yell in my ear. “Kendra, why didn’t you tell me your song got released?”

  “What are y’all talking about?”

  “The one you gave me. ’Cause they playing it on the radio,” Bubbles said.

  “You sure?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Me and Mommy just heard it. Didn’t we hear it, Mommy? It came on at five o’clock, then I heard it right before the countdown came on. I’ve been trying to call you since yesterday to tell you.”

  “My bad I’ve been busy. I don’t know what’s going on. Let me call you back.” I hadn’t talked to Tony in a couple of days, since I’d cussed him out.

  “Tony, do you know anything about my song being played on the radio.”

  “Who heard it?”

  “My mom and sister. They playing it at home, on the radio. Who you think leaked my song? Is this good?”

  “I leaked it, Kendra. You wanted them to pay attention—right now they are. And I got you more interviews lined up too. One is on Sirius Radio. I put in a call into Hype Hair magazine; and Academiks is sending you a bunch of clothes over and they might sign you for an endorsement deal. I’m going to take care of you.”

  “Thanks Tony.”

  “No problem.” I felt a little relieved. It was about to happen for me.

  My song “Don’t Wait” was getting played all over the country. And it was doing so good, getting almost three thousand spins a week. I was so happy Tony made that executive decision to get me out there and let the world know my name and it was working. I was about to get the respect that I deserved. I called Corey to tell him the good news. I got his voicemail. So I just left a message.

  Chapter 24

  It was March and Shelly told me Tashay was shooting her video and having a listening party the next week. Shelly saw the invite list and all these high-powered names who were supposed to make cameos, everyone from Kelly Rowland to Young Jeezy. That would mean they would be cosigning for her. I called Corey and told him all about it. His answered to me was, “Stop being obsessed with what Tashay is doing. You are looking a little jealous.”

  “I’m not jealous. Far from it. It’s just that I know I’m ten times hotter than her. It’s just like, when is it going to be my turn? This shit ain’t fair. They have her plastered everywhere.”

  “Kendra, I’m telling you. You need to spend more time worrying about your career than worrying about Tashay. Tashay is getting hers.”

  “And what is that supposed to mean?”

  “I’m just saying she is making it. Be happy for her and you will get your turn. Jealousy is like a cancer.”

  “So you saying I’m jealous of her?”

  “No, but your focus should be on you, not her. Call Tony and tell him to set up a meeting at Touchlight. We need to see what they are doing for you.”

  Corey was not understanding what I was going through. He of all people should have known where I was coming from.

  “I’ll call you back. I have to pack,” he said.

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “To L.A.”

  “You didn’t even tell me.”

  “I did tell you. You would have been going with me if you weren’t acting childish.”

  “Whatever,” I said.

  “Well, I’m going to L.A. and I’ll be back in a few days. I’ll holla at you then.”

  “So what’s up with us? Are we together or what? Cause you acting funny.”

  “I don’t know. You tell me.”

  “You don’t know? Really,” I repeated.

  “Nope. I don’t know. All right, I got to go.”

  “Corey, how about you use that time in L.A. to decide if we are together or not?”

  “I’ll do that,” he said.

  Chapter 25

  Thomas called me and said, “Kendra, we like your style, and we think you are going to do big things. However, we want to rework your project a little bit, so we’re moving you back three months.” Although “Don’t Wait” was getting spins, my project was getting pushed back from May 2005 to August 2005. It didn’t seem like a big deal but it was. In August people were thinking that the summer was just about over and it was time to go back to school. They were buying school clothes, not albums. They should have kept my project where it was. I was steaming mad—the summer was the time when everyone rides around with windows down listening to their favorite songs.

  I hung up with him and felt so lonely, the loneliest I’d ever felt in my life. When I finished speaking with Thomas, Tony called.

  “Tony, why are they doing this to me?” I asked.

  “They want you to change your album around a little,” Tony told me.

  “Ken
dra, having your album pushed back is a good thing. It gives us more time to promote and get everybody to know your name. It’s only March. By the time August comes you are going to be on fire.”

  I knew what would get my situation right. I had to take things into my own hands—literally. Tony suggested for me to go pay Peter Sutton a visit. Fuck Thomas. He didn’t have any real weight. I had to go and see the big man

  I went to see Peter in his office. It was five-thirty. I hoped he was still there. His receptionist was typing and told me I could have a seat. I didn’t know if I would come right out and tell him I would fuck him and say something seductively like you can have me daddy if you help me. I decided I would play it by ear.

  I knocked on the door.

  “Who is it?” Peter asked.

  I opened the door without answering and walked up to his dark brown wood desk.

  “Peter, I’m having some problems with my album. I need the label to get behind me. My project is getting pushed all around.”

  “Well, I tried to help you,” he said as he brought his fingers together and folded them into a clasp.

  “I know you tried, but back then I had a boyfriend and I was faithful to him. And now I don’t have a man and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get where I need to be.”

  “You sure about that?” he said smiling.

  “Yes. I’m certain.”

  “Have a seat,” he said as he pulled out the chair for me. “You need my help?” he said as stepped in front of me.

  “Yes, I do,” I said as he unzipped his pants and put his dick in my hand. At this point I could do what he said and be a signed artist or have pride and not have anything. He was trimmed and shaven. I began stroking him up and down trying to get him aroused. His peach flesh was smooth and firm. After ten minutes of heavy stroking, he closed his eyes and he came. He was making these crazy faces. I thought that would be enough, but then he said, “Kiss it.” Jerking him off was not enough. His fluids were still all over him; I was disgusted but I had to do it. He began smiling as I got on my knees. He placed his dick in my mouth, and I closed my eyes and did what I had to do to stay in this game. I sucked so hard my jaws hurt and his veins were popping up. I let globs of spit come out of my mouth on to him. He was moving his hips real quick, huffing and puffing. I felt nothing. It was like an out-of-body experience. He came all over my lips, chin and neck. He then handed me a napkin and I wiped myself off.