Forever in Ink

by Jude Ouvrard

  “I’ve been here all my life, K. To me, this is every day. Mount Rainier, The Black Shakers, The Space Needle, Pike’s, those are fun to me. A breath of fresh air. I love my life in Seattle.”

  A quiet chuckle escaped me. Witnessing her enthusiasm and interest in our home pleased my insecurities. “I love London, but it scares me. What if you want to make a permanent move back here?”

  She squeezed my hand in a gentle way. “I will always want to come back here, but never for good… unless that’s a decision we’ve made together.”

  I nodded but didn’t say more on the subject. Her answer made me happy enough.

  “There’s a pub not too far from here I often used to go to. They have a live Indie singer and, sometimes, they’re really good.”

  “Sounds fun, let’s go.”

  She hopped up and down, expressing her joy, and then pulled me along with her. This—her energy—was what had me falling in love with her. Cassidy’d had it, too. That lust for life. Recognizing it in both of them just confirmed inside my heart that I would never regret my time with Cassi, not one second. Ever. But it was okay for me to move on and love again. Tiffany was my future.

  Stopping outside the pub, we shared a passion-filled kiss. Jesus Christ! I wanted her so bad, and missed us being together, but her dad was the ultimate cockblocker. So, if kissing was all we got right now, then I would fucking kiss her like there was no tomorrow. I urged Tiff into my chest by pressing into the small of her back while she held my face with her small, soft hands.

  “Kyle,” she whispered, our lips touching. Her warm breath danced on my skin, and I absorbed all the feelings and savored them.

  My heart beat faster with every second we carried on; I had to step away before we took this too far. We’d displayed too much affection for the sidewalk already.

  Not that I minded.

  Once the sexual tension eased up, we entered the pub. Right away, we were taken into the imaginary world of the singer and his guitar. The music had so much flavor, Tiff couldn’t keep still, and she followed the rhythm of each song tapping her feet and moving her hips. She found us two seats while I grabbed beers. We sat close to each other, close enough for my fingers to rest between her thighs, holding her. A permanent smile stayed on her face most of the night as, beer after beer, we started getting tipsy. I’d had more than Tiff but was still surprised it took more than five beers to get buzzing. Maybe the lack of sleep or time difference was messing with me.

  The singer announced last song and everyone started asking for more, much to my amusement. It’d been a great night. We finished our beer and decided to head back to her parent’s house. Drunk walking, laughing, and stealing smooches, we strolled along one of the main streets.

  “Tiffany? Tiffany Evans, is that you…”

  Her body tensed as she turned around to face a guy running toward us.

  “It is you! How long have you been in town? I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

  “This isn’t a good time, Rob.”

  Rob? The cheating asshole. How dare he?

  Tucking Tiff into my left side, I angled my right toward Rob then let him know where I stood. “Step back. You fucked up when you cheated on her. She’s with me now, and I really don’t like having you around her.”

  “Who the fuck are you?” He took another step closer, pushing my buttons.

  “I’m her boyfriend, which is all you need to know.” I stepped closer, too, adrenaline rushing through my legs and arms… every-fucking-where by that point.

  “Rob, just leave. Please,” she begged him.

  “What happened to you?” he asked turning his attention back to her. The way he looked at her, it was clear he still had feelings for her. Tenderness and concern emanated from his gaze. “I’ve missed you.”

  Next, I took in Tiffany, and really saw her. Gone was the sparkle in her eyes I loved so much, now replaced by sadness. Anger or hate I’d expected, but not sadness. Sadness meant she was still involved. It meant she still cared.

  “I just want five minutes of your time,” he pleaded.

  When she hesitated, I got the hint. I had to let Tiffany deal with her unfinished business. “I’ll be around the corner.” Spotting the tears in her eyes had me hating this as much as I hated his fucking face.

  “Kyle, stay,” she said, but I could hear the hesitation in her voice.

  “Babe, I think this is something you have to do on your own.” I had no idea where I had gotten the strength to say that when, deep down, I didn’t want to leave her side.

  I left her with her ex, a man who’d broken her heart. Wrong decision, I thought, but also understood she had to listen to whatever he had to say. I knew all too well how much it hurt to lose someone without a chance to say a proper goodbye. She needed closure. Him, too.

  After waiting for at least fifteen minutes, I glanced back around the corner, and then bailed when I saw her back turned to me. I started walking, trying to convince myself she needed and wanted only me. He’d gotten her pregnant and she’d lost their baby; I knew the truth, though, he didn’t. They’d never talked after she caught him according to what she’d told me, so maybe she needed to tell him now, to clear her head and be able to move on. I wouldn’t know what she’d said, because I left… and then I lost my way back.

  Not sure how long I’d wandered the streets, fatigue caught up with me and soon, I had to crash somewhere. I should have called Tiffany, but part of me was mad at her for agreeing to talk to him while the other part of me had been taken hostage by the beer and wasn’t making much sense. Fortune favored me when I found a hostel with a room open. Even if there was barely enough space for one person in the small rental, it was better than nothing. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I pulled my phone out.

  She had called me three times, but I’d never heard the ringtone. While I missed her voice and wished I could hear its softness, I had to give her space. I feared I would say something I’d regret if I didn’t. So, I texted her and then set the phone to mute—I refused to check notifications again before morning.

  Go home and clear your mind. I’ll meet you tomorrow.

  Lying back in the center of the bed, I stared at the ceiling with a troubled mind.

  I should have fought for her.

  I should have fought harder than I did. She was mine to take home.

  Oh, god. What if she went home with him?

  My mind was filled with images of Rob looking at Tiffany while Tiff stared back, her eyes filled with long buried emotions. Neither of them could hide the connection they’d once had, which hurt.

  It had hurt me to watch them, to let them talk while I waited on the sidelines like an idiot.

  So, I didn’t fight.

  I declared forfeit too soon, making the decision to fucking leave.

  Wishing I had some beer or Jack Daniels—because there was no way my mind was letting me go to sleep tonight—I groaned. Seemed my next few hours would be a mental reflection of all the bad and good decisions I’d managed to make in one night.

  Tiffany

  “I’ll be around the corner,” said Kyle, and I blinked, not okay with him leaving me.

  “Kyle, stay.” I couldn’t let him leave like this.

  “Babe, I think this is something you have to do on your own.”

  Watching him walk away sucked, but I convinced myself that I could face Rob.

  Kyle didn’t even look back.

  They always do in the movies, but he didn’t. I wanted to shout his name and tell him to wait, but was hoping he’d turn back on his own to help me deal with the cheating arsehole. I’d been certain Kyle would stay by my side and do everything in his power to make Rob go away, but, no, he left me with Rob, without much of a fight.

  “Kyle,” I said his name again, but he didn’t hear me.

  Now I stood before Rob, my arms crossed over my chest, panicking. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear him out. “Your time is wasting, so you better get talking.” I didn’t care ho
w bitchy I sounded. He’d tried to smile, but at my tone his expression switched to fear. I wasn’t in a kidding mood, at all, if my hooked eyebrow wasn’t a clear enough warning.

  “The last time I saw you was… embarrassing, to say the least, and I’m disgusted with myself.”

  As you should be, I thought.

  “It was your decision to cheat on me, Rob, not the other way around. We were great together, you said you loved me… so, whatever you say now, I won’t believe a word of it,” I declared waving my hand in his face.

  “I did love you, do love you, Tiff, and very much want you to believe me. I have no excuse for why I did the things I did, but I regret them immensely.” He gave me his best ‘sorry’ look, but I chose not to fall for it. He’d hurt me, and I wasn’t about to let him hurt me again.

  “You don’t know shit about regrets, Robert. You don’t know shit about what you put me through.” I started to cry. “I vowed to never see or talk to you again, so I hate that you’re standing in front of me trying to play fucking Romeo when I was having a perfectly good time with my boyfriend. Didn’t you see that we were walking together, kissing? Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t want you to fuck it all up?” I spat the hateful words. “No, you wouldn’t know because all you think about is yourself. All. The. Bloody. Time!”

  “I’m sorry, Tiffany,” Rob mumbled and tried to step closer to me, but I pushed back.

  “Don’t say you’re sorry when you have no idea why.” I paused and reflected for a moment over what I was about to say to his sorry face. “That night, when I caught you cheating on me. I’d come home early to tell you I was pregnant.”

  His face turned white and fell.

  “Surprise.” I gave a half-hearted laugh and then shrugged. “Don’t worry, though. You put me through so much heartbreak and humiliation that I lost it because I couldn’t look after myself. You made my life a fucking nightmare, yet here you are, happy to see me. It’s laughable. You are the return of a fucking disaster to me. So, please, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to the man I love before I waste one more second with you. Fuck you, Robert.”

  “Wait, just a minute, please,” he asked looking broken and shocked. My revelation had hit him hard, maybe even harder than a kick to his balls.

  “I don’t have that kind of time for you. Forget about me. Why don’t you go back to that girl you were with. She must have provided all the things I apparently couldn’t give you. So, go on, go get her, Romeo.”

  “Tiff, I tried to find you. Your parents wouldn’t tell me where you were. They wouldn’t even let me into their house to explain myself. Then, I heard you’d quit work and left the country. I miss you, and I want you back.”

  Is he for real?

  “Did you hear anything I just said? Do you really think there’s a chance in hell of getting back with me? In case there’s any part of your delusional brain that thinks there is, let me spell it out. No, Rob. I would rather be a Buddhist in the mountains of Nepal than be with you. Do yourself a favor and forget that I exist, because in my head, you’re already dead.” With that, I stormed away, going around the corner to find Kyle.

  Except when I got there, he was nowhere to be found.

  I looked everywhere. Inside the coffee shop on the corner, the residential building right next to it, and even the restaurant across the street. Every bloody where. Kyle was gone. I took out my phone and called him, but it just rang on and on without being picked up.

  “Where are you, babe? I can’t find you. I really need you right now. Please call me back.”

  The message I left was desperate; I needed to be with him right now. His nice words, soft lips, everything about him that made me feel better… I needed it all. I could feel the panic building, so tried calling again. How dare he not answer his phone.

  “Kyle, call me back. I have to find you.”

  My eyes scanned the dark looking for him while I left another message. As soon as I was done talking, I hung up and dialed again. I wouldn’t stop until he picked it up. Call me crazy, I was.

  “Why are you doing this to me when I need you the most? Where are you? I won’t go home before I find you.”

  I cried like a baby while I walked the streets of London like a hysterical woman. My fingers were shaking as I pressed his number in yet again, and my hate for Rob had reached nuclear. If Kyle left me because of Rob, I would never forgive him. It would be one more thing added to his long list of mischief and wrongdoing.

  “Where the hell are you, Kyle? Are you leaving me? Do you think I want him more than I want you?”

  I’ve never wanted anyone more than Kyle. He’s my other half, I thought while disconnecting once more. Anger was taking over my emotions despite trying to control myself. I didn’t know what to do. Kyle wouldn’t answer, and I had no idea where he might be. We’d had a lot of beer, him more than me, and my thoughts were a bit blurry, so I could only imagine how he was doing.

  I dialed again.

  “Kyle, you’re... urgh, I’m so mad at you right now.” My voice broke on each word. Am I overreacting? I had no idea.

  I came across a bench and sat down to think about the places we’d been that he might try to go back to. None of them were close, though, and he didn’t know the area all that well.

  Kyle bailed on me. I couldn’t believe it even though I tried.

  My text alert went off and I rushed to pull up the message box on phone, sighing with relief when I saw it was him. And then I read it.

  Go home, clear your mind. I'll meet you tomorrow.

  He could text but not answer his damn phone? Oh, hell no.

  I called him again and still, he didn’t pick it up. What would I tell my parents if I went home without him? That I had no idea where he was. Yeah, right. We would look stupid and immature, and my father would never give Kyle another chance. Staying out seemed like my only option.

  We’d never fought before. I couldn’t say we had now, because he’d just left me, and you need at least two to fight. I was so confused I couldn’t think straight. Picking up my phone again, I decided to text him this time.

  Where are you, Kyle? Please tell me, I’m begging you.

  Several minutes passed, and still nothing.

  I groaned, growing desperate and furious. Retracing my steps to where I’d last seen him before talking to Rob, I hoped he had done the same, but nothing had changed. Except now there was a huge void in my heart and I didn’t know what to think. The night was getting colder; I would need to warm up if I wanted to stay out. Not to mention that a coffee would help get rid of the effect of the alcohol so I could think clearer.

  Sitting inside the coffee place and drinking my cup of rich brew, I considered ringing Nix or Val to ask for advice, but I didn’t. I didn’t want people to know there was already trouble in paradise. It was all my fault, I knew that. I should have ignored Rob and continued to walk with Kyle. Such a fun night it had been… right up until it all went crashing down like a bomb.

  Unbelievable!

  After a while, I calmed down and stopped tearing up every ten seconds. My cup of coffee empty, I sat back and wondered what the hell I was going to do now.

  Sometime later, I had no idea how much later as I had been staring at empty space, my phone came to life. Kyle’s name flashed on the screen and my heart bounced in my chest while I answered as fast as I possibly could.

  “Where are you?”

  “Tiff, I’m sorry. I didn’t… I’m an asshole. I left you with him.”

  “Where are you?” I asked again. There was nothing else I wanted to hear right now.

  “At a hostel. Can I meet you somewhere? I need to see you.” It sounded like he was crying. Or had been.

  “Stay there, just tell me the street name.”

  Once he’d given me the address and we’d hung up, I rushed to him as fast as I could. Running across streets at red lights and darting between parked cars, I was mad at him, but needed him more. Although I tried
to dry my tears in the process, I was sure all I’d done was smear my make-up all over my face instead.

  I found his hostel fast, because he was waiting for me outside. The second I saw him, I ran faster and jumped into his arms. “I’m so mad at you, K.”

  “I know, me too. I’m sorry.” He kissed every inch of my face.

  Both of us frantic and shaken by the events of our night, we held each other and tried to regain control.

  “We should go inside, you’re cold.”

  “Why did you leave me with him?” I pressed.

  Kyle didn’t answer my question but he enveloped his arms around me. “We’ll talk inside, beautiful. I don’t want you getting sick.”

  We entered, the receptionist welcomed us, and Kyle showed me to his room.

  “Wow. This is even smaller than my studio.”

  “I didn’t really care about the size of the room.”

  “Right, this isn’t a honeymoon.”

  “No, it’s a fucking nightmare, and I fucked up.” He ran his hands through his thick hair, dishevelling the dark locks. “I didn’t want to leave you with him, but I thought about Cassidy—”

  I gasped, and he raised a hand.

  “Let me finish, Tiff. I thought of Cassi and how I wished I could’ve had one last talk with her. He was looking at you with so much… I don’t know what got to me, but I thought he deserved to talk to you one last time.” He kneeled on the carpeted floor before me, lost and exhausted. “I was going to come back to you but your back was turned to me so I thought you didn’t want me to intervene. I should have interrupted anyway, and fought to have you back with me. Did– did he hurt you? What happened?”

  Chuckling at the memory of my revelation, I was pretty sure Rob wouldn’t sleep for a couple of days. “He didn’t hurt me. I probably hurt him, though. I played dirty. I told him about the baby, and the miscarriage. I acted like a total bitch, too.”

  “I don’t believe you could ever be a bitch… even if you really wanted to.”

  “Don’t downplay it, Kyle. What I threw in his face tonight was devastating news, and I did it like a bitch. I don’t ever want to see him again. Regardless, I’m sure he’ll do everything to avoid me now anyway.”