Love Is Relative

by Francis, Haven

  “Well, go on and tell me,” I say, resting my head back on Grandpas shoulder, knowing it will be easier if I’m not looking at him while he tells me the secret. I just figure it can’t be good.

  “I told you when you first came home that I hadn’t seen or talked to our neighbors much since Cora’s been gone but that’s not true. Your Danny has called or come by nearly every day since you left. At first he just wanted to know if I had heard anything from you but then I think he just wanted someone to talk to – about you mostly. I think I know just about everything there is to know about that boy. He still comes by or calls most days. He’s the only reason I held onto this silly cellular phone your grandma got me.”

  “So you’ve talked to him about what happened to us?”

  “He came by the day after that first night you were upset. He’s was worried about you and he was confused, but more than anything he was sad. Either he’s a real good actor, or that boy loves you more than anything in this world. You know I believe you, Emmie, but it’s hard to imagine he’d do anything to hurt you.”

  “Yea, well that’s what I thought too but it’s hard to forget what I saw.”

  “Maybe you should give him a chance to explain. Maybe it’s not what you think.”

  “I don’t know how it could be anything else, Pa. I’m just not strong enough to talk to him right now. I barely made it out of that theatre.”

  “Emily, I know the two of you love each other but you are just friends right? Considering the circumstance you’re in.”

  I’m glad I’m not looking at him when I have to tell him a lie. “We were just friends but I didn’t take him for the kind of guy that sleeps with women then gets rid of them when he’s had enough.”

  “No, I wouldn’t think so, but he’s had a rough few years. He always leaned on you Emily, you were always the most important thing in his life and when he no longer had you and didn’t have much of a family either, I guess he took to finding superficial ways to fill the holes. He’s not prefect but I would imagine he would try to be for you.”

  I consider my grandpa’s words, not sure if I want to believe him or not. I wish I could tell him everything, but what’s happened between me and Danny is wrong, I’ve always known that. “Do you think he would try to hurt me on purpose, you know, to get back at me for what happened to his family.”

  “Emily, no,” Grandpa says with some shock, “He loves you. He’s gone through his angry periods, he’s been bitter, he’s looked for someone to blame for Cora’s death. I’m sure he’s blamed you, I’m sure he’s been angry but he loves you, Emily. He could never bring himself to hurt you, even if he wanted to.”

  I close my eyes as I listen to Grandpa’s words. He’s been angry with me, he’s blamed me. If he really did love me, he wouldn’t have been with that woman. Grandpa’s wrong.

  “Emily, I love both of you. You are both in pain right now and it’s breaking your old grandpa’s heart. I hate to do this but, for me, would you just hear him out. Tell him why you’re mad and give him a chance to explain? He doesn’t have any idea why you won’t talk to him. If he did something wrong he needs to know that you know, that you won’t stand for him hurting you and that’s why you’ve stopped speaking to him. Then you can let him go, if that’s what you want to do. I won’t speak of him or to him again.”

  I shake my head at Grandpa’s words. “I don’ think I can do that Grandpa, not even for you. Not now at least.”

  He rubs his hand over my shoulder. “Okay, Emily, okay.” He says and I know he’s going to let it go. Or at least he won’t speak to me about it again.

  Danny

  I’m at my breaking point; I have been ever since I saw Emily at the theatre. Seeing her was a huge setback, not only for me, but for Maddie and Jason too. I finally broke down and went to see Cliff the next day. I had been backing off with the phone calls because I could tell it was making him uncomfortable and that he wasn’t going to tell me anything about Emily anyway, but I needed to talk to him. Cliff told me he finally talked to Emily about us and that, in the process, he admitted that he has spoken to me nearly every day since she left. He said he did that because, not only did it feel wrong to keep it from her, but he wanted to let her know that I was a good man and that she needed to talk to me. It didn’t seem to affect her though. He said she has a reason for not speaking to me and that he didn’t disagree with it. For the love of God, I can’t think of any reason she would have given Cliff that he would agree with. In the end, he told me he was sorry, but he couldn’t continue to talk with me about her, not until we work things out. You’d think I would be used to losing people by now, but I’m not. It hurt to lose Cliff.

  Now my only shot at finding an answer is Luke, but he’s keeping up the dumb act. That doesn’t stop me from trying though. “I’ve had enough of this shit,” I tell him as we work together on the engine of an old Impala. “Natalie’s you girlfriend and Noah’s your fucking roommate – you know shit you’re not telling me about.”

  “Danny, you’re my bro. I’ve told you everything I know. Natalie won’t tell me a damn thing no matter how many times I ask her. Emily doesn’t want her too and she’s loyal to her friends. All I’m doing is pissing her off. If I even bring you or Emily up she gives me a look like she’s gonna rip my balls off. I love you, man, but I’m not losing my balls for you.

  “We all know Noah’s trying to pick up the pieces so he can get a piece but as far as I can tell, he’s not getting anywhere with her. I barely see the kid anyway; I’m either at work or with Nat. He’s out every night doing who knows what. I swear to God, I know nothing. Come to Nat’s house tomorrow, I’m sure Emily will be there. Noah sure as hell isn’t going to miss out on an opportunity to be with her, you shouldn’t either.”

  “Natalie would fucking kill me. You know your girl called me personally to tell me not to even think about showing up there?”

  “Who cares what she says.”

  I let out a disbelieving laugh. “Should I tell her you said that?” I ask, calling his bluff.

  “Hell, no.”

  “I told Emily I’d leave her alone. I haven’t even sent her a text since I saw her at the theatre.”

  “Whatever, man. I mean if you’re just gonna give up, let Noah take your place, that’s your decision.”

  “If you’re trying to get your ass kicked, keep it up, ‘cause it’s working.”

  “Just stating the facts,” he says stepping out of my arm’s reach.

  “I’m not going to Nat’s but you better be texting me and letting me know what the hell’s happening. If he lays a fucking hand on her I need to know about it.”

  “Sure, Danny. I’ll just go there to baby sit Emily for you, won’t even think about partying or having fun,” he says sarcastically.

  “Good,” I tell him.

  #

  Mike was drunk as shit last night but not drunk enough to pass out. I hung out in the basement with the kids playing games, attempting to wait out the stomping and yelling, but at nine o’clock Maddie was over-tired and I could hear Dad’s painful, pathetic sobs. I packed their bags and took them out the sliding door in the basement. Mike, I’m sure, is not aware that they’re gone.

  I’ve kept the kids close to me all day. We hung out and watched cartoons all morning then I took them to the lake to go fishing. I can’t think about bringing them home, not after last night. I figure I’ll just keep them here again tonight which is probably a good idea because tonight’s the party at Nat’s. If I have them with me I won’t be tempted to go.

  Emily

  I seriously cannot believe I let Nat and Jessa talk me into coming to Nat’s today for her party. Really, it was Nat with her big pleading eyes and the fact that she’s been by my side through all this crap with Danny. Jessa’s been there for me too but she doesn’t have to deal with a boyfriend’s constant questions on behalf of his friend, or phone calls from Danny, which I can’t believe he did to her. She called Danny and told him she would k
ick his ass if he even thought about coming tonight so I hope, for his sake, he doesn’t try it.

  I still feel like I can’t breathe, I’ve felt that way ever since I saw him at the theatre. Today’s the first time I’ve left my house or even seen anyone besides Grandma and Grandpa. Danny’s stopped calling and texting. I know I told him that was what I wanted but, pathetic as it is, I miss it. I’ve been trying to consider Grandpa’s words and have decided I will talk to Danny when I’m ready but I miss him more than ever – I am nowhere near strong enough to see him or hear his voice. Not now, but maybe soon.

  When Nat came to the farm this afternoon to try and convince me to come with her I was in my work gear. She basically kidnapped me at my first sign of weakness, so now I’m in her shower trying to wash off the smells of the farm. I remember the last time I was in this shower cleaning vomit off of myself so I make this shower quick, not liking the memory it educes.

  “Okay,” Nat tells me as I step out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, “I tried to find my most subdued outfit for you, I didn’t want to scare you off. All of my jeans are going to be too big for you and I know you’re going to hate this but it’s a lot like the one you bought at the western store,” she says, turning around with a little jean skirt in her hands.

  “That is not like the one I bought at the western store,” I state, looking at the very mini skirt.

  “No?” she asks.

  “No.”

  “Seriously, Em, the only other option is this pair of worn-out Levi’s I wore in the ninth grade. They have a hole in the knee.”

  I look at the pair of jeans on her bed. “Those are perfect.”

  “I knew you’d say that. Whatever, but if I let you wear those jeans you are not wearing some old raggedy t-shirt,” she informs me.

  “I’m pretty sure you don’t own such a thing.”

  “Thank God I don’t. So….” she begins, going to her walk-in closet and flipping hangers across the bar, “this would be cute.” She holds out a blouse that has sequins on it.

  “Nat, seriously, we’re going to be here all night.” I tuck in the edge of my towel and go to the closet myself.

  “This should be good,” she says, taking a few steps back.

  “My God, Nat, everything you have is so… fancy… and pink… and tight.” Near the back I find a light blue v-neck Henley. It looks like it will be a little tight and the V looks a little too low but it seems to be my only option.

  “I forgot about that damn shirt. Figures you’d find the only boring thing in the closet.”

  “Trust me, I’m not trying to get anyone’s attention, I just want to blend in. I can’t believe I’m even doing this…”

  “Okay, Em, that outfits great, you’ll totally blend in, it’s perfect. Go put it on,” she urges before I can change my mind.

  I bring my outfit to the bathroom and put it on. The mirror is still fogged up from my shower and I don’t bother trying to wipe away the steam. I look down at my chest though, which is way too exposed by the tight, plunging shirt. I mentally run through the other shirts in the closet and decide this is still my best option. I open the bathroom door and see Nat in a tight pair of skinny jeans and a frilly little pink tank top and decide no one will even notice my cleavage as long as I stick close to her.

  She turns when she realizes I’m standing there. “Oh my God. How did you manage to make that atrocious outfit look… good? My God, girl, that body of yours can make anything work,” she says excitedly.

  “Please, you don’t need to humor me. You look beautiful.”

  “You’re right, I was humoring you; you’ll totally disappear into the walls with that outfit on- good choice,” she smirks at me. “Okay, we’ll let’s get your hair dried.”

  I start to protest- Nat has enough to do, she doesn’t need to be babysitting me- but she pushes me down onto her vanity stool and starts brushing through my hair. Jessa joins us with three bottles of alcohol and hands me one.

  “No thanks,” I tell her.

  “Just try it, it’s really good.”

  I look at the bottle she’s offering me. “Hard lemonade, what is that?”

  “Just try it, it tastes like lemonade, it will help you relax. You don’t have to drink the whole thing.” I take it from her thinking, why the hell not?

  Thirty minutes later Nat has my normally wavy blonde hair blown out completely straight. I run my fingers through it marveling at how much longer it looks and how shiny it is. While Nat worked on my hair, Jessa, against my will, replicated the look the lady gave me at the makeup counter at Euphoria. Just like the last two times I can’t stop looking at my eyes and I can’t stop rubbing my shiny lips together. As I look in the mirror I barely recognize myself. I smile for the first time in days.

  “She likes it,” Nat say’s excitedly.

  “Or it could just be the alcohol,” Jessa says. As I stand I think it could very well be the alcohol. I didn’t feel the effects when I was sitting but I feel a little light headed now and also a little giggly. It feels good to laugh.

  “Nat, you guys up there?” Luke’s voice interrupts my fit of giggles.

  “Yes. We’ll be down in a minute,” she yells out her door.

  Jessa and Nat touch up their makeup and hair and I wonder if there is a chance that Danny will come tonight. Although he was my excuse for not wanting to come here at all, he’s really the only person I want to see.

  As we make our way down the stairs I can hear Luke in the kitchen talking to someone, I think he says my name and my heart beat picks up. I want him to be talking to Danny but then I hear Noah’s voice and my stomach aches.

  I try my best to act happy as the five of us stand around in the kitchen. Noah came to my side as soon as he saw me, letting out a low whistle, telling me I look beautiful. I know he’s just trying to be nice but for some reason I really want to shove him away from me. Jessa glances my way and I give her a look letting her know he’s making me uncomfortable. “Come on, Em,” she says grabbing my hand. “I need to talk to you about something before everyone gets here.” When Noah makes a move to follow us she quickly adds, “In private, sorry Noah.” I give him a shrug of my shoulders then let Jessa pull me out the back door to the pool deck.

  It’s beautiful out here. It’s dark out now and the pool is lit up from the inside. I’m tempted to jump in but I know the girls would kill me if I ruined their hard work. Jessa brings me to the far corner of the deck and we plop down in a couple of lounge chairs. “He just won’t leave you alone. I swear, Em, you can’t get away from the boys- you make them all crazy.”

  “Never in my life did I think I’d have that problem.”

  “It’s not easy being gorgeous,” she says and I laugh, for the second time tonight. “Don’t worry, I won’t let him corner you or anything creepy like that. I always liked Noah but it’s a really dick move – going after you when he knows how Danny feels about you. Some fucking friend he is. Just so you know, I would never do anything like that to you, even though Danny is so damn gorgeous.”

  “What?”

  “Well he is, but obviously I would never be interested in him – he’s yours.”

  “Thanks… I think, but I was talking about Noah, he’s not going after me.”

  “Ha! Are you blind? He may be trying to pretend like he’s your friend but trust me; the kid wants you, bad.”

  “That’s terrible, Jess, he does not. He’s been my friend forever and he is… was… whatever, Danny’s best friend. It’s not like that.”

  “Okay, let me point out the obvious. A, he has been your friend forever, but then again, so has Danny so clearly that’s not a good excuse. B, have you seen the way the kid looks at you? C, I know you don’t want to believe it, but it’s not a coincidence that the day he finally decided to tell Danny to fuck off, was the day he knew you were home. D, Danny’s not the only one that’s changed since you’ve been gone. Noah’s not one to waste his time on a girl just to gain a new friend. He’s slept w
ith more girls than Danny has. And E, I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure no guy is ever going to want you as a friend; you’re too damn sexy for that.”

  I shake my head but consider her words. Danny used to say the same thing but I figured he was just pissed that Noah kept talking to me after he had stopped talking to Danny. I didn’t realize other people thought the same thing. “Do you really think that? I mean, he totally did throw away his friendship with Danny for no good reason. If you’re right… would he do that? Ditch Danny just because he was interested in me?” My stomach tightens with this possible realization. With everything that Danny has been through, how could Noah do that to him? It’s one thing to be fed up with Danny’s shit, but to intentionally end their friendship so he could try to be with me, is sickening.

  “Yes, Emily, he would- he did.” Jessa stands and goes to a cooler on the deck and pulls out two hard lemonades. She hands one to me and I take it.

  “What a fucking ass hole,” I say, taking a swig of the drink.

  “He really is. I just can’t believe you didn’t see it. The kid’s been stalking you ever since you got home. I know you guys were friends and all but, good Lord, you weren’t that good of friends.”

  “I told him things about Danny and me. He never once encouraged me to try and work things out with him. In fact, when I told him about the girl, he just proceeded to tell me about Danny’s whole slutty past. He wouldn’t do that if he was trying to help me feel better.”

  “Nope,” Jessa agrees.

  “God, I’m so stupid. Poor Danny, what a shit-ass friend.”

  “Yep.”

  “I have to go talk to Noah.” I say.

  “Not now, Em, please? He’s just going to piss you off further and you’re going to make us take you home. I really want you here. Let’s just hang out, just the two of us. We’ll drink and have fun. Forget about him, don’t let him make you mad, not tonight. I miss you.”

  I look across the pool into the lit up house that is quickly filling with people. It’s nice out here in the dark with Jessa. She’s right, I’ll just let him ruin my night. I’ll talk to him about it later, somewhere that won’t cause a scene. “Okay.” I reach out and hold onto her hand.