Chasing Happy (Texas Desires #1)

by Rylie Roberts

  She slammed the door, shutting it harder than she’d intended, and flipped on the faucet. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the door slowly open and ducked her head, quickly splashing water from the faucet over her face. She willed herself to stop the tears and get a hold of herself. Think with the brain she had. Her heart dropped. A baby. She should have seen the signs. Of course she was pregnant.

  Reaching for the towel again, she blotted her face and stood. The mirror showed him leaned against the doorframe. He again stared at her, his face unreadable. Not the kind expressions he used when they were alone or the hard ones he used while at the office. This look was new and made her uneasy.

  “Please just say something.” Her heart pounded as she dropped her hands to her sides and stared back at him.

  “Why are you crying?” he asked quietly.

  What did that mean? Did he not hear what she’d told him?

  “I’m crying because…” She started to explain, but stopped somewhat bewildered. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

  He came forward and held out his arms. She moved into them as he enveloped her into his comforting embrace. She desperately needed his strength. “This makes you sad?”

  “It doesn’t make you sad?” she asked, turning her head to rest her cheek against his chest.

  “Not sad, no,” he reasoned, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

  “Then what?” she whispered into his shirt.

  “It’s not the best timing, but I never plan on letting you go.” He ran his strong palms up and down her back. “Look at me and be honest about what’s on your mind.”

  When she moved he lifted her head, his gaze searching hers. “I’m scared.”

  “Keep going,” he encouraged.

  “I want children. I do, but someday. With the right person.” The unguarded words tumbled out and she bit her lip at the implication of their meaning.

  “And I’m not the right person?” he asked, his caring face turning more passive. She knew that trick too well; she masked her true feelings all the time, but this was too important to sugarcoat. Even in complete mental overload, Lara wanted to know the answers to some very direct questions in order to make decisions she wasn’t necessarily prepared to make.

  “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. She stepped backward, leaving his embrace, and searched his face. She saw hints of concern, but also something else… A kindling of hope flickered across her heart. Reed was being patient, kind, and loving. Even when this situation made her nothing more than a complete train wreck.

  Think! she told herself. Think about the words coming out of your mouth.

  “Do you think you’re the right person?” she asked, again searching his face.

  “For you, yes,” Reed answered with no hesitation. “If this is real, then I’m good with moving our timeline up. I considered this when I couldn’t seem to remember the word condom when you were around and you haven’t had a period, not really.” Reed actually shrugged, like this was no big deal and gave a small smile, seeming to be completely honest as he stared her straight in the eyes. “I might’ve hoped for this.”

  “What?” she asked, shocked. Reed hoped for a baby? Lara took another step backward, needing distance from that last declaration, but he didn’t let her get too far away in the tiny bathroom. She placed a hand on his chest, keeping distance from him. He had a way of always crowding her and she needed to think. Reed hoped to have a baby with her? Did he have any understanding how seriously she would take raising a child? Reed reached forward, moving the hair out of her face as he pressed in, bending her arm as he took her back in his embrace.

  “I’ve been over the top with you since the moment I took you off that street. You have to know that,” he said, his eyes still searching her face. As much as she wanted to hold on to those words and let them be enough for right now, this was too important. She pushed past Reed and left the bathroom. She needed air and a moment to think.

  A baby. She was pregnant, bringing a new life into this world. That was monumental, and from her earliest recollections, she swore she’d never do to her children what was done to her. Lara searched the living room, but only saw brief moments of her at a young age sitting alone in the dark, no dinner, no father, just alone as she waited for anyone to remember she was there.

  Lara turned and stumbled into Reed. She hadn’t even realized he stood behind her. She lifted her face and steeled her spine as she confessed her biggest fears. “I was raised without two parents and the one I had wasn’t much of one at all. I don’t want that for my children. I want my babies in a loving home with two caring parents.”

  “We’re in complete agreement there. If this turns out to be true, I’d take this more seriously than anything I’ve ever done in my life. You have to know that,” Reed said.

  “Right. You’re right, we don’t really know anything until we get a solid confirmation from a doctor and then we need to make some serious decisions,” she said, nodding as she latched on to that part of his declaration. Reed had given her space to voice her worries and he’d listened, but there were no more answers coming right now.

  Lara reached out, wrapping both her arms around his waist, burying her face in his shoulder. “You calmed me down.”

  “That’s exactly what you do to me all the time,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “How do you feel?”

  “Better… I’m better. I’m scared, but better,” she said. Silent minutes passed with Reed just holding her.

  “Are you up for going to the bonfire for a little while? Or we can stay in,” he said quietly into the silence.

  “No, let’s go. I need the break.” She pulled back, breaking the connection. “Give me a minute?”

  “Of course.” She moved toward the bedroom, but turned when he spoke again. “Lara, we’ll be all right. This just moves up the timetable. That’s all.” He left the house, giving her the minute she needed.

  A baby. She wondered how many times she’d think those words over the next twenty-four hours. Her reaction shocked her—hell, his reaction shocked her. She went back into the bathroom, and narrowed her eyes, looking at herself in the mirror. Had he truly smiled when she’d told him? What did that mean?

  ~~~

  Unnerved, Reed quietly shut the cabin door behind him. He was at a loss, functioning on autopilot. He’d gone outside, but had no idea why he’d left the house. Back inside, he turned to the right and went into the living room. He looked around, then backtracked to the bedroom they shared. He stopped inside that room and again just looked around. What the hell was wrong with him? A mixture of anxious panic and uncertainty had him dropping down on the bed and resting his head in the palm of his hands.

  A baby. He was having a baby. With a woman that didn’t seem happy to be sharing this experience with him. Lara was the love of his life, and she had questioned whether having his baby was the right move.

  Ahh, hell, that was crushing blow.

  Could it be the genetics he’d pass on that had her so concerned? Perhaps the two parent comment was some sort of double meaning. Maybe Lara was at the end of this relationship. Either way, he hurt on a level he’d never known before, and Reed had been through some deep emotional pain in his life.

  Wait a second, back up. Lara loved him. Nothing she’d done indicated anything different. Yet, something made her cry like he’d never seen another person cry and possibly denounce him in the process. What could he do to make things right? He heard the water faucet turn off, and he jumped up on his feet. Right now, he needed to be steady. She needed a rock, and he had to provide that for her. He went for the closet to grab her hoodie, before heading toward the kitchen to snag her a couple bottles of water. She’d need something to drink tonight.

  When he straightened from the refrigerator, he turned to see Lara coming into the kitchen. With big, swollen eyes, he could easily tell she’d been crying. Her hair was brushed and placed in a tie at the nape of her neck. She wore short shorts an
d a T-shirt and glanced around the kitchen as if looking for something. He spotted her sunglasses on the small table and grabbed those, handing them over.

  “I was looking for those,” she said. While her voice was close to back to normal, it lacked a little of the warmth he’d grown accustomed too.

  “You ready to go down?” he asked, keeping a little distance between them. He’d crowded her before. Maybe she needed room. “I got you a jacket in case you get chilly down there tonight. It’s windy.”

  If she noticed his reserve, she never commented. She walked forward, took the jacket, and lifted on her tiptoes. It was a regular move. One that said she wanted a kiss, and he obliged. “Thank you for talking me down.”

  “There’s no thanks needed. Better?”

  “I think so. It was shocking. I wasn’t prepared. I don’t know how that thought never occurred to me. Of course it’s morning sickness making me sick,” she said, taking the water bottles and adding them to a smaller cooler. He carried the cooler and opened the back door. “Can we wait to tell everyone until we get this confirmed in the doctor’s office and decide what to do?”

  “If that’s what you want,” he said. Man, she was making him insecure. What did “decide what to do” mean? The only decision he could envision was marriage and a baby in their house seven or eight months from now. She slipped past him to the waiting golf cart. His heart was heavy. The pain of the apparent rejection caused a solid lump to form in his throat as he started the cart.

  “I’m sorry. This isn’t you, it’s me.” He’d said that many times throughout his adult life and so not the confirming words he wanted to hear.

  “Lara, it’s okay. We’ll figure out the best way to handle this…”

  “No, Reed. I had a meltdown in there. Family’s too important to me. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time in Child Protective Services. I swore to myself that I would be responsible when I grew up. I was going to give my children a solid foundation and structure.”

  “I want that too,” he whispered, finally turning his head toward her. She had to see that he’d take this as seriously as he took anything in his life. He’d never turn away from his child.

  “Listen to me. I need to say this. If we do this, we do it together. We never falter off that course no matter what.” Lara stopped talking and just stared at him. When he realized she was done, he immediately answered.

  “I wholeheartedly agree. We’re committed and do whatever it takes to raise well-adjusted children.” He nodded when she did. But she continued staring, scanning his face, searching for something unknown. After a minute, he lifted his fist like he had seen her do hundreds of times with Kade. He extended his hand, giving her a playful fist bump. The move did wonders. Lara grinned big and tapped his knuckles. The pact made Reed’s heart lift, and he reached down to start the cart this time.

  “Are we getting married now or waiting? Either way’s good…” He happened to glance over at her as he got the golf cart moving. She looked horrified and his heart plunged again as he brought the cart to a stop. “You don’t want to marry me?”

  “Of course I want to marry you. I just don’t want you to want to marry me because of the baby.”

  His usually sound, reasonable, always stable Lara was one giant mood swing. How did he answer that? “Okay, then we’ll wait, and I’ll ask you differently…”

  “Okay, good.” He sat there, staring at Lara as she faced forward, not paying him any more attention as though the matter were resolved. Reed slowly started driving again. He decided then that they had covered enough ground for right now. He needed to stay quiet. He absolutely didn’t want to botch this tentative peace they’d developed.

  Chapter 28

  Hours passed with the large bonfire burning low. Lara finally broke and nibbled on a leftover hotdog bun. Nothing she’d eaten throughout the day had stayed down but she was starving. Candace brought over a Sprite. That seemed to help with the queasiness, so she sipped on the drink after every little bite she took.

  Most of the enormous family had trickled away as the night progressed. The remaining members divided into clusters. Small little pods of friends and family were gathered in various areas around the bonfire. Reed’s immediate family was no different. Cole and Connor sat to the right of Reed and Braden. Candace, tucked between Connor’s legs, had about the same position as Lara, sitting on the sand between Reed’s legs. Braden’s mom and dad were there—Jerry to the left of Reed, and Linda closer to the fire—helping to round their circle out.

  Lara stayed close to Reed. He seemed to want her there, never letting her get too far away, which gave her hope that they might be on the right track. The group spoke about the past, telling stories of their childhood. She stayed quiet as she listened. They were a fluid bunch, much like her and Kade. All the guys were at home in the Bryant family. Cole was the teaser, Connor more level-headed, Braden a playboy from his very earliest days, but they were so solid together, nothing could break the bond they shared. They trusted one another and felt comfortable being who they were. It was really quite remarkable to watch.

  Lifting a hand, Lara yawned, drawing everyone’s attention toward her. Her stomach let out a massive rumble, angry because she had denied it food for most of the evening. The careful balance of nausea verses food consumption was hard to maintain so she decided to scavenge for something to eat once she got back to the cabin where she could throw up in private if need be.

  “Feeling any better?” Braden asked as Reed’s palm came down to rub her back. She placed a hand on his thigh and rested her chin there. “There’s still some hotdogs over there. I can get you one.”

  Just the sound of the word hotdog sent her stomach roiling. She reached down with her hand, willing the thing to calm down. “Ever consider you could be pregnant?” Cole announced, a boom of laughter erupting from him. He’d tried for a joke, and it worked for everyone but her, Reed, and Candace.

  “Could you imagine Reed as a dad? He’d wipe the kid’s ass with dollar bills,” Cole added, clearly on a roll, and Braden wholeheartedly agreed.

  Candace reached out and hit her brother’s leg. “Shut up,” she said, clearly defending Reed. The next few minutes were comical. Braden whipped his head toward Reed, then down to Lara. Jerry’s hand came up, giving Reed a solid whack on the back. Linda started crying. Cole was the last to catch on. Connor was stoic, but that sharp gaze landed right on her. The group erupted in chaos.

  “You’re pregnant!” Linda jumped up to hug Reed and Lara together. Lara's face pushed against Reed’s crotch as Jerry joined in on the hug. Reed’s hands came down to her, she was certain he meant to help, but instead poked her in the eye. Jerry was there, pulling her up, giving her a giant fatherly hug.

  “We aren’t a hundred percent sure,” Reed declared, his worried gaze landing on Lara. He clearly tried to manage all this excitement pummeling down on them. “We just found out this afternoon.”

  “You knew this whole time and didn’t tell me?” Linda asked, breaking her hold on Reed, slapping at his arm. The tears poured down her face. Jerry took her in his arms, holding his wife, trying to give her comfort. Braden came forward, giving Lara a tight hug. Connor was there, shaking Reed’s hand. It was Cole that stood on the outside, waiting to get in.

  “We don’t really know anything,” Reed tried again.

  “Who would have ever guessed you’d be the first one with a kid?” Cole said, sticking out a hand to Reed. That had Reed breaking the cautious acceptance of his family’s congratulations. He finally broke out in a big grin, taking Cole’s hand for a vigorous shake. Her heart soared at Reed’s thrilled expression. That was what she needed to see right now.

  “We really want to wait, get a solid confirmation before we truly get our hopes up,” Reed said. His arm snaked out, coming around her waist.

  “That’s smart, honey. A real good thing to do. Jerry, we need to get the nursery ready for when they come ta visit,” Linda said in direct contrast to the way sh
e’d started that sentence.

  “I think it’s their way of saying we need to stop by more often,” Reed said, kissing the top of Lara’s head. The nausea chose then to churn. She held her stomach as her mouth started to water. Alarm had her casting her gaze up to Reed. She barely had enough time to make it to the trashcan placed nearby. Thank God the trash bag had just been changed as she dropped head over and began to throw up.

  ~~~

  Barely opening the cabin door, Reed wedged his way out, trying to avoid the squeak he’d heard earlier when he’d brought Lara home. She’d fallen asleep, but he couldn’t. Too much anxiety surged through his overactive brain. Once alone, with nothing but time to think, the fear of bringing his genetics forward worried to crap out of him even more than the obvious question—what the hell did he have to offer a child?

  He took the steps down, letting the moonlight guide his path as he walked with no direction, just nervous energy to burn. He shook his arms and hands out, rolling his neck. The tension Lara’s presence had resolved over the last few months, returned now in full force. What the hell was he going to do?

  “You’re up late.” Reed flipped around, looking for the location of Jerry’s voice. He found him sitting on the front porch of his cabin. Reed must’ve been truly spaced out to have missed something so obvious. The moonlight shone straight down on the man.

  “I couldn’t sleep. Why are you awake?” Reed asked quietly, coming to the edge of the porch.

  “I figured you’d be out here soon enough. I wanted to check on you.” Jerry rose, taking the porch steps down to ground level.

  “I’m fine,” Reed said, tucking his hands in his walking shorts pockets. He turned away from Jerry, his nerves on edge.

  “You aren’t. I can see it. You’re so much like your father. He worried about takin’ care of you when he found out your mom was pregnant. They’d just learned about his brain tumor. He was scared to death,” Jerry said, matching Reed’s pace as he walked.