Chasing Happy (Texas Desires #1)

by Rylie Roberts

  “It’s really not a good time to reinforce my family heritage, Jerry,” Reed said, wanting to be respectful to the man who’d raised him, but without question not wanting to hear any part of the conversation.

  “You’ve never wanted to hear me, but it’s time, son. Your father was a good man. The best friend I’ve ever had. I miss him to this day. But he also hated his father as much as you hate his father. Hell, I hate that old man. Your dad was solid. He was good. He did right by this world. You know it was the way his brain tumor impaired his judgement that had him pickin’ your mother. Before you were ever born… Early on, when he found out she was pregnant, he came to me and asked me to raise you. He knew how things were gonna turn out for you, but he got you situated before you were ever born. I respect that to this day.”

  Reed stayed silent, digging his forefinger and thumb into his eyes, taking slower steps. His head ached, his heart worried, and the anxiety coursing through him emphasized how fucked he truly was in this deal. There was already too much emotion in finding out Lara was pregnant. Bringing up his father right now bordered on mental overload. He’d hung on to the anger for as long as he could remember. He hated his grandfather and despised his biological mother. He rarely considered his father in that mix. It was just too painful to endure.

  “I see a lot of your dad in you. He would’ve been a good father. Your life would’ve turned out completely different had he managed to stay alive. It’s time, Reed. It’s time for you to walk in his footsteps, be the father he would’ve been for you. It’s in you, son. I see it—hell, we all see it, you’re just slower to acknowledge it and harder on yourself than anyone I’ve ever known.”

  “Lara doesn’t know about my life,” Reed finally said. “I’m not sure I want her to. She’s so honorable; I’ve never known anyone like her. I’m afraid I’ll lose her.” Air whooshed from his lungs as that confession zeroed in on one of his biggest fears.

  “You won’t, Reed. That woman loves you. I saw that the first minute I met her. Linda sees it too. She’s not with you for your money, she’s with you in spite of it and that says a lot.”

  Jerry had that way of just saying what he believed and Reed had been given a lot of information in this short talk. He needed time to process, but finally stopped and turned, looking straight at Jerry.

  “So what are you saying?” he asked.

  “I’m sayin’ every one of us is just chasin’ happy and yours is right in there in that cabin, waitin’ on you. So calm down, stop worryin’, and go in there and hold your woman. She’s scared. You and she need to start a foundation to grow this family on. If you’re worried about being a father, buy some of those fancy parentin’ books. Hell, I snuck those out of the house and read them front to back without anyone knowin’. There’s no shame in learnin’ how to raise your baby, but follow your heart, son. You’ll be fine. Trust me on that.” Jerry held his ground, looked him straight in the eyes, and spoke from the heart.

  “Should I tell her about my childhood?” Reed asked, and Jerry seemed to consider that for a moment.

  “I don’t think it’ll matter to her, but it’ll help you get it off your chest. Secrets aren’t good in a relationship.”

  Reed stood there, staring at Jerry. In theory, he knew Jerry spoke the truth, but telling Lara about his awful bloodline might be too much to say. It could run her off.

  “Go on, get in bed. We have finals tomorrow. I want that trophy.”

  Reed kicked the grass with the tip of his shoe. He looked back up to at those words. “Laying off the ice cream might have helped that goal.”

  “Why would I do that when I’ve got you?” Jerry slapped his arm with a good-natured pat and turned back toward his cabin. “Goodnight, son. I’m happy for you.”

  “Goodnight.” Reed slowly took the steps up to his cabin. Surprisingly, Jerry’s way of removing the chaos helped. He broke things down to the root, made sense of what was going on, and solved the problem. Reed carefully opened the door and slipped back inside. Overwhelming fatigue settled in as he crawled in next to Lara. Comfort came when she wrapped herself around him in her sleep. He kissed the top of her head before closing his eyes. He fell asleep, and for the first time ever, he missed a man he’d never met.

  Chapter 29

  “I’m totally nervous. Aren’t you?” Lara lay on the sofa inside her apartment with her head resting on Kade’s thigh. His fingers played with the ends of her hair. Her best friend had been so thoughtful and kind tonight. Staying in, ordering takeout Chinese, and listening to her crazy talk for the last two hours about her doctor’s visit that afternoon. No matter how she acted or what she said, Kade remained patient and encouraging. Her strength, just like always.

  “Either way, you’re covered, princess. If for some reason you and Reed don’t work out, then you’ll come back to me, but I don’t think that’ll happen,” Kade said.

  “It’s just that everything’s happening so fast.” She bit at her lip before abruptly sitting up, looking him straight in the eyes. “What if I’m not enough to keep him happy?”

  “Okay, now you’re borrowing worry. Stop this. I mean seriously, Lara, the guy’s head over heels. He’s given you no indication that he’s not into this.” She nodded. Kade was right. Reed had even carved out time in his day to go to the doctor’s visit with her. When she got the confirmation she was pregnant, she’d started crying again, but Reed had done the exact opposite. His smile had been so bright their physician drew his sunglasses out and put them on, teasing Reed. But afterward, Reed pulled away. It wasn’t anything bad. Reed would never be uncaring. He just buried himself in his office, calling to tell her he couldn’t have dinner again tonight because work was too much right now. This had been their pattern since they got home from the reunion. She’d barely spent any time with him at all.

  “You can stay here all night. It’s your place too, but Lara, Reed’s as cautious around you as you are with him. I think you need to go over there and start acting normal with him. It’s a lot for him too.”

  Lara stared at Kade processing what he’d just said. He had a point… Okay, how had that never occurred to her?

  Just be normal. Which was such an easy answer to this weirdness that had developed between her and Reed. She had the power to make this an ordinary life occurrence, because at the end of the day, this baby was coming—confirmed by the doctor. In seven months, this baby would arrive regardless of anything else going on in her life. She had so much to do and learn. Why would she waste time worrying over something that was really a non-issue? Reed planned to stay by her side; he’d promised.

  Jumping up, Lara wiggled her toes into her flip-flops. “Will you be mad if I leave this mess for you to clean up? I need to go talk to him.”

  “Of course I’ll be mad, but go anyway. I can’t bear another minute of all this whining!” he declared, rising off the sofa.

  “Thank you, Kade.” She kissed him on the lips before heading toward the door. “I love you.”

  “Be careful out there,” he called out. Lara grabbed her purse and let the door slam in her wake. She didn’t wait for the elevator. Instead, took the stairs down to the first floor. Kade had hit the nail on the head. She had the power to make this right between her and Reed. The awkward, almost too courteous way he was treating her needed to change. They’d become solid before all this happened, and they needed to get back there again.

  Quickly, she darted across the street and ran up the steps to the building. Dennis met her at the door, pushing it open as she got closer. “Looking good, Lara,” he said, winking.

  “You’re good for the ego. He hasn’t come down has he?”

  “Not that I’ve seen.” She never stopped moving as she lifted a hand in the air, waving goodbye. She went around to his private entrance, entered all the codes, and was up on his floor within a few minutes.

  When the elevator doors opened, the place was dark, all accept the light coming from his office. She moved forward, listening, but didn
’t hear him on the phone. Her conviction of moments ago began to falter. She took slower steps to the door, and as she looked inside the office, she saw Reed biting at his fingernail, lost in thought, staring out at the night. This pensive man had taken over her hard-nosed, always pushing boyfriend. She knocked on the door to get his attention. He looked over, clearly not having heard her or the elevator. That was so unlike Reed.

  “Come in. I thought you were having dinner with Kade,” Reed said, getting to his feet.

  “We did. I just missed you. Are you done with your call?” She entered, moving closer to him.

  “Yeah, wrapped up about ten minutes ago.” He came to her like he always did, but didn’t touch her. That was the difference in this Reed compared to the one she knew before that night at the reunion. Reed had never kept his hands off her. Now, he barely touched her. They hadn’t had sex in almost a week.

  Up until her discussion with Kade, she hadn’t realized she had kept her distance too. Lara planned to change all that right now. When he stopped walking, she kept going, wrapping her arms around his waist, squeezing him tight. She rested her head on his chest. “Hold me, Reed. I miss you.”

  There was a pause, but then he complied. After a minute more, he tightened his hold, until he drew her closer, lifting one hand to the back of her hair. His cheek rested on her head. “I miss you.”

  “Tell me what’s got you so tied up all the time. Have you changed your mind?” she asked. Reed stayed quiet and her heart sank. “Is it me or the pregnancy that you don’t want?”

  “How can you think that?” he asked, pushing her away, looking at her with deeply anguished eyes before tugging her back against his body. “I want you both, Lara. I’m just not sure you’ll want me when you know everything. I haven’t been fair to you.”

  “What does that mean?” she asked. Hadn’t been fair with what? She stopped herself from overthinking those words and leaned her head backward to look him in the eyes.

  “Baby…” She watched as resolve hit his face, and then he looked almost angry, but his arms never loosened. He held her anchored against his chest. “My family genetics aren’t good. How could I have ever spread them to an unsuspecting child?”

  That was it? This whole mood they’d created for the last several days centered on his DNA? She rolled her eyes, pressed her cheek against his chest, and hugged him tighter. They were back here again. He always appeared so self-assured; she had to remember that Reed hid behind a mask. He was deeply insecure. She kissed his chest, about where she heard his heart beat, before lifting her head.

  “Please tell me. You keep saying things like that. I have my own set of family-tree issues. Let’s just put it out there for each other so there’re no more barriers. Please? I don’t like what’s happened to us.” When Reed didn’t respond, Lara lifted her gaze to search his face. He gave her no clues, but his silence spoke volumes and her heart dropped. If something didn’t happen, they weren’t ever going to make it.

  ~~~

  Pain crossed Lara’s face and her body tensed in his arms. The fault rested with him. Reed kept dropping walls between them to protect himself. His gut twisted as unimaginable sorrow pierced his soul. He was doing it again, letting his fucked-up issues create huge barriers, preventing even those few people that did care from getting too close. Before Lara, he’d never even realized that the moves designed to protect him ended up hurting the people he loved the most in this world. He’d been more open with her than anyone else in his life, but, by holding back, this time, he was hurting her—the fresh ray of hope that had given him his life back.

  Reed gripped her shoulders and slid his hands down both her arms to clutch her hands, refusing to let his barriers destroy what they had. He squeezed her hands as he steeled his spine and gathered his courage. Reed took two steps backward before turning, drawing Lara toward the sofa in his office. He sat, pulling her down beside him. When he started, he tried to look her in the eyes, but shame downcast his gaze as he spoke.

  “There’s no easy way to say this. Everyone in my life already knows, so I’m not sure I’ve ever said these words out loud before.” He released a deep sigh and gave a sideways glance. Her eyes were wide, but encouraging. That gave him enough courage to continue. Casting his gaze down to their joined hands, he finally said the words most destined to harm the relationship he cherished most in this world. “My father died a few months after I was born. He killed himself. He was dying anyway of cancer. It affected his brain and caused him to make a series of bad decisions—one being my mother.”

  “Reed, it doesn’t matter to me.” She placed both her palms on his face, but he removed them. He had to get through this.

  “Please let me finish. When I was three, I was finally taken away from my mother. A few years later, she was sent to prison where she’s serving time for attempted murder and drug trafficking. What got her caught was her attempt to sell me to an undercover agent in South Texas. I’d been watched by Child Protective Services for a couple of years then. First, she tried to sell me to my grandfather and he wouldn’t pay her. He could’ve gotten custody of me, but wouldn’t do it. The Bryant’s tried to raise the money, but fell short. When they couldn’t give her the money, she made sure she told the social workers that Jerry tried to molest me so they couldn’t get me anyway. She’s evil, Lara, and that’s inside me along with my grandfather, the uncaring, manipulative asshole. That’s who makes up my DNA. I’m scared. It scares me to pass that on.” Reed finally lifted his eyes to Lara’s. He implored her to see what he was saying. She had to understand where he came from.

  “Reed, no. That’s not how it works. I know it’s not how it works. My dad spent time in prison and he’s going back. He’s a drunk, Reed. He’s an addict that can’t help himself. I haven’t even told Kade that he was arrested again a few weeks ago. That’s not me though. I learned to make my own decisions, just like my dad does. I know you. You aren’t your mother or your grandfather. There’s nothing in you that’s like either of them.” He listened to her explanation, but comparing her father to his family didn’t equate at all in Reed’s mind. She didn’t get it. Reed rose, walking away from Lara as he remembered Kade’s words. Nothing would turn Lara away once her heart was set.

  “I should be strong enough to let you go. You need to leave me, Lara. I’ll always take care of you, and if you have our baby, I’ll always take care of her, but you should go.” At the window, Reed gave a shuddered breath as he placed a palm on the glass and lowered his head. He closed his eyes under the pain saying those words caused him.

  Lara’s arms wrapped around his waist and her body pressed against his back as she hugged him tight.

  “I love how you’re so certain we’re going to have a little girl. Reed, will you always put us first?” she asked, kissing the center of his spine.

  “Of course I will,” he whispered, anguish crushing his soul. He loved this woman with everything inside him.

  “And I’ll put you first, Reed. We have baggage, but we can deal with that when the time arrives. It’s our choice to decide how we turn out, and I think you’ve turned out wonderfully. I wouldn’t pick anyone else on this planet to have children with,” she said. He let those words coast over his heart. They soothed like nothing he’d ever experienced before. Reed turned in her arms and gathered her to him. She had done it again. She’d calmed his anxiety and made him hope against no odds.

  “I won’t be able to let you go again.” His voice was haggard and worn, even to his own ears. Her beautiful face was upturned. She carried a patient, knowing look, and he crushed her against his body, sheltering her as the lifeline she’d become. Who was he kidding? He’d lose too much if he ever let her go. “I promise I’ll always be there for you. You’ll never want for anything.”

  “You’ve given me the world already,” she reassured him. He smiled down at her, moving his lips closer to her.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “No more secrets ever again?” Lara murm
ured, and Reed managed a smile and a nod. “I love you.”

  “I’ll love you, forever,” Reed said, kissing the corner of her mouth. Lara wasn’t having any of that. She moved quickly, sliding her tongue across his lips. It was a bold move that caused him to smile seconds before he crushed his lips to hers. The barriers slipped away with his angel back inside his arms. He’d never let her go again.

  Epilogue

  Reed paced the labor and delivery room, trying hard to control the anxiety running rampant throughout him. He took a seat on the sofa, and then bounded back up only to take a seat in the small chair next to the couch. Nothing worked to relieve this tension, and he finally dropped his head between his knees, hoping to calm himself down before he passed the fuck out.

  “Honey, I need you. They’re starting again.”

  Reed jerked up, heading to the hospital bed as he watched Lara take a deep breath, slowly exhaling through her parted lips. He hated the pain she was going through. He came to the side of the bed, took her hand in his, and tried to mimic the Lamaze lessons they’d taken.

  “Please do an epidural. I can’t take this,” he said once the contraction ebbed. He had about three minutes to talk her into one before they started over again, but Lara was turning out to be a hardheaded little thing.

  “I can do it. We got this.” She tried to smile as she wiped the trickle of sweat from her brow. Kade came barreling through the door in full police uniform, concern written all over his face.

  “You’re too early for this.” His panicked expression held as he came to the other side of the bed, gripping her hand. “We should have at least another week.”

  “Not really, and they’re good with it.” She stilled and inhaled deeply again, indicating the contractions were back. Three minutes didn’t last very long. Kade took a step back, and Reed moved in, helping get her through this round. If sympathy pains were a real deal, he experienced them right now. He couldn’t stand seeing her like this.