Everything She Ever Wanted: A Different Kind of Love Novel

by Liz Durano

  “That’s because that room is the best one. It’s like Goldilocks and the three bears. She picked the best room in the house.”

  “Really?” I eye him playfully. “So does that mean you’re Goldilocks?”

  “Shut up.” Dax grins, his arms circling my waist. “No, I’m the little bear, and right now, you’re sleeping in little bear’s bed. But he has been taught to share, and that’s what he’s doing.”

  “But you’re not as little as you think, not-so-little bear. You’re larger than you think, larger than that…oh.”

  I pause as Dax’s face clouds, and I can guess what he’s thinking. While trying different positions last night, his condom broke, and it scared him. Harlow, he had said as he pulled away, I don’t want to get you—

  I didn’t let him finish, pressing my finger to his lips. I won’t get pregnant, if that’s what you’re worried about, Dax. And then I lied. I’m on the pill. I really shouldn’t have done it, but the last thing I wanted him to worry about was getting me pregnant, not when the only times I’d gotten pregnant was with IVF.

  Dax smiles, resting his forehead against mine. “Should I call myself Big Bear then? Would that make Goldilocks happy?”

  Dax doesn’t wait for an answer as kisses me, his tongue slipping between my teeth, and I feel my knees giving way, the butterflies in my belly fluttering wildly. My hands move down his shirt, from his broad chest to his tight abs, to the front of his jeans where, already, he’s hard. I rub my palm against his erection through his jeans, my imagination running wild at all the things I want to do with him under the sun-shaped skylight.

  “You’re ready to go again,” he murmurs.

  I pout. “I am, but unfortunately, you’re heading home .”

  “I have to,” he says, exhaling as I remove my hand from the front of his jeans and give him a break. “I need to reassure Nana I’m okay.”

  “Are you coming back?”

  “Would you like me to?” Dax asks.

  “Yes. I’ll even promise not to touch you.”

  I catch a trace of a blush on his cheeks as he looks down at his boots. “I don’t know about that promise, but I’ll be back tonight. Maybe we can do something fun… dinner or something.”

  “That would be great.”

  “If Frank comes back, don’t let him in. Call me, okay? I’ll have the brothers keep an eye out for him.”

  “The brothers?”

  Dax cocks his head towards the window and points to the nearest Earthship a quarter of a mile away. It’s much smaller than the Pearl and I see two trucks parked outside, their glass windows reflecting in the sun. “Todd and Sawyer Villier live over there. They helped me build the Pearl and sometimes they keep an eye out for me when the place is unoccupied.”

  “Oh.”

  “They’re good people.” Dax gives me one last kiss before I walk him to the door, and I force myself to turn away the moment he drives off. I don’t want to watch him leave, not when the Pearl already feels so empty without him. But maybe it’s only because Dax is so damn good in bed that I’m feeling this way, and soon, I’ll forget all about him.

  This is all temporary, I tell myself as I force all thoughts of Dax out of my mind, power up my laptop, and get to work.

  Chapter 16

  Dax

  I’m twenty-seven years old and last I looked, I didn’t have a fucking curfew.

  That’s what I tell myself again and again as I drive back to Nana’s house. The thought smarts, but then why the hell does it? Is it because I actually feel terrible for purposely not telling Nana that I was staying over, knowing she’d assume I’d sleep with Harlow?

  Nana already knows I’m smitten, fawning over Harlow like a lap dog. I hang on to her every word, even though she barely says anything about her life. What little I know about her seems like it’s been regulated by a damn PR company.

  She doesn’t trust anyone, mijo. She’s been hurt, and I’m afraid she’s going to hurt you.

  Who knows? Maybe Nana is right. But I can’t deny what my heart is telling me—hell, what my whole body has been screaming at me since I first crashed into her. It vibrates around Harlow, making me feel so alive. All I can think of are the many things I want to make with her in mind. Exquisite boxes, cabinets, doorways with the moon and the stars, just the way I see her lighting up my night sky. I want to create a lotus-shaped tub in her name, maybe in some exotic wood I’ve yet to find. Damn! Cole is right. I like Harlow. No, I don’t just like her. I’m falling for her. Hard.

  Just before the intersection leading to Nana’s house, I make a U-turn back into town. I need to do something first, even if it means I’m assuming too much. Would it even matter to her that I’m about to do something I haven’t done this fast before? Whatever. Right now, it matters to me. I’ll make my way to Nana’s house after I’m done.

  I glance at the rearview mirror, glad that I don’t bear signs of what happened in the last few hours. There are no visible hickeys and that’s a good thing. I already look like a lovesick puppy as it is. The last thing I need is for people to see Harlow’s marks on me because, damn, but that woman bites!

  *

  Ten minutes later, I enter the Vasquez Family Practice office and walk up to the front desk where Claudia Romero eyes me suspiciously. She’s a striking woman, with hazel eyes that she emphasizes with way too much eyeliner and thin lips that she fills in with stark red lipstick. She’s really a naturally beautiful girl underneath all that makeup, but it’s also her business card. When she’s not harassing patients like me from behind the counter, she’s applying makeup to teens for quinciñera and wedding parties. She’s clearly not happy to see me but I’m here as a patient, not as her childhood friend and former boyfriend.

  “What do you want, Dax?” Her voice is clipped, matching her angry expression and I give her a quizzical look. What the fuck did I do now?

  “I need to see the doctor.”

  “Do you have an appointment?”

  I look around me where all the seats are empty, magazines in disarray. “No, Claudia, but there’s no one else here, so guess that means he should be ready to see me now.”

  “There’s no one here because we’re on lunch and I was just getting ready to lock the door. You’ll need to come back when we reopen at three.” She jabs her index finger to the clock behind her, telling me it’s just after one in the afternoon.

  “I need to see him now, Claudia—if he’s available. I know he’s here because his car’s right outside.” I prop my elbows on the counter and engage her in a glaring contest. Gabriel “Gabe” Vasquez is one of my best friends who busted his ass to be the first doctor in his family. He could be working full-time at some big hospital in the big city, but he opted to open a small clinic closer to home instead. To help pay for his student loans, he drives down to Albuquerque every other weekend to work two shifts as an ER doctor at some big private hospital.

  “No,” Claudia says, scowling. “He’s busy.”

  “Did I just hear Big D out there?” shouts a voice from the hallway and Claudia rolls her eyes as she mouths the words, lucky bastard, and pushes herself away from the counter. I wrinkle my nose at her, and she scowls even more.

  To say Claudia and I didn’t have a clean breakup is an understatement, considering she’s still clearly pissed off at me. Gabe, Claudia, and I grew up together and I’ve dated her on and off since high school. I’ve only had two serious relationships in my life so far, her and Madison. But somehow Claudia thinks I left her for Madison even though she was the one who cheated on me first with some guy she met at a bar in Albuquerque, not realizing that I was in town that same weekend—and at the same club hoping to surprise her. The guy told me so himself when I was in the men’s bathroom taking a leak.

  You need to pay more attention to your girl, dude. I just fucked her, and she liked it.

  He was so drunk when he said it, barely able to keep himself upright, but like I cared. In less than a minute, he was a drunk miss
ing a few teeth and clinging to the urinal till he slipped and ended up with his face full of piss. He was my first battery charge, and until I punched Harlow’s lawyer, he would have been my last. My parents and Nana grounding me for the whole summer drilled my need for anger management even though Mama later admitted that she would have done the same thing if she were a man.

  What would you have done then, I remember asking her, you know, you being a woman?

  I’d have punched her lights out, just the same.

  Claudia later told me that she did it to make me jealous, hoping I’d spend more time with her than with my mentor, Takeshi-san, learning Japanese carpentry. Four years later, and she still looks at me like I’m the most despicable man to walk the earth for choosing to focus on my craft. I wouldn’t have traded that experience for anything, not when a year later, Takeshi-san would be gone.

  Gabe emerges from one of the treatment rooms and buzzes me in. I push the door open, ignoring Claudia as she brushes past me in a huff. If she weren’t Gabe’s cousin, her ass would have been fired by now but she knows she can get away with it. And of course, I let her. Taos is a small town and the three of us grew up together. Claudia and I were each other’s firsts—first love, first time, first breakup, although that last one would be repeated quite a few times. Maybe one day we’d look back and laugh about it all, but today isn’t the day.

  “Told ya she still likes you,” Gabe says, chuckling under his breath. “You’re still single, right?”

  “Shut up, man.”

  Gabe laughs as he gives me a quick hug. He probably would have hated me for breaking his cousin’s heart if he hadn’t been inside that bathroom with me and heard what the guy said. “I thought you weren’t going to be in town for two more weeks.”

  “I’m not, but I got my days all wrong,” I reply. “No wonder Dad was, like, what do you mean I need to fly up there and take over? But he knows better than to complain. He’s just as in tune to my need to recharge like Nana is.”

  Gabe eyes me curiously. “Well, you got to do what you got to do, man. You’re winning awards, sure, but sometimes, you just gotta take time off for yourself.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “So I hear you’re here as a patient; that’s a first. Got the clap or something?”

  I glare at him.

  “Looks like you lost your sense of humor somewhere along the way from Flagstaff to Taos.”

  “I need you to test me,” I say, shifting my weight from foot to foot. “You know, one of those things that show if I’ve got some STD or something. Or AIDS. Whatever guys get to prove to people they’re clean, that kind of thing.”

  “You’re really serious, aren’t you?”

  “What do you think?”

  “You’ll have to pee in a cup.”

  “I’ll do it.”

  “I’ll swab the inside of your cheek like they do on CSI.”

  I shrug. “I brushed my teeth so my breath won’t kill you.”

  “I’ll have to draw blood.”

  I grit my teeth. “Bring it on, man.”

  Gabe takes a deep breath and slaps my shoulder. “Okay then, let’s get you started.”

  With one of his phlebotomists still in the office labeling a few vials, it’s my lucky day. After she swabs the inside of my cheek and has me pee in a cup, she orders me to sit down on a seat in front of her and make a fist while tying a piece of rubber tubing around my bicep. I can’t even look at her name tag to make casual conversation, not when my heart is beating so fast the moment I feel the needle pierce my skin. A few minutes later she’s done, and I blow out a long deep breath as she tells me to place my finger on a piece of gauze and she slaps on a strip of tape on it. For someone who hates needles and the sight of blood, I can’t believe I’m doing this.

  “Double-check your name on the stickers, please,” she says before pointing to a few lines on a medical form and handing me a pen. “Sign here and print your name.”

  As soon as I finish signing the patient form, I hurry out of the room and meet Gabe in the hallway.

  “So who is she?” he asks, beckoning me to step into his office and sit down. “You’ve never asked me to do this before. But don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. Your information is confidential.”

  “And Claudia?”

  “If she doesn’t want our office to get in trouble with HIPAA, then she won’t say anything. But I can drop off the paperwork at the Pearl the moment I get it, so no one else can see it. Want me to do that?”

  “That would be great. Call me first in case I may not be at the Pearl.”

  Gabe frowns. “You staying with Nana then? How come?”

  “Because someone’s renting my place,” I wonder how much I should tell him but decide today’s not the day for that. “Actually, it’s complicated.”

  “How so?” Gabe eyes me curiously. “You’re not worried you got something, are you?”

  I shake my head. “Hell, no. I may be a man-whore, man, but it’s safe sex all the way.”

  “But…?”

  I exhale. No, I’m not ready to tell anyone just yet. “You know the drill, man.”

  “She asked you to get one?”

  I start to get up from the chair. “Nope. This is all me. Anyway, call me as soon as you have the results, okay? I don’t want to intrude on your lunch.”

  “Is this the woman you had dinner with the other day? Everyone’s talking about it.”

  I sit back down, frowning. I know Taos is a small town, but it’s not that small. “What’s everyone talking about?”

  “Dyami told his classmates all about the woman doctor Tito Dax had over for dinner at the house,” Gabe says, grinning. “He said she told him about how pee-pees work.”

  “Oh, great, and I’m sure a lot of what she said is now lost in the telling.” I make a mental note to tell Dyami to stop blabbing about my love life, or I’ll tell Santa not to get him an X-box for Christmas.

  “Now you know why Claudia’s ticked off with you—again.”

  “She can’t keep hoping she and I will get back together,” I say. “Isn’t she seeing Tony what’s-his-name?”

  “Tony? Nah, not anymore. He’s working on some TV series in Vancouver but she didn’t want to move there. Can you imagine Claudia out there? She’s such a Southwest chick it’s not funny.”

  We both shake our heads, chuckling because we both know we’re no different. Even I can’t imagine myself out there. I love the sun too much. I also hate the snow, just like Mama hated it and couldn’t see herself living through another New York winter after earning her degree at Hunter College. She’d met Dad while hanging out with her friends at some Midtown bar. He courted her the old-fashioned way with flowers, dinners, and picnics at the park—even love letters whenever she returned to Taos for the holidays—which essentially won even Nana’s heart.

  She tried to live in Manhattan after they got married and had Sarah. Dad’s brokerage company was based right in the Financial District, but eventually, she couldn’t stand the sound of one more blast of a car horn or the shout of an irate New Yorker. By the time she was pregnant with me, she decided to move back in with Nana, and Dad had to commute. Heck, he still does, though this time, it’s so he can oversee my company’s books in Flagstaff and now and then, pop in to say hello to Sarah and Nana.

  “Why don’t you two come over the house tomorrow? We’re having a barbecue,” Gabe says. “You got me curious about this woman now, especially one who can impress Dyami like that, or have you come in here and allow someone to jab you with a needle without you knocking their lights out first.”

  “She just might be busy, but I’ll ask her.”

  “She’s on vacation, right?” Gabe says. “Come on over at two or three. Heck, anytime, for that matter. I’ll be grilling some steaks, man.”

  “Let’s play it by ear.”

  “We’re making barbacoa,” he adds in a sing-song voice.

  I stare at him for a few moments, my mouth watering at the thought of slo
w-roasted meat smothered with adobo sauce and accompanied with lime rice and bottles of chilled beer. “You better be making barbacoa, man. Don’t torture me like that.”

  Gabe chuckles, studying me. “You must really like her, Dax. You’re never like this.”

  “Shut up,” I say as Gabe’s office phone rings, but he waits till it goes to voicemail. I get up from my chair. Any more talk about Harlow and I’ll be spilling my guts out about liking her too much too fast. This is not like me at all.

  Gabe gets up from his chair. “Well, if you can make it, great. If not, I’ll catch you next time. The folks would love to see you, though. But I’ll see if I can drop this off as soon as I get the results.”

  “Just don’t tell anyone.”

  “Of course, I won’t. I’m a fucking doctor, man. We don’t say nothing to no one.”

  I have to laugh out loud. Sounds just like a doctor I know, though with Gabe, I don’t see him sitting around with a gun lying in front of him and a note asking for forgiveness.

  *

  When I arrive at Nana’s, she’s outside weeding her vegetable garden. She plants kale, lettuce, onions, eggplants, tomatoes, and cucumbers as well as herbs like cilantro, dill, and basil. I love rubbing my fingers between the leaves of the lemon verbena bush right by the driveway and smell its aroma on my skin. Sometimes she allows the older kids from the preschool next door to come over and help her harvest, teaching them how to spot an eggplant that’s ready or a cucumber that’s best used for its seeds instead.

  She grows peppers, too. If I had my way, I’d have green chile on everything, even my fried eggs. Dad used to roll his eyes whenever I’d return from Nana’s house with bags of red and green New Mexican chile packed in the cab of my truck, but I’ve also seen him sneak a bag or two in his luggage back to New York.

  “Want to help me with these, mijo?” she asks as I sit on my haunches next to her and begin pulling some weeds. She doesn’t need to tell me what to do for it was always my chore since I was a kid to do the weeding though I have been slacking off since I arrived.