The Gift

by Vanessa Miller

  “All I know is, Trinity had some sort of premonition that you were going to be dead by Christmas morning, so me, Trinity and even Tina took your sorry self to the hospital to get your stomach pumped. Then you get yourself arrested the day after Christmas, and you just want me to forget about all of this?”

  “Nobody can help me, Theresa. Don’t you know that by now?”

  “Oh, well then let me get out of here and take the bail money with me.” Theresa stood up, pushed in her chair. “See you when I see you.”

  “Wait.” Tara held a hand out. “You’re not going to leave me here. I can’t stay in jail.”

  “I thought you didn’t want help?” Theresa asked with a questioning glance.

  “I don’t want to stay here.”

  “Well here’s the deal.” Theresa leaned against her chair as she explained how things were going to be. “Trinity is loaning you the money for your bail on one condition.”

  “I can pay her back. That’s not a problem.”

  Tara had no clue that their accountant had stopped paying their bills and Theresa wasn’t about to tell her… not yet anyway. “That’s not the condition. Your paying back the loan is a given. But you won’t be getting this bail money unless you let me drive you to a rehab center.”

  “I have a few appointments coming up in the next few weeks, but after that I’ll sign myself into rehab, I promise.”

  Theresa shook her head. “It’s now or never.”

  ~~~~

  Tony was in the driver’s seat, Theresa was in the passenger seat while Tara stretched out in the back of Tony’s Range Rover and sulked. “You wrong for this, Theresa. And you know you wrong.”

  “Shut up, girl. I’m just finishing the job of saving your life that we all started on Christmas Eve.”

  “What if I don’t care about saving my life? What if I just want to be free to be me?”

  Theresa rolled her eyes and was about to let Tara have it when Tony spoke up.

  “If that was the case you wouldn’t be in my back seat now. Nobody held a gun to your head and forced you to take this ride with us.”

  “Theresa said she wouldn’t post my bail if I didn’t go to rehab.”

  “Yeah, but once your bail was posted, you could have called a cab instead of getting in my SUV. But you didn’t.” Tony glanced in the rearview mirror as he said, “You know what I think?”

  Tara crossed her arms around her chest and leaned into the plush leather seat.

  “I think you want help,” Tony answered, and even though Tara wasn’t trying to be apart of the conversation, he kept on going. “I kind of identify with what you’re going through, because when I was being a knuckle head in college… partying too much and running too many women, my coach tried to help me but I wouldn’t listen… at first.”

  Theresa side eyed him, when he mentioned all the women he’d been running in college, because she didn’t think that was just an issue of his past. But Tony paid her no mind and kept on talking.

  “Coach told him that my behavior off the field was going to keep me from getting drafted. I ignored him, because coming into my Sophomore year my agent told me that I was going to be a top draft pick.”

  Tara snapped her finger as she remembered something. “Didn’t you get arrested for driving under the influence when you were in college?”

  Tony nodded. “I was drunk and hyped up on weed and pills that night. I’m lucky I didn’t kill myself before that cop pulled me over. But that clenched it. My name wasn’t called in the draft and I worked like a dog my Junior year so that I could be reconsidered.”

  “You got drafted, so it all worked out for you, right?” Tara didn’t see the point of the story.

  “I put the drugs and the booze down and got focused. That’s the only reason I got drafted, but my antics cost me big time. Because I was originally slated to go in the top five of the first round. I ended up bringing up the rear of the first round and was never looked at as a go-to guy again.”

  Theresa had never heard Tony express his being a second-string tight-end/running back as a problem of his own making. Maybe the boy was finally becoming a man… one that her son could actually learn something from.

  “All I wanted to do was sing,” Tara was saying. “Every since I was a kid, no matter how many issues I was dealing with… put a mic in my hand and I was in heaven. But the group has busted up and our label won’t give us another contract. So what reason do I have to get clean?”

  “Let’s face fact, okay.” Theresa turned toward Tara. “Our manager let his stupid cousin, our accountant steal our money, so we are hit. But with your voice and my song writing ability. I think we could put something together so that we can at least make a living.”

  “You really think Calvin stole our money? Darrell claimed he just made some bad investments.”

  “Trust me, Tara. The money is gone. I haven’t been able to get hold of Clavin, but he has stopped paying our bills.”

  “What!”

  “You heard me. Why do you think I had to get your bail money from Trinity? All I have to my name right now is fifty thou and I got to make sure I keep a roof over my kids heads until I can figure some things out.”

  "I might not have kids, but I still need a roof over my head,” Tara told her.

  “Then go get clean and when you get out, you and I can get started making our brand of music.”

  Tara was silent as she seemed to think about their situation for a long moment. Then she put a hand on Theresa’s shoulder and said, “I won’t let you down. By this time next year, we will be making music.”

  And there it was, another promise for Christmas, but would this one come to pass?

  6

  When they arrived home that night. Tony turned off the car and turned to face Theresa. He put her hand in his as he said, “I know you think I’m still that same stupid college boy that messed up his life with women and booze. But I’m not that guy anymore.”

  “Talk is cheap, Tony. But actions speak louder than any words you could ever say. And I saw you with that girl with my own eyes.”

  “You saw what TMZ wanted you to see. But I never touched her. I wouldn’t do you like that. I meant every word when I said that I love you. It’s with all my heart, baby. I want us to be together. For us to be a family just as we’ve been planning.”

  Theresa lowered her head, but she hadn’t flat out said no yet, so Tony kept going. “I want you and the kids to move to North Carolina with me. We can go down to the courthouse and get married before I leave town.”

  Tears were in her eyes as she faced him. This man had been her everything… all she had wanted. She loved him with every part of her heart. But could she trust their love. “Look, Tony-.”

  “Don’t cry,” he interrupted as he wiped the tears from her face. They stared into each others eyes for a long moment. Then Tony lowered his head as he inched closer and closer to Theresa. Before either of them knew what was happening, their lips were touching. First softly, as if exploring, getting reacquainted. Then it was as if Tony had lost himself in the comfort of Theresa’s lips as the kiss became more demanding… more endearing. He wanted it to last forever… wanted them to last forever.

  But Theresa broke free, shook her head wildly as if trying to shake something loose. She got out of the SUV as fast as she could and then ran into the house.

  ~~~~

  “I don’t know what y’all want from me,” Tara screamed at the moderator of this weeks group session. “I mean, it seems like y’all get off on making people cry and whine about the horrible things that lead them to becoming dope-heads. But that’s not me… I don’t cry about life.”

  “No one is asking you to cry,” Rance Edwards, the group moderator said as he leaned forward and added, “But we do want you to be real with yourself. That’s the only way you’re going to make any kind of lasting progress.”

  “What do you know about it?” Tara didn’t personally know Rance, but she knew who he was. A s
traight-laced choir boy, who spends his Friday nights in prayer service rather than in the real world.

  “Okay, you don’t think I’ve ever dealt with any pain in my life or had any addictions to overcome… I get that. But it doesn’t make it true.”

  “Then what is true? Why are you even here?” Fredia, whose main addiction was meth, with crack being a close second asked.

  “Leave the man alone, Fredia, he’s a Christian so he’s doing his charity work. Ain’t that right, Rance,” one of the guys in the group said.

  “Yes, I am a Christian. But you all are much more to me than charity work. I know how it feels to be so low that you have no idea how you’ll ever get up again… but trust me when I say, you will get back up again.”

  “Easy for you to say?” Tara scoffed. “You’re clean and sober. The rest of us are trying to get where you been all of your life.”

  Rance’s eyes filled with regret as he admitted. “I haven’t always been sober, Tara. One night of drinking cost my family dearly. I still haven’t totally forgiven myself for that. But I have learned that I have to move forward and allow God’s forgiveness to be enough for me.”

  Tara wanted to know what Rance had done to his family. But she recognized the pain in his eyes and couldn’t bring herself to get in his business. Especially since she didn’t want anyone all up in her business.

  The session went on for twenty more minutes. Tara listened as others in the groups spilled their guts and managing to blame everyone but themselves for their problems. It was all just a big waste of time and Tara was the first to jump out of her seat when the session was over. All she wanted to do was get to her room and detox from every awful thing she’d been forced to listen to.

  But Rance wasn’t about to let her get away that easy. He called out to her. Tara had half a mind to act like she didn’t hear him. But he called her again. Turning around to face him, Tara noticed Rance’s eyes again. But this time they weren’t filled with pain… more like something akin to pity. “I don’t need your pity. I have accomplished way more in my career than you ever have as some gospel singer.” Her hands were on her hips as she now stood in front of him.

  Rance held up a hand. “Hey, I’m not trying to fight with you. Your group has done great things for the music industry. And I’m sure you’ve sold more CDs than I have. But I don’t count my success by CD sales.”

  She didn’t get Rance Edwards at all. In the music industry an artist rose and fell based on sales number. But here he was talking about his success wasn’t based on the numbers. She wanted to know how he could be so secure with himself, whether the sales numbers were right or not. But she wasn’t going to ask. For some reason, she felt that the answer to that question would alter her world view more than she was prepared for it to be altered. So she folded her arms across her chest and barked, “What do you want?”

  “Just wanted to know if you were free for lunch.”

  ~~~~

  “Okay, all my stuff is packed so I’m about to head out,” Tony told Theresa.

  She turned from the kitchen sink and looked at him, wishing that things were different… that he didn’t have to go and that she could finally have the family that she always wanted. But Theresa had had enough of men promising her roses and bringing nothing but problems. “Have a safe flight and make sure you call TJ when you get there.” TJ was getting ready to join her other two children in the no-daddy having category.

  “I’m going to call, but I’d like to speak to Mikey and Brielle too. They depend on me to be around just as much as TJ does.”

  “They don’t need false hope, Tony. leave my kids alone and just deal with the one that actually belongs to you. Besides, you’ll be so far away that you’ll forget all about us in no time.”

  Tony picked up a plastic cup, crushed it in his hand and then threw it against the wall. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he practiced inhaling and exhaling. When his nostrils stopped flaring he said, “You ain’t right, Theresa. I been here for these kids. I’m the only daddy Brielle has ever known and Mikey calls me daddy too. The only time he doesn’t is when you start reminding him that I’m not his father. But you keep forgetting two simple facts… I love these kids and they love me too. The distance don’t matter… it don’t change a thing.” With that, he picked up his bags and stalked out the door.

  Tears floated around Theresa’s eyes as she mumbled, “You should have loved their mother better. Then maybe the distance wouldn’t matter so much.” When Tony was playing ball in San Diego and only two to three hours away, she would take the kids down to his place and they would hang out with him for weeks on end. Then Tony would stay in Los Angeles with them during the offseason or when he was rehabbing due to injury. But North Carolina was too far and with the state of their relationship being what it was, Theresa wouldn’t have visited him anyway.

  Since school was out for the holidays, Tony had taken the kids to day camp before coming back to the house to pack up his things. TJ had eaten breakfast with the kids and then promptly went back to sleep. Theresa was free to go into her office and work on some lyrics. She wanted to have the music ready for when Tara got out of rehab so they could immediately get into the studio. Theresa hoped that having a project to work on would be enough motivation to keep that girl clean.

  Actually, she didn’t just hope that Tara stayed clean, she needed her to stay clean because her voice would carry their new group. Theresa could sing, she knew that for certain. How many times had she brought the entire congregation to their feet during Sunday service. But she had been a child then, singing in front of the church crowd, who listen more for the heart of God in the singer’s voice, than anything else. Out here in the real world, every note and tone is critiqued and criticized.

  She had always come in fourth when it came to who was the best singer in their group. But that was okay with Theresa because when it was about writing the lyrics, she came in first. And right now she wanted to get Tony off her mind and just write. But since he wouldn’t evacuate the premises, Theresa decided she would use her heartache to further her career. As her mind kept drifting back to the moment Tony walked out on her. She put pen to paper and wrote…

  Should have loved me better, the way I loved you… should have loved me better, now I’ve found someone new.

  She smiled at the triumphant feeling she got when the lyrics started flowing. But then sadness overtook her as she realized she had just wrote a lie. Because she didn’t have someone new, nor did she want anyone else. Theresa had thought she was going to build a life with Tony, but it hadn’t worked out, just like none of her other so-called loves had worked out. When was she ever going to get it right? And why couldn’t she find a love that she could depend on?

  Looking around at the four walls in her office, Theresa felt stuck. Her kids needed a she-ro, but Theresa felt as if all her powers had been stripped. She finally directed her eyes upward as she wondered at Trinity’s transformation. Could God really change a person so radically? Trinity had been a drinker and a party girl, but now all she talks about was living for the Lord and how happy she was now that she’s no longer a fall down drunk.

  When Trinity was dealing with alcoholism, she turned to God and He worked it out for her. Maybe there was something to what the old folks used to sing at church, ‘You Can Depend on God’. She had just been a kid, but Theresa always wondered how they knew for sure that God could be depended on.

  Then suddenly the answer came to her. The old folks knew they could depend on God because He had shown up for them in their time of need; just as God had shown up mightily for Trinity.

  Another old-school song came to mind, and Theresa began singing, “If I ever needed the Lord, sure do need Him, now, right now.”

  Theresa lifted her head, preparing to address this mysterious God that she hadn’t thought much about in years. Yes, she had honored God when she decided not to have an abortion all those years ago. And Theresa was thankful for Mikey, Brielle and TJ. S
he would be just as thankful for the child she now carried. And even though she didn’t have her children in the way God would have wanted, she had yet and still honored God by keeping them. But now she needed more than simply honoring God, she needed to know God.

  “I don’t really know how to pray, Lord. All I know is that You helped Trinity when her life was falling apart. And I desperately need You to do the same for me.” Trying to talk her mind out of what her heart was feeling, Theresa reminded herself that had Trinity received some sort of Christmas miracle and it was now three days past Christmas. But wasn’t it still the Christmas season? Weren’t people still in the season of giving? So, maybe God was too.

  Continuing to look heavenward, Theresa kept on talking to God. “My heart is broken, Lord. I truly loved Tony. If I have to move on with my life, then please make it obvious, even to me. But if Tony is the man You have for me to spend the rest of my life with, then show me some sort of sign or something.

  “I need a miracle, Lord. Turn my life around, because what I’m doing just isn’t working. Heal my heart and help me find a way to support my children while we search for our thieving accountant… Okay, I guess that’s it. Thank You for listening. Oh, and I promise to spend time talking to You more.” Theresa had already decided that prayer time would be a New Year’s resolution for her and her family.

  7

  “When you invited me to lunch, I thought you were going to get me out of this place. But then you bring me to this God-awful cafeteria. I don’t know whether to be insulted or to throw my mash potatoes in your face.”

  The sad truth of the matter was, that if her accountant kept messing up their money, she would probably be eating a lot more mash potatoes. Or maybe she’d have to file bankruptcy and then go on reality TV just to pay the bills like Toni Braxton… But unlike Toni Braxton, Tara’s money hadn’t been spent on Faberge eggs or thousand count sheets and dishes. The money that her manager hadn’t mishandled, Tara had blown on drugs.