The Gift

by Vanessa Miller

  “I would, Auntie Trinity,” Mikey said. “I love your voice no matter what you’re singing.”

  “That’s because you love me.” She went over to him and pinched his cheeks.

  “You need to pray about this, girl. I understand your not wanting to sing R&B anymore, but do you really think that God is done using that beautiful voice of yours?”

  Trinity hesitated a moment as if weighing Theresa’s words, then she said, “I’ll think about it.”

  “That’s all I ask. Now let’s go see if we can talk some sense into Tara.”

  ~~~~

  Trinity used the key Tara had given her to open the front door.

  Theresa laughed as they stepped inside of Tara’s house. “I’m surprised that she didn’t change the locks after the last time we swooped down on her.”

  “Me too,” Trinity said. As they headed upstairs, Trinity started hollering, “Tara, girl are you in here?”

  “We saw your car in the garage, so don’t act like you don’t hear us,” Theresa yelled.

  When they still didn’t get a response Trinity tried open Tara’s bedroom door, but it was locked. Theresa banged on the door… still no response.

  “I’ll take care of this,” Theresa declared as she went into the guest bedroom and came back with a wire hanger. She straightened the hook side of the hanger and then went to work on Tara’s doorknob.

  “I have never been able to get a hanger to work. I was once locked out of my bathroom for a week. Tried a hanger three times, and then gave up and called a locksmith,” Trinity said as the lock popped and Theresa pushed open the door.

  Tara was stretched out on her back atop her king size bed. She was dressed ready to roll, as if she had come in the house from whatever hole she’d been in and instead of showering and putting on PJs, she just fell on the bed and went to sleep.

  Shaking her head at the sight, Theresa said, “I just wonder what kind of damage the girl has done to her liver.”

  “Let’s pray that she gets some help before too much damage has been done.” Trinity kicked the bed, hoping the noise would wake Tara. When it didn’t, she started shaking her.

  Theresa went into the bathroom filled a cup with cold water, and then poured it on Tara’s head.

  “What-the-what!” Tara exclaimed as she jumped out of bed.

  “What-the-what is right,” Theresa said. “Because we don’t understand why you are stretched out in this bed, rather than at that rehab.”

  “Ah man, why won’t y’all just let it go,” Tara said as she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and sat down on her bed.

  “Why won’t you just let it go?” Trinity asked as she sat down next to Tara. “You were only ten years old. It wasn’t your fault.”

  Tara’s eyes were bloodshot and she smelled of cigarettes and weed. She put her hand under her chin and slumped her shoulders. “That’s what everybody keeps telling me.”

  Theresa got down on her knees in front of Tara. She grabbed hold of the girl’s shoulders and turned Tara to face her. “I feel your pain, Tara. Because I loved my grandmother dearly also. She taught me how to be a survivor and for that I am forever grateful. But if I hadn’t been born she probably would have lived to be ninety-five rather than just eighty-five.”

  Bloodshot eyes or not, Tara’s ears perked up. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because my grandmother broke her hip after getting out of bed to check on me. I had gone with a group of friend to see a scary movie. Then later that night I had a nightmare. I guess I had been screaming at the top of my lungs. My mother was out on a date with some guy. So, granny came to check on me. But when she tried to go back to bed, she fell.

  “My grandmother didn’t die that night. She had surgery and lived for a few months after. But it was the physical therapy that her heart couldn’t take. Anyway, one night during one of my visits, I was crying and feeling just awful because of the pain she was in. But my grandmother told me not to shed another tear over what happened. She told me point blank that it wasn’t my fault and that she had slipped on a piece of ice that she had spilled earlier on the kitchen floor and forgot to pick it up. She also told me that I was the greatest joy of her life and that she was thankful for everyday she spent with me.

  “After that, I stopped crying and just smiled every time I thought about my grandmother. Even after she died, I chose to remember all the wonderful moments we spent together.”

  Tara was sobbing as Theresa finished her story. Trinity handed her some tissue and she wiped her face and then blew her nose. She then looked at her friends as she told them, “After my grandmother died in that fire, my mother said, ‘now do you see why I don’t like real Christmas trees… they kill people’.”

  “Sweetie, your mom was grieving too. I’m sure she never meant to imply that you had anything to do with your grandmother’s death,” Trinity told her.

  “Yes she did, that woman blamed me for everything. Why do you think I couldn’t wait to get away from her. I moved as far as I could get, but she’s still in my head.”

  “Then take her out of your head,” Theresa demanded.

  “How?” Tara wiped at a few more tears.

  “Answer this for me,” Theresa began. “If your grandmother had lived long enough to talk to you, like my grandmother did, what do you think she would have said?”

  Tara had never considered how her grandmother might have felt about the incident. All these years she had only focused on her mother’s hurtful words. But the beginnings of a smile appeared on Tara’s face as she said, “My grandmother would have told me how much loved having me in her life and that she would have bought a thousand real Christmas trees if that would have made me happy.”

  “And do you think she blamed you for what happened?” Trinity asked.

  Tara shook her head. “No, Nana never would have blamed me. Not in a million years.”

  “One last question,” Theresa said, hoping and praying that Tara was finally ready to take action to save her own life. “Do you think your grandmother would be proud of what you have become? Would she want you to kill yourself like this?”

  Tara’s shoulder’s shook as more tears erupted from a place way down deep. Her heart had been crushed at a young age, but she was twenty-nine now and way past the age of understanding. “All these years, I’ve been trying to get back at my mother for not loving me the way I thought she should have loved me. But instead of getting back at her, I’ve been letting my grandmother down… destroying any type of legacy our family could leave behind.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?” Theresa and Trinity both asked at the same time.

  After a long silent moment, Tara looked them both in the eye and said, “I’m going back to rehab.

  9

  Theresa was still smiling as they boarded the plane headed to Charlotte. Tara was back at the rehab and she and Trinity were confident that she was going to go the distance this time. Her grandmother was counting on her, and Tara wasn’t about to let Nana down.

  The kids were just excited as she was, but for a different reason. “You really mean it, mom? We’re going to spend the night at dad’s house?” Mikey questioned.

  “You all can spend the night with your dad. I’m going to hang out with Trinity.” Since praying and asking the Lord to turn her life around, Theresa didn’t feel comfortable with even the thought of shacking up with any man that wasn’t her husband. But it did feel right and true to call Tony ‘daddy’. She prayed that he still wanted to be daddy to all of her children and that her actions hadn’t run him away.

  “You ready to do this?” Trinity asked as they buckled up and prepared for take off.

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “Not if you truly want the family that you’ve always craved,” Trinity told her as she put her hand in her, before adding, “Let’s pray.”

  ~~~~

  Tony picked them up from the airport. He dropped Trinity off at her parent’s and took Theresa’s
bag into the house, while Theresa hugged Mr. and Mrs. Thomas. “It has been way too long since we’ve seen each other.”

  “California is just too much for us,” Margie, Trinity’s mom told her.

  Then Walter, Trinity’s dad said, “But our door is always open for any friend of Trinity’s. So, you don’t have to be lonesome for us. Just visit more often.”

  “I just might take you up on that.” Theresa hoped that Tony would give her plenty of reasons to visit North Carolina.

  She got back in the car with Tony and the kids and practically held her breath the entire drive. Tony had a condo, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It wasn’t some over the top place that people expect millionaire football players to have. It was homey and cozy just like Tony. “There’s no color on the walls, are you just renting this place?” Theresa asked while looking around.

  “I always rent. You know that.”

  “Yeah, but why do you rent when you could easily buy a home three times the size of this condo?”

  “I had planned to buy, but then the only woman I ever wanted to share a home with gave back my ring.” His eyes bore into her with every word, then he turned to the kids. “Come on, let me show you all your rooms. Mikey, you and TJ will have to share. Is that okay?”

  “I don’t mind, Dad. I’m just glad we get to spend time with you,” Mikey said as he grabbed hold of Tony’s hand as they walked toward the bedrooms.

  Theresa tried to hold back the tears but it was no use. Her hormones were raging and seeing Tony treat Mikey like he was just as important as TJ to him totally shook her. And made her feel like the fool she was for ever letting this man walk out of her life. How she wished she could turn back the hands of time. But she had been awful to Tony. There’s no way she could expect him to just forgive and forget.

  “Mikey found the Xbox I put in his room and Brielle is playing with her new doll house, so I doubt we’ll see them for at least an hour.”

  Theresa turned her back to Tony as he walked toward her. She quickly wiped the tears that were threatening to run down her face, and expose her for the sap she was becoming. “I can’t believe you bought those kids more toys after all the stuff they received on Christmas.” She tried to laugh it off as Tony came to stand in front of her.

  “I want them to have just as much fun here, as they do back at home.”

  Theresa wished they didn’t have to deal with split parenting, but that’s where they were and she didn’t know what to do about that. And once Tony heard the news she needed to share, Theresa doubted that he would be jumping for joy, especially when she told him the whole truth.

  “You said you wanted to talk to me about something,” Tony said.

  Time to put everything on the table. “Yes, I do. Can we go out on your patio?”

  He nodded and then lead the way. Once they were seated on the patio, Tony stared at Theresa as if trying to figure something out. “What’s bothering you?” he finally asked. “I heard it in your voice when you called and now, I’m looking at you, and something is off.”

  She didn’t want to drag this out any longer. So, she opened her mouth and blurted, “The truth is… I’m pregnant.”

  Tony fell back in his seat as if a linebacker had just tackled, and knocked the wind out of him. It took a long while before he was able to look Theresa’s way. When he did the pain that was etched on his face was heartbreaking. “I mean… I knew things were bad between us. But I-I never thought you’d go and get pregnant by another man.”

  She reached out to him. “No, Tony. You’ve got this wrong. I guess I should have said that we’re going to have another baby. Because this is your baby too.”

  His brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of her words. “But how? You and I haven’t been together like that in…”

  “Three months,” She finished for him. “And I’m almost four months along, fifteen weeks to be exact.”

  Still confused, he asked, “Did you go to the doctor after I left or something? Why’d it take you so long to know about this baby? Is the baby developing the right way?”

  This was the part of her confession that Theresa had been dreading. But she’d come this far, no since in not finishing the job. “You and I had been on and off, then on and finally off again after that incident with the hotel groupie.”

  “But I didn’t do anything with that woman. I told you that, and you refused to believe me.”

  “I know, I know. And I’m sorry about that. But that still doesn’t change the fact of where we were. So, anyway, when I discovered that I was pregnant, I agonized for months about telling you. But by then, I pretty much figured our relationship was over, so I thought… the best thing to do would be to let you leave without mentioning the baby.”

  “So, exactly when were you planning to tell me about this baby? During her high school graduation?”

  She could see the smoke coming out of his nostrils, so Theresa sent up a silent prayer to God. Please Lord, give Tony a heart to understand and to forgive. “I was wrong, Tony. That’s why I came here to tell you in person. I wanted to apologize for not trusting you and for destroying our family. If I had it to do all over again-”

  “Well you don’t,” Tony told her with anger in his voice. “None of us can turn the clock back. I knew that when I messed up in college. But when I met you, I thought you and I had actually found a place of refuge in each other. I thought we’d be together and put our trust in each other. But you let me down big time, Theresa.”

  “But Tony, there was no way that we could be each others refuge. Not when we were still so broken from past hurts and doubts. But since you’ve been gone, I have found a place a refuge. And I want to thank you for telling the kids that story about the true gift of this season because I have finally accepted the gift of Jesus Christ into my life.”

  She stood up, “With God’s help, I hope to eventually become a better person than the one who has so terribly let you down.”

  “What about my baby? Are you going to be reasonable with the visitation rights?”

  “Of course I will. I’m sorry about the way I acted before. But like I said, I’m trying to become a better person. And I want the kids to be in your life just as much as you want to be in their lives.”

  “So, you’ll allow Mikey and Brielle to come see me as well?”

  She nodded. “I won’t stand in the way. And I’m thankful that you have such a wonderful relationship with all of my children.”

  “They’re mine too, Theresa. I’ve been there with them for most of their lives. You can’t take that fact away from me.”

  Theresa desperately wished that they could all be a family. But she had messed up and now, Tony was willing to be father to her children, but she doubted that a ring would ever again be offered to her. She had to get out of here before she broke down right in front of him. She had already lost so much, the last thing she wanted to lose was her dignity along with everything else.

  “I’d better get going. The kids and I will be flying back home on New Year’s day. So, I’ll see you then.”

  “I can drive you back to the Thomas’, that’s not a problem.”

  “I’ll call a cab. Don’t worry about me.” Plus she didn’t know how much longer she could be in his presence without falling apart.

  “What are going to do until New Year’s Day?”

  “Trinity and I are going to hang. I’m going to show her some of the new lyrics I’ve been working on and then I’m going to church with her family on New Year’s Eve.”

  ~~~~

  Christ the King church was full to bursting as Theresa and Trinity walked in. Theresa’s heart was heavy over the demise of her relationship with Tony. But she was trying to put him out of her mind and concentrate on bringing in the new year with a completely new attitude. And a new career if Trinity’s response to the lyrics she wrote was any indication of what was to come.

  After she and Trinity went over a few of the songs, Trinity got so excited that she d
anced around the room and hugged Theresa as she said, “This is it, I have found my ministry. I can’t believe that God used you like this.”

  “Me either,” Theresa confessed. “All I did was pray to Him at the lowest point in my life and God has begun to lift my head. Everything isn’t the way it should be, but I’m still thankful.”

  “Well, Theresa,” Trinity shook her friend’s hand. “I think you and I are going into the gospel music business.”

  Theresa had wanted to call Tony to share the good news, but she didn’t feel as if she had a right to intrude on his time with the kids. But even now as she sat in the second pew from the front of the church, holding onto the Bible she had purchased the night before and listening to this wonderful choir sing Christmas songs that gave praise to the soon coming King, she wished she had invited Tony and the kids. They would have loved this. And she would have loved sharing this experience with them.

  Theresa vowed to find a church the family could attend together the minute she got back home. She was having so much fun giving praise to the Lord at this church that she barely wanted the clock to hit midnight to usher in the new year. But before she knew it, it was after ll:45 and the ushers were passing out the streamers and the silver and gold New Year’s party horns.

  Panic over took Theresa. She couldn’t bring in the New Year without at least talking to Tony and the kids. Her cell phone was in her purse, but it was way to loud in the sanctuary, and she wouldn’t dream of using her cell phone in the sanctuary in the first place.

  Once the horns had been passed out, the people started standing up all around the church. Theresa grabbed her purse and stepped out of the pew. But people were in the aisle, in front of the pulpit, they were even blocking the way to the back door as they were all rejoicing… happily anticipating this new year that God had allowed them to witness. Theresa would be right with them, blowing the horn and twirling the streamers if it wasn’t for the fact that she ached for her family. “Excuse me… excuse me.” Theresa felt as if she had said those words at least fifty times as she made her way to the back door.