Rachel's Dream

by Lisa Jones Baker

  Chapter Fourteen

  When Rachel glimpsed Jarred’s pickup coming down their long front drive on the first day of September, she steadied her wicker basket of late tomatoes and carefully made her way toward him.

  As he parked his truck, she returned his wave. Normally, she would feel great excitement at seeing the Ford, but under the circumstances, a rush of uneasiness replaced it. Uncertainty that they’d join the church together.

  “Hey, there.” He met her and reached out his hand. “Let me carry that for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  After she handed him the basket, she eyed him with skepticism. “I’ve been thinking a lot about your letter.”

  As they walked to the side door of the house, he steadied the heavy produce in front of him with both hands.

  “How wonderful that your parents want you to have the home you and Matt grew up in.”

  When he turned to her, a sense of great relief swept across his face. “You think so?”

  She swatted away a black bug. “What is there to say, really? I want it for you, Jarred, if it’s what you’d like. But I’d miss you terribly.”

  A long silence ensued. Rachel stepped around a chicken. Gravel crunched under their shoes as they crossed the drive that led to the sidewalk.

  He stopped to face her. “If we were married, would you consider coming with me?”

  Her jaw dropped in surprise.

  She’d thought about that very question too many times to count. She just hadn’t expected to hear the actual words.

  She considered an answer. Long seconds passed before she knew what to say.

  “Jarred, we’d have to rethink everything. It wouldn’t make sense to join this church and then move to Ohio. Look. I want you to be happy. This offer from your folks … it’s so much more than a gift. For you, it’s a chance to live where memories of your brother come alive. I think that, if I were in your shoes, I’d want to be there. If it gives you comfort and peace, then how could I not encourage that?”

  “But, Rachel, it’s not that simple. I’m sure you’ve always wanted to live by your folks, but we could visit as much as you’d like. I want to make you the happiest girl in the world and make your dream come true.”

  She struggled to not let emotion take over. Getting worked up over what was inevitable wouldn’t accomplish anything. “Jarred, ever since I read your letter, your move to Ohio is all I’ve thought about. You have my blessing to go.” She blinked back a tear. “Of course, I’ll miss you.”

  “You wouldn’t consider coming? Ever?”

  Her heart jumped with a combination of joy and sadness. She was so close to having her dream, yet so far away. “I would love to spend forever with you, Jarred. And I understand how being in your parents’ home makes you complete. Every memory you’ve ever shared with Matt is there. At that house, you experience a part of your life that you lost long ago. I respect that more than you can ever imagine.”

  He looked at her to continue. For long moments, she wasn’t sure what else to say, but as she considered what she’d just told him, for the first time, she could answer Old Sam’s question.

  For once, her beloved surroundings didn’t comfort her. Chickens and goats traversing the yard. Daddy’s beautiful garden. Cherry trees. Paula hovering near the fence in the pasture. The buggy parked next to the house.

  “Old Sam asked me if I loved you enough to move with you.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “At the time, I didn’t have an answer. Now I do. Yes, Jarred, I love you enough to move with you. But there’s a stronger reason I can’t.”

  The corners of his lips dipped.

  “As I said, being with your roots makes you complete. But being here with my family makes me whole. I can’t imagine life elsewhere. I love you, but all of my memories are here. It’s where I want my future to be. Despite my strong love for you, this is where I belong.”

  *

  The moment Rachel stepped inside the Mast home, the sweet, enticing aroma of sponge cakes filled the air. Her mouth watered. As Annie Miller closed the front door, Rachel grinned.

  “This has to be the best-smelling house I’ve ever set foot in.”

  Annie motioned to the dining room table. “It’s so good to see you, Rachel. What a pleasant surprise. Have a seat.” She put her hands on her hips and straightened her shoulders. “How ’bout some sun-brewed tea?”

  Rachel nodded. “Jah, sounds delicious.”

  After quick steps took her to the kitchen, Annie raised her voice. “I want to hear all about Hannah. How’s she doing? When’s her baby due?”

  Rachel updated her while Annie returned with two glasses and with a swift, graceful motion, placed one in front of Rachel.

  “Rachel, you got here at the perfect time! I’ve got a batch of sponge cakes in the oven for Old Sam.” She turned to the battery-powered wall clock. “They’ve got another ten minutes or so.”

  “I’ll wait as long as they take.” Rachel giggled and Annie followed suit.

  Rachel glanced down and motioned to the table. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Thanks. Levi’s father made it for our wedding. He knows we love cherrywood. My folks like it, too, so we’re using it here until we move into our new home.”

  “Levi’s dad’s a builder, right?”

  “That he is. And fortunately, Levi inherited that talent.” She pointed to the window. “Our home should be ready for move-in by fall. So, as you can imagine, it’s standing room only here at my folks’!”

  Rachel knew the Mast family well and she was sure it was a happy home, even if they could use an extra bedroom or two.

  “It’s nice being with my family—Levi and I’ve got no complaints—but on the other hand, it will certainly be great to finally have our own place.”

  She stopped to eye Rachel. “Enough about me!” She shoved aside a pile on the table to clear the space that separated them. “I’m so excited we have a chance to catch up. Old Sam keeps me up to date on Cinnamon.” Annie gave a low whistle. “That was a close call.”

  Rachel nodded. “I’m so thankful.” She cleared her throat. “That’s what I came to talk to you about.”

  Annie took a drink. “Your horse?”

  Rachel looked down before meeting her gaze. She flicked her fingers in uncertainty. “Sort of.” She decided on complete directness and honesty—after all, she was here for an important opinion, and skirting the issue wouldn’t help. “Actually, it’s about Jarred, Cinnamon’s veterinarian.”

  Annie’s jaw dropped.

  Rachel waved both hands. “Don’t worry. Nothing terrible has happened. It’s not like that. I’m just a little confused, and I thought you were the one to talk to.”

  Annie pointed to her chest. “Me?”

  Rachel shrugged. “Yeah. I know bits and pieces about what you went through with Levi.” She lowered her voice to a more confidential level. She wasn’t sure why. No one else was there. “I figured that you must have loved him a lot.”

  Annie nodded confirmation.

  Rachel lifted her shoulders in enthusiasm. “Just look at how happy you are!”

  Annie blushed and lowered her eyelids a notch.

  “So I’m sure I can use whatever advice you give me. I have to say …” She sighed. “I’m just a beginner when it comes to relationships.”

  Annie stood and put a hand on her hip. “I can already see that this conversation is going to require some edibles.” She rocked on the toes of her sturdy black shoes before moving forward. “Sponge cakes comin’ up!”

  Rachel smiled a little. When her gaze dropped to her lap, she noticed that her fingers shook. And they were cold. She focused on the positive.

  Don’t be ridiculous. It will be okay. Look at the glass as half-full! This girl went through a lot to be with the man she loves. She’s not going to breathe a word of this conversation to anyone. She will tell me what to do. I’ve known her forever, and I trust her.

  The second
hand made a few sweeps around the large black numbers of the wall clock before Annie returned with two cream-colored plates and set one in front of Rachel.

  “Enjoy!”

  As Rachel stuck her fork into the dessert, the soft morsel separated.

  “It’s still hot.”

  Rachel blew on the piece. “It looks and smells delicious. And if what Old Sam says is true, your desserts give Esther’s a run for her money. And those are mighty strong words, my dear!”

  Annie gave a bashful roll of her eyes. “I think that’s a far stretch, but I’m glad he likes them. Of course, I always save one for Buddy.” She giggled. “Have you ever seen such a spoiled dog?”

  Rachel shook her head.

  There was a slight pause before Annie cleared her throat. “But you didn’t come here to talk food.” She winked. “Tell me what’s on your mind. We’ve got a good forty minutes or so till everyone comes home. They’re in town doing errands.”

  Rachel laid her fork on the table and sat back in her chair to cross her hands over her lap. “Okay. Here it goes.”

  Making the details as succinct as she could, she spilled out her story about how she had bonded with the kind veterinarian.

  When she had finished, Rachel leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. “Annie, I think I’m truly in love with Jarred. Does that mean I should move to Ohio?”

  To Rachel’s surprise, Annie didn’t respond, but sipped her tea with a pensive look on her face. Rachel wasn’t really sure what she’d expected. Patience.

  Annie was unusually outspoken for an Amish girl, which was why Rachel firmly believed she’d offer honest, from-the-heart advice.

  While the silence ensued, Rachel sighed with relief. She had just shed a ton off her shoulders. The tight knot in the back of her neck went away, and to her surprise, she’d developed a sudden appetite. She tested the cake, closed her eyes in delight, and savored the sweet, delicious taste. After she swallowed, she complimented the cook before finishing the treat.

  At last, Annie broke her silence by taking a drink. Ice cubes clinked when she returned the glass to the table. When her gaze locked with Rachel’s, she lifted her palms in a helpless gesture.

  “I don’t know if I can give you an answer, Rachel.”

  Rachel stopped to consider the unexpected. “So how did you know when you were in love with Levi?”

  “Realizing that I loved him wasn’t the issue.” She sighed. “In fact, it wasn’t long after we reconnected at his cousin’s wedding that I found myself wanting to be with him every minute I could. As you know, his time here was temporary. To put it mildly, it was frustrating to know that he would eventually go home. And let me tell you, that was on my mind twenty-four seven.”

  She shrugged. “What was at stake was spending the rest of my life with someone who was outside my faith. Not only that, but for years he had blamed the Amish for shunning his father.”

  Her mouth curved in amusement. “Until he learned that his dad knew all along that he was breaking the Ordnung. That shocking revelation changed everything.”

  Rachel propped her cheek on her hand, with her elbow on the table. “But I thought that his driver quit and he was looking for another one. Of course, in the meantime, he had to drive himself because his customers were depending on him.”

  Annie shrugged. “Sort of. As it turns out, my father-in-law actually relished his newfound independence, driving and not having to pay someone to do it for him. Certainly he would have needed to hire another driver, but he could have done that in a week or so. He never did. And in all honesty, Rachel, he didn’t intend to.”

  “You mean that Levi never knew this?”

  Annie shook her head. “Not until recently. For years, Levi had blamed our church for shunning his dad. Thank goodness Levi approached him about it. I’m so glad he did! Our future depended on the outcome of that conversation.”

  She snapped her fingers. “But back to when I knew I was in love with Levi. As you’re probably aware, our relationship started with our friendship. When we were kids, we were inseparable. So when we met up at his cousin’s wedding, we were strangers, really. At the same time …”

  She lifted her palms. “That we hadn’t seen each other for a decade really didn’t matter because we had established such an unbreakable bond when we were young.”

  Although Annie was a couple of years older than her, Rachel vividly recalled the strong bond she had shared with Levi.

  Annie laughed. “It’s kinda funny, Rachel, but people in our community never understood our friendship because it wasn’t typical for a boy to be best friends with a girl.”

  Rachel interrupted. “It still isn’t.”

  Annie laughed. “I know. People always expect certain things because you’re a girl or because you’re a boy.” She offered a helpless shrug. “Why can’t we just be who we are?”

  She went on, “Some don’t realize that we’re not all cookies made from the same cutter.” Her eyes brightened. “It’s just the way it is.”

  “I like that, Annie. It’s so true. And you’re right about the cookie cutter.”

  “I guess it would be safe to say that most of us are the same shape. But my interest in Levi wasn’t the typical ‘Amish boy marries Amish girl’ thing. So obviously, my situation created a bigger challenge for us to be together.”

  Rachel paused to digest what Annie had said.

  “So … if I want to marry Jarred, my situation will become a different-shaped cookie!”

  Annie’s eyes brightened with amusement. “Jah.” She stood and pushed her chair back from the table.

  As Annie meandered into the kitchen with their empty plates, she talked. Rachel strained her ears to ensure she didn’t miss a word, and when Annie returned, Rachel leaned forward to stretch her arms onto her thighs.

  “Rachel, I’ve heard so much about Dr. Zimmerman. People speak quite highly of him. In fact, word has it he’s the vet of choice.” Before Rachel could respond, Annie went on. “That he’s great with horses. That he can save animals other doctors write off. And he’s well respected. I know he doesn’t live in the community. Is he Amish?”

  “No.”

  Confusion flickered across Annie’s face. “Have you ever discussed which church you would go to?”

  Rachel nodded. “Soon he’ll join the Amish church with me.”

  Annie grinned. “That’s wonderful! Oh, Rachel. Don’t despair. It sounds like you’re taking the right steps. I mean, thinking things out. You’re going at the relationship the smart way. Of course, you don’t have every answer. That’s really not possible, anyway. But if you love somebody, there are ways to fix even the most difficult challenges. Compromises need to come from both sides.”

  She paused to press her finger to her chin. “I remember something Old Sam told me once. It was when we were trying to raise money for that little boy who had the heart defect.”

  “Amos.”

  “Jah. He needed surgery, which required lots of green stuff. And Old Sam said what he always does.”

  Rachel beamed. “To look at the glass as half-full.”

  Annie giggled. “Yeah. But he mentioned something else, too. ‘That hard work will get you the prize.’”

  Rachel considered the statement. “Does that mean Jarred’s the prize?”

  Annie shrugged. “I see it that way. Actually, it’s good advice. Even Mamma always told me that nothing can compensate for hard work.”

  After a slight pause, Annie went on. “Let’s face it—relationships aren’t easy. And, my dear, the more obstacles there are, the more you have to persevere!”

  Rachel relaxed in her chair and crossed her legs. Annie was touching on things Rachel hadn’t really thought about. But she was right.

  Annie lowered the pitch of her voice a notch. “Rachel, don’t be like me and get discouraged.”

  Rachel waited for her to explain.

  “For a while, I gave up on being with Levi.” She shook her head. “To b
e honest, I just couldn’t fathom it happening. But I prayed so hard for God to fix our situation so we could be together.”

  To Rachel’s surprise, Annie paused as if deciding whether or not to continue. Finally, she spoke in a much softer, hesitant voice.

  “Rachel, I’m going to tell you something in confidence. Promise me this is just between you and me.” She gestured back and forth between them. “Not even Old Sam knows.”

  Rachel’s heart picked up to a more excited speed. “You’ve got my word.”

  Annie leaned forward a bit and tapped the toe of her sturdy black shoe against the floor. “After I realized a relationship with Levi was impossible, I was devastated. Mamma couldn’t even get me to smile. Or eat! And I didn’t visit Old Sam for what seemed the longest time.”

  “Really?”

  Annie nodded. “I keep a journal, Rachel, and I store my secrets inside the hope chest from Old Sam. Anyway, if I wasn’t going to have Levi as my husband, I decided to let him know exactly how I felt about him so he could keep a part of me inside his heart.”

  Annie stopped a moment before grabbing her drink. Her fingers lingered on the cold glass.

  “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to not hide your feelings for someone you love. If they truly love you, they won’t shame you for doing so. On the contrary, they will respect your words of openness.”

  She returned her hands to her lap. “Rachel, if you can’t be honest with the man you want to be with forever, it’s not true love. I decided that I wanted to tell Levi exactly how I felt. And in the end …”

  She closed her eyes and pulled in a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, her voice was barely more than a whisper. “I even offered to give up what was most important to me so we could be together.” A long silence ensued before she said, “Joining our church.”

  The statement took Rachel’s breath away. She couldn’t find her voice while she tried to accept that Annie would even think of forfeiting joining the church to be with Levi.

  “Rachel, please don’t judge me.”