Godforsaken: Book 1 (Shade of Light)

by Suren Hakobyan

  “It’s in the past, now.” Samael lifted his hand and took off his sunglasses. His irresistible green eyes met Lily’s. She bit her lips and felt a jolt go through her whole body. “But regardless, it doesn’t justify me letting you go home alone that late at night. That wasn’t like me.”

  “No, I don’t think it would be, either.” Lily muttered without realizing what she was talking about. Her mind was full of Samael’s charm, and all she wanted was to find herself in his arms again.

  “Might I ask you to have a walk with me?” Samael made a step toward her. He was now so close that Lily could smell his scent. It was like a drug for her, his smell ran through her nose and dried out her mind. Lily nodded helplessly.

  Samael pointed the way and paced slowly down the roadside. Lily followed tilting her head down and staring awkwardly at the ground. She needed a little time to recover from his sudden closeness.

  “Listen, Lily, I’ve come here to ask you to give me a chance,” he began.

  “What for?” Lily asked quickly, wonderingly.

  “To start everything anew. I know that our first meeting wasn’t what you might have expected, you aren’t like any of the girls I’ve met before.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re more used to the girls who throw themselves into your bed as soon as you cast off the cover,” Lily supposed, rapidly imagining herself sharing the same bed with Samael. She shook her head in puzzlement, struggling to let that thought go.

  Where the hell are these thoughts coming from?

  “And you think that you wouldn’t?” He hissed, but Lily didn’t hear him. A cool grin spread over his face, and he leered down at her smugly. “Let’s leave my ex-girlfriends and your ex-boyfriends behind,” he offered, taking her soft hand into his. He grinned again with a smile which made Lily’s heart hammer faster than usual. Her lips yearned for him.

  “Where do you want to take me, Samael?” Lily asked, her voice hushed.

  “You know my name?” He said it suddenly, but didn’t seem surprised.

  “I saw you on the news yesterday,” Lily replied honestly. “They said you dissolved the agreement with the Russian magnate–”

  “Vitali,” Samael laughed dismally. “Don’t worry, he’s definitely an asshole.”

  “And then my friend said that you are the owner of the club where we met,” she said, remembering Mike’s words.

  “Your friend was right,” Samael remarked. He pulled his arm off of her. “What else did your friend say about me?”

  “Nothing, just that,” Lily peered up at his face and bit her lip, fighting back her desire to devour his. She wondered whether this man realized what he was doing to her at that moment.

  “Which friend are we talking about? Your friend just now didn’t just recognize me,” Samael remembered.

  “Who? Nancy?”

  “I suppose. She pretended as if she didn’t know me, and as if she had no idea why I came here.”

  “She knows you, but she didn’t know why you came here,” Lily smiled warily.

  “Did she? Maybe she thought I have a brother or a sister at this college?”

  He definitely knew or heard something, Lily thought. Samael had just used the same words Lily had told Nancy when they had noticed him standing by the gates. Could it be a coincidence?

  “I thought it might be something like that,” Lily confessed, staring at him wonderingly.

  Samael just chortled and tilted his head.

  They continued on, but Lily still didn’t know where he was taking her. But she knew the handsome man beside her had a mystery within him. Maybe the life he was living – having a lot of money, going to a lot of parties, meeting a lot of important people – gave him such a good impression of her. While she was wondering, Samael’s cell phone rang and he picked it up, leaving her alone with her thoughts for a little while.

  By the time Samael was busy talking on the phone, Lily had a chance to compose herself and return to earth. At that moment she realized that passerby were staring at them curiously, like they were two angels or aliens walking quietly along the roadside. Lily felt girls’ envious looks on her and at that moment she felt happy, almost smug that she had been seen in such esteemed company.

  “Okay, tell them to wait for me tomorrow morning.” Samael’s voice sounded rougher talking on the phone. Lily guessed the other speaker must be one of his assistants. “I have a very important meeting right now. Don’t contact me for another two hours.” With that, he hung up without saying goodbye or anything else.

  Lily gawked at him from behind, feeling a flutter in her stomach because Samael had just declined his meeting for her. Was she so important to him?

  Samael shoved the cell phone into his pocket and faced Lily with a happy jolt in his eyes. A strange but pleasant warmth seized her.

  “Sorry about that,” he muttered, then indicated a small restaurant opposite the street. “I’d like to invite you to have lunch with me.” He looked down and took her hand into his gently. “Shall we?” He whispered.

  Lily’s heart was hammering, and she wondered whether Samael felt her blood pounding in the hand he was holding. However, she nodded in reply and saw a satisfied little grin on his face.

  They crossed the street holding each other’s hands. Lily didn’t bother to look at the street and cars around her, Samael could walk her right into a car crash right now and she’d still trust him. But fortunately, they passed through without incident and strolled into the restaurant.

  Seeing the young couple, the waitress placed them in one of the quiet corners. The restaurant was indeed small, with only seven tables, but the atmosphere was comfortable. The walls were dim, and the music was low and soothing.

  Samael looked satisfied. Although Lily didn’t want much for lunch, Samael insisted on ordering several dishes. The waitress smiled at both of them and whipped away with their order.

  “What kinds of drinks do you like?” Samael asked, examining the menu.

  “Usually I don’t drink,” Lily admitted. Samael raised his eyes at her, looking astonished. “That’s why I got drunk from two or three glasses that evening in the club,” Lily added quickly.

  “I see,” Samael replied mildly, burying his gaze in the menu again. “Don’t you want one glass of red wine? I’ve found a good one here.”

  “Oh, no, please,” Lily stopped him. “I have to go back to study.”

  “Of course,” Samael lowered the menu on the table and fixed his eyes on her. “I almost forgot you were a student.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “And what do you study now?”

  “Marketing,” Lily replied shortly.

  “Becoming a marketer is your dream?” Samael thought aloud.

  “I don’t know. But I have to make a living, don’t I?” Lily explained.

  What was happening? She breathed in and out deeply. It was like there wasn’t enough air in the restaurant. Samael’s narrowed eyes were locked on hers. He looked at her like he wanted to crumple onto her and run his lips over her naked body. Lily’s hands began shaking like a leaf in a high wind. The same desire she had had in the club possessed her.

  “Do you like the way you make money?” Lily tried to gather herself and averted her eyes from him.

  “When you make big money like I do, you don’t know whether you like your job or not,” Samael sighed deeply. “You just need more.” His eyes became sad, and the light in them died away for some seconds. “I guess I hate it sometimes. But, unlike me you’ve got many different options.”

  “Maybe, but I like what I study.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” Samael’s face split into a wicked grin, and his eyes shone again.

  They stared into each other’s eyes for a little while, until the waitress interrupted them by placing their order on the table. As soon as she was gone, Samael pointed the fork at her.

  “Come on. You have to eat to have enough strength for studying,” he said half-jocularly.

  Lily wondered w
hether he knew that the only thing she wanted to taste was him, Samael. She longed to taste his lips and skin, to inhale his scent and get lost in his arms.

  “Is everything alright?” Samael brought her back from her imagination.

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” Lily murmured and rapidly picked up her fork.

  She began eating the meat Samael had ordered for her, watching him out of the corner of her eye. She still couldn’t believe that this handsome, wealthy man was sitting in front of her.

  He broke the silence. “What do you think?”

  “What?” Lily peered at him in confusion.

  “Do you like it?” He gestured at the meal before them.

  “Yes, it’s delicious. Thank you.”

  “No, the pleasure is mine,” Samael put his fork on the plate and looked at her surreptitiously. “I’m so glad you’re with me now.”

  Lily exhaled. Her wit woke up unexpectedly, like a cold breeze had just hit her in the face.

  “I don’t understand,” she said under her breath incredulously.

  “What?” Samael’s surprise sounded forced.

  “Why are you here?” Lily eyed out the window collecting her thoughts. “There are so many more beautiful girls who would suit you better than someone like me–”

  “How do you know who suits me?” Samael asked, cutting her off. Lily gazed into his eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. Samael exhaled, calming himself down. “Why do you think that you’re a worse option than someone else?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Lily tried to object, but Samael silenced her with a gesture.

  “But that’s what you meant. I came here because I wanted to see you, nobody else,” Samael began to explain. “I wanted to see your eyes, to smell your scent and spend some time with you. You’re right,” Samael looked down at Lily’s hand on the table, “there might be many girls eager to be in your place now, but I am not interested in them. I want you.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about,” Lily sounded more confident now. “In that case, you came here because I refused you, didn’t you?”

  “No, Lily, you precisely misunderstood me,” Samael’s hand approached hers.

  “Don’t touch me.” The words escaped her mouth when she pulled her hand back, although a second later she regretted them. She did want him to touch her, after all. “Do you think I’m just going to be one of your toys?” Her voice slowed down, then. Although she knew exactly what she had to say, she still stuttered. “Because you’re so rich, do you think that you can just buy me–”

  “Lily, stop.” Samael sounded angry now, his green eyes seemed to darken, like a sunny and clear sky had filled with black and furious clouds. “What are you talking about? Do you really think I’m following you because I couldn’t get between your legs? Like I’ve found a new game which I have to play and win in order to maintain my confidence?”

  “I don’t know, Samael,” Lily spoke gingerly, her voice was getting quieter with every word. “I just can’t understand why someone as influential and handsome as you is interested in an ordinary girl like me.”

  Samael heaved a silent sigh, hiding his furious expression from her. He swiveled around in his chair and stared out the window.

  “I feel as if you’re different, Lily,” Samael spoke reasonably and slowly now. “I’m tired of seeing the same people for so many centuries–”

  “Centuries?” Lily asked in surprise. Samael turned around and met her widened eyes, demanding his answer. “What’s that supposed to mean, Samael?”

  “Not important.” Samael’s hand stretched to hers again and she felt a flutter in her stomach. This time Lily was unable to pull her hand back. His touch awoke in Lily the desire to forget everything, and internally she begged him to take her into his arms. “It’s unbelievable, but I’m alone. Yes, I have so much, but I’m still alone.”

  “Why are you so sure that it’s me who’s supposed to be beside you?” Lily whispered.

  “I’m not sure. But I want to give it a try,” Samael replied honestly. He took his glass of wine and took a sip. “I know how you feel about me,” he resumed, lowering the glass onto the table. “I know how I feel about you. We could be together and understand each other without exchanging a word, because words are useless when you’re with me. Therefore we have more trouble when we speak, like just a minute ago,” Samael smiled under his breath.

  Lily dropped her eyes to his touch. She put her other hand on his, but said nothing back.

  “That moment we were in my car that night, I couldn’t believe that it was real,” Samael went on. His voice was like a drug to Lily, filling her head with lightness. For a split second it seemed to her that she could listen to him forever. His voice was hypnotizing her. “You told me nothing about you, I didn’t know your name, and nonetheless, I felt as if I had known you my whole life. I felt I had been waiting exactly for you. Everything – your scent, the taste of your skin – it’s been killing me. I couldn’t sleep at night after you left me.”

  “Me too,” Lily confessed abruptly. She looked into his eyes nervously but went on. “I dreamed only about you, I couldn’t free my mind of you for days.”

  “You see? There is something around us,” Samael put in, sounding cheerful. “We should figure out what it is, don’t you think?”

  Looking into Lily’s eyes it was clear she was delighted to give it a try. After lunch, Samael walked her back to the college, holding her hand all the way.

  Life for Lily looked so different when Samael was there beside her. The trees surrounding them seemed more vivid, the sun was warmer, the air was fresher. Lily wanted to run and cry out with the happiness housed in her soul. There was not sadness in her blue eyes anymore, they were gleaming every time she looked at him.

  “I’d like to see you tonight,” Samael said when they were at the gates leading into the college courtyard. “I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t see you this evening.”

  “I’d like to,” Lily spluttered, “but I promised my friend I would go with her to a club.” She took a second to consider her thoughts and went on. “Don’t you want to come with us?”

  “Do you want me to come?” Samael took her by the shoulders and bent down close. She could feel his warm breath on her face.

  “Of course I want you to.” Her voice trembled, feeling the weight of his enchanting eyes.

  Samael bent close and Lily held her breath. If she could have spoken at that moment, then surely she would have begged him to kiss her. Beg him to take her away from the college, take her somewhere they could be alone, where they could kiss, love, and caress each other. But her tongue disobeyed her the moment Samael’s hand approached her face. She could do nothing but wait. Finally his eager lips found hers. She moaned in his mouth, closing her eyes and enjoying the long-awaited kiss. The world surrounding her disappeared in the depth of her head, and she appeared soaring in white clouds illuminated by vivid rays of sun. Lily couldn’t tell if it was a dream or reality. She only realized she was standing on the solid ground as soon as she couldn’t feel his lips on hers anymore.

  “I’ll pick you up at eight,” Samael promised, letting her hand slide out of his.

  “You don’t know where I live,” Lily remarked.

  “Don’t I?” Samael grinned gloatingly, put his sunglasses on, then spun around and left.

  Lily remained standing by the gates until he disappeared around a corner. Of course he knew where she lived, he had found her college, it wasn’t difficult to find out her address. Lily chortled under her breath, tucked her loosened hair behind her ear, and made her way to the college entrance.

  6. Passion

  “Okay, you have to tell me everything,” Nancy spluttered impatiently, hungry for details.

  “Nothing interesting happened, we just had lunch together,” Lily murmured in response.

  Nancy’s face fell. The two of them were in the college yard, walking toward the gates. Their classes were over for th
e day. Lily looked around in search of Samael, hoping he would be waiting for her at the gates, even though he had promised to meet her later in the evening.

  “Nothing interesting?” Nancy cried out. “You’re kidding me. Finally, there’s someone who’s able to pull you out of your books and classes, and you expect me to believe you when you say “nothing interesting happened?” Why did he come to see you?”

  “He wanted to talk to me,” Lily replied, trying to soothe her friend.

  “Oh, he did?” She teased sharply. “What did you talk about?”

  “Listen, I’m not sure about anything so far, but he told me that for the last few days, he was only thinking about me–”

  “So he’s fallen in love with you?” Nancy widened her eyes, cupping her hand over her mouth.

  “No!” Lily burst out, then she sighed and continued. “I don’t know. Who falls in love with somebody in just a day?”

  “You would,” Nancy remarked. “You like romance novels.”

  “Those are only books. Just stories, created by people. This is real life. I think that he just likes me.” Lily felt a flutter in her stomach, recalling Samael’s words about trying to figure out the feelings they both had for each other.

  “So what does he want from you in real life?” Nancy teased, gazing obliquely at her friend.

  “He wants me to give him a chance,” Lily said back.

  “He said that?” Without waiting for an answer, Nancy went on. “That’s great, finally. I’m so happy for you. And Lily, you look so happy. It’s like you’re shining.”

  “Please.” Lily felt embarrassed.

  Lily glanced at her friend, wondering what Nancy saw in her right now. She could feel her blue eyes shining with some kind of light feeling coming from inside of her. A slight grin curled over her lips, and she tilted her head to hide it, but it was naturally impossible to conceal anything from Nancy’s view.

  “You want him, don’t you?” Nancy asked. “How good do you think he is in bed?”

  “Nancy!” Lily cried out. “I’m not going to find that out on our first date.”

  “Oh, did he ask you on a date?” They passed through the gates and took a street leading toward the subway.