Godforsaken: Book 1 (Shade of Light)

by Suren Hakobyan

  “No,” Lily begged off at once. How could she trust a stranger with some insane theory about angels? She used her strength to pull herself up, struggling to her feet. “I will wait for Samael. Once he comes back, we’ll decide all of this together. You said he’s an angel too, didn’t you?–”

  “Oh, no, my dear,” he interrupted politely. “I didn’t say he was an angel.”

  Lily’s heart stopped for a moment. If Samael wasn’t an angel then he was…

  “You’re going to tell me he’s a devil?” She crammed one hand over her mouth as it dawned on her that she had slept with a devil some hours ago.

  “No, but he was a devil once.” Regardless of Lily’s shock, Beelzebub kept calm. He filled the room with his cigarette smoke. “Lucifer banished him from Hell several centuries ago. Now he is neither an angel, nor a devil. He’s nothing at all, and he isn’t worthy of you. He likes to wander all over the world, spreading sadness and emptiness. You saw him – he uses his heavenly and irresistible beauty to seduce girls, have fun with them, then throw them away like used handkerchiefs.”

  Lily recalled the moment she had refused Samael in his car. The stupid surprised look he wore that moment came back to her. She had been sure she had once told Nancy that Samael hadn’t been used to being refused. She had felt that when she had got out of his car, leaving him alone and unsatisfied. So what, was Beelzebub telling the truth about the green-eyed man? The man, rather, an angel who had just insisted that there was some kind of feeling between him and Lily? Had Samael meant love? Where was that love when Lily needed it the most? He had disappeared without saying goodbye, leaving her his shirt as a souvenir.

  “But this doesn’t prove I should go with you. Where are you going to take me?” Lily murmured, but her heart still sank because of Samael.

  Beelzebub stood up, closed his fingers around the cigarette and it vanished in the air, along with its dense white smoke. Then he came up to Lily, raising his hand affectionately to take hers. “Let me take you into the world that you have been waiting for since you were born. You must believe me, I came here to take you to the place where you belong.”

  Lily stared at him bewildered, not knowing what to say. His voice reverberated in her ears, hypnotizing her to take his advice. The light in the room was weak against the darkness to begin with, and it was only growing weaker. It could illuminate his face, and his gentle but gloating smile. The man who had introduced himself as some kind of angel seemed to be a part of Lily’s mystical dreams, the ones she’d had all her life. Closing her eyes, she tried to catch her breath, and opened them in the hopes that everything would vanish like a surreal dream. But Beelzebub was still standing in front of her with his hand stretched out.

  “This is not a dream, dear,” Beelzebub whispered, breaking her out of her reverie. “Let me take you to the world where you belong.”

  Lily peeked at the window to the left. She hoped Nancy had called the police, but there wasn’t any sign of policemen outside.

  “Maybe I only belong here,” Lily supposed, turning her eyes away from the window in disappointment. “Maybe you’re wrong about me. What if I’m not the right person?”

  “You are, you know that,” Beelzebub spoke soothingly, as if he could read her mind. “You’ve known it all your life, haven’t you?”

  Lily was confused and had no words to respond with. True, she always felt herself alien to the life she lived. Her eyes narrowed and she dropped them to the floor. Suddenly, a sudden rush of pride descended upon her, telling her she was different and better than the others. It overwhelmed her. This was a feeling Lily hadn’t had before, like somebody had just planted it within her.

  “You see?” Beelzebub’s eyes gleamed. “Take my hand, Lily. You can’t sit here waiting for Samael. That would be the greatest mistake of your life.”

  “Why?”

  “I rarely saw Samael come back for a girl twice. He found something in you.” Beelzebub’s eyes blackened more and his tone became venomous, as though he was telling a horror story. “A game,” he announced, “and he loves his games. Look, what would you do if you were immortal and had nothing to do? No duties, no rules?” Normally Lily would have answered him, but in this moment she felt confused. It would take her too long to think and find something reasonable. “You would find goals for yourself,” Beelzebub resumed, “or you’d create them.”

  “I don’t believe that he would hurt me,” Lily said confidently, but she didn’t know why she believed it. She didn’t know Samael at all, he was as much a stranger to her as the man with twinkling black eyes standing in front of her now.

  “Kill?” Beelzebub laughed sarcastically. “There are far worse things he is capable of than killing, dear. By murdering you he would rescue your soul from tortures,” he said airily.

  Lily’s eyes widened. Fear filled them as she imagined the things that might be worse than death. But believing that Samael, the man who had loved her and held her in his arms two hours ago, could do them to her made her legs tremble.

  “We’ve got to leave now, Lily,” Beelzebub lost his temper and took her arm. “I know, it’s difficult for you to make such an important decision, but I can’t let him get you.” He began to usher her out. “You just need to believe me. He might return at any minute.”

  Lily tagged behind him thoughtfully. She couldn’t understand why she believed him, why she was following this stranger. During their conversation, she didn’t hear the dim noise wandering in her head which was Beelzebub’s gift, the way he seduced his victims.

  There were three black vehicles on the street that mingled in with the darkness outside and couldn’t be seen from a distance. Several men got out of the cars as soon as Beelzebub and Lily approached them. The men circled them, keeping some distance.

  “Please, dear, get into the car. And don’t worry about these guys, they are here to protect you,” he grinned again.

  “Protect me from Samael?” Lily muttered, regarding the guards.

  “You can’t even imagine how many creatures are after you now,” he said in her ear. “Most assuredly we aren’t alone here, which is why we’d better hurry. Get in.”

  Lily blinked in reply, glanced at her house where it was obscured by the darkness for one more time, then she climbed into the car. She knew for certain that she wasn’t able to resist Beelzebub. What could she do besides struggle alone, with so many guards around her? She had no choice but to obey him.

  Lily looked at the end of the street, as far as her eyes could see in the darkness. No sign of police cars there. Had Nancy received her message at all, she wondered. But it would change nothing now, they were too late.

  With a feeling of great gloom in her stomach, Lily slowly moved into the car. The door was still open when a man a little shorter than Beelzebub approached them. He also wore a black costume and black tie with a white shirt. His slicked-back hair was black and short, and his eyes were narrow like two lines on his sharp face. He had been in Samael’s club with Beelzebub too.

  “What’s occurred, Kali?” Beelzebub asked, holding the door of the car open.

  “I’ve sent word to the Lord as you ordered, and asked for more protection,” Kali reported.

  “And?”

  “Michael knows about her,” he whispered. Beelzebub’s right eye twitched as he heard Michael’s name. “He may leave Heaven and come after her any moment.”

  Beelzebub sucked in a huge breath. “I don’t think he will risk himself for her, but we’d better get out of here as soon as we can,” he replied confidently. “Get in your cars, we’re moving.”

  Beelzebub got into the car and shut the door, ordering the driver to start off.

  The engines roared to life, and three black cars drove away, leaving Lily’s house behind in the dark street. Lily peered back out of the corner of her eye, then the car veered to the right on the next intersection and the familiar street remained behind in the depth of the dead night.

  A year ago, Lily had rented t
hat house. She had been searching for a place to live for a long time. Lily hadn’t wanted to leave her aunt, but she had also understood that she had to go to college. And her aunt couldn’t leave her husband, Bill, because he had a job he loved that he never wanted to leave.

  For nine years now her parents had been gone. She had to find peace in her aunt’s house, and it had been too hard emotionally to move in New York. No, she wouldn’t miss her aunt’s neighbors, the street, or her high school. She had always been a child different from the others, and having lost her parents she had become even more taciturn, closed off in her own world. She hadn’t had close friends back at her aunt’s place. In truth, she had nobody she would miss except her aunt and Bill. They were too kind to her, especially Bill.

  Bill was the one who had insisted on her having a roommate. Lily had preferred solitude, and honestly she hadn’t thought she could even have friends. Nobody had ever understood her before. But Nancy did. Nancy had always been nice to her, and in the end, Nancy had become her friend. Finally, Lily had someone she could share her desires and troubles with, and it was great – to let the torturous thoughts out of her head.

  Now she was away from that house wherein she had gained the only real friend ever. How many things she wanted to tell Nancy. She wanted to share with her the wonderful feeling she had experienced in Samael’s arms. But then the stranger Beelzebub had come and taken her away. Everything still seemed a nightmare to her, but was it truly?

  Her heart sank. Was she right, to follow this strange man, angel, or whatever he might call himself?

  But the decision had been made, and now she had no way to escape the car. Besides, there were a lot of questions torturing her, and Beelzebub could give her the answers to them. So she concentrated on getting some answers instead.

  “Was Samael a devil once?” She asked, breaking the silence in the car.

  “Yes,” Beelzebub responded shortly.

  “You said that Satan banished him,” she went on. “Why?”

  Beelzebub’s eyes found hers. Lily’s were confused, his were cold. “He broke a rule of the Torah, a rule from one the older books of the Bible,” Beelzebub explained, keeping his tone calm. “He killed someone who wasn’t supposed to die.”

  “Who?”

  He hesitated before he answered her. “He killed your great-great-grandfather,” he ventured finally.

  “He killed who?” Lily burst out in surprise. If Samael did that, then her great-great-grandfather must have been a very important person, and now he might need something from her. The thought washed over her momentarily before Beelzebub could give her the right answer.

  “He wanted to break the line of Eve. It is written in the Torah that no unearthly creature can assassinate any of the representatives of that line, but Samael thought differently. In killing your ancestor, he sentenced himself to banishment. God wouldn’t let him back into Heaven again, and he left Samael to follow after Lucifer. Lucifer didn’t need him either, as Samael had broken the law. Where would he go, then?” Beelzebub looked at her desperately. “Somehow he remains on Earth. He lives with humans and he’s regained his power, but he’s still alone.”

  “What did he need from my great-great-grandfather, and why does he need me?” Lily thought aloud. “Why didn’t he kill me when he had a chance in my home? We were alone and–”

  “I believe he doesn’t know who you are yet. You see, he thought that by killing your great-great-grandfather, he broke Eve’s line forever–”

  “Who is Eve?” Lily interrupted.

  “Don’t you know Eve? She’s the Eve of Adam and Eve, from the bible.” Beelzebub said it sternly, but with a teasing note.

  “The Mother and Father of mankind?” Lily chortled in astonishment. “He has to kill every man and woman.”

  “You know nothing about the beginning of man. Humans think that they are the progeny of Adam and Eve, but they are wrong, utterly wrong.” Beelzebub turned his eyes away from her to glance out the window. “Eve had only one child. It was a boy.”

  “But how could it be? If she had one child, then how did life go on?”

  “You think Adam and Eve were the only people that existed? No, there was another woman who, with Adam, begot humanity.” Beelzebub grinned instinctively, as though his thoughts had drifted back to those times.

  “Lilith,” Lily realized.

  “Yes, Lilith,” Beelzebub attested. “She gave man hope for life, but now everybody recognizes her as a demon. But if she was, then every man on the planet is a demon,” he turned his head to face her and winked at her, then, “don’t you think?”

  Lily stared ahead at an empty spot. Her brain needed time to understand the information Beelzebub had been so kind to share with her. Was it a joke or the cruel truth?

  “I’m the only progeny of Adam and Eve?” Lily whispered to herself. “Why did Samael want to break the line? What was he afraid of?”

  “Good thinking,” Beelzebub took out his cigarette, this time using his hand like an average man, and, without asking permission, lit it. “You are a part of our world, the world that mankind had pushed away. They have made it into a tale. You, however – you can see our true colors, you can be a part of us. You are the first female in this line after Eve died, and you can be the key.”

  “Key?” Lily raised her eyebrows. “Key to what?”

  Beelzebub didn’t answer. He screwed up his face and gazed out the window, smoking his cigarette and ignoring her questions. And Lily had a lot of questions, but she didn’t dare bother Beelzebub. Although he called himself her savior, he had a devilish look to him, and although he talked to her gently, she sensed he was untrustworthy.

  Lily sank into the seat, directing her gaze out the window, and got lost in her thoughts, musing about the information she had just heard. She didn’t know how long that silence lasted, but she came back out of her thoughts when somewhere, far away in the horizon, the sky lightened.

  *

  The narrow pathway stretched out into a dense white fog, and the end laid ahead, unseen. Samael, wearing only the jeans he had put on in Lily’s home, walked into the fog with a meditative air. The trees were waving in unison, and a gust of wind that came out from the fog to meet Samael. It flung white leaves into the air and brought them to him, and the leaves circled around him like a tornado.

  Quietly, Samael continued on his way, and entered the white cloud. As he moved farther into it the scenery changed; the trees swayed to one side and an opening unfurled in front of him. The sky was filled with golden sunlight, blazing above Samael and making him shine like a walking diamond. The grass under his feet receded, forcing the pathway to extend, and it led to an abyss beyond the opening.

  With white leaves soaring around him, Samael continued walking to the edge. The sky was perfect, but the ground was hazy, the wind grew stronger and stronger with his every step.

  Samael’s eyes were narrowed and gleaming. Regardless of his calmness, his insides were waving like an angry ocean in dark weather. But Samael didn’t rush ahead, didn’t cry out to free the bile out of his chest, he restrained it within him. He was like a bomb on the edge of going off.

  “My angel,” spoke a soft but clear voice. The sound made Samael stop. He didn’t flinch, didn’t turn his head to look at the creature who had dared to stand in his way.

  A tall creature, wearing a long, gray cassock and a hook on his head, was approaching Samael from behind. It was unclear if the creature was walking or gliding over the ground. When it was two steps away from Samael, the gray winged man squinted back over his shoulder. He could see the creature’s thin face, and its huge, scary eyes.

  Lifting its hands, the creature’s long thin fingers slid out from under the cassock. It laced them together before bowing to Samael, and spoke tonelessly, “They already have her, and are going to the country as you boded.”

  Samael didn’t reply or give any sign that he’d heard its words. He tore his eyes off the creature, growled softly in a s
how of anger, and started forward toward the edge.

  Looking down into the abyss, it wasn’t clear whether Samael was standing on the top of a mountain or on the very edge of the world. As soon as he reached the edge, his surroundings made themselves apparent: the sky was full of bright golden clouds that soared beneath him. It was beautiful in an unearthly way; the golden fog was moving slowly under Samael’s feet. He could have bent forward, stretched out his hand and reached out for the miracle streaming before him, but his wicked eyes showed only his indifference. His eyes were seeking the mystery going on beneath that miracle.

  Samael lifted his right hand above the clouds, and in no time at all, the calmness beneath changed into disorder. The golden color changed to gray, the wind increased in strength, the clouds began to twist, and lightning pierced through the air to strike the ground under his feet. Samael’s eyes twitched then, staring down at the new hole in the clouds. Through the hole, Samael inspected Earth in search of Lily. Only his eyes were sharp enough to make out something in that far distance. It was like looking down at Earth from a spaceship – beautiful Earth, the home of mankind, and the border between Heaven and Hell.

  His hand lowered slowly. Samael proceeded to gaze down unblinkingly, but the air around his bare chest began gathering itself together. In some seconds his back was engulfed by gray smoke, which increasingly expanded to form two angelic wings.

  Samael opened them wide. They were very long, each one two times greater than his height. He beat them and the ground quaked. He waved them and the grass rustled. Dust rose into the air, and the wind took it down into the whirl of clouds beneath.

  Samael bent forward completely, hanging in mid-air like some immovable object, then folded the wings on his back and fell down into the clouds.

  9. Flaming Sky

  It was light outside, but the sun was still hiding behind the horizon. The new day was emerging slowly, and Lily’s life wouldn’t be the same anymore.