The Splitting (The Matsumoto Trilogy Book 2)

by Sarah K. L. Wilson

  It was Kitsano, though, who seemed most in thought over the new information. She stared at me over her shoulder until I was starting to get too flustered to focus on the map.

  “They implanted a chip in you. A powerful one,” she said, like she was speaking her thoughts aloud. “It would affect your subconscious. Make it more powerful. That’s how you do it. It’s how you tap in to the collective unconscious of the Javierians even though you aren’t even half shadow.” Her eyes widened before she continued, “and it’s why all Matsumotos have ‘a way’ with them, isn’t it? You all have this upgrade. You can communicate with them without becoming them. I wonder if you turned them into shadows just to perfect that pretty little technology of yours.”

  Her eyes were fiery, but I didn’t rise to her bait. Who knew who set this all in motion or why? It was a little unsettling to see Kitsano so worked up, though. I had thought we were gaining an understanding of sorts.

  “It was a Matsumoto who gave the order to split the planet,” she said. “I’ve seen the records. He broke their minds and drove them mad, and when they died they were sucked into the common subconscious. The stuff they laced us with did the same thing. By becoming like them we were given the gift of subconscious communication – and with it the curse of a subconscious afterlife. We were split and rendered body from soul and our bodies are gone – or at least mine is half gone – but our minds are joined in everlasting pain. We call that day, ‘The Splitting.’”

  She looked at me with a murderous gaze, “And it’s all on you. Matsumotos did this to us. Matsumotos will pay in blood.”

  I couldn’t prevent the sigh this time. Was there any tragedy on any planet of the known universe that was not - somehow, when you got right down to it - my fault? At some point it was hard to maintain the same level of horror and guilt when the sins of the world were put again and again on your shoulders. It was hard to care. It was hard to go on caring about anything. My parents were dead. Edward was dead. Denise was dead. Albert was dead. Ian was dead. A planet of humanoids and their human colonists were dead. In all probability Roman was dead now, too.

  Link established.

  Was it really worth it to try to fix all these problems? All they did was multiply so that now there were more ills than I could possibly resolve. Was it worth it to save my own life and wrest the empire from Nigel only to discover that we had created a mess so big and scars so deep that no restitution could ever be enough? It wasn’t worth it. I should just go to sleep somewhere here and wake up a lovely chartreuse fungus.

  Vera? Is that you?

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  My heart leapt.

  Roman?

  Kitsano was still breathing death threats and ominous prophesies, but I heard not a word. The chorus of mind-deafening susurrations from the shadows continued, but I paid it no mind. All my mind could think was: Roman. Roman. Roman.

  A lump formed in my throat like a dam, and I was afraid of what would happen when it loosened. It sucked my very breath away.

  Vera! His mental voice sounded like it cracked – which was impossible. It’s really you. I thought you were dead.

  The flashes of color through our communication channel were so powerful that they blocked everything else out. I was glad I was riding Rhinric because I would have stumbled if I’d been walking. There was the gold of joy, of course, and then the colors of relief, intense affection, hope, and for a split second a sliver of guilt. It was like he couldn’t form words. That was ok, because neither could I. When I finally could, it was only after long minutes of just relishing the fact that he was alive and near.

  Is there anything so sweet as death undone?

  I’m so glad you’re alive. I knew they’d sent you somewhere terrible. Your commander expects it to kill you.

  I know, but I’ll find a way. Now that I know you’re alive - that I’m not just dreaming you – I’ll find you and I’ll rescue you from wherever they’ve put you.

  I missed you.

  I missed you, too. He paused Every day.

  I didn’t say what I thought. I had a hard time believing that he missed me every day when he had found comfort in someone else’s love. I felt him react to my jealousy through our connection. Oops. I forgot he could read my thoughts. Even the ones he wasn’t supposed to. He didn’t say anything, though.

  Where are you? I asked, trying to break the tension. I was trying to just cling to the relief and joy and stuff the bitter jealousy threaded with worry to the back of my mind.

  “Are you even listening to me?” Kitsano asked two inches from my face.

  “You want your revenge,” I said, irritated that she was distracting me from Roman.

  “Yes,” she said, “and when this is done I will have it. One way or another I will have it.”

  “Get in line, then,” I said, and tried not to sound too world-weary.

  They’ve sent me to a planet named Baldric. It’s extremely hostile. Someone called for help, but they’re nowhere to be seen. I have to go. I need to concentrate. Private McCann just went missing.

  Wait! Roman! There was no reply. Hang in there. I’m coming for you.

  He was here. He was on Baldric. On a galactic scale he was practically on top of me, but on a more realistic scale he was ninety kilometers away and surrounded by hostile shadows that would love to see him in a long chartreuse pillar. I could do it, though. I could save him. I just had to get there somehow.

  Kitsano had apparently taken my absent-minded challenge as an invitation. She was still talking.

  “...and then I will see you and all your people before a Galactic Tribunal,” she said triumphantly.

  I faced her with my full concentration. She fidgeted under my steady gaze. It was time to deal with this. I didn’t have time to spare on small fights with a full scale war going on around me.

  “There are five of us that I need to get to the shuttles,” I began. “There could just as easily be four. Four would mean less work for Rhinric and a faster arrival time. So when I tell you to pay attention and listen to me, I mean it.”

  She froze, her eyes going wide. I guess when you’re used to Matsumotos being far, far away it’s easy to threaten them, but it’s a lot harder to poke a tiger who is snarling in your face.

  “Regardless of what the Matsumotos have done to this planet,” I held up a hand as she opened her mouth, “I’m not defending it, but I am saying that regardless of all that, I am your only chance of reaching safety alive. If you want to come along, be my guest, but just hold up on the condemnation for the time being. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m currently serving my time, with a death sentence hanging over me, so a ‘Galactic Tribunal’ doesn’t exactly leave me ‘all aquiver.’ Right now I’m slightly more worried about your shadow cousins. Understood?”

  I gave her a piercing stare just to punctuate my words. I needed to focus, and she was an unwelcome distraction.

  Her mouth twisted bitterly, and she flickered a bit, like she was having trouble controlling her shadow-self. Eventually she said, “Understood.”

  “In that case,” I said, “Maybe, since you have all this knowledge you didn’t share before, you might have an answer to something we’ve all been wondering.”

  “What’s that?” she asked, guardedly.

  “Is it just me, or are the shadows not trying very hard?”

  I heard a snort of disbelief from Ch’ng, but Driscoll said nothing, and I knew he’d been thinking this same thing. I missed Ian. He was good at winning people’s trust. He’d get Kitsano on his side in no time if he were here. Instead he was stashed somewhere like a pack we’d forgotten to bring. It hurt to think about. And for that matter, hadn’t Driscoll won Kitsano over to his Driscoll’s Own? What had happened back there to shake her loose from that? I realized belatedly that it might be the deaths of her friends. Maybe Kitsano was smarting over Michael the way I was over Ian. Maybe she was mourning Roberta though that might seem impossible to me right now.

  “W
hat do you mean?” she hedged. It was definitely a hedge. Her eyes didn’t match her voice. It looked like she was trying to read me with those eyes while her voice strove for innocence.

  “I mean that thousands of them just flooded that colony, and they said more were coming. Before that, there were hundreds harrying us as we trekked through this wilderness. At any time they could have snuffed us out like a candle. Even in that last confrontation it was like they were testing our skills and resolve more than actually trying to kill us.”

  We were still riding down the route I’d traced out. In the surrounding trees I saw flickers of shadows, and red inverted carets appearing.

  “I don’t want to see what you think it looks like to have someone actually trying to kill you!” Ch’ng exclaimed, too upset to keep his thoughts inside. “In case you haven’t noticed, Matsumoto, there are only five of us left.”

  “As shocking as it may seem to you, Mr. Ch’ng, the Blackwatch education system has not failed me and I am able to do simple addition. Yes, I have noticed that there are five of us. And on a side note, I know what it looks like to have someone really trying to kill you, because several such people have made attempts on my life in the past few months and done a considerably more passionate job of it. Those shadows are not trying very hard. They give us chance after chance. My proof of that is the five of us. There is no reason that we’re still alive.”

  Driscoll’s voice surprised me.

  “Well, Vera, I like to think that we fought rather valiantly back there.”

  “What about Sammy, Driscoll?”

  He said nothing.

  “Lieutenant Kitsano?” I prompted.

  She clenched her jaw like she wasn’t going to answer, but after a few moments her shoulder sagged. “Yes. The Javierian’s culture was not lost when the planet experienced ‘The Splitting.’ They were an assortment of cultures based on a strong honor system. Now, more than ever, they cling to it. Those they deem worthy they absorb into their shadow existence. Those deemed unworthy are ‘planted’ in the ground, as you have no doubt noticed.”

  “No doubt,” I agreed. It was hard not to notice eight meter glowing fungi.

  “Why now more than ever?” Driscoll said.

  “Because now, when you join them you become a part of them. They only want to add individuals who bring something to the overall ‘internal climate’ of their shared subconscious. The ‘worthy’ are tested, challenged and tested again. I’ve seen them sometimes select someone from the herd. They call to him until he battles them and then they absorb him into their noble band of brothers.” She couldn’t keep the cynicism out of her voice. “The fact that we are still here is a testament to their interest in those of us who are left – or maybe I should say ‘those of you’ because I will become a shadow as a result of Compound VX-7. They don’t like that at all. It short circuits what they’re trying to do here.”

  She ended her speech with a grunting laugh. I didn’t think that any of the rest of us felt like laughing. I certainly didn’t. I scanned the trees for shadows. There were many of them in every direction, but if they weren’t willing to fight yet that was fine with me. The longer they waited, the closer I would get to Roman. I could already see the first bridge coming up on my map. We were making progress.

  “Even if that’s the case, what are they waiting for now?” Driscoll asked.

  We were all feeling that same nagging feeling that we would be attacked at any moment, and it was leaving our nerves raw and ragged from the need for constant vigilance. No one answered him, but it was the question all of us were asking ourselves. What were they waiting for, and when would they decide to loose the tides and come flooding over us like the surf on the sand? Our next stand would be our last - and willing friends or not we were all each other had. At some time in the next few hours we would likely stand shoulder to shoulder and die together.

  Chapter Thirty

  Sunset is a beautiful thing on Baldric. Somehow that huge white sun painted the sky in colors that I’d never quite seen before. There were purples that were just too purple to describe and a fuchsia that seared the retinas so I thought it might always be there, just a bit, when I closed my eyes. As last sunsets go, it was definitely a good one.

  We were a black shadow – humorously enough – riding on a black shadow amongst the black outlines of trees against a blazing sky. There was nowhere to hole up for the night. If there were other installations they were not marked on my map, and we had not seen them in the fading light. That was no surprise, as the initial installation we found hadn’t been on my map, but that made our only option to continue onward.

  Rhinric was still holding up, but I didn’t know how long he could go, or if we were riding him into the ground. I felt pity and gratitude for him in equal measures, but I was unwilling to extinguish our one chance by letting him go free without us. Ch’ng had used his typical brilliance to fabricate a net of sorts from what was left of our packs and had tied us all into the net and from there to Rhinric, so that we could take turns sleeping over the next 21 hours. Tonight was bound to be one of the longest I had ever experienced in more ways than one.

  Slowly, my compatriots drifted off to sleep, more from exhaustion than anything else, because the threat around us was still terribly real. In the dark of night, I could only see the landscape as it was outlined by the double moons glowing yellow between the trees. The big one wasn’t visible right now, only the two smaller ones. Shadows were impossible to see in their faint light. My implant showed me the red inverted carets, unfortunately, which were amassing to a horde as we travelled. I didn’t bother to tell anyone that their worst fears were true. Let them imagine there was hope and sleep in peace.

  I examined the scraps of data I’d managed to download from the computer terminal at the colony. There was nothing of value, just scraps of records about the crash of the El Dorado and our journey to the colony, a list of colonists by name and some inventory counts. I laughed when I found Reynold’s helmet cam of me riding Rhinric down the hill to save them all. It looked completely unreal, like it had been fabricated by a PR company. I filed it all away and returned to the task at hand.

  I was still determined to save them all, and Roman, too. Realistically, though, my one and only hope at this point was to see him one more time before the shadows decided whether to turn me into one of them or a pillar of fungus. He had been terribly silent since that one burst and as the hours ticked by I felt a growing dread that I would see him soon, in the ranks of the shadows. I knew beyond a doubt that any being looking at him would see him worthy, so they would certainly add him to their ranks if they could. I imagined endless scenarios that all ended in him standing at attention, cool and distant like Sammy, but at least still in existence somehow. What a terrible world that all you could hope for was a shadow existence.

  I was suffering from oxygen toxicity worse than ever before. The dizzy spells were more frequent, and it occurred to me that my vision, even with the night factored in, was not what it should be. Even if the shadows didn’t kill me, the high oxygen levels might.

  Vera?

  It was Roman. He was still alive. Tension I hadn’t even realized I was experiencing uncurled in my belly and I let out a long exhale.

  You’re alive!

  I knew what I sent was laced with emotion, but I couldn’t help myself. Roman was the only person in the universe that I ...loved. It was hard to admit that. Hard to admit because it was true, and since it was true it could hurt. I’d known all along that it would hurt if he was killed or if we were forever apart, but now I knew, too, that it would hurt if he didn’t choose me, or didn’t return my affections. It’s hard to admit that someone might have the power to break you, even if they do. Admitting it, even to myself, made me feel defensive, like I was guarding a wound.

  Sorry about that. We took heavy casualties. They kept us from getting off planet in our shuttles. We’re holed up, down in the El Dorado’s wreckage for the night, but we’re
down to half the people we landed with, even though we were in marine battle armour. It’s not looking good.

  Tell me about it.

  Are you in trouble? Where are you?

  I’m here, Roman. I’m on Baldric.

  I felt him start. I guess he hadn’t worked that out..

  You’re here?

  Delight spiralled through his thoughts, and it stabbed me like a double edged knife. On the one hand, I was thrilled to have delighted him. On the other hand I knew it wasn’t the same as my delight to know he was near. It wasn’t me that he loved. And if it was – if he could move on so quickly from his love for his marine – then what was his love worth?

  I’ve been here all along. It was me who sent the message to your ship, but my transmitter went down and they sent you to the El Dorado instead of the colony.

  You. It was you.

  He sounded stunned. And the way he said “you” in his thoughts – like they were caressing me, gave me pleasant little shivers of longing for what wasn’t mine anymore.

  Are you somewhere safe? The natives are extremely dangerous, and very angry.

  We’ve noticed, he said, but he seemed distracted.

  Be careful, ok? I’m coming to you.

  Don’t! Vera, you have to find a place to hide. It’s not safe .

  I wanted to say that I loved him. I wanted to tell him that I felt whole again just knowing that he was on the same world. I stuck with facts, trying desperately to focus on what we were saying.

  It’s not safe to be with them at any time, Roman. Believe me, I know it. I’m with the only other four people alive on this planet.

  All our former closeness had fled like leaves in a stiff wind. With everything that had happened since we last saw each other hanging between us, I couldn’t focus. My emotions were too big. My words hung unsaid in the cool night air.

  I was tired. I was just so tired. Day after day of terror and fear had eroded me down to the bare earth of my emotions. So many nights without proper sleep and days without proper food and I was close to collapse from effort. Now, with Roman here, a huge part of me just wanted to curl up and let him protect me, but I couldn’t do that, could I?