Love, Always and Forever

by Alexis Morgan

  “Me, either. There’s something she’s not telling me, which is one reason I’ve been moving slowly with her.”

  Standing in the middle of a crowded ballroom wasn’t the best place to be having this kind of conversation, but who knew when he’d ever get the courage to say this next part again? “There’s also the fact that she deserves someone who doesn’t jump at shadows and sometimes can’t remember he left the war behind.”

  He watched her out on the crowded dance floor, taking comfort in knowing she was there. “There’s such an innocence about her, something I don’t want to destroy. I’ve lived through so much damn ugliness, both before we became a family and then again in the war. What if the best way to protect her is to stay like we are, friends but no more than that? Because I’m telling you straight up, I couldn’t live with myself if I ever dulled the shine in her eyes.”

  Tino’s voice was pure gravel when he spoke. “That’s total bullshit, Mikhail.”

  Of the three brothers, Jack definitely had the shortest fuse, with Mikhail coming in as a close second. However, Tino also had one hellacious temper even if it took longer to ignite. Right now he was glaring up at Mikhail with eyes that glittered with the threat of imminent violence. It was time to get him away from the crowd before all hell broke loose.

  “Do we need to take this outside?”

  Because if they were going to come to blows, he didn’t want it to be in front of Amy, Tino’s wife, or their mother. Tino shook his head, but from the way he kept clenching and unclenching his fists it was clear he wasn’t quite in control. Mikhail stepped back to give the man a little room to breathe. Meanwhile Jack moved up on the side of them while Jay cautiously approached from the other.

  “What the hell’s going on, you two? Mom’s worried.”

  Well, shit. That was the last thing either of them needed.

  Mikhail did his best to control the tension thrumming through his body. “Nothing. We were just talking.”

  Jack wasn’t buying it. “About what?”

  It was too much to hope that Tino would keep his big mouth shut. “Little brother thinks he’s not good enough for Amy.”

  Great, now he had three men glaring at him as if he’d just sprouted a second head. “That’s not what I said.”

  Not exactly, anyway.

  Jack crossed his massive arms across his chest and set his feet in a wide stance. “Then what did he say?”

  Tino sighed and gave Mikhail a quick glance that looked a bit like an apology. “He’s having some of the same trouble you and I had believing that we deserve a little happiness in our lives. That it’s okay to let someone in.”

  Jay was looking pretty uncomfortable with the whole discussion. “Look, maybe I should go tell the women the three of you are arguing over your favorite microbrew or something else equally stupid. Right now Amy and your mom are both frowning big-time. If someone doesn’t head them off, one of them is sure to come poking her nose in the middle of this conversation.”

  Mikhail pegged him with a hard look. “Go ask Amy to dance. I don’t want her getting curious and coming over here to see what’s going on.”

  The Seal studied him a minute and then nodded. “Will do.”

  Jack waited until he walked away before speaking again. “I’m going to keep this short and sweet, Mikhail. You’ve got nothing to apologize for about your background or how you’ve lived your life. If you think you have a shot at any kind of happiness with that woman, don’t blow it because of whatever baggage you’re still toting around in that thick skull of yours.”

  His eyes had darkened to the color of jade as he glared first at Tino and then back at Mikhail. “Now, kiss and make up. I’m going to go dance with my wife.”

  Tino looked marginally happier. “What he said.”

  Then he punched Mikhail on the arm hard enough to bruise and walked away. He watched his brothers seek out their wives with a great deal of envy. They’d both gone through hell and come through it, not exactly unscathed, but stronger for the experience. He really wished he could believe he could do the same. The only way he’d ever know was if he mustered up the courage to share his truth with Amy. Maybe she’d realize the smart thing would be to walk away. But then again, maybe not.

  The song was ending. He’d go reclaim his date from Jay and see where the rest of the evening would take them.

  Chapter 17

  Amy sighed happily and rested her head on Misha’s shoulder. The entire evening had been storybook perfect—the food, the wine, and most especially, the dancing. Well, other than that one moment when it had appeared that Mikhail and Tino were upset about something. Neither of them had admitted what had left them glaring at each other, but the moment had blown over pretty quickly.

  She might never have been to a high school prom, but tonight had made up for that and then some. She’d had a lovely time, and she was grateful for the extended Lukash clan making her feel so welcome.

  Right now, she and Mikhail were tucked in the back of the town car he’d hired to take them to and from the dance. As big and luxurious as the vehicle was, the backseat seemed crowded with just the two of them. She was well aware that her companion was bigger than the average guy, but tonight she seemed to be hyperaware of everything about him. Those broad shoulders and powerful legs. The pale blond hair that gleamed with silver highlights in the moonlight, not to mention those sly blue eyes that kept staring at the slit in her dress whenever he thought she wouldn’t notice.

  Right now, he held her hand in both of his, stroking her palm with a fingertip. The simple touch reverberated far beyond her hand to other, much more private parts of her body. She liked it and prayed he wouldn’t break that small connection.

  “You had a good time tonight.”

  “No, actually I had a great time tonight. Fabulous, even.”

  She smiled up at him, not sure how well he could see her in the dim interior of the car. “Everyone was so friendly and made me feel so welcome.”

  “Why wouldn’t they? All it takes is about thirty seconds in your company to know how special you are.”

  Who would’ve expected a big, macho ex-marine to be such a sweet talker? “Well, I’ll have you know that I was the envy of every woman in the place.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  Did he really not realize the effect he had on the female half of the population? “Seriously, Misha. I overheard two women in the ladies’ room talking about Natalie’s handsome brother-in-law.”

  He snorted. “How do you know they weren’t talking about Jack?”

  “I believe they described the man in question as the handsome blond and how good he looked in that tux and how much better he would look out of it.”

  Not that she’d liked hearing those women talking about Misha like that. In fact, the surge of jealousy had shocked her with its intensity. Fearing what she might say if she’d actually seen them, she’d remained inside the stall until after they left.

  “Amy, maybe some guys would be flattered by what they said, but not me. They don’t know anything about me, and I wouldn’t be interested anyway. If they’d bothered to ask, I would’ve told them my dance card was full.” His arm slid around Amy’s shoulders and pulled her in tight against the strength of his big body. “And not just for tonight, but for the foreseeable future. I’m hoping you feel the same way.”

  His words settled deep in her heart. “I do.”

  The car slowed to a stop in front of her house. Mikhail climbed out of his side and beat the driver around to open her door. After assisting her out of the car, he handed the driver what looked like a sizable tip. While she waited, her pulse picked up speed.

  Where did they go from here? Would he walk her to her front door, kiss her good night, and then go home by himself? Should she invite him in for…what? Not coffee and cookies, that was for sure.

  What if he asked her to come home with him? His words describing how much he wanted to take her to his bed had never been far from her mind s
ince the day he’d said them. If he asked her, she wanted to say yes. In fact, she would say yes provided she found the courage. But they still hadn’t talked about her past or his, for that matter.

  “You’re thinking way too hard, Amy.”

  She realized the car had already pulled away, leaving the two of them standing at the side of the street and at the edge of temptation. She wanted to spend the rest of the night in Misha’s arms, dancing together in a completely different way.

  When she didn’t reply, he tipped her chin up, lifting her face toward his. “I won’t say that I wouldn’t be disappointed if all you want me to do is walk you to your door. But if it’s too soon for anything else, just say so. Jack and Tino might deny it, but I can be a patient man when it’s something worth waiting for.”

  “And am I? Worth it, that is?”

  His smile was slow to come, but it lit up the night even as his answer lit up her heart. “Lady, you’re the only thing worth waiting for.”

  She didn’t hesitate. “My place or yours?”

  —

  In the end, they each went their separate ways. Briefly, anyway, because the dogs needed some attention. She was definitely overdressed for watching Panda take a quick turn around the yard. It wasn’t long before Sarge came lumbering over from his house to demand Amy give him a belly rub before he moved on to join Panda on perimeter patrol.

  His owner appeared a couple of minutes later dressed in flannel pajama bottoms with a T-shirt and carrying a bottle of wine and a leather shaving kit. Mikhail joined her in watching the dogs, although from the way he was fidgeting, she could tell he was more than ready to whistle them back into the house. She couldn’t blame him. The last thing she wanted to be doing right now was standing outside in the damp grass wearing her good shoes and holding hands with the man she wanted to get naked with.

  “Come on, Sarge. Time to come inside.”

  It spoke to how much time they spent together that the bulldog automatically headed right for Amy’s front door instead of Misha’s. Panda, always happy to hang out with his best buddy, came trotting across the yard to follow Sarge into the house. She appreciated that Mikhail supported her arm as they climbed the few steps up to the porch. Her legs were a bit wobbly, which had nothing to do with the height of her heels and everything to do with their plans for the rest of the night.

  When they were inside, she turned off the porch light and locked the door, shutting the rest of the world out. Now, if only she could’ve left her doubts and nerves out on the porch instead of carrying them inside with her.

  A pair of heavily muscled arms wrapped around her, tugging her back against an equally powerful chest. Despite Mikhail’s obvious strength and power, he cradled her with such amazing care as he nuzzled the side of her neck. She arched her head back to give him better access.

  “I’ll go as slow as you need me to and only as far as you are ready to go. My only request is that we do it someplace more comfortable than your couch.”

  She closed her eyes to better absorb the sensations that were new to her. It was time for a little of that truth she’d been meaning to share with him.

  “There’s something you should know.”

  When she paused to draw a deep breath, he finished the sentence for her. “You haven’t done this before.”

  She twisted in his arms to face him. “You knew?”

  He smiled and kissed her on the tip of her nose. “Let’s say I suspected.”

  It might be stupid, but his correct assessment of her experience made her a bit mad. “Why? It’s not like I have a big V branded on my forehead.”

  “It wasn’t just one thing, but there’s an innocence about you that’s hard to miss. You’re so damn beautiful, but there’s so much you’ve never done before.”

  “The fact I’d never gone dancing doesn’t mean I haven’t done anything else. I guess I must be a lousy kisser.” She was more embarrassed by that idea than mad.

  Misha shook his head as he ran his hands up and down her arms, soothing her with his touch. “Not true. What you lack in experience you make up for with natural talent. All you have to do is touch me, and this happens.”

  He took her hand and pressed it against the hard ridge straining against the front of his pajama bottoms. Still controlling her hand, he stroked it up and down a couple of times. If anything, the already impressive bulge grew even larger. When she tried to do it again on her own, he stopped her.

  His voice deepened. “My control is pretty shaky, and I don’t want to rush things. Like I said, we’re taking this nice and slow. Okay?”

  She managed a nod.

  “What I’m going to say next might sound like a cliché from an old movie”—he paused to give her a quick kiss—“but while I open the wine, why don’t you go slip into something more comfortable. ‘Comfortable’ being the operative word here.”

  That sounded like a good idea. She loved this dress, but it would be nice to have the freedom to move a little easier. “I’ll be back in a few.”

  In the refuge of her bedroom, she let out a long, ragged breath. What the heck was she doing here? She liked Misha. Maybe more than liked him. Her heart said he had some pretty strong feelings for her, too. All of that was good. But right now, she was standing on the end of a high dive with no idea of how deep the water was beneath her. The only question was should she jump?

  “Heck yeah.”

  Fast or slow didn’t matter. She wanted to go wherever he was willing to take her tonight. Her decision made, she slipped out of her dress and took the time to hang it in the closet. It was tempting to just toss everything in the corner, but this was the first time Misha would be in her bedroom. Once she was stripped down to her skin, she put on the bulldog pajamas he’d insisted he found sexy. It was tempting to wear a short nightie that she’d bought after she first met him for just such an occasion, but it was too revealing.

  Until she could warn him and explain a few things, she needed the armor the pajamas afforded her. While she brushed her hair, she could hear him moving around in the other room, his deep voice full of laughter as he talked to the dogs. What was he telling them? Something about entertaining themselves because Mommy and Daddy had their own plans for the rest of the night. Bribes were definitely being offered, some new chew toys and special doggy biscuits if they did him a solid tonight.

  She took one last look around her room, not sure if there was anything else that ought to be done. Should she turn down the bed and maybe clear off the collection of decorative pillows that cluttered up the duvet? Neither of those jobs took more than a few seconds, leaving her fresh out of stupid excuses to hide out in her room. Mikhail might be a patient man, but eventually he was going to wonder what had happened to her.

  She crept down the hall and paused in the doorway to the living room. The scene in front of her made her smile and warmed her heart. Mikhail was lounging on the sofa with Panda in his lap and Sarge curled up beside him. He was still murmuring total nonsense while outlining their wingman duties as he scratched heads and rubbed tummies.

  “Guys, like I told you. When it comes to the ladies, it’s every man for himself. If some hot-looking bulldog chicks came strolling by, I’d get out of your way ’cause that’s what a good wingman does.”

  Sarge slowly raised his head to look across the room at Amy and immediately got down off the couch. Panda yipped and followed the older dog into the kitchen where she kept Panda’s crate and Sarge had an old blanket he liked. Mikhail immediately cracked up, his laughter filling the room and her heart.

  He held out his hand toward her as he called out, “Thanks, guys! I knew you’d understand.”

  She crossed the room and let him tug her down onto the couch next to him. “Care to tell me how you did that? Granted, Panda will follow his friend anywhere, but did you teach Sarge some magic signal?”

  “Nope, he just takes the duties of a good wingman seriously.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “Why would I
lie about it? He knows I’ll return the favor if he ever wants to spend time with the ladies.”

  The silly exchange washed away the last bit of her nervousness. Mikhail had two glasses and the open bottle of wine sitting on the end table on his right. “Want some? It’s a nice red that Jack recommended.”

  “Maybe just a small one.”

  They sat in companionable silence as she sipped the wine. After a minute or two passed, Mikhail set his glass aside before angling himself to look directly at her. “Having second thoughts about me being here?”

  She owed it to them both to give him an honest answer. “More just nervous. It would be a lot easier if you overwhelmed me with kisses so I totally lost control like they do in my favorite chick flicks. Making a conscious decision is so much harder.”

  “Not to mention we’re doing some serious damage to that line we drew in the sand.” He tugged her in closer to his big body. “Like I said earlier, I don’t want you feeling pressured into doing anything you’re not ready for. If you want, we can limit ourselves to moving that dividing line a little rather than erasing it altogether. Say the word and Sarge and I will head back over to our house.”

  And that was exactly the reason she wasn’t going to send him home. Time for that truth. “I want you to stay, but there is something else making me so nervous, Misha. I have a few pretty ugly scars left over from some surgeries I had.”

  His jaw muscles tightened. “And you’re afraid that will bother me.”

  “Maybe.” Then she shook her head. “No, not really. It’s more that they bother me.”

  “Look at me, Amy.”

  When she peeked up at him through her eyelashes, he continued. “Your scars won’t bother me except for knowing the pain they might have cost you. To tell you the truth, I’m relieved you’re not perfect, because I’m sure as hell not. My worst scars might not show on the surface, but I have them. You saw them the night you brought me that banana split.”

  She managed a small smile. “Does that mean you’re going to get out the whipped cream and chocolate sauce now?”