Chasing Love's Wings

by Zoey Derrick

  “Thank you, Doctor Tolleson,” I say, and Tristan says the same. We shake hands, and he’s gone from the room; the nurse stays and removes the IV from my arm and tells me I can get dressed and she’ll be back in a few minutes with my papers and a wheelchair.

  As soon as she leaves, Tristan says to me, “May twenty-seventh?” he says with a smile, but I can see he’s a bit wary about it and my reaction. I start to climb out of bed and stop with my feet hanging over the side of the bed.

  “May twenty-seventh could quite possibly be our baby’s birthday,” I say, trying to steer him away from the date.

  “That’s not it. Come on, Cams, don’t hold back on me now.”

  I look up into his bright blue eyes. I’m transfixed by them and I feel like I can tell him anything right now and he won’t care what it is, at least not to the point of getting upset. “It’s the day that Bobby ‘died.’” Air quotes included.

  I watch him as he throws his head back in an ‘Oh, crap’ manner. “There is something I should tell you about your father.”

  “If it’s that he’s really dead, I don’t care,” I say before I can stop myself.

  “No, not that. He’s been calling me. Every night since he found out you disappeared.” I can see the worry and the fear in his eyes as he tells me this.

  “It’s about time he worried about someone other than himself.” I climb off of the bed, looking for my clothes from— “Shit.”

  “What?”

  “Can you go out to the nurses’ station, see if they have some scrubs or something I can wear?”

  “Why?”

  “They cut off my clothes when I came in here last night.” I’d hoped to keep how bad it really was from him, but he catches it right away and he knows instantly.

  “You’re never leaving my side again.” I scowl at him, but he dutifully goes to the nurses’ station and comes back with a pair of light blue scrubs for me to put on.

  I go into the bathroom to change. Not that Tristan has never seen me naked before, but I’d rather save the rest of the shock for when we’re at home. Not to mention the fact that the oversized hospital gown and the scrubs will cover up the fact that I’m not wearing a bra, and my breasts have grown pretty close to a size bigger and my nipples have changed color...only slightly, but given he noticed the bump, I have no doubt he will notice that too.

  When I come out of the bathroom, Tristan is on the phone. “Thanks, we’ll see you in a few.”

  “Who was that?”

  “Beau. Tyson took the car home last night, we have no way home.”

  “Oh.” The nurse comes in, hands Tristan a package that contains my discharge papers and some information on dehydration as well as some sample prenatal vitamins and some other junk, but I don’t care. I want to go home.

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  ******

  Tristan

  ******

  “Thanks, Beau.”

  “Of course.” She scowls at Cami and I want to stand in between them to stop it.

  “Yes, Beau, baby, I know. You can chastise me later.”

  “That’s not why I’m scowling.”

  “Then what’s the big deal?” Cami asks her.

  “Do either of you two know what day it is?”

  We both shrug. “No,” we say in unison, and Beau smiles, enjoying the fact that we’re back together or that we’re absolutely clueless.

  “It’s Thanksgiving.” She climbs back into the car and I help Cami into the front seat.

  “What?” Cami says.

  “You know — turkey, stuffing, cranberries and family. It’s Thanksgiving.”

  “I’m sorry we pulled you away from your food fest,” Cami says to her, but I can tell she’s teasing Beau, and she laughs.

  “We were at your condo anyway,” Beau says.

  Cami and I both say, “What? Why?” at the same time, and Beau bursts out laughing.

  “I am so glad the two of you are back together. I missed both of you terribly.” She pulls out of the hospital parking lot, and the streets are nearly empty. “Yes we’re ALL at the condo. Waiting impatiently for your ass to be discharged...or to be told you were staying.”

  “You’re too much, you know that?”

  After a couple of minutes, we pull in front of the condo. Tyson’s and Naomi’s cars are here. I help Cami from the car. She rolls her eyes when I help her up the stairs to the doorway, but I can tell that she’s still weak. We head for the elevator and go to the living room floor. Once the door opens we’re assaulted by all the smells of Thanksgiving, and I can hear commotion coming from the kitchen. Cami and I both look at each other.

  “I told you we were all here waiting for you to get discharged. If you were staying, we were bringing Thanksgiving dinner to you.” She smiles and kisses Cami on the cheek. Then she embraces me in a hug. “Told you.”

  She had told me, several times, that Cami would be back, though I don’t think either one of us expected it to be after finding Cami in the hospital. But still, she is here.

  “I don’t know if I have the energy for this.”

  “For eating? You always have energy for eating. We’re cooking.”

  I help Cami into the kitchen and everyone smiles at her. It’s nice to see. Travis, my best friend on this planet, comes over first. He bypasses me to hug my girl. “Welcome home,” he says. “Missed you, small fry.”

  Cami laughs. “Same here.”

  One by one they all file over and give Cami a hug, kisses and huge welcome-homes. I get the usual pat on the back plus some attaboys when it comes to the fact that I managed to knock her up. Well, those were Travis’s words.

  I can’t pull my eyes away from her; she is so beautiful. Though exhaustion is running hot in her veins, she still has this radiant glow about her. She catches me staring more than a few times and smiles at me. She is warm and carefree and I watch as every once in a while her hand comes to rest against her stomach. After the second time, I stop asking if she’s okay. “Sometimes I still don’t believe it. That’s all.” I can’t help but smile at her. I can’t believe it either, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been happier.

  After we finish eating, our friends clean up and Cami goes upstairs to lie down. It is killing me; I want to be up there with her, but I don’t want to be rude to our friends. I help them finish up.

  “How are you doing?” Beau asks me, but quietly and away from prying ears.

  “I’m good. I won’t lie, I’m freaked out, and I worried about her, but I’m okay.”

  “Good.” She leans in a little closer. “Go to her. We got this.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely. I’ve already told them, don’t worry about it. We’ll see you guys on Sunday. The game is on.” She’s such a football fan; I love it.

  “All right, sounds like a plan. That will give her a couple of days to rest. Thanks. For everything.”

  “It’s what friends are for. Just remember, she’s just as torn up as you are. I know what she did was wrong, she knows it too, but she is also very hurt by what her father has done to her. No, she had no right to hold you responsible for that and make you suffer, but remember, she’s spent her entire life alone.” She kisses me on the cheek and then everyone else joins us.

  “I can’t thank you guys enough.” They all smile at me. “For this and for everything else you’ve done these last few weeks.” I manage to bite my tongue to stop myself from just completely breaking down. Everything is crashing down on me, and I finally realize the gravity of what these people standing here really mean to me.

  “We’re always here for you. Both of you,” Naomi says. “But now that we’re all stuffed to the gills, we’re going home to pass out.”

  Everyone laughs. “I’m right there with you.” I can’t stop my eyes from darting to the ceiling as though I can see her through the two floors.

  “We’ll get out of here. Sunday for the game?” Tyson says.

  “Absolutely.”

 
Tyson comes over to me. “Don’t go anywhere without me this weekend. The stores will be packed. If you need anything, call. We’ll get it and bring it over. We stocked up the fridge and the kitchen a little bit, so you’ve got plenty of food, plus leftovers.”

  “Thanks, Ty.”

  After a couple more minutes of the pity eyes and ‘Are you okay?’ stares, they leave to go back to their houses and I look at the clock. It’s four in the afternoon.

  I climb the two flights of stairs to Cami’s bedroom. When I come around the corner she is sitting up on the bed. She’s crying. “Cams, what’s wrong?” I can’t hide the worry in my voice.

  “I’m so tired, and I can’t sleep.”

  I walk over to the bed. “So why are you crying?”

  “I don’t know,” she says through sobs and I climb onto the bed with her.

  “Want to take a bath?”

  She nods.

  “Okay, give me a minute.”

  I kiss her cheek and climb off of the bed. I head into the bathroom and turn the dimmer down low so that the room has a soft glow about it. It’s relaxing; at least, that is the mood I’m going for. I want her to be able to relax enough so that she can fall asleep.

  I start up the water and pour in some of her lavender bubble bath, and when I get up to go and get her she is standing in the doorway. My eyes land on her feet and I very lazily move them up her legs. She’s shed her clothes along the way and she stands before me naked, and it steals my breath away.

  Between her hips is a beautiful swell that reminds me that she’s pregnant and I’m going to be a father. But my eyes continue their inspection of her beautiful body. Her bellybutton ring glistens in the light of the bathroom, and my eyes slide up to her breasts; they’re bigger — not much, but slightly — and the beautiful points of her nipples are darker. I see her shoulder tattoos and then the line of her jaw and her face. She is staring at me.

  Our eyes meet. “You’re beautiful.” Then, as if the weight of the world comes crashing down on me, I start crying.

  I close my eyes, trying to stop the tears from escaping my eyes, but I fail and I can feel her standing in front of me. Her hand goes into my hair. “Please don’t cry. I can’t bear it. Everything I’ve put you through. Tristan, I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

  Forgive her? “Of course, I can and I do. Cami.” I look up to meet her tear-filled eyes. “Sweets, I love you.” I stand up. “Nothing in this world will ever change that. But please, dear God, never run away from me again.” I take her head in my hands. “I can’t bear it.” I lean down and our lips meet. I kiss her — softly, warmly, and lovingly. I feel her tears hit my hands. “We’re both beyond exhausted. Let’s get you in the bath, then we can go to bed.”

  She nods. “I like that idea.” Then she reaches for my shirt. “Join me, please,” she breathes, and I can’t resist her. She slides my shirt over my head, then she finds my dragon and she kisses him, and my heart burns with the love I can no longer hold back from her. Her hand slides down along my stomach to the button of my pants, undoing them quickly and sliding them down my legs. I really wish that her beautiful nakedness hadn’t woken up the monster in my pants, but he’s missed her as much as I have.

  I’m thankful when she ignores it. Now is not the time to get worked up.

  I step into the tub and hold my hand out for her. She takes it and climbs in. I sit down, much like I did all those months ago after she cut her foot, and she slides down on my thighs. I kiss her shoulder and hold her close to me, savoring the touch of her skin against mine, and I’m content to just sit here. But I begin lathering up her sponge, and she pulls her hair off to the side, then leans forward, and I begin washing her shoulders and down her back. “No ribbon?” I ask when I notice that her corset is empty.

  “No, I pulled it out because it was bugging me. I’ve just never restrung it.”

  “We’ll have to fix that.” I wash her back, and when I’m done she leans against me, her soapy back against my front, and I hold onto her for a little while before I begin working on washing her front.

  I can hear her breathing change when I start at her chest and work my way down her body. I don’t linger, but my hand rubs along her belly and I drop the sponge and place my hand there and kiss her shoulder. Her hand slides over mine and we just sit there.

  “I never imagined being a father until you came into my life. I’m not sure I ever imagined getting married to a woman I loved more than anything. I’ve always been afraid that I would settle for someone because I thought they made me happy.” She turns in my arms to face me. “But these last six weeks have proven that I love you more than life itself. Cameron, I never want to lose you; no matter what comes between us, we can and we will work through it, we always do. Say you’ll marry me?” I look into her eyes, searching her soul, searching for everything I need to see, and it’s all there: love, devotion, admiration, and lastly happiness.

  “Yes,” she breathes. She takes my head in her hands and her lips are on mine, hotter and more passionate. “I love you,” she breathes and kisses me again.

  “I love you,” I breathe. She kisses me again and the whole world stops spinning. This woman is all that matters to me; nothing else matters, nothing else is more important than she is.

  I pull back, and we finish our bath.

  When we climb out, I throw a towel around my waist and take my time drying her off, gently, from head to toe. I can see the exhaustion washing over her and it is the reason I stopped our kissing. She needs to rest, and right now, I want nothing more than to have her in my arms and fall asleep.

  We crawl into bed and do just that. She snuggles up to me, her back to my front, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her to me tighter than I probably should, but if it weren’t for the pain I feel at the loss I’ve endured, I’d think I was dreaming.

  THIRTY-NINE

  ******

  Cami

  ******

  When I stir in bed, it is still dark outside. Wait, it was light when I went to sleep. I can feel Tristan wrapped around me and his breath caressing my shoulder. I manage to bring my eyes to the clock. It’s four thirty in the morning. I’ve slept for nearly twelve hours, but I feel as though I could fall right back to sleep. If it weren’t for feeling Tristan at my back, I would’ve panicked when I woke up, but I realize this isn’t a dream.

  I’ve been walking around in this dream-like state for weeks — barely getting through life, barely breathing. But for the first time since all of the Bobby bullshit started, I finally feel like the weight of the world is gone from my shoulders.

  Other things start to come to me, all the things I’ve neglected these last six weeks: the house, Bold, Tristan, us, and life.

  When I discovered I was pregnant, I panicked about what Tristan would think, what he would say. I was so afraid he’d be angry with me, and I can tell that I was extremely stupid about that and it kills me knowing what I know now. His reaction to the way I look reiterates the fact that I was wrong; he’s not disgusted or turned off by it. When we climbed into the bathtub, and even when we crawled out, he had an erection, and even when we crawled into bed, it hadn’t gone away, but he made no move to do anything about it, putting my needs before his own. After everything I’ve put him through, I am so selfish.

  I can’t lie here anymore. But I can’t move either. I wouldn’t move if I didn’t feel as though my bladder were going to explode. I move slowly, hoping and praying that he will stay asleep. I’ve managed to move his arm, and his breathing hasn’t changed. Sliding off of the bed slowly and quietly, I race toward the bathroom.

  Then I realize that this is the first morning I’ve woken up without the pressing need to throw up, and I smile a little bit. Maybe I’m finally moving past the morning sickness. Thank God, because I miss food — at least eating like a pig, anyway.

  When I come out of the bathroom, Tristan is still asleep on the bed and I can see him in the light of the moon coming through the curtains.
I stand there in the doorway, just looking, just watching him sleep. What have I ever done to deserve you? I ask myself, and it’s something I can’t answer. But I do know that I will spend the rest of my life making sure he knows how much I love him.

  I stand there a couple more minutes before I return to bed, reversing the process I used to get out, hoping that he’ll stay asleep. If he wakes, he doesn’t move or indicate as much, and I curl back into my spot. I pick his arm up and wrap it around myself, and he pulls me into him, burying his face in my hair. I hear his deep inhale and he squeezes a little tighter. “I love you,” he breathes.

  “Ditto,” I whisper, and his breathing changes when he smiles into my hair, but we don’t say another word to each other as we both fall back to sleep.

  The smell of eggs and bacon wakes me up sometime later, and Tristan sits down on the side of the bed. “Breakfast in bed,” he says with a smile, and it warms my heart.

  “After I um...” I scramble out of the bed and head for the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, and after a moment he knocks.

  “You okay?”

  I can hear the worry in his voice. “Yeah, I just had to pee.”

  I can hear him laugh, and the laugh fades as he walks away from the door. I finish up and wash my hands. When I open the door he is standing there, holding a tray, and I smile. “Hi, beautiful.”

  “Hi beautiful yourself,” I say back, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my lips as I crawl into bed. I prop the pillows against the padded headboard and I pull the sheets up to my lap. Once I’m settled in, he puts the tray down in front of me and pulls back the dome from the plate.

  “I wasn’t sure if you were awake.”

  “Bacon woke me up.” I laugh and grab for a piece.

  “I can make more.”

  I smile at him. “Let me eat this first, then let’s see.” I haven’t eaten many big meals the last few weeks and yesterday wiped me out. I’ve been eating — absolutely — but a lot of smaller meals.