Ma, I've Reached for the Moon an I'm Hittin the Stars

by Martha Long

  21

  Soviah had disappeared out the door by the time we finally finished making the bed and turned the ends of the quilt down, pulling back the covers for her. Ralph looked around to see if anything needed doing, then put his arm around my waist. ‘Darling, you have been very kind. I do appreciate your patience. I am sorry I had to neglect you,’ he said, stopping to take my face in his hands then gently kiss me. Soviah came softly back into the room then dumped her huge washbag and big vanity case on the dressing table. We both turned to take her in as she bent into the mirror, examining her eyes then taking up a silver hairbrush to do her hair. Then she turned to look at us and walked over to the bed, letting the dressing gown slip off and land on the bed then slither to the floor, where she just ignored it.it.

  I watched as she moved slowly over to Ralph, wagging her arse and showing the little silk knickers with the lace trim and the short top that stopped just above the knickers, showing off her milky white breasts that stood up under the top. You could quite clearly see the nipples standing out and see the breasts from the low-cut negligee. She looked incredibly sexy, with the long cream legs and the toenails manicured with a clear, pink, shiny hue. Her face looked snow-white and her grey-blue eyes stood out like huge saucers. She looked even better now than she did when she was dressed. Younger and even more feminine!

  She moved into him, gently dropping her hand on his chest, looking into his face, saying something, acting as if I was not there. Ralph dropped his hands by his side, clenching them into fists, making it look like he had to control them, as if trying to stop himself from grabbing her.

  ‘Non, non,’ he said, shaking his head and pulling down the sheets, feeling the bed.

  ‘Ohhh!’ she moaned, dropping her head to the side, making herself look like a little girl.

  ‘Bonne nuit, Soviah,’ he said, taking me and marching me out of the room. Then he shut the door behind him, saying, ‘I think we ought to retire now, darling. I do think it is quite late.’

  ‘OK, Ralph,’ I said, letting myself fall into his arms as he pulled me to him, kissing me hard on the lips.

  ‘Do get some rest, darling, you need your sleep.’

  ‘But tell me, Ralph, what was she saying about the bed?’

  ‘Oh,’ he breathed, sounding fed up. ‘She was concerned it was not properly aired. She may become ill. I reassured her it was perfectly fine, she would be quite all right,’ he said, giving another big sigh, sounding very tired. ‘Goodnight, darling, sleep well,’ he said, blowing me a kiss. Then he was gone.

  ‘Yeah,’ I sighed, seeing him go into his room as I made me way up the rest of the stairs, heading for my bed.

  I woke up to see the grey early-morning light trying to creep through the dark and into the room. Something had woken me up. I listened, hearing the dull noise of what sounded like voices.

  What time is it? I squinted, trying to get one eye open to look over at the clock sitting on the dressing table. Five-thirty in the morning. Then I heard a door banging. I listened; it sounded like it was coming from downstairs. I wanted to turn over and doze back to sleep but my mind was becoming alert. Is your woman on the move? Is she in with Ralph? No, never!

  But my hand was already throwing back the bedclothes and my legs were swinging out of the bed. I groped for my dressing gown at the end of the bed and squinted with one eye open, seeing my slippers and digging my feet into them. Then I opened the door quietly and went downstairs, hearing Ralph’s voice coming through the half-open door of his room. My heart started thudding like mad as my legs turned to jelly. I hope and pray this is not what it looks like, I thought, silently arriving on the landing then making for the door.

  I turned in, saying, ‘Is everything OK?’

  Soviah was standing with her arms folded looking out the window into the still, dark early morning. Ralph was pacing up and down in his dressing gown, looking very grim. His head lifted as I walked in, and he came hurrying over to me, saying, ‘I am sorry, darling. Did we disturb you?’

  I looked from him to her as she turned, giving me a vicious look like she wanted to stick a knife straight through my ribs, ripping the heart out of me.

  ‘What’s happening, Ralph? Why is she in your room?’ I said, deciding enough was enough.

  ‘Look, darling,’ he said, then watched as she walked towards the bed and stretched out, letting her gown hang wide open as she curled up one leg, leaving her exposing everything to be seen between her legs because the knickers were see-through. I turned away in disgust just as he made towards Soviah on the bed.

  ‘Non, non!’ he was saying. Then his voice rose and I heard him saying, ‘Martha! Wait, I must speak with you.’

  Soviah murmured something in French and I took off walking fast, making for my room. I could feel the shock leaving me icy cold. The blood had drained out of me completely. I lifted the covers of the bed, throwing them over the pillows, and walked to the wardrobe. Then I humped out all the hangers with my clothes and landed them on the bed. Right, Martha, if you are fast, you might be lucky to catch a train somewhere heading in the direction of Paris. Fuck this, home sweet home.

  I lifted the clothes off the hangers and started to fold them one by one, piling them on top of each other. Then I heard running on the stairs. The door flew open and Ralph came tearing in, stopping with his hand on the doorknob, taking everything in at once.

  ‘No, for goodness’ sake! This is not what you think, Martha. Please, you must listen to me,’ he said, rushing to grab hold of me, taking the stuff out of my hands and swinging me around.

  I felt like a rag doll as he whipped me over to the chair, sitting me down, letting himself sit in the other chair. He shook his head, staring at me, trying to find his voice to speak. I stared, wanting to hear nothing. In this life there is no such thing as happiness lasting for more than a short time. I was expecting it to end sooner or later. Of course it was too good to be true. But let him talk. It will cost me nothing, then he will go and I can get on about my business.

  But I heard myself speaking. ‘Ralph,’ I whispered, feeling stone-cold numb. ‘Whatever you have to say, please say it quickly. I want to catch the train back to Paris. It is over. We have nothing to say. No more games, please. I am very tired of it.’

  ‘Martha,’ he whispered, trying to take my hands.

  I gently slapped his away, leaving my eyes looking hard as pebbles with no life in them and my face like marble.

  ‘Martha, if I am to be punished for anything it is that I did not lock my door. I woke up finding she had crawled into my bed and was trying to seduce me. What you must have perhaps heard was my voice ordering her out of my room. The rest you saw. I give you my solemn word I am speaking the truth. I may add also, I have been very foolish in allowing her to stay, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, I underestimated the woman. It would never have crossed my mind, I did not have the remotest idea, she would take it this far. Up until this time she was always simply flirtatious. I saw it as being quite harmless. Now I see she is very disturbed. I must speak with Jacques. Meanwhile, she will leave my house. I want her presence removed immediately,’ he said, staring into the distance, looking very grim and very determined.

  I could see how all the colour was gone from his face. His pupils were nearly black. Then he looked at me, seeing some life coming back into my eyes as I softened. ‘I believe you,’ I whispered.

  ‘Oh, Martha, my poor, poor Martha! Oh, how bloody stupid of me to cause you this sort of misery. I do love you so very much. I promise you I have never, and would never, love another woman as I love you,’ he said, grabbing me to him and sinking himself into me.

  We stayed quiet as he rocked me, then he looked at me saying, ‘Darling, you look so pale. Come along quickly. I am going to get you a hot drink with a little brandy. You look terribly shocked.’ Then he took me in both his arms and walked me out the door. I was glad to hold on to him because I felt terribly weak. All the good had drained right out of me.


  We arrived on his landing and went straight past his room. The door was wide open but Ralph didn’t look in. ‘I will deal with her later,’ he muttered. ‘First we must take care of you. You have gone into shock, my darling. I must get some brandy into you quickly.’

  We walked into the kitchen and he switched on the kettle, getting out two mugs, then reached into Madame’s press and took out a big bottle of Courvoisier brandy. He poured it into the two mugs then made the tea and sat down at the table. ‘Now, darling, drink that quickly, it will warm you up,’ he said, putting the mug to my mouth.

  It was then I saw my hands shaking. I still couldn’t speak. The shock was still working its way through me. I had nearly lost Ralph, and in the most brutal way for me. To be used, then made a fool of, then thrown away. That is how I had read it. My immediate way was to go into action. Do something, have a back-up plan, then move on. It doesn’t matter what it is, just do something. Walk away keeping your head up. This was not going to bring me down. But the shock had been hard. I am not as physically strong as I was. Things do take it out of me. My spirit may rise but the bleedin body can let me down, like now. I can’t stop fuckin shaking.

  ‘Darling, I am such a bloody fool. Who would think one has to lock one’s room on guests?’ he half-laughed, sounding in shock himself. Then he shook his head, staring at me, saying, ‘For a time, I thought I had lost you, my darling. It would certainly not have taxed the brain to figure out one plus one equals three in this situation. Please, darling, you do forgive me, I mean for putting you through this?’ he said, moving close and wrapping me to him.

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I do love you, Ralph, and I trust you. But it is what I saw that shook me, particularly when she draped herself like that in your bed. What was she doing?’ I said, looking into his face, seeing how exhausted he was.

  He sighed, dropping his eyes, thinking about it. ‘She was being perverse, my love. She was trying to drive you away from me, and . . . I presume, in her sick mind, showing me what she had to offer. Please, darling, we must not dwell on this. There is no rationale for madness. The woman is quite clearly out of her mind. I am afraid this whole business with Jacques has driven her over the edge. I shall telephone him this morning and he and I must speak. I do not want that woman to set foot in my house again. She is not my problem to deal with. But my concern is, she may not let go of me so easily. This obsession of hers could very quickly spin out of control if Jacques does not help her.’

  I sipped at the tea and brandy, and Ralph gently held it to my lips, saying, ‘No, darling, do not sip, drink it down quickly, then I think we must get you into a hot bath. Meanwhile, I must see what is happening with Soviah.’

  ‘Will you get me another drink first, Ralph?’ I said, holding up the empty mug as he stood up.

  He went to make another drink and I walked out of the kitchen. ‘Not in Ralph’s room,’ I muttered, coming back down the stairs. I opened the door to the passage and marched straight down to Soviah’s room. I stopped just inside the door and stood staring at her, taking her in. She was lying on the bed with her legs crossed, covered by her dressing gown, with her hands folded across her belly. Her eyes lit up with interest for a second then narrowed with a vicious, malevolent look of spite and anger as she realised it was only me.

  ‘So, here you are,’ I whispered, closing the door quietly behind me and walking down slowly, making my way to the bed. I could feel a cold anger rising gently to the surface. I kept my breathing easy and a half-smile on my face. ‘Do you really want Ralph?’ I said, making conversation as I moved closer to the bed.

  Her mouth curled into a sneer and she made a soft phew sound with her lips, then flicked her eyes away, saying quietly, like she was sparing her energy, ‘What business is it of yours, peasant?’

  ‘You are quite right. That does not concern me,’ I said. ‘You may want him all you want, it is up to him whether he wants you or not. BUT, BITCH, YOU DO NOT TRY TO RUB MY NOSE IN IT. YOU DO NOT INSULT ME, LYING WITH YOUR LEGS SPLAYED LIKE THE WHORE YOU ARE! TAKE THIS!’ Then I lunged, grabbing a handful of her hair in the front of her head with my left hand and whipping up her face, then I lifted my right hand, throwing it back in a fist, and brought it smack down, straight into her face. Then I let her head drop.

  Immediately her nose spurted blood and she screamed. Ralph came running, shouting, ‘What is happening? Martha, where are you?’

  I walked out of the room just as he came spinning in. ‘I think she needs you, doctor,’ I said quietly, pointing my head at her.

  He took one look at me calmly walking out the door then down at her, spurting blood all over her gown, face and sheets, and screaming like the banshee for all she was worth. He ran to grab a towel from the horse rail and raced to stop the flow of blood.

  I walked along the passage, heading back to the kitchen. My hot drink was waiting for me and I sat down calmly, then got up again, walking into the sitting room. ‘Ah, here we are!’ I said, reaching up to the mantelpiece to take down down what was left of my box of cigarillos.

  I was back in the kitchen smoking and drinking when Ralph came in, looking even more shocked. He was snow-white and looked shattered, like he had never seen the like of this in all his born days.

  ‘Martha, what did you do to her? She says you attacked her. For heaven’s sake, why add fuel to the fire?’

  ‘Ralph, is she gone?’ I said, speaking quietly as if I was talking about the weather.

  ‘No, not yet, but I have managed to stem the flow of blood. I must get her a hot drink,’ he said, rushing to whip up the kettle again.

  I got up, taking my tea and smoke, and made my way into the sitting room, then sat down, thinking, poor Ralph. That will teach him to wake up. Otherwise he could spend the rest of his life making hot drinks for all the bodies lying splattered around the place. Then I laughed, feeling the life coming back into me.

  I looked at my drink, seeing the mug was nearly empty, and drained the last of it, feeling it warm its way down into my belly, heating me up. ‘Oh, that’s better,’ I sighed, feeling a lot more relaxed as the brandy made its way through my bloodstream, doing its work. I stubbed out the end of the cigarillo in the ashtray and stood up, making my way back into the kitchen. Ralph was gone. Suddenly the side hall passage door shot open, then Soviah appeared, carrying two suitcases, with the fur coat hanging off one shoulder and the handbag dangling off the other. She stopped dead when she saw me. I stared, looking at her red nose with the hair standing up and the clothes sticking out of one of the suitcases.

  ‘MERDE!’ she suddenly screamed, losing the rag at the sight of me.

  I felt lovely and calm with the brandy floating inside me, and I just grinned, saying quietly, ‘Whore! Would you like a second helping? Perhaps the teeth this time, or even the hair?’

  Then she took up the suitcases again and went flying for the front door just as Ralph came rushing down the stairs, still in his pyjamas. His hair was wet and it looked like he was just out of the bath. ‘What is happening now?’ he croaked, looking like he wasn’t able for any more.

  ‘Don’t know,’ I said, looking from him racing down the stairs to her, with the front door left open wide, looking battered and in threadbare order. She didn’t wait to put on the make-up or even brush the hair.

  Then she saw him coming and started screaming in French. Ralph got very annoyed and came racing into the hall, then slowed down, marching to the door just as she turned on me, pointing and saying, ‘You are a crazy peasant!’

  ‘Out! Please leave my house at once! You have caused enough trouble. I will not tolerate this outrageous behaviour!’

  She turned her face to the door then looked back at me, seeing me waving her out the door.

  Then Ralph let a roar out of him. ‘GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I DEMAND YOU LEAVE AT ONCE!’ he bellowed, pointing his finger out the door.

  She took off in a hurry and he slammed the door shut, muttering, ‘Good gracious, what a debacle!’

/>   I took off back into the kitchen, putting the kettle on for myself just as he came back in, saying, ‘Darling! Are you OK? Come along, get ready. I shall run a hot bath for you. Was that bloody awful woman trying to upset you again?’

  ‘No, I think she might have come out of it a bit of a casualty herself. As you said, there’s no cure for madness. But, Ralph, that woman is mad in the right way. Don’t you fret about her. She knows exactly what she is doing.’ Then I thought, yeah, there’s only one cure for her, hit her where it hurts, in the looks department. Kindness and soft words are lost on that one. She is a rotten spoilt bitch. But she sure has a great sense of self-preservation!

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘I don’t think you should worry about her coming back, Ralph!’

  ‘No, darling, I should think not,’ he said, raising his eyebrow, looking disgusted at even the thought. ‘But if I may,’ he said, bending down and talking softly into my ear. ‘I do not condone violence. That was rather naughty, my love!’

  I sniffed, looking at him, saying, ‘Ralph, I would do it again. She asked for it. The woman understands no other language. She bloody insulted me once too often. Besides, you were right what you said about her coming back to torment you. I saw that. I knew she would never have given up. The madness was on her. Now I knocked it out of her. So it was pretty effective. You should know me, Ralph! I am still an alley cat by nature. Cross me and you do it at your peril. Besides, I was gentle with her. I could have knocked her teeth out.’

  ‘Oh, darling,’ he said, grabbing me. ‘You are not an alley cat. You are simply a fiery little thing who will fight to the death when threatened.’

  ‘Yeah, well, anyway, Ralph. You were too kind to her. It doesn’t always work! She is totally amoral.’

  ‘Yes, you are quite right, my darling,’ he said, letting his face drop at that thought. Then he sighed, saying, ‘I want you in that bath now. Come along, you are procrastinating.’