Ma, I've Reached for the Moon an I'm Hittin the Stars

by Martha Long

  ‘What? You want me in the bath?’ I said, giving him a shocked look.

  ‘Yes, I do!’ he said slowly. ‘You have been through a . . .’ Then it hit him. ‘Oh, I see,’ he said softly, grinning at me. ‘Come here, you!’ he said, moving towards me and taking me in his arms, then resting my head as he bent to kiss me, bearing his mouth down, kissing me long and hard.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling tighter into him. Our breathing was getting faster and louder as he stroked my back and ran his hands over my bottom, pulling me into him. I could feel him pressing into me as he started becoming more aroused. Then he slowly pulled away and stared at me. ‘Darling, you are so beautiful, I do love you so very, very much,’ he said, shaking his head slowly, staring into my eyes.

  My heart soared with the sudden thought of not losing him and having him look at me with such tenderness and love. Oh, dear God, I am so happy. What did I ever do without him? I thought, wanting to stay this way and never let go. To just feel his body so close to me made me feel safe. ‘Yes, Ralph,’ I whispered, stroking his face and staring back at him. ‘I love you with all my heart,’ I said, wrapping my arms around him, feeling so warm and loved and lucky to have him.

  ‘Come on, sweetie,’ he said, walking me up the stairs. Then he stopped outside the bathroom, saying, ‘You go along to your room. I shall prepare your bath then we ought to get dressed. Madame will be arriving in approximately one hour. We can breakfast together. Perhaps we can do something later.’

  ‘Like what, Ralph?’

  ‘Well, I am not sure yet. I do have some things I must attend to. But we shall see.’

  22

  I put on a blue shirt and black flared skirt that went below my knee, with black wool tights and flat slip-on shoes, then pulled on a heavy, navy-blue wool jumper. Then I stood in front of the mirror and combed out my wet hair. I think I will let it hang down; it needs to dry out. That will do, I thought, fixing the gold-stud earrings into my ears. Now for a bit of make-up. I just need a little; it’s too early in the morning, for anything more. I put on a little eyeshadow, then mascara and some pale-pink lipstick. ‘Ready,’ I muttered, standing back to see how I looked. Fine, you look grand and fresh. Now, is everything nice and tidy? I let my eyes fly around the room, seeing everything was back in its place. I had hung up all the clothes left scattered on the bed when I thought, in the early hours of this morning, that I was going to make a quick and permanent exit.

  Jesus! Imagine that, Martha? I would never have seen Ralph, or even this place, ever again! Suddenly I shivered, getting the memory of that terrible shock. It was so bad I didn’t even let half of it sink in. No, I went deadly calm, just working on automatic pilot. But now I could see just how devastating it would have been. No, Ralph really does love me. I have been right all along about him. He has no hidden motives or agenda. He behaves as he believes, his word is his bond. He is completely honourable and very highly principled. To top it all, he is so bloody incredibly handsome, even more so now than when he was younger. Yeah, he is distinguished, self-assured and very polished. People take him seriously. Even the waiters, who are nobody’s fool, they recognise an eejit when they meet one. The clicking-finger brigade, flashing the money and tripping over the tongue with the false accent.

  Good God! How did I ever get so lucky meeting him? Not just that but, yes, it has to be true, he loved me from the beginning. The raw sixteen year old scraped off the streets. My God, Martha, just think, he could have had Soviah for the taking. Why not? He owed me nothing! Verily, it must be love.

  Listen, God! You can have me now. I will die a happy woman . . . but give us a chance to enjoy it first. I want to die knowing happiness does last more than just a short while. Right, have we a deal, God? You have been good to me up to now! So I trust you. ‘Oh, life’s a bowl of cherries,’ I sang, grinning my way out the door. Then I was flying back in. ‘A little dab of Chanel perfume,’ I gasped, feeling out of breath from the hurry. I can’t wait to get to Ralph. Lovely! When I waft in, I’m hoping he’ll see instant beauty, and all from just the smell of me.

  Ralph was sitting at the kitchen table writing in his notebook when I pushed open the door. ‘Hello!’ he said, turning to look at me, then snapped the book shut, slapping it down beside him on the kitchen table. ‘You are here! I waited to have breakfast with you, darling,’ he whispered, as he folded me into his arms, kissing me on the mouth. ‘You do look much better,’ he said, standing back to look into my face. ‘Hmm, and you smell nice too,’ he said, letting his nose and mouth brush my neck.

  I shivered and laughed, saying, ‘You look very nice too, Ralph!’, looking him up and down admiringly, taking in the dark-cream trousers with the brown-leather shoes and the black polo-neck sweater.

  He lifted his eyebrow and flashed his green eyes, giving a little nod with his head, saying, ‘Hmm, you like, darling?’

  ‘Yes,’ I breathed. ‘You could wear a sack and I would still think you gorgeous! Isn’t it terrible how love can blind you?’

  ‘You are so naughty,’ he whispered, grabbing me and giving me a quick squeeze, pulling me tight into him. Then he turned to Madame, who was making her way to the table. She put down a hot plate of rashers and tomatoes and eggs for me, and a boiled egg for Ralph, with hot rolls and croissants.

  ‘Bonjour, Madame,’ I said quickly, giving her a slight bow of my head, then saying, ‘Merci!’ Then I dug into the breakfast, while Ralph took his time, carefully breaking and buttering a little piece of his bread.

  ‘Oh, the bloody upper classes and their little nibbles at the table would put years on you,’ I moaned, stopping to watch him. Then I gave a huge grin, seeing him lift his head, giving me a questioning look. ‘Ahh, wait till you hear this, Ralph, then you’ll understand,’ I said, bending into him. Then I told him about this posh nun I met in a very posh boarding school in England. ‘Mind, I was only there for the few hours,’ I said. ‘They had to fumigate the place when I left,’ I snorted then laughed.

  He roared laughing, listening as I told him how the pair of them, her and the schoolgirl, spent the afternoon tea chewing on the one and only tiny finger sandwich they managed to eat. ‘Oh, you are funny,’ he said, pulling me to him to kiss the top of my head.

  ‘I shall see you later,’ Ralph said, standing up after we finished the breakfast, then kissing me quickly and heading off out the door.

  I sighed, looking around wondering what I was going to do with myself. I went into the sitting room and looked out the window, thinking, I will go for a walk. I’m still feeling a bit dozy after being up half the night. Yeah, we got to bed late, then up before the dawn barely broke. I stared out, looking over the lawns, seeing the mist on the grass and the trees looking miserable as they stood waving in the breeze with the rain dripping off them. ‘No, forget that,’ I said, swinging my head around the room, looking for something to catch my attention. My eyes peeled on the bookcase. Read? Watch television? What? This hour of the morning? Never! I’m not that far gone. Right, book it is.

  I lay back on the sofa, trying to get into the book but it was hard going with the eyes half closing. George Orwell’s Animal Farm. ‘Oh, I’m not in the mood,’ I sighed, dropping the book beside me, feeling myself wanting to doze off. Then I heard footsteps and the door suddenly pushed in. I whipped my eyes open, looking with interest at the sight of Ralph dressed in his coat and wearing a scarf around his neck.

  ‘Darling, good idea, you take some rest. I have to go out for a while. There are some things I must attend to. I shall see you later.’ Then he made to shut the door.

  ‘No wait, Ralph! Surely I can come with you?’ I said, throwing my legs onto the floor and getting to my feet.

  ‘No, sweetheart, you have some rest, you look tired. Do, please!’ he grinned, then gave me a pleading look. ‘I shall bring you back a little surprise!’ he said, getting even more persuasive as he rushed over, giving me a quick kiss on the lips, then made his way out the door, shutting it firmly be
hind him.

  ‘Oh, what kind of surprise?’ I asked the empty space, then listened, hearing the front door slammed shut with a bang. ‘Wonder why he won’t take me with him?’ I muttered, sighing me way back to plaster myself on the sofa.

  I was just waking up from a lovely sleep. Gawd, I really was tired. That was great, now I feel fresh as a daisy, I thought, taking a stretch and getting ready to move. Then I heard the car tyres whirring past the house, heading around the back. Ralph! He’s home! I leapt up then thought, no, let him get in the door and get his breath. I have to remember he is not used to having people hanging out of his neck. He expects a certain type of behaviour from a woman my age. Decorum, he would call it.

  Right, you better start trotting out your best behaviour, Martha. Come to think about it, sure, you have always lived on your own. I suppose this is why it is such a novelty for me, having a man in my life. Someone who does things for me. I’m not used to that. Now it has brought out the scattered me. I’m all over the place. It’s all these new emotions rushing through me. I’m not used to being loved, or even feeling dependent on someone. It sort of makes me feel a bit childish, brings out the silliness in me because I haven’t grown into these feelings. I didn’t grow up with them. I bypassed all that kind of thing and now it’s hit me all at once. So I get shy when he looks at me with tenderness or shows he feels I’m desirable to him as a woman. No, I end up feeling foolish, going all bleedin girlie! Like a bloody schoolgirl. Now, if he was an ordinary man! No problem, I could teach the vamp a few things on driving the aul fellas mad, with them only barely getting a sniff of me. Yeah, but now it’s like I’m eighteen again and feeling foolish with it. Well, who gives a damn? He loves me the way I am. Yeah, oh my God, if only I knew how happy a human could be! I would have gone demented searching for it. Jaysus, no wonder people top themselves. Imagine losing happiness like this.

  What are you talking about? You tried to bloody top yourself! Yeah, that was different. I was grieving the loss of . . . Who cares? This is me now. I have arrived at nirvana. Oh, yeah! I know what I was grieving. It was not just the loss of health, the death of Harry, or the loss of Sarah. It was the loss of hope. Yes, it was the loss of God after Harry died. I was left bereft, believing I was completely alone and had always been alone. There was no God; there was no nothing. We are just hatched, batched, matched and fucking dispatched. I had been fooling myself all along. But now, I do believe he had been there all the time. Yes, when I couldn’t find him in the dark, it was because he was right next to me. I only heard the sound of one lonely pair of footsteps. I thought they were mine. But, no, they were his. Because God was carrying me! I couldn’t understand why I didn’t die. Now I know he had plans for me; he was sparing me for better things to come.

  So once again, Ralph, with his goodness, has been brought back into my life. That has to be for a very special reason. The first time was to prepare me for what was to come. I understand now that I needed to have experienced that glimpse of love from him. It was what kept me going. I then knew there was such a thing called love. So now what is he being used to prepare me for this time, if it’s destined I am not to spend the rest of my life with Ralph? What will be ahead of me that I need him again? I don’t know, but I am sure of one thing. The good Lord is with me and he works in mysterious ways. I feel his love for me through Ralph. He is, and will always be, taking care of me. That makes me feel very special and is giving me an inner sense of peace. It is the knowledge I can come to no harm because he will protect me, just like he has always done. Yes, thank you, Heavenly Father, for bringing me this inner sense of peace, a feeling of being at one with life. I am sure that is your way of showing me you are close by.

  Then a thought hit me. First time round when I met Ralph, he took me off the streets. Then, when we broke up, it hurt him too. He had given up medicine, he saw no call for it in his life. He wanted to work as a priest. But soon after we split, he took up medicine again and went off to the Congo, working with people suffering from leprosy, people who really needed him. He obviously thought he was more useful there. So maybe that was my purpose in his life then. Now he is thinking of giving up the priesthood. He has even stopped working as a missionary doctor. So maybe that is not intended for him. I am probably here to serve a purpose for him. Anyway, whatever the reason, we were meant to meet and serve a very special purpose for each other. Hmm! No wonder the vamp didn’t get a look in!

  I walked over to the mantelpiece and took down my tobacco, lighting up a cigarette. Then I heard the passage door open and Ralph’s footsteps walking into the hall. I waited, but he went past. Then he was back and the door opened. My eyes lit on him coming in carrying parcels.

  ‘Hello, darling,’ he smiled, making over to me then dropping the stuff down on the sofa. ‘A little gift for you, my love,’ he said, taking in a slow deep breath as he took me into his arms.

  ‘Oh, I missed you,’ I said, feeling his cold wet face after getting hit by the rain.

  He kissed me, then gently rubbed his cheek against mine as he sighed, saying softly, ‘Oh, darling, it is wonderful having you in my arms. Do you know, I miss your presence when you are not with me? I would love to have taken you this morning but I wanted you to have rest. Notwithstanding,’ he grinned, pulling away from me and lowering his head to the packages, ‘I wanted to surprise you! Try to make up for the awful difficulties we, you, have had to endure recently.’

  ‘Me! Presents?’ I said astonished. ‘Oh! What did you get?’ I said slowly, looking up at him whispering, then making for the bags.

  ‘Take a look! I hope it is suitable. Believe me,’ he said laughing, ‘I had no idea what I was doing. Shopping is not something I do. I leave that to others but, my love, I made a special effort for you,’ he said, collapsing himself onto the sofa and crossing his legs, watching me open the parcels.

  I took out a gorgeous white-linen blouse with a high-necked pure-lace collar buttoned at the back of the neck with pearl buttons. ‘Oh, that is lovely,’ I breathed, holding it up, stroking the soft linen, running my hands over the exquisite lace neck. Then I picked up a long black-velvet skirt that swung out when you walked. It had a matching hunting jacket with the high collar of an Austrian army officer. The collar, edging and under the cloth buttons were embroidered with dark-green stitching. ‘Oh, Ralph, you bought me a hunting skirt with a beautiful matching jacket,’ I whispered. Then I opened the box sitting in the bag and lifted out a pair of flat black-and-wine-leather hunting boots. ‘Oh, the lace blouse goes with this, the whole lot go together. This outfit is modelled on the old-fashioned ladies’ riding habit they used to wear when riding side-saddle. Oh, they are all the fashion now,’ I gasped, ‘but you won’t see anything as authentic-looking as this. They are beautiful, Ralph, very classy!’ I said, looking at him.

  He nodded with a smile and lowered his head, delighted I liked them.

  ‘How did you manage this? How did you know what to get me, Ralph?’

  ‘I imagined they would be perfect for you,’ he murmured. ‘I think they should suit very well,’ he said, making it look like he knew what he was doing.

  ‘You have great taste,’ I puffed, feeling out of breath. I could barely speak as I dipped into the bags, pulling out more stuff.

  ‘A frock as well!’ I said, lifting it up. It was a clinging, light-brown, cashmere frock that would hug my curves. ‘Another one!’ I shouted, seeing a cream-silk dress nestled in a box. I picked it up and it flowed down weighing about as much as a hankie.

  ‘It is beautiful,’ I whispered, holding it up to myself. ‘How did you know my size?’ I said, looking to see, and, yes, it was my size!

  ‘I simply looked at what you had in your wardrobe, darling,’ he said, grinning at me like he had done something very secret. ‘Martha, perhaps you may want to wear something tonight. We are invited by Jacques for dinner this evening. I was speaking with him this morning on the telephone.’

  My heart dropped. ‘But, Ralph, what about you
r woman?’ I said, thinking that is really looking for trouble.

  ‘Oh, that is not a difficulty. Jacques tells me she came storming home, packed and has simply taken flight! She has left him!’ Ralph said, grinning at me, waiting to let out a big laugh. Then he said, looking like he just thought of something, ‘I say, Martha, I could hire you out as a hit woman! We could do awfully well out of it,’ he laughed. ‘Needless to say, Jacques is quite chuffed! He is in high spirits. I do believe this is a celebratory dinner!’ Then he started laughing his head off.

  ‘Does he know I boxed his wife?’ I said, wondering if that would cause a problem. It’s one thing getting rid of her but another if you beat her up, I thought!

  ‘I don’t know, darling, unless you intend telling him. He mentioned nothing of it to me.’

  ‘Oh, good, let’s keep it that way, Ralph,’ I said, letting out my breath with the relief.

  ‘Go on, darling, there are one or two things more,’ he said, pointing at the bag hidden under the boxes.

  ‘Underwear!’ I screamed in a loud whisper.

  ‘Lingerie! I asked the assistant to help out with that. She chose, darling, I had no idea what you would like.’

  ‘These are gorgeous,’ I said, lifting up the cami knickers with the matching silk top and bra. ‘How did you know the size of this?’ I said, holding it out to him.

  ‘Oh, with a lot of difficulty. I spent an age discussing but eventually I judged the cup to be approximately your size,’ he said, giving me a big grin as he thought about it.

  Then I lifted up a jewellery box and pulled out a short string of pearls. ‘Oh, these are beautiful, Ralph,’ I gasped.

  ‘Yes, I thought you might like them,’ he said, fixing his eyes on me as he stood up, saying, ‘Allow me, darling.’

  I turned as he lifted my hair and clasped them around my neck. Then he lowered his head, nodding as he stared at me, saying, ‘Yes, you look beautiful. They do you justice, my darling. You have the earrings to match, do you not?’