The Secrets of Ice Cream Success

by AD Hartley

  ‘He said the book isn’t alive.’ Ben translated.

  ‘Oh, that’s a shame. I haven’t been allowed a pet for ages.’ Norton continued, absently opening the book to have it close again with a thud.

  Carlo watched as Abi, not one to give up on a cause, started to complain about the book’s rights to live without being tormented by sticky fingered oppressors and as the bickering continued he began to feel the now familiar sense of dread creep over him.

  ‘Guys…’ he whispered, trying to get their attention as he noticed the temperature drop in the room. ‘Guys!’ he said louder noticing the clock behind the group had started to count time backwards. “Guys!’ he shouted, ‘I think we should leave!’

  ‘Why?’ asked Norton, still playing with the diary.

  ‘Norton, stop doing that…’ Carlo asked through the side of his mouth as he glanced at the clock to see the hands now spinning wildly. Air condensed from his mouth.

  ‘Why’s it so cold in here?’ Abi asked.

  Newton started to inch towards the door. ‘I think Carlo is right, let’s go.’ he said, having followed Carlo’s gaze and noticed the clock. ‘Come on Norton, put the book down, there’s a good chap.’

  ‘Why?’ Norton moaned, what are you lot going on about, I’m not doing anythi…’

  A sense of anger and frustration filled the room as a voice bellowed out from every corner…

  GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! WILL YOU KIDS JUST LEAVE THAT BOOK ALONE AND GET OUT, NOW!

  Screams filled the staircase as Abi, Newton, Ben and Norton pushed past each other trying to leave the room as quickly as they could at the same time with Carlo bringing up the rear at full speed crying out ‘I told you!’

  Carlo didn’t feel comfortable at all wearing the itchy shirt that Randy had bought him for work, but Abi had insisted that he had to look smart at the party and when it came to smart it was either this shirt or the suit he had worn at his father’s funeral, which was by now a few sizes too small.

  ‘Do I have to go?’ Carlo had protested earlier, believing that ghostly experiences were more than a good enough reason to cancel social engagement plans. Abi, who had overcome the shock of being yelled at by a study surprisingly easily when faced with getting ready for a party, didn’t relent.

  The four boys weren’t going to be as easily diverted from what had happened and when Newton’s Mum rang to say he couldn’t go to the party because he had come down with a fever it took all of Abi’s powers of persuasion and no small amount of shouting to pull the others into line.

  ‘But that’s what happened to me the first time!’ Carlo had complained. ‘We shouldn’t go!’

  ‘Listen, you three! We are going to go to this party! There will be no talk of ghosts! There will be no talk of ice cream factories! There will be free food!’ Norton brightened up at this. ‘And you, Carlo, will talk to Vicky Dearlove as if you were a normal human being! Just try your best.’ She finished, which Carlo thought was a little unnecessary.

  ‘What kind of food will there be?’ Norton asked as they walked up the garden path to Vicky’s front door.

  ‘Is that all you think about?’ Abi sighed.

  ‘Look, you said there would be free food, so I just want to get things straight. If there’s not stuff I like then I’ve been brought here under false pre-tennis.’

  ‘Pretences.’ Ben supplied.

  ‘Yeah, those things.’

  Abi shook her head, reaching to press the doorbell whilst Norton peered through the frosted glass of the door trying to see a table laden with food and Carlo tried to hide behind Ben, perfectly happy to remain unseen.

  ‘Hi Guys!’ said a broadly smiling lady answering the door. ‘Abi… Ben, great to see you.’

  ‘Hi, Mrs Dearlove.’ answered Abi and Ben in unison. ‘This is Richard, our cousin.’ Abi said pulling Norton back from the open door to face Vicky’s mother. Norton absently said Hi and returned to staring into the house. ‘And this is Carlo, our friend.’ Abi finished. Carlo popped his head out from behind Ben, said “Hi” and then disappeared again.

  ‘Oh, so that’s Carlo.’ Mrs Dearlove said with a grin whilst opening the front door wide to let them in. ‘Well, come on in guys. There’re drinks in the kitchen, milkshake and lemonade, and Mr Dearlove is just lighting the barbecue in the back garden, with Vicky.

  ‘Awesome!’ Norton squeaked, trundling ahead intent on offering some cheffing advice.

  Carlo followed Abi and Ben into the house, still keeping out of sight and vaguely wondering what Mrs Dearlove had meant by “Oh, that’s Carlo”. It surely couldn’t be anything good. Although most of the other guests were from a different school, Ben and Abi seemed to know almost all of them and were soon chatting away. Carlo somehow found himself stood in a corner of the lounge and within minutes noticed that everyone else had moved off into the kitchen and garden. He stood uncomfortably for a few minutes holding a lemonade Vicky’s Mom had given him and wondered what he should be doing before deciding he should sit down.

  ‘Having fun?’ a voice asked from the doorway.

  Carlo looked up from contemplating his drink to see an old man entering the room using a cane to help steady himself.

  ‘Erm…’ Carlo answered.

  The old man waved away his question as he sat down in the armchair with an audible sigh. ‘No, me neither.’ he said leaning his cane against the arm of the chair and relaxing into the leather to get comfortable. The man stared at Carlo with bright blue eyes surrounded by soft wrinkles that hinted at laughter. ‘Well?’ he asked.

  ‘Erm…’ repeated Carlo who was already uncomfortable at the party and was now feeling most put upon.

  The old man chuckled as Carlo squirmed under the extremely light interrogation. ‘Well? He asked again. ‘Who are you?’

  Feeling relieved that there was an obvious answer now available, Carlo gave his name but offered no other information. ‘Carlo Leodoni, huh?’ the old man said, with a smile. ‘So you’re Carlo?’ he chuckled.

  ‘Wait…what? Why does everyone…?’ Carlo started, slightly worried that he had done something wrong.

  The old man chuckled again, seemingly enjoying Carlo’s confusion, before smiling more gently. ‘I’m Vicky’s Granddad. She’s mentioned you once or twice.’ he said with a grin that suggested he was understating.

  ‘Oh…’ Carlo replied, not at all sure if that made things better or worse.

  ‘I used to know your Family.’ Mr Dearlove said, ‘Your grandfather was a bit of a character. But I was sad when I heard about your father. He was a good man.’

  ‘You knew him?’ Carlo asked surprised.

  ‘Aye, many did. He was well known round these parts. Wanted to go to the funeral, but couldn’t.’ Mr Dearlove said, tapping his leg. ‘He was a good man.’ he repeated.

  ‘Thanks.’ Carlo mumbled, not really sure if that was the correct response.

  ‘Made great ice cream, your family did. Better than that other lot, anyway. Never liked Hill’s.’

  Carlo immediately warmed to the old man and started to relax. Anyone who disliked Hill’s was someone Carlo could relate too.

  ‘I was on their side, back when the competition was on.’ Mr Dearlove continued. ‘Everyone had a side. Big deal, it was, the competition.’

  ‘What competition?’ Carlo asked.

  ‘You don’t know? Oh, well, it was in the papers and everything. Leodoni’s Vs Hill’s. Who could sell the most ice cream in a day at the town fair. Years ago, it was. Must’ve been, nineteen seventy or seventy one.’

  ‘I didn’t know about that.’ Carlo said, fascinated. ‘Who won?’

  ‘Well, Hill’s did, of course. More vans, better sales. But everyone preferred Leodoni’s, the whole town knew which was best. Good man, your father.’ Mr Dearlove said, nodding in agreement with his own memory.

  ‘Anyway,’ he asked suddenly, ‘why are you in here by yourself when all the other kids are outside?’

  ‘I didn’t mean to be. It just sort of h
appened. Everyone seemed to know what to do and sort of moved off and I guess I got left behind.’ Carlo supplied, looking mournful.

  ‘Ah.’ Vicky’s Grandfather said, nodding in understanding. ‘First party, is it?’ Carlo nodded. ‘Want me to come outside with you and introduce everyone?’

  ‘God, no!’ Carlo said, a little more forcefully than he had meant to. ‘Sorry, it’s just that, well… you’re…’

  ‘Old?’ Suggested Mr Dearlove.

  ‘Yes! Well… err no, not that.’

  Mr Dearlove laughed loudly. ‘No offence taken, Carlo. Of course you don’t want me to introduce you.’ he said, chuckling away to himself. ‘Tell you what. Wait here a second.’ Mr Dearlove pulled himself up with his cane and shuffled out of the room leaving Carlo to stare at his drink once again. A minute later Vicky skipped into the room, followed a moment later by her Grandfather.

  ‘Carlo, there you are! We’ve been looking for you. I thought Ben was joking when he said you’d come too but had disappeared.’

  ‘Oh, don’t blame Carlo, Vik. I was talking on and on about things that don’t really matter, the way old people do.’ Mr Dearlove said, winking at Carlo, ‘But you two should run along now and leave me to reflect ruefully on old age.’

  Vicky rolled her eyes while her Grandfather laughed himself back down into his chair with intermittent wheezing.

  ‘Come on, everybody’s outside.’ Vicky said, grabbing Carlo’s hand and pulling him firmly through the house.

  On the whole Carlo had to admit that he was enjoying himself, which came as something of a surprise. Ben was under orders from Abi to keep Norton entertained and, most importantly, away from Carlo so he didn’t make him more nervous around Vicky than absolutely necessary. In that regard, Carlo found things were better than he was expecting because for the time being at least it didn’t seem that he was required to offer much by way of conversation, Vicky being quite adept at holding one by herself on the various topics of the day ranging from what colour the French Teacher in her school had dyed her hair through too a boy named Dave that he didn’t know being caught smoking behind the sports hall and being given detention. Carlo nodded and smiled his way through a number of unfathomable anecdotes which ended rather abruptly with a question tacked onto the end of the final story without so much as a pause for breath in-between.

  ‘Sorry, what?’ Carlo said, trying to quickly focus once more on the details.

  ‘Would you like to go to the cinema with me this weekend?’ Vicky asked again.

  ‘Yes?’ Carlo suggested, hoping that was the correct answer.

  ‘Good.’ I’ll go and get us some more lemonade.’ Vicky said, taking his glass and running off to the kitchen with a smile.

  Alone again, Carlo looked around the garden. Ben and Abi were holding court amongst a large group of kids from Vicky’s school whilst Norton was remonstrating with Mr Dearlove about the correct ratio of condiments and salad to be placed in the perfect burger, which according to Norton was “Lots:None”. All in all Carlo was beginning to think he was getting the hang of both parties and girls and what’s more neither had required much input from him, which was the way he liked it as it limited the opportunity for embarrassment.

  Looking through the kitchen window, Carlo could see Vicky chatting with her Mom as she collected drinks and was slightly concerned when both looked out in his direction with broad smiles. He smiled back sheepishly and turned around in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner to find himself face to face with a slightly bulging Spiderman.

  ‘Argh! What the…?’ Carlo stepped back to see that Spiderman was actually emblazoned on the front of a t-shirt, which itself was ill-fittingly stretched across a chest. He stepped back again looking up to see that the chest belonged to a kid at least a foot taller than he was and a good deal wider. ‘Sorry.’ Carlo said, still trying to move back far enough to take in the view in front of him. It was like trying to see an entire mountain when stood at the base. ‘I didn’t see you there.’ he added, immediately regretting it given that the boy in front of him could probably be seen from space.

  ‘So you’re the Italian kid?’ the boy said ignoring Carlo’s remark.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Can you speak English? I said… so you’re the Italian kid?’ repeated the boy, aggression stressing every word.

  ‘What? No, well… yes, but no, I’m English. My Dad was Italian.’ Carlo finally sputtered, feeling his earlier confidence rushing away to be replaced with flustered distress.

  ‘So you’re Italian, then. And you’re what… nine years old?’

  ‘I’m fourteen!’

  ‘Nah, can’t be fourteen. I think you’re nine. So, you’re an Italian child and you think you’re better than me?’

  ‘What do you mean? I don’t even know who you are!’ Carlo said, feeling he was lagging behind in the discussion and trying desperately to catch up.

  ‘Listen, child, I don’t like you. You think you’re better than everyone, but you’re not. You’re just a little kid and you’re not even in the right country.’ The boy reached forward and grabbed the front of Carlo’s shirt and pulled him forwards. ‘You better not do it again!’ he growled into Carlo’s face, spittle shooting from his lips.

  ‘Do what again? Get off me you nutter!’ Carlo shouted, becoming alarmed and tugging at the boy’s hand to try and release himself. But then a small force of nature with angry, boisterous hair inserted itself between Carlo and the boy and pushed them apart.

  ‘You just let go of him or by God I’ll tell your mother!’ screamed Abi, delivering another surprisingly powerful shove to Spiderman’s face sending the boy stumbling backwards.

  He steadied himself and stared at Abi, fuming. ‘You are such a little brat!’ he said, stepping forward but hesitating as a fourth person entered the fray.

  ‘Evening, Herbert!’ Ben said, calmly. ‘You acting like a Herbert, you Herbert?’

  The boy stopped in his tracks and looked at the three faces in front of him, two determined and one slightly confused. At seventeen he was three years older than Ben, six inches taller and twice as wide, but even he had doubts about challenging the younger boy who through confidence alone had picked up a reputation that made the so called “tougher” boys in the area give him a wide berth without anyone ever coming to blows, preserving both their status and as Ben liked to add, their noses.

  ‘Teesdale, sod off! You’re just as annoying as your sister!’

  ‘Yes, but I don’t hit as hard.’ replied Ben with a pleasant smile. ‘Would you like to judge for yourself?’

  ‘Ooh, me first, me first!’ Abi taunted, pulling her hands up into an exaggerated boxing stance and prancing on the spot.

  Herbert ignored Abi, keeping his eyes firmly on Ben, who continued to smile benignly. Eventually he came to the conclusion that a dignified exit was his best option and, hoping to keep some level of menace in the face of a fourteen year old girl with large hair bouncing in front of him, he barged past Carlo knocking him to the floor as he strode away. Wanting to get the last word he turned before entering the house and tried to look as threatening as he could.

  ‘If you ever disrespect Mr Hill again, you’ll have me to answer too.’ He said with a scowl.

  ‘Oh,’ Carlo replied, suddenly up to speed with proceedings. ‘So that’s what this is about!’

  ‘Yeah, so just watch it, Leodoni!’ Herbert snarled before turning and promptly walking straight into the closed door. Composing himself, he looked back to see Ben, Abi and Carlo with the straightest faces possible, though with a possible hint of shoulder shake as Abi desperately tried to contain herself. Herbert slammed opened the door and marched through, but not before the sound of laughter reached him.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Ben asked offering Carlo a hand.

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ He replied dusting himself off. ‘I was just more confused than anything else. What a knobhe…’

  ‘Hey, what happened? Are you OK?’ Vicky shouted running over as Ca
rlo quickly cut his admonishment short.

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine, just a misunderstanding.’

  ‘Well it looked more than a misunderstanding. As long as you’re sure?’

  Carlo nodded and tried to change the subject, but Vicky seemed determined to tease all the potential gossip from the situation.

  ‘I never liked that boy. He’s got issues or something scientific like that!’

  ‘Then why’d you invite him, Vik?’ Ben asked.

  ‘I didn’t, my brother did. It’s not even his party. My Mum just went to tell him and his friends to go to the cinema or something. They always cause trouble! Stupid boys!’ she finished with feeling. ‘So what did you say to him to make him do that?’ she asked turning back to Carlo, who shrugged.

  ‘I didn’t, he just walked over and started acting like a wrestler. All… “You don’t respect me and I’m gonna rip you in two!”’ Carlo mimicked, throwing his imaginary microphone to the imaginary canvas and attempting a half-hearted elbow drop on Ben, who stepped aside and pushed Carlo back to the floor before standing on his back and waving to the imaginary crowd in relatively genuine triumph.

  ‘Well, he’s always been a bit of an idiot.’ Vicky added, trying her best to show disapproval at the boys wrestling antics but smiling despite herself. ‘But I’ve never seen him act like that before.’

  ‘I think he works for Hill’s.’ Ben said, nodding his head as if that explained everything. Vicky looked perplexed.

  ‘Hill’s Chocolates?’ Abi supplied.

  ‘Err, yeah. But I still don’t get it.’

  Ben groaned. Surely such slowness shouldn’t be allowed unless you’re Norton. ‘He…’ Ben stated, pointing at Carlo, ‘is the last remaining Leodoni! And he…’ he continued, pointing after Herbert, ‘works for Hill’s. Therefore they…’ Ben made an all-encompassing gesture with his hands, ‘are mortal enemies! Yes?’ he finished.