Beautifully Destroyed

by Gracie Wilson

“I’m going to go with Cameron. You get settled in the hotel, then come to our place.” She hesitates before getting into her rental. I know she wants to argue, but I’m happy she lets it go. I can’t really handle anything else right now. Getting into the cab with Cameron, I feel like everything around us is about to change.

  Walking into our apartment, it’s as if these last few days haven’t happened. Just another nightmare I woke up from, but I know it’s not because I could not have dreamed what happened last night with Cameron. “Fate, I’m sorry I ruined our night.”

  “What are you talking about? I should be the one apologizing. You got arrested because of me.”

  “I wanted it to be perfect and now I wish it never happened this way because it’s just turned to shit.”

  “Don’t say that,” I cry out to him, and he winces in pain. “When I walked in here all I was thinking about was that these last few days have been like my nightmares, but you know how I know I wasn’t in one of them?” He just stares at me not saying anything. “Because of what happened between us. So please don’t try and take it back because it’s the only good I have to hold on to right now.” I pray he doesn’t continue with his regretful thoughts because each one is like a new pain in my chest.

  “Fate, I want to take it back for you. So the first time isn’t surrounded by this fucking sadness. Not the actual event because damn, babe, I could never forget being with you. You’ve ruined me for the world. I was all about Fate before that happened and now I know every inch of you. Every inch of you that now belongs to only me.” His words make me squirm under his gaze and I feel everything in my body ignite.

  “I do,” I whisper, and he cocks his head to the side in response. “I belong to you, every piece of me belongs to you, Cameron.”

  “Fuck,” he says in a heavy breath as he brings his hand around my back, pulling me to him. His lips push against mine and I open up, letting him in. His hands find their way under the hem of my shirt, causing a trail of warmth as his hands slide across my skin. Quickly, he pulls away, and I groan in frustration. “Fate, I want to, trust me. I need this as badly as you do, but they will be here soon and I have to figure out all this shit before they get here with questions.”

  Just like that, everything comes rushing back. All the pain and problems I’ve caused Cameron by having him in my life. The dread that overtakes my body causes my hands to shake as I say the words that crush me. “Maybe we shouldn’t do that again.” Cameron gasps as I pull away from him, walking into the living room.

  “What the hell do you mean by that, Fate?” Cameron is pulling his hand through his hair and I see all the pain in his eyes only telling me how bad this really is.

  “Us, all this crap that surrounds it. All it is doing is messing up your life. You were arrested only a few hours ago. What if they hadn’t dropped the charges, Cameron?” My heart hurts just at the thought of that. “I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you and it was all my fault. My life put yours in jeopardy and I can’t have that.”

  “Fate,” he pleads, trying to get me to come back to him.

  “You don’t need this in your life, Cameron.” My words remain firm and I do not go to him.

  “This shit means nothing to me. I don’t care about it. I’d do it all over again because that is what you do when you love someone.” Trying to get a handle on my tears, I want to try and finally let the world in. Standing there in Cameron’s arms, I feel safe again, like nothing can penetrate us here in our safe bubble. It’s over. The charges are dropped and my father is back where he belongs.

  There is a knock at the door, then Scott, Cecilia, and Clarissa come walking in. “Cameron, we have a problem,” Scott says and the look on his face is full of dread. Looking at me, he can barely keep eye contact. I watch as he hands Cameron his phone and nothing could prepare me for what is on the screen.

  There are pictures of the fighting with my father, Cameron being released, and finally him and me walking out of the police station together. Scrolling through the words, I see that they have my father’s name. My body freezes as I see the words sexual offender, but I feel as if I am going to faint when I see that last line. ‘What else has Fate been hiding?’

  Chapter Thirty

  “Fate, you should come home with me. This is too much, honey,” Clarissa says and my body runs cold.

  “What? No,” Cameron says firmly. “This is her home. You can’t just take her, she has school and we are—” He looks so lost.

  “Cameron, I appreciate your input, but really, this doesn’t concern you. This is about Fate; this isn’t something she can handle. You must know that. Having her name out there was the reason he was even able to find her. Now they might ask questions about her history. Do you really want that for her?” Clarissa says and her attitude reminds me of our days together when she was just my worker.

  Of course not,” he says firmly. “I would do anything to keep her from this.”

  “Then let her go,” Clarissa begs and my heart is crashing.

  “Never, I can’t. I won’t,” he declares and I feel the overwhelming emotions all this arguing is bringing out in me. “I love her. I can’t just let her go, Clarissa. I’m sorry my name got her into this, but I’m not sorry I love her. I won’t be without her. I love her too fucking much.” His words feel so distant to me right now, the stress from this tension is overtaking my body. “I will handle this, you don’t have to worry. I will make this go away.”

  “That sounds like a selfish rock star who is only thinking about himself and not the person he loves. What are you going to do, Cameron, throw some money at them? If you could make this go away you would have as soon as they found out who she was,” Clarissa tells Cameron and I feel the distance between these people and myself growing with each word.

  “Are you serious?” Cecilia says, and I know this is going to only get worse. “He has done everything he can to protect her. He didn’t go public with their relationship for her because she wasn’t ready to be labeled the rock star’s new love interest. You don’t know anything about what’s going on here. So I think you need to back off.”

  “She shouldn’t have to be labeled anything. She’s just a young woman starting out and this world is going to swallow her up and spit her out. You don’t know what it’s like for her. I do and I’m saying she needs to come home.” Cecilia is fuming at Clarissa’s comments.

  “I think you don’t know anything about what it’s like for her now. You knew the Fate you dropped off here at the beginning of the year, but she isn’t that girl anymore. Don’t pretend that what we have with her means nothing, because you are wrong, Clarissa.” I can’t keep listening to this.

  Walking into his bedroom, leaving everyone behind, I can hear them arguing still about it. Scott is the only one who isn’t saying anything, but I doubt it’s because he doesn’t have anything to say. In confrontations, I’ve noticed he only speaks when it’s necessary, that way it’s valued as important. Cecilia is on Cameron’s side, but Clarissa just isn’t backing down.

  “We all should stop before any of you say anything else you regret,” Scott says, and I’m glad he’s trying to divert the situation. “None of what any of us thinks matters anyway. It’s Fate’s life, it’s her choice.” No one responds, but I hear footsteps and I know some of them have followed me into Cameron’s bedroom.

  “Fate,” Cameron speaks and it only brings the memories of last night back. Feeling him against me, the love he showed me and the love I know is still ahead of us makes me feel safe.

  “Can we have a moment alone please?” I say to everyone. Clarissa is hesitant but leaves with Scott and Cecilia. Cameron, however, has this vulnerable look on his face that I know all too well. I’m sure it’s on my face all the time. Sitting on the bed, I feel all of it again. My memories of the night before continue to play out in my head until Cameron pulls me from them.

  “I fucking love you,” he says. “Forever in a day, remember?”


  “School is ending, we haven’t talked about it but maybe now we should.” Cameron comes and sits beside me, placing his hand over mine.

  “What does school ending have to do with us?” Has he never thought of what would happen at the end of this semester?

  “We can’t stay here, we have to move out for the summer. Where does that leave us? Me in Orlando and you wherever your music takes you. Maybe we took this too far,” I say honestly.

  “Don’t say that. What we have is perfect. It’s forever, Fate. I never thought about the semester ending because it doesn’t change a thing for me. If you want to go home for the summer and have your life back there, I get that. We can just apply to be roommates again for next year. I will visit you and love you every moment, but I’m really hoping you go with my other option for you,” he says, and my heart stills. “Let’s get a house. Our home. One we don’t have to say goodbye to at the end of every school year. One we get to come back to and call home after the tour. Stay with me, visit Orlando, but make your home with me.” Could it be that easy for us? Nothing else has been, so why this? “Let me love you and I swear no one will ever love you like I do. Fucking fate, babe. This is our fate.” He stands there in silence, waiting for me to say something to him, but I remain silent. Words would not be enough to explain everything I’m feeling. Pulling him to me, I kiss him and I feel his soft lips hesitate against mine but that quickly dissolves and he deepens the kiss. When I break away, I see the pain in his eyes and I want to take it all away.

  “Tell me that wasn’t a goodbye.” Looking at him, I see that boy who sometimes shines through from his rock star appearance.

  “Fate doesn’t say goodbye.” He looks at me confused and I realize he might think I’m talking about myself. “Some things are destined to happen whether people want them to or not. Once those things do happen, it is fate. Cameron, we are fated. I can’t promise it will be easy because the best things aren’t. So let’s push through it all. What I’m saying is my home is where you are.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Being in the apartment without Cameron seemed so weird. I didn’t tell him that, but once he was gone I just couldn’t sleep at night again. The media coverage of the incident with my father hasn’t blown over. If anything, they just have more questions. It’s not like it’s hard to find out information about registered sexual offenders. At least the victims aren’t stuck in that category but it’s been thrown out there that maybe I was abused in some manner.

  When that happened, Cameron came home to me screaming and throwing this in my room. I think I scared him more than anything, but since then he’s been distant. A few days later, something came up and he had to go to California for work. He had asked if I wanted to visit Clarissa but honestly, I was hurt he didn’t ask me to go with him. Classes where finished other than reviewing and it wasn’t a problem to miss at this point. He came back just in time for exams and he was different. Distant.

  That wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced with Cameron and it worried me. Cecilia kept telling me I was over thinking things and men are men but something didn’t sit right with me. Even when he was stressed or concerned about things, he never shut me out. It just wasn’t like Cameron to do that to me. I’d asked him if something was wrong and he continuously told me nothing was going on. I didn’t have much choice but to trust him. He’d never led me astray before.

  Sitting in the middle of the floor, I continue with what I’ve been working on since the day he left. Cameron was gone and I had no one to take baby steps with, so I started finding ways to do them myself. Music was my baby step. The first few times were difficult. I’d seen the band practice, but I wasn’t alone. I could see Cameron and I had Cecilia with me. She would distract me if she saw me getting overwhelmed and Cameron was only a few steps away at all times.

  I started out listening to his album in the living room with all the lights on and I can’t tell you how many times I had to turn it off and relax before trying again. I eventually found that if I focused on Cameron’s voice it was easy to picture him there with me and that helped immensely. Once he came back, I moved it to my bedroom and I did it when he was gone. I wasn’t hiding it from him but this was something I was doing by myself. Tonight he had to meet the band, as they had to get some last minute things together for the tour.

  When it got dark, I moved into my room to read as exams were done for the year. I also started working on removing lights from the situation. One at a time, I got the lights down to just one. My desk lamp is all that is on in the entire apartment and it is pitch black outside. I can hear the other residents all out there having their end of the year parties and I turn up my music to drown them out.

  An hour later my door busts open and I yelp in surprise. In front of me is Cameron, who is breathing heavy. His eyes are full of fear and that causes me to panic. “Cameron, what’s wrong?” I say, putting my book down and climbing out of my bed toward him, turning the music down as I pass it.

  “I…” He pauses and looks around. “What the hell are you doing, Fate?” he asks questioningly.

  “I’m reading?”

  “In an almost all dark apartment with music blaring, alone?” he says and he looks mad. What the heck did I do?

  “Um, yes,” I stumble.

  “So you’re cured. No more triggers and you didn’t think to tell me or were they never there at all?” I gasp at his accusation. “Did you over exaggerate about your issues?” He takes a step toward me and I back away from him.

  “If you come any closer I will slap you,” I blurt out and slap my hand over my mouth at the anger in my voice. That seems to snap him out of whatever funk he has going on because now he just looks hurt. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t hit you. I just...I can’t believe you’d accuse me of that after you know everything.”

  “Fate, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. There is just shit going on with the band and the tour. When I came home and heard the music blaring and opened the door to a dark apartment I panicked. Then to see you just sitting on your bed reading in a barely lit room with the music, I just…” He smacks his hand down on my desk and I don’t move a muscle. “I’m an asshole, I’m sorry.”

  “Do you really think I’d do that? Lie about all of my struggles. I thought you knew me,” I whisper and I see his face scrunch up in agony.

  “Of course not. I’m just a damn idiot. When did this happen?” he says, turning toward me.

  “You left, I didn’t have anyone to do baby steps with, so I did them by myself. Step by step until I was in my bed with just that lamp and your music.” I see him flinch and I’m not sure what is causing him such distress. “Are you mad?” I don’t know why he would be, I haven’t done anything wrong.

  “Well, no, of course not, but after being gone and coming back home to find the girl I love having made all these steps without me kind of fucking sucks,” he says laced with sarcasm. I don’t know why but I snap.

  “You have no right to be acting this way. You left. What am I supposed to do, stay scared and wait for you to come home and let you save the day?” I shout.

  “No,” he roars and takes a step forward. Instead of stepping back like I usually would, I step forward, meeting his anger. “I didn’t leave you. You’re making it sound worse than it is. It was work. I asked if you wanted to go see Clarissa, you didn’t have to stay here alone.”

  “I shouldn’t have had to go see Clarissa. You should have wanted me to go with you,” I scream and his face turns from anger to surprise.

  “Fate, I didn’t—”

  “Don’t, I don’t want a stupid excuse. You can do things on your own just like I can. You went and worked, but so did I. This was what I did. It’s a step, that’s all,” I say while trying to calm myself.

  “Fate, I didn’t think you’d want to come because of all the media stuff. That’s why I never asked you because I didn’t want you to come just for my sake. I missed the hell out of you. It was the worst time.” He sighs. �
�The whole time I was thinking about coming home to you. I swear to you, not asking you to come wasn’t because I didn’t want you there or so I could to do something without you. I want to do everything with you and be a part of your life and you mine. That’s why I got so mad because I saw you did this without me and it made me feel like you didn’t need me.” The Cameron before me isn’t one full of anger but one showing me all his vulnerabilities.

  “Cameron, no. I do need you. So much so that I feel I’d be lost without you. Yes, I did this but there were so many things I couldn’t do while you were gone,” I say, holding my hand out for him to take. He doesn’t hesitate when he does. It’s like my Cameron is back. The distance is gone and we are ‘us’ again.

  “I couldn’t sleep during the night without you here. So I went back to my old ways. I slept during the day with all the lights on. Without you that is all I could do. Just enough to keep me charged, no more than that. I couldn’t sleep for hours without waking. It was like before I met you again. Does that sound like someone who doesn’t need you?” I ask, and he shakes his head, looking deep into my eyes. “Don’t you dare say I do not need you. Never say that,” I say, hoping he will see I’m just as vulnerable here.

  “I’m sorry, Fate. I didn’t know. You should have told me. Never again, okay? If I go then you go too,” he says, and I nod. “I have to shower before we go to bed, I smell like smoke and I know how much you hate that. Want to join me?” he says with a cocked eyebrow.

  “Nice try, Cameron. Get your butt in the shower, I have some reading to do,” I say, but I know I have something else I need to do. He gives me a quick kiss before leaving me alone in my bedroom. Once I hear the shower, I pick up my phone and go to the drawer in my desk, pulling out one of the cards I’d placed in there. Quickly, I dial the number and she answers on the first ring. “Regina Ryle.”

  “Hello, Regina, it’s Fate McKenzie.”