Beautifully Destroyed

by Gracie Wilson

  “Hello, Fate, I hoped I’d hear from you. Does this mean you’ve reconsidered my offer?” she asks, hopeful.

  “Yes, I can meet you tomorrow at four.” I hear her ruffling papers and I wait the whole time, holding my breath. I hope she is available then because it is a time I know I can get away from Cameron.

  “I have to switch a couple things around, but I can do that.” She gives me an address to meet her at. Just like that, it’s done and I’m off the phone.

  I’m finally going to do it. Grabbing my phone, I decide I should probably make sure nothing new is leaked out to the media. Looking down at the headline, my heart is destroyed by what I’m looking at.

  ‘A Change in Fate’ it reads and under it, I see a picture of Cameron kissing Trisha.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  “How could you? This is what you call work?” I say as I confront him as he steps out of his bedroom after he got dressed. I can’t even hold the tears in. I finally let them out as my walls come crashing down around me. Cameron just looks at me. He seems to have no idea what I’m talking about. I toss my phone at him as I walk to my room. He isn’t long behind me and I can feel him watching me from the doorway as I start packing up the rest of the boxes from us having to move out of the apartment. “We were supposed to be moving into a house together and you were kissing another girl. Worst of all, her. I knew something happened when we fought about the media and you left me to go to California. Then you think I’m lying to you. Maybe that’s because you were lying to me. Now this comes out. It all makes sense.”

  Cameron just stands there speechless but not at all surprised by what he has in his hand. “Tell me it’s an old picture. Tell me she set you up again to look like a big stupid idiot. Please, for our ‘forever in a day,’ tell me you didn’t throw all that away, me away, for her.” He shifts his feet and I look into his eyes. He appears to have tears he’s holding back.

  “It was a set up.” My heart begins to steady but it’s only momentarily safe. “She set it up for her to bump into me after the incident with you being hounded by the media. She wanted to discredit you. So when she did it I saw the cameras and I let it happen.” I break out in a full sob and my body is shaking. Cameron reaches for me and I slap him away from me. “Don’t you get it?” he says loudly. He goes again to reach for me, and I push him back hard. “Fuck! I did this for you,” he roars and I don’t flinch. I stand there strong as my heart is being crushed.

  “Don’t. You. Dare.”

  “Fate. I was watching it tear you apart with all the shit they were saying about you in the papers. All the questions about your dad and I know you were hurting. Did you want me to let it continue till it broke you and I had to fucking commit you like Clarissa did?” I can’t help the gasp that comes from me. He is using that as a reason for all this.

  “So I made them leave you alone. I gave them what they wanted, the bad boy rock star, instead of them focusing on the girl who changed me. But you did change me, I love you.” His words make me want to throw up. Looking around at the emptiness of my room, I feel like everything is happening for a reason here.

  “You love me? If this is what love is then you can keep it. I. Don’t. Want. It,” I say in disgust.

  “Don’t say that,” he begs.

  “I didn’t change you, you can’t be saved,” I say and I regret the last part, but it slips out and there is no going back.

  “I did change,” he roars. “Before you I would have just let the media eat up anyone who was keeping the heat off of me. Instead, I gave up everything we have worked on to get my image clean again to protect you. Don’t you get that?”

  “You’re right,” I say and he looks hopeful. “You gave up everything we had worked on for this shit. I will never trust anyone again.”

  “It meant nothing, Fate. I was wishing she was you the whole three damn seconds. I didn’t kiss her with anything in me. I made sure they got the picture and I was out of there. I didn’t even wait to explain to Trisha how her plan backfired and I used her.” He is making it sound so rational and I want to believe him. Trust this but knowing he touched her again is like a knife to my chest.

  “You don’t get it. We can’t just be together. They have more fuel for the fire now. You’ve made me look like an idiot. They even used my name against me. The name my mother gave me because I was her ‘fate’,” I say, reminding him of my hurt. He cringes and I know he’s feeling this too.

  “I didn’t think,” he says.

  “That’s your problem, Cameron, you don’t think. You just do. That’s not what a relationship is. I was actually going public. I have an interview tomorrow so I could put it to rest. I was going to be open about my past and everything so they would stop digging and leave us alone. So we could have our happy ending and because of you I don’t get one.” My sight is blurry from the tears that just can’t seem to escape fast enough.

  “You were going to go public about what your dad did?” he says, holding back a sob.

  “Yes, I was. You gave me that strength and I wanted this enough to show the world you were that important to me. That’s what you do when you feel that way about someone, but I was so wrong,” I whimper. I see the agony my words are bringing to him. I don’t use the word love. I can’t and he just gave me one more reason to keep it to myself.

  “Fate, please, I am so sorry. You’re right, I should have come to you. I just wanted to protect you from it all.” I see tears rolling down his face and it takes everything in me not to go to him. He has ruined every moment with him right now because I doubt his words, his love.

  “This is why I kept pushing you away.” This was it, my fate was to be burned. “I told you I was like a moth to the flame and you just burned me, Cameron. There’s no going back from this,” I say because I just can’t see a way around this. He was willing to let her come between us again after he swore it would never happen.

  “There has to be some fucking fish fact or logic to prove this can be whole again. Something that can heal the burnt pieces,” he says and my mind is a mess. There are ocean plants that help with inflammation and other medical drugs, but I’m giving him no help in this. We are not an ocean with all its wonders. We are just Cameron and Fate. Well, we were, we will never be that again.

  “This is not the end. There is no end for us. ‘Forever in a day,’ Forever, that’s fate,” he pleads.

  “Our ‘forever in a day’ has passed. Those days are over, Cameron. I can’t trust you. I don’t trust her and she’s everywhere. She will always be in our way. This will always haunt us.” My words cause us both pain and this needs to end. We are only hurting each other. He’d be better off without a girlfriend with my history in his life. It could come up any time and I know I still haven’t come to terms with it in this moment, so he will always worry for me. What will that worry make him do? Something like this. I just can’t do this again. The more I’m with him the more I need him and I already will be broken without him. Barely able to catch my breath but if I let him in again I might not even have that strength if something happens.

  “You don’t have to do this. I love you, Fate,” he declares and I let it sink in one more time that I have been truly loved by this man but the world just doesn’t want to give us our forever. No, that’s all gone, all I have is an empty heart.

  “You can’t,” I implore.

  “I love you, Fate, please hear me,” he pleads.

  “No, that’s not possible because I’m all used up. I’m unlovable,” I say and he hears my honesty. I feel as if I have nothing left to give him.

  “Stop saying that,” he yells at me while grabbing me and pulling me into a passionate kiss. My body gives in because my heart is telling it this is the last time.

  “That doesn’t change the fact that you’ve broken my heart. I need you to leave. I can’t do this right now.”

  Watching him walk out that door is like a ton of bricks being dropped on my heart. I want to call Clarissa and tell her
everything, but I need to figure this out for myself first. It’s time I find my own strength and stop depending on others to help me figure out my life.

  I keep going back to everything he said. I know he thought he was doing the right thing. He was trying to protect me. I can’t say that he hasn’t always tried to do that. Unfortunately while doing that he hurt me worse than the thing he was trying to protect me from. I’m not just losing Cameron here. Scott and Cecilia will be cut from my life too and I feel that loss already, but nothing compares to the empty feeling of knowing I have to move on without Cameron. Move on? That’s ridiculous, I won’t move on. I can’t, he’s made that impossible. No one will ever measure up to the peace he brought me and no one will be able to take the pain away from the loss of him. I keep playing over his words in my head and I want to believe them. ‘You don’t have to do this Fate, I still love you.’ Could it be that easy?

  It took hours but my willpower wavered. I should have trusted him and not jumped to conclusions. Picking up the phone, I call him because I too made a promise if I thought I should run after him that I would. Now I just worry he won’t take my call. It rings a few times before he answers and all that pain I was feeling disappears. Cameron, my Cameron picked up my call. Then I hear that voice. Trisha. I can’t hear what exactly she is saying, but I know it is Trisha. There she is, always getting in our way again. The pain comes crashing back but this time there is no hope.

  “Fate,” he says and my world is torn apart just by the sound of the pain in his voice. He’s hurting too but he’s not alone. I’m here barely breathing.

  “I’ll be gone by the time you get back. So this is our goodbye, Cameron, have fun with your friend.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Cameron

  Click.

  “Are you listening to me? I will not be used to make it easier for her. I’m supposed to be the one you’re with,” she yells.

  “Trisha, I don’t have time for this shit. I’m only here to tell you that I will not be seeing you again. You won’t be at shows. If we are at the same party, you will stay away from me. I do not want you around me.” My heart is racing. I have to get to Fate. Fuck, I screwed up again, now she thinks I ran off to Trisha. My girl is hurting and I don’t care if Trisha is okay with our damn arrangement of her staying out of my life. “I have to get to Fate and fix this shit that you caused.”

  “Oh no, don’t blame me. This is on you too,” Trisha says, and I know she’s right. I let her do this. “The best part is you played the game for me, I didn’t even have to really lift a finger. You screwed your little Fate all by yourself.” Her words are full of venom and I pull back from the sting. “I knew once I saw who she was it would only be a matter of time before you screwed it up. I figured you’d come back, but now I can just go to the press and play the victim card. You brought me into your mess and I’m going to use it to my advantage.”

  “Cecilia has wanted to kick your ass from day one and I will let her. I’ll even pay for her fucking bail to get her out.” Turning, I run out the door.

  “She will never take you back now.” I hear Trisha yell from behind me.

  Rushing into our apartment, I see that her light is still on and I run inside. She is pulling items into her backpack and all her stuff is packed and labeled. Not for our place. I see Clarissa’s address written across the boxes and that burns me. “Crap,” she says when she sees me there. “I thought you’d be longer with your ‘friend.’ I must have interrupted near the end for you to make it here in time. You didn’t have to stop on my account.” The fact that she is even thinking I was sexual with her makes me want to puke. Does she not get I don’t want to touch anyone but her?

  “I wasn’t fucking her.” She cringes and continues putting the rest of her things away. “I told you, I haven’t been with her like that. I’ve only been with you since the day you changed my world and told me to get my shit together. You’re all I ever want. I have no need to go to someone else. I love you, you have my heart and it is always going to be with you.”

  “So we fight and you run off to Trisha. Explain it to me if it isn’t what I’m thinking.” My girl is standing before me, giving me a chance, but all I can think about is her call.

  “Tell me why you called me,” I say in response and her face turns to surprise. She wasn’t expecting me to ask her that instead of pleading my case.

  “It doesn’t matter,” she replies.

  “Why did you call me, Fate?” I ask, penetrating her with my stare.

  “To say goodbye,” she whispers and I feel enraged.

  “Bullshit.” This is what she does, she hides and I let her. It has to stop sometime or we will never get past this.

  “Why did you go to Trisha?” she asks and I give her this. Maybe it will be enough to break down those walls again.

  “I went there to set things straight. She wasn’t happy to find out I used her to make your life better, but I told her I never want to see her again. Not at shows, or parties. I’m done, and she has to accept that or I will make her life very difficult.” She just nods her head as I talk and I feel those walls are there as strong as before. “She will never come between us. I’ve seen to that,” I tell her, hoping she understands I mean it. It’s Fate and I against the world, whatever world she wants to live in, I will give her. A life outside of the public eye or one in the spotlight, I don’t care.”

  “It’s not just her, it’s all of this. Some things just can’t be conquered.” Her words knock the wind out of me. How can she feel like that? I know she loves me. She has to, right?

  Turning away from her, I don’t even hold back. My fist crashes into the door with a loud bang and I hear her yelp. Holding my head against the door, I think back, searching for something, anything to make this girl stay here. To have her let me love her unconditionally, but I don’t know how to do that, and it only further infuriates me. Thinking back, all I can think about are our baby steps. Every touch. Every moment of progress for us, for herself, but most of all for me as well. This girl made me come undone and she built me back up again. I was this person who had guilt over my mother, issues with judgment because I judged myself the worst, and I had no idea how to love. Then Fate walked into my life and blew me out of the damn water. She consumed my body and fucking soul. She began haunting me and my music. Fate was everywhere, and I just know there isn’t a way to change that for me, I’m in far too deep.

  “Cameron,” she whispers and brings me back home. Not home, shit this isn’t our home anymore. It’s just an empty place full of memories I’d give anything to take with me, but I can’t, she won’t let me. She’s leaving and I don’t know what to do. Music got me through it but it wasn’t a solution. It just got me to Fate. She’s my final piece.

  “I will give it all up, be an average person. None of it means anything without you.” She just doesn’t get it. I decided to do this tour because she wanted me to. She inspired my music again and if she’s gone that inspiration goes with her.

  “I won’t let you do that, I know what music means to you. What about Scott? This is a part of you, Cameron. You can’t change that no more than I can change my past. It just can’t work, all the cards are stacked against us.”

  “I don’t fucking want it without you, don’t you get that?” Holding her hand, I hope my touch can get through to her, but she just lets her hand drop from mine.

  “You’ve put your world on hold for me enough. I can’t and won’t ask you to do that anymore,” she states and I just feel like it’s a lost cause. My only chance is to make her realize she can be normal. Have it all, love and all those words that go with it.

  “Why did you call me tonight, Fate?” I am pleading with her.

  “I told you, Cameron. To say goodbye.” Her words sound like they are coming from another person. Someone I don’t even know.

  “You are such a fucking liar, Fate.” She gasps at my candor but it’s now or never. “You’re just scared, that’s okay. I’
m scared too. You have no idea how scared I’ve been at times. I know you love me and it’s okay to be scared by that.”

  “I…” She stops and just shakes her head.

  “Say it. Don’t go about it in a roundabout way. Either you do or you don’t. Tell me you love me, Fate,” I say, hoping she will finally be able to tell me how she feels. We could move on from all this damn bullshit and have the rest of our lives to continue loving each other.

  “You know I can’t…” she cries.

  “Yes, you can. If you love me, you can tell me. I can. I fucking love you, Fate.” I pull her hand in mine. “See, it wasn’t hard because it was true. Say it, Fate.” I need this from her.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, and I let go of her hand.

  “Then go,” I say, and she flinches. Isn’t that what she wants?

  “Cameron.”

  “You know I love you too much to let you walk away, but I need this. Tell me you love me, Fate. Make it so I can breathe again because I can’t come back knowing you will be here at school. I can’t watch you be in my world and not love you.” This girl just blew up my world and now I have to deal with her coming back here. Being whole without me.

  “I won’t come back.” Just like that, I have nothing left. Watching her take off her necklace and place it on the table, my fucking world ends. I thought having her in my world would be the death of me but not having her at all is worse. “I will move so far away that I won’t even cross your mind. Do what you have to so you can leave me behind.” Her words are like the final nail in my coffin. “This place no longer feels like home.”

  Grabbing her backpack and small suitcase, she goes to walk out of her room. She will never be back here again and that is agony. We aren’t leaving here to move to our new life, a new apartment, and our forever. None of that exists anymore. She stops in front of me and I see her raise her hand to touch my face.

  “Don’t, please,” I beg. “If you’re just going to say goodbye, then don’t.” She pulls her hand way from me and I know this is it. I just lost Fate.