Broken Lies

by Roger Williams

  Chase found himself on futuristic-looking roads, similar to those in a video game, lights and colors streaming all around him as he pushed harder on the accelerator. When he saw police cars in pursuit with sirens blaring, Chase made a sharp turn into a tunnel. It was barricaded. He slammed on the breaks, jumped out, and spied a door in the tunnel that led to a stairway. Chase stopped cold when he saw the cops climbing the stairs toward him. Their faces were disfigured, and they had the bulbous eyes of aliens. Another door appeared in the stairwell. He opened it and entered but didn’t close it. One of the aliens looked in and gave him an impish grin before shutting the door. Chase heard it lock.

  He stood outside on a balcony, alone and with no way of escape. Chase became aware he was having a nightmare from which he needed to awake. Figuring a dangerous jump would surely rouse him, he climbed upon the balcony railing but hesitated for a moment, seeing absolutely nothing through the darkness. With no further thought, he jumped backward. The fall and his accompanying screams startled him. He awoke and found himself in a bed, familiar yet unfamiliar.

  Chase rubbed his eyes and exited the room, recognizing that he was merely in another dream. He stood in the middle of a cocktail party in someone’s living room. Everyone there was extremely friendly and talkative. A woman walked over and offered to show him around. He asked her how he could get back home. Chase abruptly awoke, this time in his own bed next to his wife. He lay there for a moment, forehead perspiring, and then checked to see if his screaming had disturbed Linda. Her heavy breathing provided the answer.

  The following morning, he related his dream over coffee while the children watched cartoons.

  Linda fingered her curls, frowning. “So you had a dream within a dream?”

  “Yeah. Ever heard of such a thing?”

  “No, never. I wonder what it means.”

  “All I can think of is that the dream represents the decision I made when I first left New York, at least the first part when my friends deserted me and I was stabbed and then chased. Maybe jumping into another dream has to do with going west in my attempt to discover a new direction.”

  “Well that makes sense, a dream about your life.”

  “Yeah, that’s kind of what I’m thinking.”

  “But you did say you asked the woman how to get home.”

  “Right, and perhaps that home represents finding the real me.”

  “That’s nice,” Linda said with a smile. “Welcome home then!”

  “Yeah, good thought.”

  CHAPTER 25

  As the months went by, Chase planned his family’s delayed summer vacation. Amy, just finishing the third grade, showed incredible eagerness to see more of the country after learning the basics of American history and memorizing all fifty states and their capitals. She wanted to see Augusta, Providence, and Columbia. Chase said that South Carolina was a bit too far at this point but that they’d see as many cities as possible.

  One night, several days before setting out for Maine to start their trip, Chase dreamed again. For whatever reason, he and Linda were supposed to sleep in a room without a bed, merely a mattress on the floor. Entering the room, Chase found just enough space to squeeze in between Linda and an old man who apparently came in before he did. After a few minutes, the old man jabbed him in the back, yelling at him to move over. Chase turned in anger, stood up, and told him to get out. He then calmed himself, patiently took the man by the hand, and led him out of the room, assuring him there would be another place to sleep. The man found one, pulled out a sleeping bag, and left the room.

  Chase awoke with the dream still fresh on his mind. He visited the bathroom, returned to bed, and had still another dream. Driving his car around an unfamiliar neighborhood, he saw Ryan as a teenager pulling up beside him. He asked his son if he knew the way out. Ryan confidently replied that he did and told his father to follow. Chase’s car stalled as Ryan raced away. He roamed the neighborhood in search of his son for what seemed like an eternity. Filled with frustration, he finally reached his destination. Ryan said he had been waiting there for thirty minutes and wanted to know what had taken him so long.

  When Chase rose the next morning, he mentioned both dreams to Linda, who shook her head in wonderment. “I can’t believe you have so many dreams and remember them all!”

  “Yeah, it’s weird. They’ve all come in such a short time, but they aren’t just any old dreams. These seem to be begging for meaning. I’m sure the first has to do with our intimacy as a couple, that something or someone is trying to rob us of it. Do you know who the old man is?

  “I’ve no idea.”

  “Babe, it’s me! Remember the doppelganger vision?”

  “Of course.”

  “Well don’t you get it? The doppelganger guy is the old guy in this dream! That old man is my old self! You know, of course, that prior to my spider experience we weren’t all that intimate, particularly in the areas of communication and vulnerability.”

  Linda nodded, hand to her hair.

  “So I think the old me was trying to tell the new me to move over. After my initial anger, I escorted him out of the room, which may mirror the point in the doppelganger vision when I vowed never to be like that person again.”

  “Wow, Chase, that’s amazing! I think you may be right.”

  “Well it certainly makes me realize even more how this whole thing is a battle.”

  “What do you mean?” Linda asked, taking his hand.

  “The first recognition of lies led me down a path of liberty that you and I both know is real. But I still have to fight with myself whenever old tendencies and behavioral patterns raise their ugly heads. Most of the time it’s easy to be the new me since it feels so right, like being more open and vulnerable, touching you more often, dealing with abandonment issues—all that stuff. Other times it’s hard, and I have to force myself to do things against my will or to break with what was familiar. I don’t know. Maybe it’s normal.”

  “Well I’m with you, hon’. I’ve seen the real you, and I don’t ever want you to go back to the old guy. He’s definitely not as much fun!” she said with a wink. “Would you like another cup of coffee?”

  “Sure. Thanks.”

  Linda went to the kitchen, returning with two full cups. “And what about the other dream?” she asked. “What do you think that one means?”

  “It puzzles me. Any thoughts?”

  “I’m not quite sure. Could you tell it to me again?”

  Chase began with Ryan, probably sixteen or seventeen, pulling up beside him in a car.

  “So it’s in the future,” Linda said.

  “I guess so. I don’t know! You’re the interpreter of this one,” he said with a smile.

  “Okay, go on.”

  When Chase finished with Ryan saying he had been waiting for thirty minutes, Linda’s eyebrows rose. “What about this? What if it has to do with Ryan being able to figure things out faster and better than you?”

  Chase rolled his eyes. “Oh, great!”

  “Well, honey, you do have a lot to teach him. If there is some sort of truth in all of this, maybe you’re going to help him avoid some of the things you went through, and maybe he’ll end up being a quick learner.”

  “That sounds better.” Chase scratched his head. “But I’m not sure where we were going. Both of us apparently knew the destination, but I was uncertain how to get there.”

  “Well we have around ten years to find out!”

  “Yeah, right.”

  Linda said almost in a whisper, “Hey, hon’, maybe you should call Doctor Rhinegold to see if your dreams are all somehow connected.”

  “Why?” he asked with a wrinkled brow.

  “Well, it’s just that dreaming so much seems rather odd to me, and you and I don’t know about these things. Maybe he does.”

  “I’ll give it some
thought.”

  Linda moved closer. “One more thing. What do you think about taking the children to church?”

  “What are you talking about?” Chase asked in a caustic tone.

  “Taking them to church. That’s what I mean,” she retorted just as firmly.

  “What brought this on?”

  “Ever since we saw your Aunt Betty I’ve been—”

  “Great. She really did get to you.”

  “No, she didn’t, just the part about raising our children with some help in the area of religion and morality, something like that.”

  “Catholic or Protestant?”

  “You mean which kind of church?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Whatever you want.”

  Chase walked toward the kitchen. “Hey, if you want to take our kids to church, knock yourself out, but you won’t find me going with you. And besides,” he called out, “what makes you think they’d even want to go?”

  “I think they’ll have a good time getting to know other children!” she shouted back. “Chase, I don’t understand why you’re so stubborn in this one area. Maybe it’s another lie.”

  Chase felt his anger rising, and he strode back into the living room. “No, don’t go there, Linda! Don’t start lecturing me about lies! It’s not like everything is a lie!”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just can’t comprehend what you’ve got against taking our children to church. It’s not going to hurt them, you know.”

  “Yeah, but if it means me going, then I’m not interested. You go ahead. See what it’s like.”

  “Okay, fine.”

  “Good.”

  CHAPTER 26

  Murphy died on August 31. Chase had a peculiar habit of reading obituaries in the local paper. He felt a bit more educated learning about those in town with rich life experiences. And, he had recently thought with a chuckle, this tied in rather nicely with his attraction to cemeteries. On Sunday, September 2, he abruptly stopped, mouth agape, placed his coffee cup on the table, and stared at the headline: “William R. Murphy, 1932–2001.” Though no picture accompanied the obituary, Chase knew it to be his old boss. Born in Brooklyn. Moved to town in 1960. Business owner. No surviving relatives. To be cremated in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. No services planned.

  “Linda!” he shouted from the living room toward the kitchen. “Linda, come here a second!”

  “Sure. What is it?” she asked, concerned at the tone of his voice.

  “Look here! Murphy died!”

  She studied the obituary in silence and then noticed her husband’s morose posture. “You okay?”

  “Well, yeah, I guess so,” he answered with a shrug. “It’s just strange, don’t you think?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It seems like the end of a depressing chapter, the official end of an era in some way. Not that it hasn’t been dead for years, but Murphy was the last connection to it.”

  “How does that make you feel?”

  “It doesn’t affect me one way or the other. Just kind of sad, I suppose.”

  “Hon’, it says here that he had no surviving relatives. Did you know that?”

  “Oh yeah, sure. That’s the other unfortunate part.”

  “Well at least you were able to speak with him at the wedding.”

  “Yeah. That’s a good thought.”

  Chase spent the next week buried in work, thinking often of Murphy and of the old days, noticing again how death seemed to magnify a person’s accomplishments, though he knew full well that his old boss’s wallet was fattened by other people’s drug habits. He did own a couple of businesses in town; however, he told Chase long ago that they produced minimal returns. His was a lonely life with a lonely ending.

  A few days later, Chase’s world was rocked again. Frank called him about five minutes before nine in the morning.

  “Chase! Do you have the TV on?”

  “No. Why?”

  “Turn it on! The World Trade Center just got hit by a plane!”

  “What?”

  “Turn on the news! I’ve gotta get back!”

  Chase hurried to the television, shouting for Linda to come to the living room. They watched the World Trade Center in flames. Then, just a few minutes after nine, another plane crashed into the South Tower. Newsmen frantically attempted to make sense of how commercial planes could be used in a possible terrorist attack. Linda wept. Chase comforted her. He held her close and stroked her hair but couldn’t think of any meaningful words to say. Mesmerized, they kept their eyes focused on the screen in horror and numbed shock, completely confused, seeking answers to their unspoken questions.

  Frank called again. “Chase, are you watching all this?”

  “Yeah. It’s unbelievable! What do you think’s going on?”

  “I don’t know. Some sort of an attack it looks like.”

  “Terrorists?”

  “Sure seems that way. They’re saying another plane is out there as well.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Hey Chase, this is serious stuff. You guys want to come over? I’m going to take the day off to be with Allie.”

  “I need to check on Amy and Ryan first. I’ll let you know.”

  He called the school, and the secretary told him all the children were in the cafeteria, waiting for their parents to pick them up. Chase and Linda jumped into the car and raced over.

  Their kids had seen the news and wanted to learn more after climbing into the back seat. Chase said that they didn’t know much at this point, that it was just some sort an attack in New York City. Amy began to cry when she noticed her father’s panicked face. Ryan followed. Reaching back to comfort them, Linda said, “There’s nothing to worry about. Everything will be all right.” She hoped that was true.

  Chase and the family burst into Frank’s house without knocking and found him and Allie huddled on the sofa, staring at the television. They joined them, Linda holding Amy and Ryan tightly. With live coverage of the Pentagon in flames, Linda decided to take the children home to protect them from the horrific images.

  “Okay,” Chase agreed. “I’ll stay here until we get a better idea of what’s going on.”

  Fifteen minutes later, the South Tower collapsed, followed shortly by the crash of Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. The news anchorman spoke of possibly ten thousand dead in the attacks. Though the numbers decreased as reports came in, the three of them remained troubled and anxious.

  “This is terrible,” said Allie, staring straight ahead. “These are innocent people, going to work. How could anyone do such a thing?”

  “Well I’m sure they’re terrorists,” Chase said, “and they hate us. Innocence means nothing to them. They’d love to take out as many of us as possible.”

  “But what did we do to deserve this?” she asked, shaking her head.

  “Nothing. I’ve heard that they call us the Great Satan, which I guess means we all deserve to die, at least in their minds.” Chase looked over at Frank. “What do you think we’re going to do?”

  “You mean the US?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ve never been for war, but this time I hope we bomb ‘em all.”

  “Where would we start?”

  “Who knows?”

  An hour later, Frank dropped Chase off at his house. Linda had the radio on to stay informed while distracting Amy and Ryan with on old Disney movie. She jumped up from the sofa when her husband came through the front door, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist. Chase quietly filled her in on what he had seen, and the two sat hand in hand, listening for new reports as they absentmindedly watched the movie.

  Later that night, Chase retreated to the living room to reflect upon the day’s significance. Could it be that the nation had believed a lie about itself? Maybe
a lie about its invincibility? And if so, could the nation reject such a lie and change its way of doing things? He wasn’t sure, maybe even about the lie. But he did know that this event underscored the need to remain vigilant, ever aware of the power of his own personal lies, perhaps exposed and broken, but still awaiting opportunities to reassert themselves if he assumed total freedom from them. Chase felt strong in the knowledge of his growing transformation but realized that he was not invincible himself and that relapses were possible, perhaps even probable.

  The next Sunday, Linda helped the kids get ready for church. “How do you know what they’re supposed to wear?” Chase asked cynically as he watched.

  “Do you really care?” Linda replied.

  “Guess not. Just wondering.”

  “Well could you at least lend a hand by fixing us breakfast?”

  “Cereal?”

  “Sure, that’s fine.”

  Chase went off to the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee and staring at five boxes of cereal in the pantry. He made his choice and placed the box and three bowls on the table with a gallon of milk. Linda had mentioned taking the children to church, and after the attacks she insisted the time had come. She couldn’t understand his annoying stubbornness given all of his other changes over the years and found it particularly baffling at a moment such as this. Chase told her maybe another time, just not now. She had also suggested a closed-mindedness on his part, an unwillingness to learn anything new. He answered that religion offered nothing. Frustrated by her husband’s intransigence, Linda gave up the verbal battle and chose to go alone with the children.

  “So you’re sure you won’t come with us?” Linda pleaded once more as the three entered the kitchen.