Nuts About You: A Testicular Cancer Anthology

by Anthology

  I turned too, ready to head back inside my house. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m not very good talking to people. I’ve lived alone a long time and like my own company. I don’t play well with others.” I tried, although I wasn’t sure why, to soften my earlier aggression.

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t come to play. I came to rescue my dog. We won’t bother you again.” She shot the words over her shoulder before beginning to walk away rapidly down my driveway.

  I watched her for a few strides, dragging the reluctant giant of a dog that was more like a mucus factory behind her, before walking around my foot rest and heading for the door back into my house.

  I’d only taken a few steps when a sharp spasm of pain shot through my bad leg and I stumbled, crying out as the damaged muscle in my thigh tightened into an agonising knot. I tried to grab at the handrail of the verandah to stop my fall but I was too far from it.

  Trying valiantly to get into my house without putting too much weight on the leg, I took another painful step but this time the leg wouldn’t support me.

  Throwing my hands out in front of me I went down, ending up in a twisted tangle on the wooden deck, pain lancing through the leg. I clutched at my thigh, feeling the muscle tensing and releasing in a powerful spasm beneath my hand and I gripped it tightly, desperate for the pain to stop.

  “Jesus Theo. What the hell…” Autumn’s voice came to me, right by my ear, and I felt the flutter of her fingers over me, pushing my hand aside so she could place hers over the bunched muscle. I smelt her, the subtle floral scent coming off her skin, and I could feel the warmth of her body as she pressed up to me, all her focus on my leg.

  “I…need…to…to…get…inside,” I gasped, trying to ride out the pain but it was too severe. I needed my medication. I grasped the handrail of the verandah, forcing myself to climb to my feet despite the agony it was causing me to stand.

  “Theo, stop being such a damned fool. Let me help you.” Autumn’s arm circled my waist and she leaned into me, her head against my ribs as if tackling me. I made a futile effort to resist her but she raised her head to glare at me, her grip tightening. “If you dare fight me on this, I’ll kick you in your sore leg, do you hear me?”

  I considered protesting again but I really wasn’t sure if she was serious and I hurt too fucking much to risk it. Giving in, I leaned more heavily onto her as she slowly, one agonising step at a time, led me across my verandah and into my home.

  We made it down the short hallway and I was going to indicate that we go into my living room but my pills were in the bathroom off my bedroom and, by the time I had enough to take the edge off my pain, I’d be near knocked out anyway.

  “The bedroom…please.” My words came in between short, sharp breaths as the pain increased with every step. “Right…right down the end of the hall,” I told her, my weight settling more heavily onto her. I knew I would be too heavy for her, but the throbbing through my leg was so severe now I couldn’t find the energy to hold myself up.

  Somehow she still supported me and we staggered down the hall with all the grace of a pair of drunks, nearly falling through the doorway into my bedroom. Never had my bed been such a welcoming sight and when Autumn guided me to the side of it, with her assistance, we turned so I could lower myself to the mattress.

  Chapter Three

  “Wait, you should take those jeans off before you lie down. They’re too restrictive for you to be very comfortable.” Autumn said before I could sit.

  “It’s alright,” I told her, reluctant to undress in front of this woman who was basically a stranger to me. No one had seen me naked since the accident. Well, no one other than a couple of prostitutes I’d paid for sex a few years ago. There hadn’t been any girlfriends. I wasn’t interested in a relationship. I was too damaged to ever be any good to someone. I saw my scars; I remember the reaction of the prostitutes and they had been paid to pretend they hadn’t seen them. No woman would want me when she saw what I hid beneath my clothes.

  “Don’t be stupid. You’re in pain and the jeans are not going to help you. I’m taking them off. You can let me or we can fight about this but right now I reckon I’m in better shape than you so, if I was a gambling kind of gal, I’d give myself a better than average chance of knocking you on your ass. Do you really want to test that, Theo?” She asked, and I could hear the challenge in her voice and see it in her bright blue eyes.

  “Fuck,” I muttered, raising my eyes to the ceiling briefly. “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  When her hands dropped to my waist, unbuckling my belt, I was forced to rest an arm on her shoulder to stop myself overbalancing. Right now I wasn’t sure if I was feeling mortified that I’d showed such weakness in front of this woman or whether I was gearing up for certain humiliation. If she gave me a look of pity, or even revulsion, I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I’d vowed I wouldn’t put myself in the position of being seen naked again by another woman after the looks of horror from the prostitutes. Only my doctor was allowed to see the scars that marred my body now. So why the hell was I letting this woman remove my jeans when there was no way I could hide the damage done to me by the accident?

  I felt her fingers at my zip and I closed my eyes, taking the coward’s way out so I couldn’t see her expression. I heard the sound of it being lowered, and again felt the brush of her fingers as she slowly dragged the denim down over my hips and ass. When she’d pushed them as low as she could, I tried not to think about what I looked like to her as she straightened.

  I opened my eyes when she asked me to sit on the bed and my gaze settled on her face, looking for something, anything to indicate she was disgusted by what she’d seen.

  Nothing but the dazzling blue of them looked back at me as she knelt by my legs, carefully slipping off my shoes before removing my jeans completely. She was so gentle, something I hadn’t expected, and when I was left sitting on my bed in nothing more than a pair of boxer briefs and my t-shirt, she got to her feet again and just stood there.

  “You probably should get going before it gets dark so you’re not stumbling around out there.” I suggested, wanting her to go so I could pop a few damn pills and lie down for a while.

  “I’m not going anywhere so stop trying to push me out.” Her voice was firm. “Now, can you lift your legs by yourself or do you need help?”

  I sighed loudly, making it quite clear to her that I didn’t want her here anymore, but she just ignored me. Clearly this woman had no respect for a person’s privacy.

  “I’ve been putting myself to bed for a lot of years Ms Payne.” I told her, my tone harsh but I didn’t care. “Or perhaps I should say Mrs Payne?”

  Instead of making her mad enough to get out of my house, she simply rolled her eyes and leaned down to me, her nose almost touching mine. “You strike me as an intelligent man; rude, but smart. I’m sure you can tell that I’m not married so it’s not Mrs. I also introduced myself to you as Autumn, so.” She eyeballed me off for a few seconds. “Call me by my name; stop acting like a damned child. I’m trying to help you. You clearly have an old injury; you got hurt partially because of my dog so I’m going to help you now. You can huff and puff like a petulant child or grow the fuck up and tell me what you need so you can be as comfortable as possible as quickly as possible.”

  I gaped at her outburst, staring into those eyes that were a mere inch or two from mine. The woman had balls, I’d give her that, and clearly more patience than I’d expected to put up with me.

  “Fine…Autumn…” I spat the words out with exaggerated precision. “I can get my legs on the bed by myself. My pain killers are in the medicine cupboard in my bathroom. I require two of them please.” I finished with a wide, fake smile that I’m sure would have looked more like a grimace than a smile.

  She made some snorting, huffing sound at me before straightening and spinning on her heels, heading into my bathroom where I heard the sound of my medicine cabinet being opened.

  Normally it
took time to get my injured leg on the bed but no way was I going to be caught by her, dragging the damaged limb onto the mattress. Nearly crying out from the pain of forcing the tensed up muscles to respond quickly, I swung both legs up and onto the bed, feeling the sweat coat my brow as wave after wave of excruciating pain shot through my right leg. The muscles began to spasm again, clearly protesting at my stupidity, and I cried out, unable to keep silent.

  I dug my fingers into the muscle, trying to ease the pain, my palms gliding over the puckered skin of the scars that crisscrossed my thigh, but with the combination of the fall and my idiocy, it was too late for that to do any good now.

  “Autumn!” I yelled her name and she ran out of the bathroom, a glass of water in one hand and two pills in the other.

  When she saw me she flinched as if she was in pain, her eyes taking in the sight of me trying to work the knots out of my leg. “Oh Theo.” Her voice was gentle but filled with sympathy as she hurried to me. “Quickly, take these.” She handed me the pills and the water but my hand was shaking so hard I spilled some over my groin, cursing at the shock of the cold water as it soaked into my briefs. “Wait, let me.” She took the glass back and held it to my lips as I took a sip, enough to wash the pills down my throat.

  Once I’d swallowed them I leaned back against the pillows, willing the damn things to kick in fast and ease my suffering. I closed my eyes, hiding from Autumn, not wanting her to see how severe my pain was.

  I flinched when I felt her hands on my thigh and my eyes shot open. “What are you doing?” I asked her.

  “Let me help you. Your muscles are all bunched up. No wonder you’re hurting so badly.”

  “I don’t need your fucking help. You’ve done enough. You can take that supersized mutt of yours and go home,” I snarled. I knew it was wrong to attack her after she’d been helping me but having her hands on me was both a tease and a torment.

  She didn’t respond. If anything, it seemed like she was ignoring me but I knew she’d heard me by the clenching of her jaw and the tightening of her plump lips.

  I could barely stand to see her slim fingers moving along the scars that crossed my thighs like a roadmap. Her hands seemed so perfect against the ugliness of my skin. Hers smooth and unmarked, blemish free and in stark contrast to where she touched me. I wondered if what she saw disgusted and repulsed her. I saw nothing in her expression as she worked, but maybe she was just good at hiding what she was feeling.

  Silently she massaged me, her eyes never straying from what she was doing. Her gaze focused on my damaged thigh while I found myself lying there; tense, hurting, torn between wishing she’d just leave me the fuck alone and yet enjoying the first touch I’d had from a human hand other than a doctor’s or my own in a long time. I tried not to let it show on my face what her touch was doing to me. With each sweep of her hand I felt it in my groin and my stomach.

  She dug her fingers into me, kneading the muscles like she was kneading dough. It hurt like hell but it was helping. I could feel it: the slow release of the knots that normally held me in the grip of crippling pain.

  As the muscles released and I wondered if it was from Autumn’s touch, the pain killers kicking in, or perhaps both, I felt my body relaxing. With every moment that passed as my pain reduced, I felt something, something I hadn’t felt in a really long time. It was the slow build-up of arousal.

  As my pain eased it was replaced with pleasure and I felt the unwanted stirring of my cock in my boxer briefs. Fucking hell, Autumn’s touch was arousing me. I was starting to harden and no way in hell could I have her see that.

  In the painfully short time I’d known her, I’d had to deal with the ultimate in humiliation: falling over and having her witness it - not once but twice. She’d partially undressed me; she’d seen some of my scars and I’d endured her hands on me, obviously enjoying it way more than I should. But no way in hell could I handle her seeing me with a hard on and, although I wasn’t hard yet, I was on my way. Clearly my wayward cock had no issue with Autumn’s hands on me, and he probably figured he’d stand up and beg for some attention himself.

  I lunged, shoving her hands off me, my fingers closing around her wrists to stop her putting them back on me.

  “I don’t need you to do anything more for me. Thank you.” I added as an afterthought. “I feel better. The pain is settling. You can leave me now. Your monster dog, Tiny, you said his name is Tiny, must be wondering where you’ve gone.” I looked around, anywhere but at her. “The pain killers will knock me out for a few hours so I won’t make very good company.” I reached down to pull the sheet over me, hopefully concealing the bulge of my semi-erect dick.

  “You know you really are a bit of an arse, aren’t you?” Autumn said as she stood up. “I get you’re not comfortable letting me see you half naked but, seriously, I'll let you in on a little secret.” She leaned down to look directly into my eyes. “I’ve seen a naked man before. You don’t have anything I’m not already familiar with.”

  I snorted a dismissive sound. “Somehow I find that hard to believe. Not about having seen a naked man before.” I added when she opened her mouth as if to argue with me. “But about this.” I swept a hand along my body, clearly demonstrating that I was referring to my scars.

  For the first time, I saw the very thing I didn’t want to see in her eyes: pity. “If you think your scars make you any less of a man, any less of an attractive man - and yeah, you are, I’ll be honest, you are very easy on the eye Theo - but if you’re pushing people away, if you’re pushing me away because of those?” Now it was her turn to sweep a hand over my scars. “I feel sorry for you.”

  I laughed a bitter sound. “You would be surprised how many people judge others for physical flaws. I’m used to anything from pity to shock, from horror to revulsion. I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. I don’t want you disgusted by these but really - I don’t give a fuck what you think. As I said: thank you for your help. Close the door on your way out.” I carefully turned onto my side, turning my back on her. Letting her know this conversation was over and I had no further use for her.

  I heard her footsteps as she moved to my doorway. “I’m taking Tiny home then I’m coming back later to check on you. You can be a dick and tell me to fuck off if it makes you feel better, but I’m still coming. We’re neighbours and the way I was raised was to care for others, to help when it is clear help is needed. How does it go? Love thy neighbour?” I heard her sigh but I refused to turn my head and look at her. “Hate me, abuse me or try to hurt me. Be as big an asshole as you wish but I will be back later, like it or not.” And with that, I heard the sound of her footsteps walking away, followed by my front screen door opening and closing again. I heard that overgrown dog of hers give a low, deep bark and I listened until I couldn’t hear either hers or her dog’s footsteps anymore.

  When it was all finally silent and my head felt foggy from the pain medication, I closed my eyes and let sleep pull me down into oblivion.

  Chapter Four

  Tyres squealed loudly, followed by the sound of air brakes like those of a truck. I heard glass shattering all around me, the noise of metal scaping, screeching, deafening. Pain exploded in my body; tearing pain in my leg and stomach. I couldn’t breathe. Something felt like it was pinning me down and still the agony continued. I screamed for help. I screamed for something, anything to ease my agony. I screamed for death, wanting the death I was sure was coming to hurry up and give me the relief I knew it would bring.

  I cried out, tears streaming down my cheeks; and all the time the pain was unrelenting, overwhelming, and I wondered if this was hell and I was trapped there.

  I heard a voice calling my name over and over, becoming more insistent, and then hands plucked at me, pulling my shoulders, shaking me. My eyes shot open, staring into the inky blackness, and I was sure I must have died.

  “Theo, shhh, it’s ok. You were having a nightmare.” The voice was lyrical, sweet, and I realised it must be the v
oice of an angel. She had come for me; to save me. Wasn’t that what angels did?

  “Are you an angel?” I whispered, reaching out towards the voice and my fingers felt warm skin beneath them. I turned, my body drawn to the angel, curling around her, seeking comfort from her warmth and sweet scent.

  “Theo, you’re dreaming. It’s me, Autumn.”

  “Autumn the Angel.” I whispered, tightening my grip around her and feeling an overwhelming calmness course through me. Closing my eyes I pressed my lips to her hair, breathing in her vanilla scent, and my body relaxed as I drifted back to sleep.

  I opened my eyes, blinking against the shard of sunlight making its way in around my bedroom blind. I felt well rested, the best I’d felt in as long as I could remember. I wasn’t even in all that much pain yet, which was surprising.

  At the moment I became aware I was sporting the hard-on to rival all hard-ons, I realised I wasn’t alone in my bed. Not only had I not had an erection like this one in a long time, it had also been years since I’d woken to find someone in my bed besides me.

  Slowly I turned my head towards the steady breaths I could hear and my heart jolted in my chest when I saw the wild tangle of auburn hair sprawled across the pillow next to me. Where the narrow rays of sun hit it I could see lighter, copper coloured strands and, unable to help myself, I carefully reached out, taking one length between my thumb and fingers, bringing it to my nose so I could inhale the vanilla scent.