Nuts About You: A Testicular Cancer Anthology

by Anthology

  She relaxes even further against me, laying her head on my shoulder, “So tell me why this has you so upset,” I ask while soothingly rubbing her arm.

  She answers so softly, I’m not sure I heard her correctly, “They asked me to be their surrogate.”

  My hand immediately stops moving and I’m sure she can feel the tension in my body, “Their surrogate?” She nods her head against my chest and I close my eyes afraid to ask what she told them, but I do. “What did you tell them?”

  “That I needed to think about it,” she says and I relax a little, but I can tell there is more she needs to say.

  Prompting her to continue, I ask, “But?”

  “But, there are so many questions. What if they can’t find anyone else to be their surrogate? What if I’m their last chance for them to have the family they’ve always wanted and deserve? How can I live with myself if I tell them no?” However, it’s the last of her questions that twists my heart in my chest, the one she asks that causes her voice to catch. “What about us?”

  I close my eyes tightly, and hug her to my chest, “Isabel, take us out of the equation,” before I can finish my sentence she bolts upright in my arms, eyes filled with tears.

  “Logan, are you saying it’s over?”

  Her chin begins to quiver and tears begin to roll down her cheeks, “What? No,” I assure her taking her face in my hands, my thumbs brushing away her tears. “Isabel, that’s not what I meant. I want you to make the decision you need to make. Don’t worry about us. Whatever you decide isn’t going to change the way I feel about you.”

  “But what about me moving in with you? Have you changed your mind about that?” She begins to ramble nervously before I can answer either of her questions. “I mean I would understand if you did. I’m sure the last thing you want…”

  “Isabel, baby, stop.”

  She stops but then tries to speak again, “But, I…”

  “Just listen to me for a minute, okay?” She nods, her big brown eyes focused on me, “I have not changed my mind about you moving in with me. I still want that, but I’m leaving that up to you. If you want to move in tomorrow, we’ll leave now and start packing your things. If you want to wait six months, then we’ll wait.” I take a breath and soften my voice, hoping to soothe her and not add any more stress to her already heavily burdened shoulders. I push a lock of hair behind her ear, and cup her cheek with my hand, “Sweetheart, look, you have a big decision to make, and I don’t want you to stress about something that is a nonissue, okay?” She nods and looks down then gives me a small smile. “When do Javier and Maya want an answer?”

  “They’d like to know as soon as possible so they can get everything started.”

  “And dinner next week?”

  “Is so we can all sit down and talk, because I told them I didn’t want to jeopardize my relationship with you,” she answers, her voice just above a whisper.

  Tipping her chin up so she’s looking at me, I ask, “And now that we’ve talked, do you really think that is something you have to worry about?”

  A smile plays at the corners of her mouth and she shakes her head, “No.”

  “Good,” I say my smile growing wider, as I lean in for a kiss. Pulling away way too soon, I lean my forehead against hers and suggest, “Since it’s closing time for you anyway, how about, I help you clean things up here and we forget about all the decisions that need to be made and go do something fun?”

  “I’d really like that.”

  For the next three days, Isabel and I carried on as if there wasn’t a major decision looming over our heads. Ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room seemed to be the best way for us to relax until Isabel made up her mind as to what she wanted to do. The moment I arrived at Isabel’s for dinner on the fourth day, I knew that she had reached a decision. As I stood beside her in the kitchen, helping her prepare dinner I gathered the courage to ask the question I already knew the answer to. “You’ve made a decision, haven’t you?”

  Focusing on the pepper she was chopping, her knife stopped in mid-air. Without looking up at me, she closed her eyes and sighed. “How did you know?”

  Setting aside the mushrooms, I was cleaning and then turning to take the knife from her hands, I pull her into my arms. “Isabel, I could feel the tension rolling off of you the moment I walked through the door.”

  Arms wrapped around my waist, her head resting against my chest she asks, “Are you upset?”

  I weigh her question carefully before answering. Does her decision upset me? No, Isabel is the most compassionate person I know. Her saying no to Javier and Maya would, by far, be harder on her because of the guilt she would feel each time she saw them. Will it bother me to see her pregnant with a child that is not mine? Maybe, at first, but it will also make me excited for the day that Isabel carries our child. Can I really be so selfish to say I don’t want her to do this? No, I can’t. Especially when Isabel is willing to offer her body to carry a child that will be loved and cared for by parents who so desperately want them.

  Pulling away from her just enough so I can look at her, I tell her honestly, “No, not at all. I think I knew all along that you would say yes, you just needed time to get comfortable with the idea. Did you call Javier and Maya yet?”

  “No, I wanted you here when I called them.”

  “Then I’ll be right there beside you holding your hand.”

  Wrapping her arms around my neck she smiles, “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”

  “Yeah, well I try,” I teasingly reply.

  She giggles and her eyes light up, “I love you Logan Matthews. Thank you for supporting me in this. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “I love you too Isabel and I’ll always support you, no matter what.” I place a kiss on her forehead and say, “Now let’s finish dinner so we can make that call.”

  Last week, after Isabel and I finished dinner, she called Javier and Maya to let them know she had made a decision. To say they were excited would be the understatement of the year. We could practically feel the joy emitting from them over the phone, which made Isabel feel that much more comfortable about the decision she made.

  Pulling in to Javier and Maya’s driveway, I put the car in park and switch off the engine. Lifting our joined hands, I place a kiss on the inside of Isabel’s wrist, “You ready to do this?”

  Releasing a shaky breath, Isabel gives me a nervous smile, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Giving her hand a squeeze, I exit the car and move to her side to open her door. Once she’s on her feet and I’ve closed the door, I pull her into my arms and place a soft kiss on her lips, before taking her hand and walking up to the front door. Isabel rings the doorbell, and a moment later Javier swings open the door. “Hi, you two, come on in.” He immediately wraps his sister in a tight hug, whispering something in her ear before he releases her. Shaking my hand, Javier claps me on the shoulder as I step inside. “Good to see you again Logan.”

  “You too, Javier.”

  “Logan, please call me Javy.”

  I smile and nod my agreement as I hear Maya call, “Was that them?”

  “Yeah, babe,” Javier calls back to his wife.

  Maya appears a moment later giving both Isabel and I a welcoming hug. “I’m so glad you could make it. Dinner is about ready, can I get you anything to drink?”

  Isabel looks up at me, “No, thank you though.”

  “Can I help you with anything, Maya?” Isabel asks.

  “If you’d like to help me get everything on the table, I would appreciate it.”

  “Sure thing,” she says with a smile and follows Maya into the kitchen.

  There’s a moment of awkward silence before Javier takes a step forward and begins to speak while guiding me into the living room, “Logan, I just want to thank you for supporting Isabel.” Taking a seat on the sofa, he sits opposite of me in a dark brown leather armchair. “You know, her biggest concern was how you would react
to her becoming our surrogate, which is understandable. This is something that is going to affect you both, and I couldn’t be happier that you will be beside her during all of this.” Before I can say anything he continues, “Maya and I agonized over asking her to do this, knowing what she would have to go through, but she was the only person we felt we could trust.” He sits forward in his chair arms resting on his knees and blows out a calming breath, his eyes glassy hinting at the emotions he’s holding back. “And honestly, I’m not sure that either Maya or I could handle the emotional stress of another miscarriage.”

  “Javier, I love your sister. Isabel is one of the most genuine, compassionate people I’ve ever met. I would have supported her, no matter what her decision. But for the record, I’m glad she chose to help you and Maya, it makes me love her even more than I thought possible.”

  Javier smiles and nods, knowing exactly what I’m talking about, before he comments Isabel steps into the room, “Hey guys, dinner’s ready.”

  “Great,” Javier says as he rises from his chair, “Logan I hope you like chicken enchiladas, because Maya’s are the best.”

  Hooking my arm around Isabel’s neck as we follow Javier to the dining room, I whisper in her ear, “Better than your enchiladas, I don’t think so.”

  Isabel giggles and pats my stomach, “Relax big guy, Maya is the one that taught me how to make them.”

  Chapter 7

  Things have moved very quickly over the past few weeks. Two days after we had dinner with Javier and Maya, Isabel received a call from Maya letting her know that she had scheduled an appointment for the following week. Even though the initial appointment was technically a consultation, I insisted on being there for Isabel, if for no other reason than moral support.

  Holding Isabel’s hand as I sit beside her, Doctor Williams explained what she could expect during the procedure. When he suggested that they implant the remaining three embryos, Isabel’s grip on my hand tightened. Giving her hand a reassuring squeeze, my thumb began moving across her knuckles in a comforting gesture. “Why all three,” she asked nervously.

  “The more embryos implanted, the better the chances of having at least one fetus thrive.”

  “What are the chances of having all of them thrive?”

  Giving us all a reassuring smile, Doctor Williams replied, “Honestly, we don’t know, each surrogate is different. There’s always a chance that all of the embryos will thrive, which is why I limit the number implanted to four.” Doctor Williams leans forward in his seat, resting his folded hands on his desk, before making eye contact with each of us. “One thing you all need to keep in mind is that there’s also just as high a chance of complete rejection.”

  Javier and Maya communicate silently for a moment, before he raises their joined hands and places a kiss on the back of his wife’s hand. “Doctor Williams, Maya and I are prepared to put our faith in you, Isabel and God to give us the family we desperately want.”

  Doctor Williams nods before turning to Isabel, “Isabel, I’ve presented you with all the facts and details of what this procedure would entail. The ultimate decision is up to you.”

  Isabel looks at me, and I give her the encouragement she is seeking simply by whispering in her ear, “I love you Isabel. You’ve got this baby, and I’ve got you.”

  Her eyes search mine finding nothing but the honest sincerity behind my words, she whispers back ever so softly, “I know, and I love you too.” Isabel squeezes my hand and takes a deep calming breath before reaching over to take her brother’s hand and addressing them. “Javy, Maya, I would be honored to carry your baby.”

  Hearing the bell over the door, I look up to see the most beautiful woman walking toward me. Her long dark hair falls past her shoulders, while the pink long sleeve top accentuates her full breast and tight dark jeans hug her curves. Smiling at my obvious perusal of her body, her eyes light up as she teasingly says, “Keep looking at me like that handsome, and I may just drag you out of here and have my way with you.”

  Walking around the counter, I take Isabel in my arms and pull her against my chest. Finding that sweet spot just below her ear, I whisper, “I wouldn’t say no to a repeat of last night.” Trailing kisses down Isabel’s neck, my hands find her ass as I pull her tighter against me.

  Protesting while holding me in place, Isabel weaves her fingers into my hair. A soft moan escapes her as my mouth moves to the swell of her breast. “Oh god, Logan. If you don’t stop we won’t make it back to my place.”

  ”Pulling away, I waggle my eyebrows at her, “Who says we have to wait, I have a sofa in my office.”

  “As tempting as that sounds, I just stopped by to tell you that Doctor Williams office called to let me know that the procedure is scheduled for the day after tomorrow.”

  “So soon?”

  “Yeah,” she sighs and relaxes in my arms, “But, the sooner I have the procedure, the sooner we can move in together.”

  “Isabel…”

  Isabel places a finger over my lips before I can say another word. “No, don’t say it. I just wouldn’t feel right about moving in with you while I’m being a surrogate for Javy and Maya.”

  “I understand, and if you want to wait, I’m fine with that. But,” I say as I tip her chin up to look me in the eye, “if at any time you change your mind, just say the word, okay?”

  She smiles up at me and quietly agrees, “I promise.”

  “Good,” I say as I place a kiss on her forehead. “What are your plans for tonight?”

  “Well, there’s this guy I’ve been seeing, and I was hoping he’d come over for dinner tonight.”

  “He’d be a fool to turn you down,” I say with a teasing grin.

  “He’s a smart guy, he wouldn’t dare.” She steps up on her toes and softly kisses my lips. “Okay, I’m off to the grocery to pick up a few things, and then I’m heading home. I’ll see you when you get there.”

  Pulling open the door for her, I give her another lingering kiss, “Bye babe, drive safe.”

  Opening the door of her car, she turns and blows me a kiss before climbing inside and pulling out into traffic.

  Just before closing, the bell above the door sounds. Looking up I see Molly and Travis enter the store. “There’s half of my favorite couple,” Molly says as she walks inside.

  “Hi Molly, Travis haven’t seen you two in a while. How have you been?”

  “Can’t complain,” Travis says while shaking my hand, as Molly heads off in another direction. “How are you doing?”

  “Not bad. What can I do for you all?”

  Travis nods toward Molly, “My aunt’s birthday is this weekend, and Molly said she saw something the last time she was here that would be perfect for her.”

  “Oh great! Molly let me know if you need any help finding what you are looking for,” I call across the store.

  “Thanks Logan, but I think I found it.”

  “How are things going with Isabel?” Travis asks as Molly makes her way to us.

  “They’re going well. Isabel and I are considering moving in together, well, I should say, she’s considering it. I already know I want her to move in with me.”

  “That’s a big step, you sure about that?”

  “It is, but I’m sure it’s what I want. She actually does too, but she’s concerned about living with me while she’s being a surrogate.”

  “Give her a little time Logan,” Molly says. “She’s already dealing with the decision to become a surrogate. Like I told her yesterday, having someone by your side makes it a lot easier, than going through things alone.”

  Travis pulls Molly close and kisses the side of her head. “And really there is only one question you need to ask yourself. Do you love Isabel?”

  “More than I ever thought possible,” I answer honestly and without hesitation.

  Travis nods, and I know he completely understands how I feel, as he assures me, “Then all that matters is that you tell her and show her every day. Let her know
that you are there to support her in whatever she needs.”

  “Any time you need someone to talk to just give us a call,” Molly says. “Sometimes it helps just to have someone outside the situation listen and give you a new perspective.”

  I nod in agreement, “Thanks you two, I really appreciate your advice.”

  After completing the purchase, I wrap up the bowl Molly selected for Travis’s aunt and hand them the bag. “There you go. I hope your aunt likes her gift.”

  “Thanks, I’m sure she will,” Travis says.

  “Thanks for letting us, sneak in at the last minute, I know it’s time for you to close up.”

  “No problem, Molly. I never mind staying open later for you.”

  “Thanks Logan,” Molly says as they head for the door. “Say hello to Isabel for us and let us know how everything goes with the procedure or if you need anything.”

  “I will, and thanks again for the advice.” I watch as they make their way to their car, then lock the door and turn off the lights, as I change the sign on the door to indicate we are closed.

  As I drive to Isabel’s I think about how different our life is about to become. In the almost six months I’ve been with Isabel, I have already determined that I want her in my life. In fact, I can’t imagine spending one day without her. The question is, how long will she make me wait when I ask her to marry me?

  Chapter 8

  Waking before the alarm, I find Isabel wrapped around me with her head on my chest. She looks so peaceful, which is a complete contradiction to how she in fact is feeling. Nervous energy rolled off her in waves last night as we prepared and ate dinner. Once we had cleaned up after dinner, I convinced her to watch a movie with me. While she selected her favorite movie, I turned down her bed, figuring that if she actually relaxed enough to fall asleep, I could carry her to bed without having to wake her. Once I returned to the living room, she snuggled up against me on the sofa and let me hold her until she fell asleep.