Dying to Love Her

by Tina Martin

  “Yep...I went with her to meet the trainer. And, just so you know, his name is Juan...seems like a pretty nice guy.”

  Juan...Andre had a feeling he knew this Juan. His company had given a business loan to a man named Juan to open up a gym about a year ago. Still, the thought of another man touching his woman, whether he knew him or not, didn’t sit well with him. A trainer would no doubt have to touch his trainee, maneuver their arms and legs, making sure they were in the right workout position.

  Instead of expressing his disappointment with the entire situation, he took a different approach and asked, “How did she do?”

  “She did good. We went on a five-mile hike.”

  “Five miles?” he asked, flustered. It seemed a little too much for Ava. She’d just started exercising again and...

  “Oh don’t worry, Andre. Ava was a pro. She actually did better than me.” Sasha laughed.

  Andre cracked a half smile. “Okay,” he said, feeling calm at her reassurance. “That’s good to know. If it’s not too much trouble, please keep an eye on her for me.”

  “Okay, Andre. I will, but don’t worry. Ava is doing just fine. And I’ll call you if anything comes up.”

  “I appreciate it, Sasha.”

  “No problemo,” she said.

  “Let me holla at Todd again.”

  Andre waited a moment, then heard Todd say, “Hey...so things got a little tense between you and Ava at dinner the other night. I’m sorry we left so early. I just figured you guys needed time to talk.”

  “Yeah, we talked, alright. In a nutshell, I told her basically what I told you. I didn’t want to say anything to her at all, but she kept on pushing me and pushing me until I couldn’t take it anymore.”

  “Ah, man...what exactly did you say, Dre?”

  Andre exhaled sharply. “I told her that I was tired of hearing her complain, tired of planning my schedule around her and...I told her she didn’t appreciate me.”

  “Dang, man.”

  “You were right, Todd. You said if I kept holding it in, it would come out all wrong and that’s exactly what happened. Now she won’t take my calls. I told Sasha to check on her for me.”

  “Okay.”

  “And I’m going to try to wrap up this acquisition so I can get home before Friday. I have to fix this.”

  “Alright, man. Well, if you need me, just give me a call.”

  “Thanks Todd.”

  Chapter 8

  Ava

  . ~ . ~ .

  I’M PANTING HARDER than I’ve ever panted in my life. My hair is drenched in sweat. My muscles feel like they’re on fire. Everything around me is moving in slow motion. Juan is panting just as hard as I am – well, not exactly since he’s a professional.

  “You okay, lil’ lady,” he asks me while bent over to his knees. Sweat is dripping from his chin.

  I’m still huffing. Panting. When I’m able to find a breath I can use, I say, “Oh my gosh...I didn’t realize it would be this difficult when I actually started working out again.”

  “No pain, no gain. You said you wanted to go all-in. Well, this is all-in, sweetheart,” Juan says, then chuckles. “We can take a water break though. I don’t want you to pass out on me.”

  “Yes. Please. Let’s take a break.”

  We sit on a bench, one right off of the trail where we’d been running. Thank goodness it’s not a hot, muggy morning. It’s quite the opposite. There’s a crisp breeze twirling about, abnormal for Florida in August but many people take advantage of the cooler weather, mostly runners, by getting in some exercise without having to worry about the heat.

  I inhaled a long breath of fresh air after drinking some water. Then I pull in another breath. I close my eyes and hear birds chirping and singing varying melodies. I hear the wind wrestling, then feel it against my face; the smell of nature in the air.

  “You good?” Juan asks.

  I glance over at him. He’s lean. I can pretty much tell he enjoys working out and I guess he would, being a personal trainer and all. He’s wearing all black and his T-shirt has the company name and slogan on it. The name of his gym is called, Juan-der Works. There’s a picture of a dumbbell underneath the name with a slogan that reads: Where miracles happen one step at a time.

  I smile, thinking it’s corny, yet clever and smart for someone to turn their passion into a profitable business.

  “Ava?”

  “Yes?”

  “Are you good?”

  “I’m okay,” I tell him. “Just needed this little break.”

  “Okay. Just to ease your mind, I am certified in C.P.R. too, just in case you pass out.”

  “Gee, thanks for the motivation, Juan,” I say, then laugh.

  He laughs too, displaying a bright, white smile. “Do you work?” he asks.

  “Not anymore. I was a waitress and did odd jobs here and there before I got married.”

  “Oh, you’re married?”

  “Yep. I take my ring off when I work out,” I say, but I took the ring off a few days ago. And it had nothing to do with working out...

  “What does your husband do?”

  I mask a frown because I’m not in the mood to talk about Andre right now. But just to satisfy Juan with an answer, I say, “He has his own business.”

  “Here in the Miami area?”

  “Yep.”

  “What’s the name of it?”

  Darn it! Stop asking me questions.

  “Rockwell Computer Components.”

  Juan looks at me like the name rings a bell. “Wait...Andre Rockwell is your husband?” he asks.

  My eyes are bright and wide. “Yes. How do you know Andre?”

  “Interesting story. When I was looking to start my own business, I tried to get a small business loan through a few banks, but was denied every time. One of my friends told me about loans that Mr. Rockwell offers for small business startups...interest free. So I checked them out and he hooked me up.”

  “So you met with Andre face-to-face?”

  “Sure did. He had to approve my business plan.”

  “Wow. Small world, I guess.”

  “Yep. Sure is.” Juan takes a sip of water. “He’s a well-respected businessman around here.”

  I smile. I love that about Andre. He is well-respected and adored by many. He’s honorable. Likeable. He was all those things when I met him.

  “Thanks,” I say to Juan. “Andre is a hardworking man.” I finish drinking my water then toss the plastic bottle in a recycle can.

  “Are you ready to get back to jogging?” Juan asks.

  “I have to be. It’s now or never, right?”

  “Alright. Let’s make some miracles happen.”

  “One step at a time,” I quip.

  He laughs. “Yep. One step at a time.”

  Chapter 9

  Andre

  . ~ . ~ .

  AFTER A LONG day of talks, Andre finally convinced the C.E.O. of Internal Components that he would end up losing millions of dollars if he didn’t sell now. They’d been in negotiations up until nine at night and finally he was resting. He’d ordered Chinese food, eating it but not enjoying it. His mind was all over the place – one minute he felt a wave of relief that the acquisition was coming to fruition, and the next minute he couldn’t believe the things he said to his wife.

  His sweet Ava...

  He inhaled a deep breath and placed his food on the coffee table. Being here alone, without Ava, made him yearn for her. Made his heart grow fonder for her. It was a challenge loving a woman with her health issues, but he couldn’t fathom the thought of being with anyone else. Ava was it for him. She would always be his, and no one else’s.

  He called Todd earlier to get a status from Sasha about how Ava was doing, but he hadn’t received an answer.

  So he took out his phone, dialed Ava’s number, hoping that the time that had separated them was enough for her to want to answer the phone this time. It hadn’t, he realized, when her voicemail had pick
ed up. He decided to leave a message this time:

  Hi, Ava. It’s your husband calling. Um...I know I said some things that hurt you and I wish I could take them back, but I can’t. I just want you to know that I’m sorry...that I love you and only you. Please call me.

  Andre pinched his eyes together when he set his phone on the table and reclined back onto the couch, resting his feet on the table. Just when he’d gotten comfortable, his phone rang. He jumped to grab it, thinking it was Ava returning his call, but when he saw Todd’s number on the display, his excitement waned.

  “Hey, Todd. What’s up?”

  “Nothing much, man. I saw that you called and I was just calling you back. I couldn’t get to the phone earlier...had an emergency at one of the tax offices.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah...systems went down but only at that location. What’s going on with you? How are the acquisition talks coming along?”

  “Hopefully, after the week is out, it’ll be a done deal. The lawyers are finalizing everything this week.”

  “That’s awesome, Dre.”

  “Yeah...I would be in more of a celebratory mood if everything was cool with me and Ava.”

  “Speaking of Ava, man, I saw her jogging with that trainer.”

  “Juan.”

  “I don’t know the cat.”

  “I know. I’m telling you that’s his name. I confirmed it with Sasha.”

  “Okay, well all I know is the dude looked a lil’ bit too cozy to be spending so much time with a married woman.”

  Andre frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “They do a morning run together and in the evenings, she’s at his gym. I went over there this evening with Sasha and this dude is on the floor, in between Ava’s legs, pushing her legs up in the air, helping her stretch. It was probably nothing, but I sure wouldn’t tolerate a man touching Sasha like that.”

  Andre frowned. He didn’t want a man touching Ava either. Exercise or no exercise. And this mental image of another man’s between Ava’s legs made his blood boil. “Well, looks like I’ll be home earlier than expected, so I’ll see what’s up when I’m back.”

  “Okay, man.”

  “I’m sure it’s nothing, but even if he made a move, Ava wouldn’t cheat on me?”

  “You sure about that?”

  “What do you mean by that, Todd?”

  “I mean, by your own admission, you don’t touch her or make love to her and now this personal trainer comes along and has her legs strung up in the air. I’m just sayin’...”

  “Saying what?”

  “Okay, Dre...has it ever crossed your mind that maybe Ava is lonely?”

  No, it hadn’t crossed his mind. It was a possibility that she was lonely, but instead of considering that as an option, he was too focused on himself, things he felt he was missing out on because of her heart issues. “Nah...it hadn’t crossed my mind.”

  “It should, man, because if she’s lonely, then anything can happen. And trust me on this...loneliness can’t do anyone any good at any time and honestly, bruh, it’s probably more devastating to Ava’s health than exercise will ever be.”

  “You’re right, man. You’re right. That’s all I can say.” Andre sighed heavily. “I’ll be back home tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow? What about the acquisition?”

  “Now that I convinced the C.E.O. to sell, the rest of the work can be handled by the executives here. Right now, I have to get back to my family.”

  “Well, just a heads up, I’m not sure what time you plan on being here, but Ava’s going to a spa with Sasha tomorrow around noon.

  “Alright. Thanks for the heads up.”

  “Sure thing, man. Anyway, I’m ‘bout to crash. Been a crazy day for me.”

  “Alright. Later.”

  Andre dropped his phone on the table and buried his face in his hands, sighing heavily, wondering if Ava was really feeling lonely. He had been intentionally staying away from her, staying at work late and going in early. He didn’t realize what his actions were actually doing to his family. Now, sitting here alone on a couch, he could see it as clear as day.

  Chapter 10

  Ava

  . ~ . ~ .

  “I FEEL SORE, but the good thing that has come out of all of this is that I have more energy,” I say to Sasha while my feet are submerged in blue-tinted water. Sasha and I are getting pedicures before we go to get our hair done.

  “Good. I’m glad. You had me worried for a minute.”

  “Why?”

  She shrugs. “Because of your condition.”

  “Ugh...why does everybody say that?”

  She giggles. “By everybody, I’m assuming you mean Andre.”

  I roll my eyes and she laughs a little.

  “I thought so,” she continues. “And we say it because it’s true. You have to face the fact that your condition makes people treat you with extra care.”

  “I know that, but I’m not fragile. Go ahead, Sasha. Drop me on the floor and see if I break.”

  Sasha laughs.

  The man who’s doing my pedicure laughs while he’s scrubbing the heel of my feet with something that looks like a cheese grater.

  “Girl, you are crazy,” Sasha says after she’s gotten the giggles out of her system.

  “I’m serious. Andre says the same thing, constantly. I don’t need to be reminded that I’m sick, over and over again. That’s what my mom used to do to me, and it did something to my thinking that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It made me afraid to live. And I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want my husband to think of me as a boring person. I want adventure and trips and all that.”

  “Speaking of Andre, have you spoken with him yet?”

  I sigh. “No. Not yet.”

  The nail technician begins massaging my feet and I release a satisfying moan. This mini-foot massage feels extremely relaxing. I haven’t been touched in so long that I think all of my pleasure zones have sunken to my feet.

  I grab an old Essence magazine, pretending to read it in order to distract myself from how good this feels.

  Just when I think my eyes are going to roll to the back of my head in absolute delight, Sasha says, “Todd said he talked to Andre last night.”

  “About what?”

  “You, of course. Andre seemed bothered by the fact that you have a trainer and is exercising.”

  I shake my head. “I know he’s against it, but I can’t live like that, and I won’t. If I drop dead tomorrow, I want my family and friends to say that I lived a good, fulfilling life. Do you know I’ve never been to a beauty salon? My hair is a hot mess. Since it’s grown out I don’t have a good style for it and—”

  “Well, it’s a good thing we’re going to get our hair done after we leave here.”

  “Yeah,” I say. Then I begin to think about what kind of hairstyle would satisfy Andre instead of thinking about what I want. Then again, if Andre doesn’t want me anymore, and I seriously doubt that he does, why am I worrying about whether or not he’ll like my hair?

  * * *

  At the salon now, I opt for a new color, copper brown and decide I want an angled bob cut that frames my face. It looks fantastic, and as I play with my new do in the mirror, I feel my confidence mounting. I begin to think about those movies where the woman feels awful after being dumped by her boyfriend so, to make herself feel better, she does something drastic to change her appearance – like dying her hair. For her it would signal a new start, a new beginning. It’s a way of ending what she used to look like while with the ex and becoming a new woman.

  I somehow feel that’s what I did – become a new woman in expectation of my pending break up. Andre had called me last night to apologize, but his apology didn’t come across as genuine. It was more like he’d done it just to make himself feel better for hurting me – like he’s afraid to let go even when he knows I’m not right for him.

&
nbsp; When we leave the salon, I head over to mom’s to pick up Andrew. She freaks out, in a good way, when she sees my new look. She pulls me on in the living room and asks me to spin around so she can see the full do. She’s ecstatic with my new hairstyle and is so happy, I see tears brimming in her eyes.

  “Mom, are you crying?”

  “No. I’m not crying,” she says blinking quickly to dispel the notion that she’d become emotional over my mini makeover. “You look so beautiful, honey.”

  “Aw...thank you, mom.”

  “Why don’t you have a seat for a moment? Andrew is sleeping anyway.”

  “Okay,” I say, walking over to the couch in her sleek condo. As a gift to her, and me, Andre bought this place so my mother could move from Charlotte to Florida with us. It’s a spectacular home for her – a detached condo with a garage, two bedrooms, a bonus room, high-end appliances and a balcony. She loves it. In fact, she loves it so much, she doesn’t want to leave the place. Ever. She only goes out for the absolute necessities.

  I helped her decorate the living room a few months ago. She saw the layout of a living room on HGTV.com and decided that it was the look she wanted for her living room. The color scheme is gray, mustard yellow and white. She has a lot of plants. She loves flowers. And then there’s the indoor table fountain that makes me close my eyes and imagine I was on a secluded beach with a martini and a book.

  “So how do you feel after a few days of exercise?”

  I open my eyes and say, “I feel great, mom.” I fully melt into her comfortable couch. “I actually don’t feel sick or anything.”

  “That’s good to hear. I know Andre was worried about you being more active.”

  “Yeah, he was and that was holding me back. Nothing good can come out of someone always telling you what you can’t do.”