Doing The Apocalypse Shuffle: Southern Prepper Adventure Fiction of Survival Grid Down (Old Preppers Die Hard Book 2)

by Ron Foster

  “I still hope we caught one, we could make Fong clean it because he didn’t believe we could catch one.” Jeremy offered.

  “Oh, don’t worry yourself my friend, he is going to get plenty of chances to do just that. As for catching a raccoon, I can probably tell you right now that we did not.” Farley said catching a whiff of skunk as he pulled in the drive way.

  “What is that god awful smell?” Becky said scrinching her nose.

  “Skunk! You never smelled one before? Sorry Jeremy but I bet that’s what we dropped a rock on sometime in the last few hours. Might not be but it sure smells like one and it ain`t been too long since one sprayed something or got itself killed in that trap we set.” Farley said as a chorus of ‘PU that stinks!’ occurred as they excited the vehicle.

  “Well the trap worked, Mom!” Jeremy said not put off too much by the stench and taking pleasure in the fact that Farley’s instructions and his help had produced something even if it was just a stinky old skunk.

  “Yea, I can smell that it did.” Becky said disgustedly holding her nose.

  “Looks like one of them giant damn skunks they got around here from what I can see. Jeremy, don’t you be going down there investigating that thing in the trap, its going to be bad enough around here smelling that thing without that scent permeating your clothes while you are poking about.” Farley said dreading loading the van with that oppressive smell in the air.

  “You don’t have to tell me twice. Farley, out of curiosity, can you eat a skunk?” Jeremy asked.

  “I suppose you could but I haven’t heard of anybody doing it or thinking about it. They make skunk hats and fur coats so somebody probably has tried it once the smoke cleared and I have heard of no spray live traps for them but I ain`t studying one.” Farley said reaching in his vest for a Bandanna to wear over his nose exaggerating the stench curling his nose.

  They loaded the van in record speed and then got back on the road as quick as they could. Still no sign of life appeared around the country boy’s house but going by the bait store they spied that pickup truck of theirs in the parking lot.

  “I am going to have to ask Barnett who them folks are and what their story is.” Farley said as he slowed down just long enough to try to catch a glimpse of them before picking up the pace and heading towards their new home.

  “Farley, what are skunks good for?” Jeremy inquired.

  “What do you mean what are they good for? They eat insects and plants and such I guess and pole cats remind everyone that god’s creatures big and small command respect. I never really thought much about it.” Farley said his mind a thousand miles away thinking about if those fishermen might be paying Charlie a visit right now and that he himself personally was warned that the bar was being watched and kicking himself that he hadn’t inquired in some way about that marina that was giving him conniption fits to revisit for scavenging and supplies.

  “So are you going to weld that gate shut when we get home?” Becky asked. trying to start up a conversation.

  “Yes, that is about the best thing I can think of at the moment. There is no way to man that thing daily or worry about who might come visit. We just got to be aware where a threat might come from and be conscientious of it, other than cutting down trees and sealing road access, I don’t have a better solution. We can’t keep Charlie on guard duty 24/7, oh, he or I might consider manning it for a few more days but it’s doubtful. I will have to ask Charlie if there are any motion sensor lights or emergency power outage lights around we can use to give folks further pause about approaching it at night, though. There are two main gates quite a distance apart, maybe people will think there is only one main access and not try the other. Gas is short or non-existent now and peoples’ travel will be highly conservative or greatly restricted. I am hoping we just rest easy, stay low and live in seclusion but those few ideas are the best I have at the moment.” Farley said somberly.

  “Well I personally feel safer here than at my old cabin. I feel pretty good about everything and really appreciate what you’re doing for us, Farley.” Becky said.

  “Glad to have you, hey hang on,small detour we got to go on. That sign gives me an idea.” Farley said looking at an oyster bar turn off sign he was approaching.

  “You thinking that they’re open?” Becky said looking at him like it was crazy for him to even consider it.

  “Nah, I don’t think that they are open but their dumpster or whatever might be used for trash will be. When I saw that sign I immediately thought of oyster shells. I used to buy powdered oyster shell for chickens or the garden. Pure calcium, don’t you know? Anyway if they have a bunch of shells there I want some for the chickens. Hey Jeremy, I have got a job for you and Fong maybe. If you all want to earn a little money or trade goods you can pulverize oyster shells for me and then maybe I can sell them to Barnett or his clientele!” Farley declared.

  “Cool, I can do that. We can get some hammers or something to smash them up with.” Jeremy exclaimed.

  “Damn the folks that own this work quick. Looks like the place is battened down and secured and ready for a hurricane.” Farley said noticing the sheets of plywood covering the windows and door. A “No Trespassing” notice was scrawled in big black painted letters across the ply board covering the windows and a sign saying the place was empty leave it alone was placed over the door. Evidently it worked because the place was unmolested.

  “Remember what they said at the Bait store about messing with buildings around here.” Becky warned.

  “I ain`t going to be messing with the building. I just want to have a look in the trash.” Farley said as he circled his van around the back of it.

  “Well to me we are still trespassing so please be in a big hurry, Farley.” Becky said warningly.

  Bingo! Sure enough there was 55 gallon plastic trash cans full of shells as well as a bunch left in the dumpster. Farley grabbed a garbage bag out of his van and filled it about a third of the way up with oyster shells and loaded up and got back on the road.

  “That didn’t take long and there are enough shells in that bag to last me a while but I got to figure me out a way to get Barnett to trade with me for them without him figuring out that he could just send Frazier over here and get those shells for themselves free.” Farley said.

  “You could say we got them in our parking lot, you know some folks here at the lake have that conglomerate of sea shells they dredge off the ocean floor for that.” Becky responded.

  “Yea, that might work, but he would still probably think about this place eventually. We will dream up something, right now the only thing I am worried about is getting back and securing our home front better. Jeremy, are you and Fong buddies now and over that tussle you all had?” Farley asked.

  “Yea, we are just fine, I like him.” Jeremy answered.

  “You two got to get along.” Becky began before Jeremy assured her that Fong and he were fine and that he looked forward to seeing his new friend soon.

  “Let’s tune in and get our daily dose of broadcast dribble.” Farley said turning on the radio.

  “First today we have State and Local news. The governor reiterates that people should stay at home and only travel if it is absolutely necessary. Some assistance is available for travelers along any hurricane evacuation route but this will be suspended indefinitely in the coming days as fuel shortages are also affecting relief efforts. Do not expect any outside help except as offered or available from your local emergency management agencies. To seek aid or assistance tune to your local broadcast stations that will be listed at the end of this message.” The radio droned on before becoming too static to listen to.

  “I could find another station maybe but it sounds like more of the same BS they been feeding us. I think they just change the tape recorder cassettes every day and give us more of the same with slight new twists on road closures is about it. Lots of HAZMAT related spills going on they can’t get cleaned up, lots of fires they can’t put out, lots of false
encouragement and questionable advice. Hell, they are still talking about your local emergency management agencies being in charge of giving assistance, what a crock. They are all bunkered in somewhere seeing who may or may not be answering their phones somewhere else and asking each other what to do. Damn local city offices do whatever the state says to do for a hurricane and not much more. Do you know how many City Emergency Managers they got for the city of Montgomery? How many people we got living there, a quarter million or so? They got two, that’s it, with out state agency help they can’t do anything and they definitely don’t have a plan except to sit next to a phone and wait on somebody to tell them to call somebody else to tell them they need to go take care of something. Shit, I would bet you they probably aren’t even in the city at the moment.” Farley declared pretty much dismissing any action out of that state service except to serve as communication links between the state and the fed as the national system melted down. They didn’t have a plan, no one had a plan and if they did have any pre-positioned supplies normally available for the citizenry for hurricanes and tornados it was distributed months ago or commandeered by government administrators under continuity of government or police action orders. To tell people to seek aid from nonexistent or imaginary resources, as far as he was concerned in his limited scope of experience or current knowledge of real world events, bordered on treason to him and he couldn’t stand listening to it.

  “Farley, I asked you not to dump a bunch of negativity and doom and gloom crap on me all at once, I can’t handle it. The government says there is hope and I want to believe in that.” Becky scolded.

  “Oh yea, right, sorry about that, Becky. I apologize, that was short sighted of me. I forgot that sort of political talk bothered you. We ok?” Farley said hoping he hadn’t over stepped the boundary that would sink her into depression and focus her anger at him for saying there was no hope except themselves.

  “I am really trying and making an effort to be more realistic, Farley, but it is just way too soon for me to try to think like you do. I accept your apology and we are fine, I am not mad at you. I am just kind of fragile sometimes now, if you know what I mean. Hey, by the way, I asked Frazier if they stocked any ladies supplies and he said they used to carry a small amount of them but between what Barnett kept for his female relatives and what the Church bought they were out of stock permanently as far as he knew.” Becky said bringing up a delicate subject that Farley had questioned her about earlier.

  “Now that’s an interesting bit of gossip, he said the church bought out all of Barnett’s stock?” Farley said contemplating that bit of information he might somehow find useful.

  “Yes, He said that the preacher and his deacon wife along with the head church lady and her assistant came by in that big white Cadillac of the reverends and pressured Barnett for all the pads and tampons they had in the place plus half the aspirin and any other meds like antacids to sell to them at cost or better for the community church. Farley, you should have heard him carrying on how the preacher made the first request to buy those things and got tongue tied and then the ladies surrounded Barnett like Esther and her bible thumping crew off Sanford and Son and backed that old store keeper into a corner and told him that it was his god given opportunity to support their church and the fine young ladies of his community in their hour of need. It seems everybody got the religion inclinations and started filling up the pews shortly after the President declared a state of National Emergency and the regular church going members that had their own businesses increased their tithes and leaned on the ones that had strayed from going to church every Sunday to contribute what goods or services they could and made available resources only to the members of their congregation. Well, they are Baptists; the 7th day Adventists did something similar up the road and the Protestants and other smaller denominational churches around here were kind of slow on the uptake of resources and have them a “Converting” factor going on around here that has got the clergy in a quandary as to whether it’s their denominations words or resources influencing this great crossover or redemption they are experiencing. Seems like the likely choice of redemption or salvation is no longer based on getting your ticket to heaven on baptism practices of being sprinkled on the head or being fully immersed or whether now you accepted Jesus as your savior but instead is based on whether or not you will cross the tracks to accept a different form of worship and blessings in the form of which church has what goods or services to offer you for joining up with them. Frazier said he thought it was funnier than hell that in this little war for acquisitions and souls that the “First Advent Baptist Church of Peace and Harmony” decided to hit the rest of the competing churches low and buy up every menstrual pad and tampon in the county.” Becky said losing it as Farley busted out laughing at the well-thought out biblical or commercial end to the monthly miseries as he put it.

  “They best watch what they are doing regarding influencing faith, or shared beliefs based on resources; it's possible that you can end up with a "spy" in your group, someone who's loyal to another camp just a few miles away; their survival strategy is often to infiltrate other camps and steal goods or gain intelligence.” Farley said.

  Jeremy didn’t quite get it but understood and anything that made his mom and Farley laugh like they were doing was fine by him and he saved his embarrassing questions for them to answer later.

  “Now, Becky, damn that was funnier than hell, I really got to wrap my mind around this now because trade and everybody that trades together or has a monopoly on a product is my gig as you already well know. If churches are buying up supplies for their congregations that means they are tradesmen and trading posts in and of themselves because they must evidently have access to certain goods. We ourselves are trying to establish our tribe as one that has something to potentially offer, if you get my drift.” Farley said pausing and still smiling to himself about her remark about that preacher and his church ladies hitting Barnett low on giving them a cost price on feminine products. Being saved religiously or otherwise took on a whole new meaning now in regard to houses of worship!

  I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion." - Alexander the Great

  Farley slowed the van down while getting ready to turn into the campground and took off his sunglasses so he could get a better look around.

  “It appears all quiet, looks like we are finally safely home, folks.” Farley said honking his horn so Charlie would know they were approaching the first gate.

  Jeremy got out of the van and ran over to remove the lock Farley had broken off and open the gate. He was surprised to find the old one was now gone and a new padlock had replaced it.

  “Hey, Farley, there is a new lock on here!” Jeremy exclaimed and looked over at Farley who was watching the road to the resort. They both heard the sound of Charlie’s truck horn as he began coming up the drive.

  “I guess he put it on there, I didn’t even think to ask Charlie if he had another lock to replace the old one. Matter of fact, I bought one at Barnett’s today.” Farley said exiting the vehicle with Becky to go stand by Jeremy at the gate.

  Charlie pulled up to the gate and got out of his official government truck in full dress uniform with clipboard in hand and mockingly challenged them saying that this was a “Federal Facility and that it was closed to the public and a restricted area for military personnel only until further notice.”

  “Geez buddy are you kicking us out before we even get moved in, Charlie? Did you have a little change of mind after we left?” Becky said smiling.

  “Damn, I told you to make your bed this morning, Jeremy. Look here, you little rascal, you have done pissed off the warden.” Farley quipped back.

  “That is Master Sergeant Wu to you, Farley.” Charlie said, back pointing with his fingers counting the stripes on his impressive looking sleeve.

  “Oh, woe to me! Master Sergeant Wu is after me!” Farley said giving him a crisp military sa
lute that made Jeremy and Becky laugh.

  “You all hang on a second and I will get this gate unlocked for you. I guess you were gone about twenty minutes when it occurred to me I had another lock to put on that gate and since it’s hard to see the entrance from the reception center or I might have been off taking a piss or something, I put it on there thinking a shiny new lock looked better for appearances sake. I wanted it to look like we were on our toes and operational rather than someone seeing that one you busted open.” Charlie said before telling them that he had already sent Fong back to tell Feng they had arrived on a bicycle he had remembered was stored in the camp grounds custodians’ office.

  “So did any visitors decide to come around today?” Farley asked, getting ready to go back to his van and drive it through the now open gate.

  “Matter of fact, we did get some. You go get your van inside the perimeter and after we secure the gate I will tell you all about it. Everything’s just fine, matter of fact what happened is funnier than hell.” Charlie said rushing Farley to go ahead and hurry up and move his vehicle out of the road and follow him down to the reception gate.

  “Visitors, huh? I am dying to hear this story. They were the friendly kind, I hope.” Farley said as Becky and Jeremy loaded up with him to sort of play a mad game of chase after Charlie’s truck to get down to the gate house and secure their borders and chat.