Waiting for Grace

by Oakes, Hayley

  “That and my family, turns out I’m more messed up than I thought.”

  “Oh,” she gave me a little squeeze, “families are designed to set us up for life my dear, give us all the experiences we need for the outside world, the more messed up, the better we deal with the world.”

  I laughed. “God Jackie you could put a good spin on death row.”

  “Sure could kid. This isn’t my first rodeo.” We gave our phone numbers to the nurses on the way out, who inputted them in to the computer against Maria’s name for any news. I prayed that there would be no news and that we would find her awake tomorrow.

  ***

  By the time I got to Robert’s flat it was late and Devon was already in bed, exhausted from the journey. He buzzed me inside and met me at the door as I climbed the stairs to the first floor. He looked concerned and his face was completely crumpled. I gave him a shy smile and he stepped towards me, enveloping me in his arms before I made it to the door. I felt safe again and comforted by him, his scent, his arms, his body. It was an unconscious reaction like my body just knew him. He kissed my hair.

  “You okay?” he asked. I nodded. “Come on, I saved you some dinner, we had pasta.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered as we made our way inside.

  Robert’s flat was so much swankier than ours. It was part of a new build apartment complex and everything was brand new. There were plastered walls, a beautiful new shiny white bathroom suite, and neutral décor. The kitchen was all black gloss with chrome everywhere. It certainly fit the city lawyer and not the waitress and her teenage pregnancy.

  We sat at the island in the expansive kitchen whilst he re-heated the pasta and poured me a glass of wine.

  “So she’s out of surgery and it’s looking good?” he asked, leaning on the island as I sat opposite.

  I took a deep breath and exhaled. “It really isn’t clear, the doctor said the next twenty-four hours are critical, and so she survived surgery, but God knows what else?”

  “And Max?”

  “Still in temporary foster care somewhere. I need to work on getting him back tomorrow.”

  “Right.” He nodded and took a sip of his glass of wine.

  “I also need to talk to the police. I’ll call them tomorrow and see what they want from me.”

  “Okay, I can help you with that, come with you or whatever.”

  I nodded. “I don’t think I can eat this, I’m really tired, I just want to go to sleep, or at least try to.”

  “Okay, well I’ll show you to my room. I’m pretty tired, too.”

  He came ‘round to where I was seated and took my hand. “Thanks for looking after Devon today.”

  “Hey, you don’t have to thank me for looking after my own child, okay?”

  “Okay,” I followed him down the corridor to his room. “Robert?”

  “Yes?”

  “I don’t mean to make you feel like shit when all you’re trying to do is help, you know?”

  “I know.” He pulled me to him as we walked through the door. “Don’t worry about me, I know you well enough to know that you like to deal with problems alone and ask for help if you need it. I just want you to know that I’m always going to be here for you, okay?”

  “You can’t promise forever,” tears threatened to fall, “no one can.”

  “I can, you might think that you’ll never be happy or things keep going wrong, but when all the dust settles, I’ll still be here.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I’m always right.” He smiled. “Now come on, let’s get in bed, television on, and watch some Christmas TV until we fall asleep.” I followed his orders and we were snuggled in bed with heavy eyelids within five minutes. I couldn’t stop thinking about Maria, hooked up to a machine, probably having nightmares in her unconscious state and Max, scared and lonely somewhere, but when it became too much I hugged Robert tighter and his response of a gentle squeeze put me at ease so I could fall asleep.

  Twenty-Eight

  The next few days were difficult and passed by in a blur. After waking up at Robert’s flat I was again determined to get to Maria and sort everything out without him. However, it wouldn’t be that easy as Jackie called early and had managed to arrange for me to have temporary custody of Max, because I was the best candidate as I lived with him and Maria. We would be able to collect him that afternoon. I would need Robert to help me with that and we would have to stay at Robert’s place for a few more days considering our flat was a crime scene. I called the police station early before I made my way to the hospital, and they wanted me to go there that afternoon in order to provide a statement.

  My head was spinning and I sat at Robert’s breakfast bar trying to figure out how I could manage it all.

  “Just let me help,” Robert sighed as he placed a cup of tea in front of me, “I’m here and I can drive you to the police station, even sit with you whilst you’re being questioned as I am a solicitor,” he said with a shake of his head. “Then we can get to Max and collect him from the foster home.”

  “Well, who will watch Devon?” I sighed.

  “I’m sure Jackie would … unless you don’t want me there.”

  “I don’t know,” I shook my head, “I don’t …”

  “What? Just say what you’re thinking.”

  “I don’t want to need you but I do,” I said in a small voice.

  “Grace, I’m happy to help, I want to be there for you.”

  “I know, but I want to be strong, I want to be who I was before, before I needed you to comfort me.”

  He groaned in frustration, “Whatever you want, okay? I’ll do whatever you want.”

  I smiled at him and looked up to see his pained expression, “I’m being difficult, aren’t I?”

  “I just don’t know what you want, I can look after Devon, or be with you at the police station, whatever. I just don’t understand why you have to punish yourself for letting me help you.”

  “It’s not that, it’s just that I don’t want to rely on you because if things don’t work out I might be lost and I’ve let myself rely on you too much these past couple of months.” I couldn’t look at him and so I sipped my tea and kept my eyes on the steam as it rose into the cold room.

  “Okay well, what can I say to that?” He walked away out of the kitchen, turning briefly. “I can’t reassure you any more than I already have. It’s up to you.” I watched him leave and then finished my cup of tea.

  ***

  By midday we had arranged our schedule. Devon was excited to see Max later that day and I had called the hospital who had advised that there was no change in Maria’s condition, and I wouldn’t be able to see her. The sister said that they would call the moment there was any change. We had a light lunch at Robert’s flat and then drove Devon to Jackie’s house where she would be happy for a few hours whilst Robert came with me to the police station. After my interview we would drive an hour with Devon to collect Max from his foster home in Ealing.

  We arrived at the police station in the cold, dismal drizzle and I shivered looking towards the 70’s style dark, red brick building.

  “Wow,” I said walking towards it, “this place is like a scene from Life on Mars.” Robert laughed.

  “Come on, it’ll be fine they probably just want to know the basics of Maria’s schedule.”

  When we got inside Robert approached the counter and I took a seat. I was nervous, but I had no idea why. I was worried that somehow I’d be blamed for leaving her or that maybe they thought I was involved, but I had to settle my nerves, no one would be pointing the finger at me it was just to find justice for Maria. After almost ten minutes of waiting nervously whilst Robert laid his hand over mine in an attempt to calm me down, we were called.

  “Hello,” a large gentleman said, his body was squeezed into a tight white shirt and pin striped navy suit. He was balding and red-faced but friendly. “I’m Detective Adams and my partner Detective Jones will be assisting. You nee
dn’t be nervous, we are just asking a few questions to assist us with our enquiries.” I nodded and looked back to Robert who was impassive.

  “We didn’t think anything different,” he grunted, obviously annoyed at the detective’s style.

  “Of course,” he coughed. “I take it you are her legal representation, not that she needs it.”

  “Better to be safe than sorry,” Robert said, more jovially, “I’ve dealt with a lot of cases like this.”

  The detective smiled and slowed in front of an interview room, ushering us inside. “This girl has nothing to worry about and I’m sure nothing to hide.”

  After a few moments Detective Adams organised his tape recorder and a lady joined us in the room. She introduced herself as Detective Jones and shook my hand. She was petite, blonde and wore little make-up. Her hair was tied in a low ponytail and she wore a dark trouser suit with a white blouse.

  “Right,” Jones sighed, “Let’s get started. Grace Cooper, December 28th 2012. Ok, so firstly where were you the night of Boxing Day, the 26thDecember 2012 at approximately 9 pm when Miss Reyes was attacked?”

  “I was visiting my daughter’s family in Blackpool for Christmas.”

  “Okay,” she smiled, “and when did you hear of the attack?”

  “The next morning from Jackie Ramsey,”

  “Who is she to you?”

  “An old friend who helped us re-house when we had our children.”

  “Right,” she nodded, “now what do you know of Maria’s past?”

  “I know she had a mum who wasn’t interested, she lost her grandmother and her brother was very possessive of her. Also, that he murdered her Dad.”

  “Right,” Detective Jones nodded again, “were you aware that Maria had been in touch with Joe Reyes these past few years, writing to him?”

  “No,” I shook my head and looked to Robert in shock.

  “Have you noticed her behaving strangely lately?” She leaned forward and looked directly into my eyes. I was still stunned from her last comment.

  “No, I mean she was upset, she was wary and worried about her brother being released from prison.”

  “Well, in correspondence with him in prison, she had stated that she hoped he be released, that she believed he was sorry.”

  “No,” I shook my head and my mouth was agape. “She would never say that, where are these letters? How do you know this?”

  “They were intercepted, but that’s besides the point. Do you believe that her brother did this to her?”

  “I have no idea,” I was stunned, “I have no idea who or why this happened, I just …” Tears began to well. “I just hope you found who did this as Maria deserves better than this.” A squeak escaped me.

  “Miss Cooper, do you know who did this to Maria Reyes?” Jones asked, leaning forward with her hands on her thighs.

  “No.” I shook my head as tears filled my eyes.

  “Have you ever met or spoken to Joe Reyes?” she pressed.

  “No,” I barked. “I can’t believe this. She hated him, she wouldn’t write to him.” I looked to Robert and he smiled sympathetically.

  “Are you looking for Joe Reyes, then?” Robert asked. “Should Grace be worried?”

  “He is a person of interest and I don’t think we can rule anything out until we catch him. Perhaps you should stay somewhere else for the time being.” She said matter-of-factly.

  “Maria was petrified of Joe,” I said quietly. “I’d never seen her that scared.”

  “Thank you for your time,” Jones said coldly, standing up and leaving the room so Adams could close down the interview.

  ***

  We left the station in shock. Maria had told me about her brother over the years and I knew he was a nasty piece of work. Although I had no idea why she would write to him, but perhaps, like me, she yearned for a happy family. We picked Devon up from Jackie’s. She was so happy to be collecting Max and we drove amongst excited chatter. We reached the semi-detached red brick home that housed Max an hour later as the day was drawing in. I only made it through the gate when he bounded towards me, almost knocking me over.

  “Auntie Grace,” he shouted, wrapping his arms tightly around my neck, “Is my mummy dead?”

  I laid him back to his feet and crouched to face him. “Of course not, no, she’s just in the hospital so we are all staying with Robert until she’s better.”

  “Is that so the bad man can’t find us?”

  I nodded, “That and it’s pretty nice there, flat screen TV, and a dishwasher.” I winked and he smiled.

  ***

  The next couple of days were hard. I was allowed home, but didn’t want to move back in on my own with the children. Robert was happy for us to stay, and so he helped me pack some things up, whilst Jackie had the kids.

  “If she doesn’t make it,” I sniffed, packing Max's things as Robert packed Devon’s, “I want Max, okay? You’d help me get custody?”

  “She’ll make it,” he said quietly, “but of course I’d help, you’d have no problems getting custody.” We continued to pack in silence.

  The New Year came and went. We didn’t really celebrate, but tried to stay upbeat for the kids. I was able to visit Maria after the New Year. She was still unconscious but stable. Her beautiful face was so pale and her hair matted with blood. She looked so peaceful but battered and I couldn’t bear the thought of what she had been through and what Max saw. Before I left the first night I kissed her head and whispered in her ear, “Please come back for Max and me and Devon.” I cried quietly as I left.

  The amazing high that I felt the night that Robert and I made love was quashed. We laid next to each other in bed, even held each other, but nothing happened between us. I couldn’t allow myself to be happy. All I could do was wonder if things would be different if I hadn’t left her for Christmas. After the New Year the kids went back to school, I went back to work, as did Robert, and we waited for a call. When Barbara called Robert he was quick to get rid of her. She asked after Maria and gave him a hard time over something, but he didn’t divulge. It seemed Barbara always wanted to be a part of whatever fresh hell we were going through. That was just Barbara.

  I loved Robert, I knew that, I always had, but at that moment I had never felt more alone. I wasn’t who I thought I was. Maria was the closest person to me and she had been left for dead, my world was crumbling and yet he was always untouched by the madness. He just remained calm, dealing with everything with such strength and precision. Robert knew himself, he was self assured, a high achiever, he had Barbara’s heart and Bob’s strength. He was a credit to them, and so I had no idea why he ever wasted his time on me. I couldn’t let him be mine because he was right all those years ago; I just didn’t deserve him. People like me were born to be lied to and suffer. I never seemed to get a break. Nothing seemed to work out for me, so why would this relationship. He held me at night, but all I felt was his sympathy and regret. I didn’t want to go home, but I also didn’t want to face Robert day in day out and see the misery I had turned his life into. He had gone from the high life to this, and it was my fault.

  ***

  Ten days after the attack Maria woke up. I rushed from work to be by her side and sat for half an hour before she turned her beautiful brown eyes on me.

  “Max,” she croaked, her eyes barely open and her voice lacking life.

  “He’s fine,” I said tearfully, jumping up to kiss her, “He’s fine and he’s with me, we’re staying at Robert’s. We’re all safe.”

  “We’ll never be safe,” she breathed and then laid her head back, closing her eyes once more.

  In the days that followed, Robert was a great help, looking after the kids so I could visit the hospital. Jackie would come with me and we sat with Maria, holding her hands, brushing her hair, reading her books and watching each day for small improvements. She managed to give a statement to the police and explained how Joe had stabbed her numerous times. She was lucky to be alive, but would als
o have a long road to recovery. One night I went alone, Maria was sitting, had eaten some soup, and I was helping her eat her jelly.

  “I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice that was tired from not being used whilst she was in her coma.

  “Why?” I looked to her confused.

  “That Joe found us,”

  “Oh God,” I shook my head. “You don’t need to be sorry, he’s a psycho Maria.”

  “I know,” she sighed, “I should never have written to him, but he’s my brother and …”

  “I know; it’s fine.”

  “I want to explain.” She coughed lightly, “You see, Joe was everything to me, I loved him more than life when we were kids. He was my only constant, but eventually he started talking about us like we were supposed to be together and he hated any friends and boyfriends that I had. He wanted to be my everything so I had nothing but him.” She sniffed. “I saw him kill my dad because my dad knew … what Joe was like. I was so scared.”

  I reached out for her hand. “I can imagine.”

  “I had told my Dad the day he died what Joe did to me, that he … Dad was going to go to the police.”

  “What did he do?” I asked softly.

  She shook her head, “He raped me.” She sobbed. “Max is his.”

  “Oh my God, Maria,” I jumped up to hug her. “Then why did you write to him? I just don’t understand.”

  She swallowed hard. “I wrote a long letter forgiving him, and it was for me, just for me, so I could move on. Then I sent it. There was no address for him to write back. Hell, I have never seen a letter from him. I only wrote a few a year. Just to him, so he knew that he hadn’t ruined me and …” she sighed, “I missed having some family you know?”

  I nodded solemnly. “Despite everything we had together we still missed being loved.”

  “We did.” She smiled.

  “Oh my God poor Max …”

  “Look, Max will never know, I love that boy more than life and what Joe did had no bearing on how I feel about him.”