Waiting for Grace

by Oakes, Hayley

  “I didn’t expect her to. It was so lovely to see her and then I had to break her heart.” Her voice cracked as she said the final word and I had to recover myself.

  “Is she okay? Did she look well?”

  “Seemed it, seemed really together and just the same except so grown up.”

  “Right, well, I’ll try and get hold of the Banfords, perhaps try the phone book. I’ll try and find her.”

  “Maybe let her deal with this and find you.” For some reason that pushed my buttons and I was furious that she felt she could tell me how to handle this, the woman who had lost her in the first place.

  “I’m her mother, Irene, and I’m done letting you make decisions for me, twenty-five years is already too long.” I warned.

  “Okay then, bye,” she said tightly.

  “I appreciate the call,” I said formally, hanging up with my heart beating so fast in my chest.

  As I placed the phone receiver down I screamed, “Carl!” The whole house seemed to vibrate with my call. I heard him bumble upstairs and then his feet thud down the stairs to the kitchen where I stood.

  “Bloody Hell Diane, what?” He walked to face me, “What’s happened? Was it bad news?”

  “Just the opposite,” I said, my face breaking into a grin, “Grace was at Irene’s, she’s been home Carl. Oh my God.” I jumped into his arms and tears began to flow as he held me tightly. “I might finally get my baby back.”

  Twenty-Seven

  Grace

  Now

  The next day was a whole new world, I was coming to terms with the information from my mum. I also woke up curled into Robert naked, which hadn’t happened for a very long time.

  “Morning.” He smiled contentedly.

  “Morning.” I smiled back.

  He put the kettle on and I lazed in the sheets.

  “Do you want to head home today, then?” Robert asked as I stood to get in the shower.

  “I think so, I mean we were only going to stay a couple more days and to be honest I think I just want to be home and talk it through with Maria.” He averted his eyes and I could see that might have hurt. “Not that you’ve not been great.”

  “But she’s your best friend,” he smiled up at me, “I get it, it’s fine.”

  I showered and so did Robert and then we dressed to face the world. I was desperate to see Devon.

  “Before we go, I think I better give you this.” He retrieved a folded piece of paper from his pocket and passed it to me. “It’s Diane’s phone number, Irene gave it to me yesterday as I was following you to the car.”

  I took it from him. “Seems weird now holding the one thing that I was so desperate for all those years ago, a connection to my sister. I was so desperate for a family.” I laughed a little. “I wanted anyone to call my own, so much that I became obsessed, didn’t I?”

  “So what? You wanted to find her, that’s perfectly normal and it’s a shame we never did or else you would have known her by now.”

  “But she’s not just my sister anymore.” I unfolded the paper and stared at my mum’s familiar writing. “I could forgive a sister for fleeing and making a new life for herself, but as my Mother? I don’t know how I feel.” I folded it again and looked to Robert who pulled me into a hug.

  “You don’t need to make any decisions today or tomorrow, just think about it and if and when you want to call. We will.”

  I hugged him back and breathed him in.

  ***

  We got to the Banford house half an hour later, and I took a deep breath. They would all know my news, but Robert promised me things wouldn’t be weird, and that no one would mention anything. We would just pack, get Devon, say our goodbyes and go home. Hopefully returning again for a less stressful visit next time. I was looking forward to getting back to my own home, sleeping in my own bed, and getting back to my routine so I could make sense of my life. I was still me, I would always be me, I had Devon and she was my life. I loved Robert and at home I would always have Maria. I hadn’t told her about this yet, I was waiting until we were back home and I could really gauge her reaction and take some much-needed advice. I wasn’t sure why I was so upset, not being Irene’s daughter was great news, but being lied to certainly wasn’t. I think I was actually mourning for the big sister who I thought would make everything okay, the one thing that was always such a mystery and that I was sure was the answer to all my problems. She was the sister I daydreamed about, and now she could never be that. Diane wasn’t my saviour, she left me there, and I had been my own saviour, but perhaps now she could be my friend?

  “Mummy,” Devon ran to me as we walked in the house and I held her to me closely.

  “Hi baby,” I soothed into her hair, “have you had a good time?”

  “Oh yes. We had another party last night.”

  “Well just us,” Barbara shook her head, “you’ll think all we do is drink.”

  “Well it is Christmas,” Bob said, coming up behind Barbara and giving her a squeeze.

  “Right well we better get packed,” Robert said. “You get comfortable down here, I’ll grab our things.” I nodded to him.

  “Okay, right, you’re going. I’ll put the kettle on,” Barbara began. “Should I make some bacon sandwiches?”

  “That sounds good, thanks,” I said and smiled to Robert.

  Robert made his way upstairs and I sat down at the kitchen table with Devon making herself comfortable on my knee. We chatted, she was excited to get home to Max and Maria, and I was glad of her distraction. Barbara sat down after a while, placing steaming mugs of tea in front of me and also a large plate of bacon sandwiches for everyone to share.

  “I’m sorry for yesterday,” she whispered to me when Devon was distracted by the sandwiches.

  I nodded and looked down, “Thanks. It was a shock.”

  “Of course,” she placed her hand on mine, “I know that right now you are confused and it’s a shock, but there is no doubt in my mind that Diane loves you.”

  I looked at her confused, “How would you know?” I asked her.

  “Oh, did Robert not tell you?”

  “What?” he asked from behind me, having entered the room, the bags now dropped at the door.

  “How does your mum know Diane?”

  “Who’s Diane?” Devon asked, chirping up from her sandwich.

  “Erm,” Barbara began, “I was her teacher and …”

  “You knew?” I asked incredulously, I shook my head. “Did everyone in this bloody town know? Am I just a joke?” I stood up from the table and glared at Robert.

  “It’s not like that, Grace, honestly, but she came here looking for you after that summer and she was desperate.” Barbara stood, looking to Robert who was glaring at her.

  “How long have you known this? You couldn’t have said? You couldn’t have told me this two months ago?” I began to breathe heavily. “This town is plagued with secrets and no one seems to know which way is up. Come on Devon, we need to go, we’re better off around people we really know.”

  “Grace,” Robert stepped towards me, “honestly I only knew last night and I couldn’t tell you then.” He shook his head and glared at Barbara. She didn’t say another word, and I raced to the front door pulling Devon behind me.

  “Say bye to Nana and Grandad,” I seethed, my eyes brimming with more tears caused by lies that I would never understand.

  Bob came out of the lounge and looked between us all, confusion written across his face. Then just as I turned to leave my mobile rang, I let go of Devon’s hand and saw Jackie’s name on the screen. I answered and could quickly tell that she was panicked and that something must have happened, my heart dropped.

  “What is it Jackie?” I said sharper than I should have, “Just tell me.”

  “It’s Maria,” she sighed, her voice faltered as she began again. “She was stabbed last night, attacked at your home, she’s in the hospital.”

  “Oh my God,” I whispered. I looked to Robert with p
ure panic running through my veins. He could see from my face that something serious had happened and stepped towards me.

  “Where’s Max? Is she … will she be okay?”

  “I’ve just got here now, they won’t tell me anything, but Max is in temporary foster care. He wasn’t hurt; I’m trying to get him back,” Jackie croaked. “He was the one who called the ambulance.” She sniffed again. “Poor kid.”

  “Shit, what the hell happened?”

  “That’s all I know Grace, but I’m betting …”

  “Joe,” I finished for her, eyeing Robert. “I’m on my way, which hospital?”

  “Queens.”

  “Got it, bye.” I turned back to the hallway full of people. “We need to go now, it’s Maria; she’s in hospital.”

  “What?” Devon asked.

  “Nothing to worry about,” I said to calm her, catching Robert’s eye and giving him a worried glare. “Just a little accident.”

  “Oh Grace,” Barbara pulled me into a hug, “you all better get on the road, keep in touch. I hope everything will be okay and please listen to Robert. I didn’t want to interfere. That’s all. That’s why I didn’t say anything.”

  I shook my head. I could only focus on Maria now, and all these secrets and lies were starting to make my head hurt. I should never have left her alone to come here. I betrayed the life that we had made together, where everything made sense to come back here to the land of madness. I ached for home but was petrified of what I might find when I got there, and poor Max must be in hell. He needed me, they needed me, these people didn’t need me they were just liars.

  We drove home fast, Robert held my hand periodically and half way Devon fell asleep.

  “So what’s happened?” he asked concern etched in his voice.

  “She’s been attacked, stabbed at home,” I whispered, looking back to make sure Devon was still asleep. I was a lot calmer than I ought to be, but I couldn’t shout with Devon there even though inside I was screaming.

  “Oh shit.”

  “Jackie’s there, Max is in temporary care, he called the ambulance and,” my voice broke and I struggled to compose myself, “Jackie’s there, but they haven’t told her anything.”

  “We’ll be there soon,” he smiled, “Jesus, and I heard you say Joe, you think?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “No idea, I know as much as you, but it’s a coincidence if not, why would anyone break into our home and attack her?” The reality began to seep in and I started to feel overwhelmed by sadness. “It’s horrendous, who would …” I began to quietly sob. “I should never have left her.”

  “Oh God, Grace.” He squeezed my hand. “Look, she’s alive and that’s amazing isn’t it? I’m sure she’ll be fine. We just need to think positive. You’ve got to be strong.”

  “I’m sick of having to be strong,” I sighed. “I just want something to go right for me for a bloody change. I can’t lose Maria. I just can’t.”

  “You won’t.” He shook his head. “You bloody won’t.”

  I held my face in my hands.

  “About Mum …” Robert began.

  “Don’t!” I snapped, “I don’t give a fuck about that stupid drama now, all I want is Maria safe. I don’t care about all those God damn secrets.”

  “Okay,” he sighed, “Grace just please … please know that I had no idea what she knew … I would never have kept anything from you.”

  I groaned, “Robert please, I really can’t talk about any of that now. Just get me to that hospital, back to my real life.” I could tell that he needed reassurance that this didn’t change anything between us, but I didn’t have it in me to give him that. I had allowed him back in, I had allowed them all back in, and all I felt was let down once again. I needed to get back to the safety of the last seven years and that meant Maria. I couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to her and even though Robert said we, it was me. Just me. This was my life, my choice, and my friend. He wasn’t a part of this. The rest of the journey I stared out of the window willing the miles away.

  ***

  We got to the hospital through horrendous London traffic at about 2 pm. I had had updates from Jackie who was still waiting for news at the hospital. A doctor had been out to discuss Maria’s condition, but was fairly tight lipped when there wasn’t a next of kin. Jackie was a mess and I could tell that she was pretty fraught and she still hadn’t seen Max. Robert pulled the car up in the short stay car park, directly outside of the hospital doors.

  I turned to him, “Right, take Devon out for the day, back to your place, anywhere.”

  “But …” he began. I looked back to Devon who was also looking at me with the same eyes, expectantly.

  “I don’t want her to see this.”

  “I want to be here for you.”

  “And I want you to be there for her.” He nodded with a tight smile and then turned to Devon in the back seat with a mega-watt grin.

  “Right lady, how about I take you to see Daddy’s new place?”

  “Yes,” she nodded eagerly. “But what are you doing Mummy? Is Maria okay?”

  “I’m going in here to see her and make sure she gets better, no children allowed.” She nodded.

  “Okay, when will we see Max?”

  “Soon,” I said, unsure if that was a lie. “Soon.” I looked to Robert and gave him a half-smile. He swallowed hard and gave me a devastating look. I knew he was struggling. I knew I was pushing him away, but I had no idea what else I could do. I didn’t want to be crowded by his presence and this hospital was no place for a child.

  I pushed through the doors and raced to reception.

  “My friend was brought in last night. She was stabbed, where is she?”

  “Name?” The woman asked behind the desk, her face frozen at “can’t be bothered” and her voice as flat as a pancake. I was just another face in a sea of faces to her. I loved this city for that. Anonymity.

  “Maria Reyes.”

  She pressed some buttons and scrolled her mouse. “Right she’s on the surgical ward, you won’t be able to visit.”

  “I need to get there, I need to know what’s happening.”

  “Are you family?” She looked up to me. “You said friend.”

  “Er, sister …” I lied, and she rolled her eyes.

  “Okay head up to the surgical ward, family can wait there for news, it’s in the Blue Zone.”

  “Thanks.” I nodded to her, but she was already looking behind me for the next patron.

  I found the ward and made my way inside the big, heavy doors and headed to the nurses’ reception. As I walked towards the centre of the corridor I passed a room to my left and Jackie flew out of it.

  “Oh Grace, Christ, thank goodness you’re here. They won’t tell me anything.”

  “Is she … still alive?”

  “So far, so good,” she said, ushering me to the room that she had sprung out of. “No news is good news I suppose.”

  We were in that room for six hours. Robert called at dinner time to check if there was any news, but it was a quick conversation so I didn’t have to leave the ward. Devon had a bed at his new flat and so it was reassuring that she would be cared for and I didn’t have to worry. There was still no news on Max even though Jackie had applied for temporary custody, with it being the week between Christmas and New Year, nothing seemed to be happening fast. The ward was deserted and Social Services didn’t want to have to deal with temporary custody issues.

  Finally at around 8 pm a doctor came to see us. We grabbed each other’s hands and sat huddled together as he spoke.

  “I’m Doctor Green,” he said. “I take it you are the next of kin.” I nodded and Jackie didn’t say a word we just glared into his sympathetic face. “Well she’s a very lucky woman. She is alive and stable for now, but the next twenty-four hours are critical.” I nodded as tears brimmed my eyes. “She was stabbed a number of times and all to the torso which can be fatal within minutes if the right artery is rupture
d. However, she was lucky but her liver and one of her kidneys were punctured. We have saved them for now, but she may have to have some future surgery if the kidney is not functioning well.”

  “So, so can we see her?”

  “Not yet, she’s in intensive care and will be unconscious for a while, it’s too soon to tell.”

  “Oh my God,” Jackie gasped.

  “You can see her tomorrow perhaps, however, now I’d go home and get some rest and make sure the nurses have your numbers.”

  “Thank you,” I breathed as he left.

  “The police will want to talk to you,” Jackie said, still squeezing my hand. “You can’t go home tonight, it’s a crime scene. You can come to mine.”

  “I want to be here in case anything happens, in case she needs me.”

  “Look, we’ve heard that she’s stable, you need to go home, get some sleep and be here for her when she wakes up. The policeman gave me his card and asked that you call him when you’re back. Maybe have a good nights sleep and call tomorrow.”

  “Thanks Jackie. God you must be exhausted you’ve been here all day.”

  “I am,” she sighed, “but I won’t get any sleep tonight, you and Maria are like my own daughters. I can’t bear to think of what happened.”

  “What did the police say? Was it her brother?”

  “She wasn’t conscious when they got there so she couldn’t say,” she shook her head, “Max made it to the neighbour’s flat and they called the ambulance apparently. The police said he was distraught and couldn’t say what had happened. Poor boy, I dread to think what he saw.”

  I shook my head. “So I suppose we come back tomorrow.”

  “You coming to mine or want a lift to get Devon?” She threw her arm around my shoulders.

  “I’ll take a lift, but I’ll stay with Robert, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

  “All going well there?” she asked as we made our way into the corridor.

  “It was,” I shrugged, “and then my world just fell apart.”

  “Maria?” she smiled, sympathetically, “You two are so close, it’s enviable.”