The Sweetest Thing

by Barbara Freethy

  "Easter. I'd forgotten about that."

  "Well, it's not too late to color your eggs."

  "Nobody does that anymore."

  Faith looked at him in surprise. "Everybody does that, Alex. You mean you don't?"

  "No. And I can't believe you do." He looked at her as if she'd just said she was an alien.

  "It's a tradition, Alex." As soon as she said the word, she realized it was a Porter tradition -- not a Carrigan tradition. It was a tradition she should share with Nancy, Chuck, Ben, and Kim, not Alex, Julian, or Jessie. They weren't her family. And Easter was a family affair. Everyone knew that.

  "I'd like to color eggs," Jessie said. "Can we, Alex?"

  "I don't know how," he admitted somewhat sheepishly. "What do you do?"

  "Faith can show us, can't you, Faith?"

  Faith swallowed hard, suddenly torn. What was she doing spending so much time with the Carrigans when she should be with the Porters? She had a marriage proposal to consider, among other things. Still, the look on Jessie's face was difficult to resist.

  The Porters would have their Easter traditions, even without her, but the Carrigans -- they needed someone to lead the way. It was the least she could do for a lonely girl, a sad old man, and a cynical guy who needed a little holiday spirit.

  "I could show you," she agreed. "Maybe when Alex gets back from his trip. Because everyone should color an egg at least once in their life. Now, let's clean up, Jessie, so we can go home. I have to be up early tomorrow."

  Alex stepped up to Faith and whispered in her ear. "I can think of one other thing everyone should experience at least once in their life. Will you let me show you?"

  "No. I'm practically engaged."

  He stepped back with a disbelieving smile. "I'd forgotten."

  "Yeah, me, too," Faith whispered as he turned away. "Me, too."

  * * *

  Faith didn't have much time to think about either Alex or Ben on Tuesday. Her day began at five o'clock in the morning and it was almost ten before she took five minutes for a cup of coffee. Jessie showed up at eleven, and Faith put her to work making Easter Bunny cookies. Lunchtime came and went with Jessie running down the street to the deli and bringing back two enormous turkey sandwiches. By three o'clock Jessie declared herself off duty after wrestling with some ornery bread dough and took off.

  Faith was pleased that Jessie had lasted as long as she had. A little hard work was good for a girl. And she had really enjoyed Jessie's company. Jessie had a way of looking at life without all the bullshit. Smiling to herself, she slid the last pan into the oven, washed her hands and headed out to the front.

  Pam was helping a customer and Nancy was wrapping up a special order to be picked up later that day.

  "How's it going?" Faith asked, stopping by Nancy.

  "Better now," Nancy said. "What a day. If I never see a bunny cookie again, it will be too soon."

  Faith laughed. "Holidays are good for business. Did Mrs. Sullivan pick up her cake yet? She wanted me to add in a dozen cinnamon rolls. Apparently her son returned from college with a girlfriend and a nose ring. She's not sure which she's more upset about."

  "That would be a difficult choice. I never had to worry about my boys doing anything crazy like piercing some body part. Gary and Ben were always so stable, so reliable. Good boys. Of course, Ben isn't married -- yet." Nancy sent Faith a pointed look.

  Faith sighed. "Was that supposed to be subtle?"

  "No." Nancy's brows tightened with worry. "I'm worried, Faith. Ben stopped by last night, and he seems so unsettled, so unsure of himself. You need to give him an answer."

  "I will. I haven't had time to think, Nancy."

  "You've had time to baby-sit that Carrigan girl."

  "Jessie was helping me. I feel sorry for her. She's all alone. Her mother died a few weeks ago, and this is her first holiday on her own."

  "She has other family -- that man and his grandfather."

  Faith sent Nancy a curious look, not sure where the intense irritation was coming from. "Why do you dislike them so much?"

  Nancy patted a hand to her hair, looking uncomfortable by Faith's direct question. "I don't dislike them. I don't know them. But I think they're trouble. The girl's mouth ought to be washed out with soap. And her grandfather looks like he sleeps in his clothes. That other man, well, he was awfully rude to you the day he was in, and they seem to be taking up so much of your time. There, now, I've said it. You know I don't like to speak ill of people, especially when they're not around, but honestly, you seem to have taken these people under your wing, like they're a bunch of lost puppies, while poor Ben is left hanging. I don't think it's fair."

  Faith didn't know what to say. Nancy had never criticized her behavior so openly, and it stung. "I'm sorry," she said, not sure exactly what she was apologizing for, but obviously she needed to say something. "I don't mean to hurt Ben or to leave him hanging, but he took me by surprise."

  Nancy threw up her hands in bewilderment. "For heaven's sake, Faith. You've known Ben for more than two years. It's plain to everyone he adores you. He probably had a crush on you when Gary was alive, but was afraid to say something. That's why he hasn't dated much these past few years. He was pining for you."

  Pining for her? Surely Ben would have said something in the past two years if he'd truly loved her for that long. He'd always seemed content with friendship. It didn't make sense. "I don't think so, Nancy."

  "Well, you wouldn't know. You were so wrapped up in grief when Gary died."

  "That's true, but a lot of time has passed since then."

  "Exactly, which is why I can't understand your attitude. Ben has been so attentive to you, so patient, so caring. Have you just been stringing him along?"

  "I've been his friend, and he's been mine. I honestly never thought of him in any other way, until he proposed the other night."

  "He said you kissed him. That doesn't sound like just friendship to me."

  "It's complicated."

  Nancy's lips softened and her eyes filled with compassion, although she still seemed somewhat desperate. "I understand, Faith. You loved Gary more than life. We all did. But he would want you to be happy with Ben. And we've been waiting so long for you to be part of our family. This was meant to be." Nancy took one of Faith's hands and squeezed it tightly. "We love you so much, dear."

  "You know how much that means to me. Thank you."

  "You've been good for us, too. If we hadn't had you when Gary died, I don't know what we would have done."

  Faith smiled, feeling tears gather in the corners of her eyes. "And if I hadn't had you, I would have been lost."

  "I want you to be my daughter, Faith. If I'm pressuring you, I'm sorry, I just want it so much that it's driving me a little crazy." She let out a breath. "And I'm probably driving you crazy. So I'll stop. I won't say anything else. Ben would be furious if he knew I'd said this much." She glanced at the clock. "It's slowed down, so I think I'll go. I want to pick up a few things for Easter brunch. Did I tell you that Chuck is considering wearing an Easter Bunny suit for the kids as long as I put enough champagne in his mimosas?"

  "Now, that's a sight I can't wait to see."

  "You're welcome to come to dinner tonight if you like. I'm sure you don't feel like cooking after baking all day."

  "I can't. I'm meeting Ben."

  Nancy smiled broadly. "I'm so glad. I'll see you later then. Good-bye, Pam." She waved her hand in Pam's direction and hurried out of the store.

  Pam sauntered over to Faith. A slender brunette with three little kids and a no-good ex-husband, Pam was a single mother and the bakery's resident cynic. She was also the bakery's biggest talker. In fact, she sometimes acted more like a bartender than a bakery clerk, listening to her customers' problems and offering advice to the lovelorn whether it was requested or not.

  "Mrs. P. sure doesn't like Jessie," Pam said, referring to Nancy. "She was muttering up a blue streak all day about you getting involved with peop
le better left alone. What did that girl do to her anyway?"

  "Nothing," Faith replied, as she pulled out an empty tray and set it on the counter. "Nancy is completely overreacting."

  "She said some guy was in here giving you a hard time last Friday."

  "It was no big deal, a little family fight." She grabbed a sponge and wiped off the counter. She didn't particularly want to discuss the Carrigans with Pam.

  "I miss all the good stuff – including the fact that apparently you're engaged. Why didn't you tell me Ben asked you to marry him?"

  "I'm sorry. I haven't had a chance. I guess Nancy told you."

  "She was bubbling over with excitement." Pam leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Don't you think it's a little odd that Mrs. P. wants you to marry Ben after you were with Gary? It's kind of weird."

  "Ben and Gary are totally different people."

  "But they were brothers."

  "It's still different," she said, feeling a little defensive.

  "Mrs. P. is afraid to let you go. You're her last link to Gary. I guess marrying Ben will keep you in the family." Pam paused. "Do you love him, Faith?"

  "I – I care a lot about him," she prevaricated.

  "Enough to marry him? I know you love the Porters, but do you really want to marry Ben?"

  "They've treated me like a daughter."

  "You can't give them back Gary, no matter what you do."

  "I know," she said, meeting Pam's gaze. "But I want to have children, and I could do that with Ben. He'd make a great father."

  "And what will you tell your kids when they ask you why you don't love their daddy?"

  "You think I'm a terrible person."

  "More like confused and not thinking straight."

  "I could do worse."

  "Or you could do better. You have time, Faith. Why be rushed into making a decision?"

  "I'm not being rushed."

  "Oh, of course you are. If Nancy had her way, you'd be getting married this Saturday."

  "Well, she's not getting her way. If I marry Ben, I'll do it right. I'll have the wedding I want."

  Pam let out a sigh. "Well, at least you said if. Now tell me something else. Why are you really hanging around with Jessie?"

  "I like her. She's a good kid and she's all alone."

  "And her father -- the one who caused such a scene, and who seems to add a lovely shade of red to your face every time his name comes up?"

  "I like him, too," Faith admitted. "But Alex Carrigan is not the marrying kind, Pam. He's a jet-setting bachelor who's not interested in settling down."

  Pam nodded knowingly. "No wonder you're still hanging on to Ben. You're using him like a shield to keep this other guy away."

  "I am not."

  "I'm always right, Faith, you know that."

  "Go home, Pam. I'm sure your children could benefit from some of your wisdom."

  "They don't listen to me either," she said with a laugh. "So you're meeting Ben tonight?"

  "That's right."

  Pam paused at the end of the counter. "I saw a look in your eyes today that I haven't seen in a very long time, and I don't think Ben put it there. Maybe you should go see the man who did."

  Chapter Fifteen

  Alex paced restlessly around his hotel room. It was a nicely decorated room with a huge king-size bed and a view of Lake Michigan. But it felt empty. He felt empty. Damn, it wasn't supposed to be this way.

  He'd signed Elijah James to a very sweet deal a couple of hours earlier, then watched the Warriors beat the pants off the Bulls. He should be celebrating tonight, not sitting alone in a hotel room with Nick at Night on television. Impatiently he picked up the remote and soared through twenty-seven channels before hitting the Sports Network. Satisfied that he'd found something to occupy his attention, he leaned back on the bed and loosened his tie.

  This was enough, he told himself. He was exactly where he wanted to be. He'd signed the athlete he needed and had already called the ad guys to start working on a campaign to launch Elijah as their new spokesperson. Everything was going exactly as he'd planned.

  With a sigh, Alex looked over at the phone, wondering if he should call home. Jessie could be a handful for anyone, especially an elderly man. They could have gotten into all kinds of trouble. And with Faith aiding and abetting at every turn, who knew what they were up to? They might have turned his kitchen into an Easter egg factory. He smiled at the thought, more amused than displeased.

  Following an urge he'd been fighting all night, he reached for the phone and dialed his home number. He wondered if Faith would be there. The threesome had certainly become fast friends the past few days.

  The phone rang three times before Julian picked it up. "Carrigan residence."

  "Grandfather, it's me."

  "Alex. Did you sell your shoes?"

  "I signed Elijah, if that's what you mean."

  "Ah, then you'll sell more shoes."

  "Eventually. How are things going? Are you managing all right?"

  "Well..." Julian paused. "Jessie dyed her hair three different shades of purple, and she brought home two boys this afternoon. One had a ring in his tongue."

  "What?" Alex jerked up in the bed. "I thought you were watching her."

  "They smoked marijuana in front of the television, and I'm afraid Jessie spilled beer all over your couch."

  "And what exactly were you doing?"

  "Me? Well, I was thinking up a story to tell you, of course."

  "What?"

  "Gotcha."

  Alex held the phone away from his ear. Damn him. Damn him. And Faith wondered why he didn't believe the old man.

  "Let me talk to Jessie," Alex said finally.

  "I'm sorry, Alex. I couldn't resist. You act like I've never taken care of a child before."

  "Well, have you?"

  "I've raised several children for various times in their lives, including you."

  "And you did a fine job," Alex mocked. "Playing part-time dad to your wives' offspring for as long as you were married hardly qualifies you for father of the year."

  "Running off to Chicago and leaving Jessie with me hardly qualifies you either."

  "I can't talk to you."

  "You don't even try."

  "I do try," Alex said. "What happened with the search today?"

  "Nothing. Faith called the church in Monterey, but the pastor was unavailable, and no one else had any information. He's supposed to call back tomorrow or the next day."

  "I'm sorry. I know you must be disappointed."

  "I am, but I haven't given up. Faith won't let me lose hope. She's an incredible young woman, taking on my quest as if it were her own. Hold on a second, Alex. Here's Jessie."

  "Hey, Alex. I made five hundred bunny cookies today."

  "No kidding. How many did you eat?"

  "Only three. Faith says if we eat all our work, it'll take that much longer."

  "She's a smart lady. Is she there?" Alex tried to sound casual.

  "Nope."

  His anticipation dimmed. He'd thought, hoped...

  "When are you coming home, Alex?"

  "Tomorrow morning," Alex said, feeling strangely dejected. "I'll be back by lunchtime."

  "Okay. Can I go now?"

  "Yeah, sure. Bye, Jess." He muttered the words to the dial tone in his ear. So much for being missed. Not that he cared. In a few weeks, both Jessie and Julian would be gone. There'd be no one to call at home, no one to tell him a bunch of lies and yell "gotcha," no one to share their excitement over making five hundred bunny cookies.

  You have the makings of a great family, Alex, if only you'd let yourself care.

  How, Faith? How do I let myself care? And what if no one cares back? What then?

  He couldn't take that chance.

  * * *

  Faith took the chance that Ben was still waiting for her, even though she was an hour late. She'd had to stop for gas, then realized her wallet was at
home on the kitchen table. One trip back to her apartment, another to the gas station, then an unexpected traffic jam on Third Street had brought her to the Clam House at eight o'clock, a good hour past their designated meeting time.

  The Clam House was a popular seafood restaurant and bar in the Richmond District neighborhood. Its clientele was on the young side. The atmosphere tended to be noisy, but the fish was fresh and the drinks were good, so it was always busy.

  Faith paused in the doorway, taking a moment to let her eyes adjust to the lighting. The bar to the right was overflowing with customers, even on this Tuesday night. And there were several couples waiting in the lobby to be seated for dinner.

  Faith walked over to the maître d'. "Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. His name is Ben Porter. We were supposed to meet for dinner, but I'm late, really, really late."

  The girl checked her reservation list. "Mr. Porter did check in. I think he's in the bar. I told him to tell us when you got here."

  "Thanks." Faith strolled into the bar, hoping she would find Ben nursing a beer and not too angry with her. She should have left the bakery earlier, but she had to admit she'd been stalling. She knew she had to tell Ben something tonight. It wasn't fair to leave him hanging. She just didn't know what to say. Her head kept saying no, but her heart kept saying maybe, especially when she thought about the babies they would have. She did so much want to have children. Of course, she still had time, but not as much time as she'd had two years ago or five years ago. How long could she put it off? And if not Ben, then who...?

  No. She shook her head at the foolish thought. Alex had already said he was not the marrying kind. She'd be a fool not to believe him.

  Faith went up one aisle and down the next. It was crowded, and the lighting was so bad she could hardly see some of the tables.

  "Where are you, Ben?" she muttered. "Where are you?"

  * * *

  Ben came out of the rest room and stopped by the pay phone in the back hall. His head spun as he stared at the numbers. Shit! He was drunk. He hadn't meant to get drunk, but sitting alone in the bar all night, thinking about what he would do if Faith said no, or what he would do if Faith said yes, had led him into ordering more and more drinks, so many he'd lost count. He should probably just get the hell out of here. Go home. Call Faith. Hope she wasn't in an accident.