Unlovable

by Sherry Gammon

  Walking home with the leftover food, my thoughts were again on Seth. If he didn’t really care, then why had he told me repeatedly that he loved me? He must have cared somewhat, he was a good guy, he wouldn’t purposely hurt me. I suddenly got the feeling that maybe I’d just blown the best thing that ever happened to me. I was now as confused as I was listening to Dwayne and his crazy dating scenario.

  There was a soft breeze blowing as I walked to school the next morning. It was warm and smelled of spring Hyacinths as it rolled around me and twisted through my hair. In my preoccupation with the breeze, I didn’t hear Fluffy bounding up the street until he stopped in front of me, barking his soprano bark.

  “Fluffy, where have you been?” I scooped him up, and he let out a small groan of excitement as he bounced around in my arms trying to lick my face.

  “I’ve missed you, have you been hanging out at Gertie’s house irritating her possessed cat?” He barked once, clearly a yes. “I have to go to school, you’d better go back to Gertie’s.” I gave him a quick peck on the head and went to set him down when I spotted a $100 bill clipped to his collar. I looked around fully expecting to see Seth, but instead saw a patrol car parked at the corner. I stomped over to the car with Fluffy still in my arms and handed Booker the money.

  “Maggie, you know I could arrest you for bribery, right?” He had a smirk on his lips as he eyeballed Fluffy.

  “I don’t want this, and I know you put it there.”

  “No, you’re quite wrong, I had nothing to do with it,” he said, rather smugly. “Did you ever get this scruffy fur-ball neutered?” He reached out to stroke Fluffy on the head, who turned and snapped at him.

  “Good boy, Fluffy.” I gave him a squeeze.

  “Fluffy?” he said laughing loudly. “You named him Fluffy?”

  I ignored him and turned back to the matter at hand. He may not have planted the money on the dog, but he knew who did. I knew who did.

  “You can turn this money over to the lost and found at the police station.” I grinned smartly.

  “What a fine, upstanding citizen you are, Maggie. Get in.” He jumped out of his car and held open the back door.

  “What? I’m not trying to bribe you, I want you to turn this over to the lost and found.” I didn’t have time for this. Mr. Googolo was giving a huge Calculus test, and he didn’t allow make up tests.

  “Yes, I know, except there’s an enormous amount of paperwork involved when filing a lost and found report. It could take hours, all for a $100 you and I both know will never be claimed,” he purred sweetly.

  “OH!” Frustrated, I stuffed the money in my pocket and started for school, forgetting the dog was still in my arms.

  “Maggie, hand me the dog, you can’t take him to school with you. I’ll run him back over to your house.” He reached out for Fluffy, and I pulled the dog protectively behind me.

  “If I promise not to roast him over an open fire and eat him for lunch will you give him to me?” he said with a sincere expression on his face. “Though I may have him neutered. Do you know how many stray dogs and cats are running around? We could solve a huge portion of the problem with a simple snip snip of the scissors.” Fluffy barked loudly at Booker, jumped out of my arms, and ran back toward my house. Booker chuckled.

  “Smart little dog you have there, Maggie. Good luck with your Calculus test,” he yelled after me. How did he know about …? Lousy cops!

  The whole incident cost me precious minutes, and I now had to run to avoid being late for class. Mr. Googolo was closing the door as I arrived.

  “Perfect timing, Miss Brown, you’re lucky I forgot about shutting the door, someone must be watching out for you. Hurry, take your seat.” Still breathing hard, it took a few minutes before I could concentrate enough to begin the test. Overall, I think I did fairly well, I wasn’t the first one done, or the last.

  I bought lunch from the cafeteria for the first time ever, Seth had always insisted cafeteria food wasn’t real food. I couldn’t believe the different choices there were. I bought two slices of pizza; it tasted pretty good for not being real food. I wrapped the second slice in a napkin for later and slipped it in my book bag as Zack sank onto the chair next to me.

  “Aw! Let me guess. You’re saving that for the stupid mutt hanging around your trailer.”

  “Go away. And he’s not a stupid mutt. He’s got more class in one paw than you have in your entire body!” I pushed passed him and darted into the hall, stuffing the last too big bite of pizza into my mouth. Unfortunately, he followed me, and even more unfortunately, we ran into Seth and a pimply-faced tenth grader named Scott. My heart flipped over in my chest. I forced the oversized bite painfully down my throat, trying not to choke.

  “Are you going to the pep rally on Thursday?” Ignoring Zack’s question, I tried swallowing some spit to force down the pizza wedged in my throat. “Maggie, do you want to go together?”

  He must be on drugs.

  I glared at him, and with my finally clear throat, announced, “I have a date.” I turned to leave when he caught my arm, jerking me back. Seth turned around as I yanked my arm away from Zack.

  “With whom?” Zack asked in a condescending tone.

  “Dwayne Wrights.”

  “You’re going to the pep rally with Dwayne?” My stomach quivered at the sound of Seth’s voice.

  “He’s a nice guy, what’s wrong with that?”

  Seth let out a short laugh. “Not a thing, I think Dwayne’s a great guy.” I turned and left before he could say anything else, though I did hear him mumble something about a frying pan and fire.

  By the time Thursday came, my stress level was through the roof. There was no improvement in my mother, if anything her condition had worsened, and sorrow dominated my heart, the idea of going to a pep rally pretending to be peppy was overwhelming. If Dwayne hadn’t been so excited, I’d have canceled.

  Thanks to the nice weather, they held the rally outdoors, a refreshing change from the smelly gym. Dwayne insisted we sit high up in the football bleachers, probably wanting as much space between him and Karen as possible. I could see the rest of the student body seated below us, including, to my surprise, Seth. He sat about ten rows up from the field. We’d never gone to a pep rally while we dated, he must have gotten a new assignment. I looked around to see if any of the kids who were rumored to be using drugs were sitting near him.

  Out on the field, I watched Hillary bouncing her pom-poms directly at him. It gave me some satisfaction to see he wasn’t paying much attention to her. She looked more than a little perturbed by it, and I couldn’t help smiling.

  Dwayne was adorable to watch. He never took his eyes off Karen. She appeared to have waved at us a couple of times, only I wasn’t sure because I was too busy staring at Seth. Halfway through the rally, Hillary bounced up the stairs, seized Seth by the hand, and tried dragging him down onto the field. He escaped her grip and quickly crawled into a seat in the front row of the bleachers. Undaunted, she cheered directly in his face instead.

  After the rally, I hauled Dwayne down to the field and straight over to Karen. “Hi Karen, you looked great today.”

  “Thanks, Maggie. How are you? We haven’t talked in forever.”

  “I’m fine,” aside from a broken heart. “Do you know Dwayne?”

  She tucked her pom-poms carefully into a bag and started changing her flashy, blue cheer shoes for tan sneakers. “Yes. Hi, Dwayne.” Her face flushed, and she appeared nervous. Did she like him? “We have Biology together. You probably haven’t noticed me, I sit in the back.”

  “I’ve noticed,” he said, smiling back shyly.

  “I didn’t know you and Maggie were dating.” Her face registered disappointment. This was going better than I hoped.

  “We aren’t dating,” I said. Dwayne was frozen in place until I nudged him.

  “No,” he said, “we’re just friends.”

  “Really.” Karen smiled shyly.

  “Dwayne, I have t
o use the rest room, why don't I meet you at the car? Don’t rush, I’m sure there’ll be a line.” He nodded. I turned to Karen, “Nice talking to you again.”

  Dwayne handed me the car keys, looking eager for me to leave. I took a shortcut through a couple of the buildings to reach the parking lot. Zack appeared out of nowhere, looking like he hadn’t slept in a week. Probably overtraining for baseball again.

  “Hey.” He put his arm around me. I shoved it away. “I hope you’re not still angry about lunch on Tuesday. I didn’t mean to offend you. You know how warped my sense of humor is sometimes.” I walked on in silence. “Maggie, it’s not very nice to hold a grudge. Let me give you a ride home, we’ll even stop at Burger Palace and get something for your dog to eat.”

  I dangled Dwayne’s keys in his face. “Oh, well, I’ll walk you to the car then.” I continued to ignore him, and walked toward the student lounge, stopping only to gather some books from my locker.

  “You look pretty today, real pretty.” My mistrusting nature kicked into overdrive, he was up to something. He’d never complimented me before. “Wait, I need to get something from my locker.”

  I didn’t wait, continuing instead as if he wasn’t there. “Come on, give me a chance to prove I’m a good guy.” He jumped in front of me with a ridiculous pout on his face. “Please.” Fairly certain Dwayne would still be talking with Karen, I silently turned and followed Zack, why I had no idea. I must be more desperate for human companionship than I thought, not that Zack was human!

  He ran ahead a few feet and turned the corner to his locker. Rounding the corner after him, I looked down the hall and saw Seth, with Hillary wrapped around him, their faces were mashed together in a kiss. I stepped back around the corner, falling against the wall, my breath caught in my chest.

  “Sorry, I didn’t realize they would be here. They’ve been at it all day, it’s really starting to get on my nerves.” He draped his arm around my shoulder and led me away. I was dazed, paying no attention to where he was taking me. We went down several hallways before turning into a deserted classroom.

  “All day?” I finally managed to speak. To think I had almost convinced myself I’d been wrong about him, and that he really did care for me.

  “Rumor has it she spent the night at his house last night. Does that bother you? You two broke up, right?” It took me a few seconds to realize he’d wrapped his arms around me and was rubbing my back.

  “Stop it!” I shoved him away and turned to leave, not wanting Zack to witness my meltdown.

  He had other plans. Grabbing the hand holding my book bag, he twisted my arm behind me, pulling me against him.

  “Maggie, forget about him, he’s out of your league. You and I are more logical.”

  “More logical? Based on what?”

  He gripped my face, and I winced at the pain as his fingers dug into my cheeks. He dropped his slimy, foul-smelling mouth down onto mine.

  “Stop it!” I twisted my head to the side and punched him in the chest. His grip stayed strong.

  “No! I waited for you and your stupid ideas, then you started dating him and just gave-in. Melody told me all about it. You’ve been sleeping with him for weeks. You owe me, Maggie.” His eyes were frothed with lust.

  “Melody’s wrong, we didn’t do anything.” I swung my free arm at him. He caught it mid-swing and twisted it tight behind my back, next to the other. It felt as if he were going to rip them both off.

  “Lies, Maggie! Everyone can see the way you look at him.” His left hand grabbed my face once more as he tried to press his mushy lips to mine. This time I was ready. With my now freed hand, I swung my book bag around, smacking him hard on the side of his head, sending him toppling over a couple of desks. I rushed out the door and ran straight to Dwayne’s car. Zack followed.

  Before I could lock myself inside, he caught me from behind, slamming me violently onto the ground. I winced at the sharp pain in my knees while droplets of blood wept through my right pant leg. I glanced around looking for help, but the parking lot was deserted.

  “I put up with your innocent virgin crap for months while I patiently waited for you!” Patiently was not the word I would have chosen, it was more like a full court press on every date. “Then you go and sleep with that clown after how long, Maggie, three whole weeks?”

  “I swear Zack, we haven’t—”

  “Shut up!” He dragged me up by my shirt and forced me against a nearby car. “Come on, Maggie. Kiss me like you kissed him.”

  I shook my head. “Please stop, Zack, please don’t do this.” Tears were streaming uncontrollably down my face. He glowered at me for several moments, as if debating what to do next, and I didn’t like what I saw in his eyes.

  Slowly, very slowly, he let go of my shirt. “Vile piece of trailer trash. You’re probably full of disease anyway.” He brutally shoved me aside. I fell again, this time tearing the right knee of my jeans as I hit the asphalt. My book bag spilled open, spewing books everywhere. He gave me one last look before spitting on the ground next to me and walking away.

  I sat on the ground, pulling my knees up against my chest and hugging them fiercely, refusing to let my mind replay what had just happened. I thought to lock myself in the car, only my body wouldn’t move.

  But I had to. I gathered up my belongings and forced myself up off the ground as Dwayne showed up. He wore a grin from ear to ear on his cherub face. Good, maybe he’d be too excited to notice my disheveled appearance. I quickly smoothed my hair back into place.

  “I did it, I—what happened to you?”

  “Nothing, I fell. I’m fine, really,” I said, casually.

  “That’s not true, Maggie, what happened? Did someone hit you? Why are your cheeks red?”

  “No, really, look at my knee. I fell and my jeans tore.” I showed him the rip. There were several more blood droplets around the tear now. “Dwayne, I’m fine. Tell me about Karen. Did you ask her out?”

  “Yes.” Doubt filled his eyes as he answered. “She said she’d love to go out with me. She didn’t just say yes, she said she’d love to.” He relived the moment several more times while driving me home.

  “Maggie, do you want to get a burger or something? It’s still early, and I want to thank you for your help. If you hadn’t gone with me tonight, I would have never asked her out. I owe you big time.”

  “You don’t owe me anything, that’s what friends do, they help each other,” I said, stepping up onto my porch.

  “If that’s how you really feel, will you hear me out before you go inside?”

  “Yes.” Now what?

  He looked around as if he wanted to make sure no one would hear him, not a good sign. “Seth wanted to tell you about his being an undercover agent for a while, but he was afraid you’d dump him when he did.” He paused slightly. “And you did dump him, so apparently he was right.” I had already heard this from Booker. I didn’t want to hear it… Wait!

  “You know?” Seth told Dwayne about himself, yet he didn’t bother telling me until my mother was almost killed? It ignited the anger inside me all over again.

  “Maggie, a couple of years ago, he arrested my dad for buying drugs. Instead of jail time, Seth convinced the judge to admit him into a rehab program. He’s been clean for two years, and he has a job thanks to Booker. They’ve been good to my family,” he said humbly. “My dad and I have been trying to help him find out who is supplying the area with heroin.”

  “Oh, Dwayne, I had no idea.”

  “He wasn’t trying to betray you, Maggie.”

  “I’m starting to think you’re right.” I felt a huge relief as I admitted it. I still felt betrayed, no matter how hard I tried not to, but under the circumstances I certainly could understand why things were the way they were.

  I said good night and went inside to try to figure out what to do about the mess I’d made, but only after showering a couple of times to get the feel of Zack off my skin.

  26

  Unable to
sleep any longer, I got up at five and had a bowl of Cheerios, with milk. I decided to skip school and spend the day at the hospital. It was going to be a wash anyway, all classes had been canceled, and the entire day was being dedicated to educating us on the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, complete with guest speakers. I certainly didn’t need to be made aware of the heartaches of substance abuse, I knew firsthand.

  Washing my face, I noticed four dark spots on my cheeks. “What the heck?” Looking closer, I realized they were bruises where Zack had grabbed my face. “Who does he think he is?” He wasn’t going to get away with this, not if I could help it. Shoving my arms into my sweater, I left for the hospital, only I didn’t get far before…

  “Good morning, Maggie. I do believe you’re heading in the wrong direction for school, not to mention it doesn’t start for another hour and a half.”

  Booker! Good grief, the vulture must sit outside my door just waiting for me to leave! “How do I press charges for police harassment? Surely there’s some law against this?”

  “True, police harassment is against the law, but again, my stellar reputation on the force, against your word, a mere teenager, who appears to be skipping school I might add, no one would believe you.” Booker grinned, obviously satisfied at his superior ability to outwit me. “I’ve also just completed law school, and I'm well-versed in loopholes, you’d never get the charges to stick.” He climbed out of his car and held the door open with his Cheshire cat grin spread across his handsome face. Why I ever thought that grin of his was cute I’ll never know.

  I kept my face innocent and looked him straight in the eye. “Hmm, a liar and a lawyer. How redundant.”

  “Six in the morning and you still have a quick wit. Impressive.” He sauntered around and got back into the car. “Alright, I’m guessing you are on your way to the hospital?”

  “You should come with me; maybe there’ll be an ambulance you can chase after.”