Yours Forever

by Joya Ryan

With that, the strong firefighter strode down the hall and out of sight, leaving me, if possible, even more at odds with everything.

  “We need to talk,” Jack said immediately. His voice rolled over my skin and pricked it with shivers.

  I turned to face him. “I think we’ve said everything we need to.”

  “I disagree completely.” He stood from behind his desk. His light blue button up was the color of Cal’s eyes and rolled at the sleeves. But the powdery color made his dark features stand out like an exotic treat.

  “I was looking for closure,” I admitted, hoping to get out of this room and conversation without Jack hearing my heart pick up its pace.

  “Oh?” he asked, rounding his desk and heading my way. The man didn’t walk. He stalked. Like a predator. And, once again, like the moment I met him, I felt the trance of his intensity sweep me up. “And is that what you got? Closure?”

  I licked my lips and tried to stand tall, tried to keep eye contact and not show weakness, but his eyes were so smoldering it was hard not to get hit with the heat.

  “Yes,” I said, softer than I’d meant to.

  A sexy grin tugged his face, that strong jaw working over a five-o’clock shadow that made me recall every scrape and feel of it against my skin.

  “You never were a good liar,” he said. “In fact, I think the opposite happened. I think instead of closure…” he trailed his hand up my inner thigh, “You opened up a little more to me.”

  Tremors skated over my body. The anger had ebbed since the other night, but reality hadn’t. The truth remained. He left, lied, and broke a piece of me I’d never be able to repair.

  “I’ve thought of you every day. Every moment of every damn day,” he rasped.

  “And were you counting down the clock until it was your turn to make a go at me again?”

  “It was never like that. You know it. Deep down, you know how I feel about you.”

  “How you feel about me?” I asked and took a step back. “Is that the feeling that made you leave, compelled you to stay gone, and show up only when I’d fallen in love with Cal?”

  His jaw clenched. But Jack opened this can of worms.

  “Oh, you don’t like that?” I asked. “Me saying the truth? That I fell in love with Cal? That while you were thinking of me, I was thinking of him. Maybe you should have thought of that before making the arrangement you did.”

  “Say it then, Lana. Tell me you didn’t think of me. Tell me you don’t still. Tell me we’re done.”

  His voice was so even it was chilling. Jack Powell was either the world’s best bluffer or just dared me to walk away. Problem was, I couldn’t. He was pushing, and all I could do was push back. Just like he’d taught me.

  “I’m done with this conversation,” I said.

  Jack smiled. “Ah, that’s a win in my book, baby.” And he was right. I couldn’t tell him I was done with him, because honestly, maybe I never would be. I loved the prick. Loved him so much I hated him for it.

  But I loved Cal. So much it tore every time I took a breath.

  I couldn’t fall into the pattern of what it felt like to be with either of them. Because not only was neither of them an option, but my world couldn’t handle another quake.

  “This is going to get more difficult before it gets easier,” Jack said, as if he too had some direct line to my thoughts.

  Of that, I totally believed him.

  Chapter 9

  It was past ten at night, and I hadn’t risked another conversation with either Cal or Jack since I’d left his office earlier. Instead, I’d been attempting to keep myself busy by pretending to concentrate on my thesis project.

  The second-hand laptop I’d gotten was barely working, but it had enough juice to check my email and type. With school being out for winter and my proposal with the thesis board, there wasn’t much I could do until the new term started. But that didn’t stop me from trying to focus on anything other than my current situation.

  I crisscrossed my legs on my bed and scrolled through my inbox. I was surprised to see an email from Erica.

  Opening it, I read her message. She was safe, staying with her mother and looking at extending her sabbatical or finding a new job far away from Denver. Her daughter was doing well and the more I read her words, the better I felt about the decision to let the break-in rest. I couldn’t drag her back here to testify against Brock. I also wouldn’t risk her safety or her daughter’s. The best thing for them was to stay far away from Brock…and from me. Starting a new life was best.

  With a deep breath, I closed my email. At least someone had closure. And I was happy Erica and her daughter could move on.

  Stretching my arms overhead, I quickly searched the Internet in hopes for a further distraction, since thoughts of Jack’s touch and Cal’s kiss were starting to creep back in.

  Tomorrow, we’d go see the attorney. See if there was any information I could get about my dad, because Jack and Cal were right, something had to be going on. Even though right now there was no hard evidence to support the theory of me being a threat of any kind to my father’s estate or money, it was something worth asking questions about.

  The Internet was little help. I tried researching my father, a man and his company I should already know about. All I got were stats and Wikipedia answers. I went through the stock market and it appeared that the Case-VanBuren stock had taken a hit over the past two quarters, which was news to me. I knew the business had needed some new clients, hence the mess I’d gotten into with Jack, but the stock was hurting more than I’d realized. A reason my father was looking to sell, maybe?

  A light knock came at my bedroom door. I shut the laptop.

  “Yes?”

  The knob turned slowly. It could be one of two men and I held my breath, wondering which one it would be.

  As the door swung wide, Cal stood, in all his masculine glory, sweaty, shirtless and in nothing but a pair of low-slung shorts. He held a box in one hand and waited on the other side of the threshold.

  “Hey,” I said, licking my lips and trying not to stare at his defined chest and amazing tattoos. “Just get done exercising?” It was a stupid question. Between the sheen of sweat and heavy breaths of his chest, he appeared to have come straight to my room after whatever kind of workout he’d just finished.

  His blue eyes landed on mine and he nodded. “Yeah, exercising isn’t what it used to be.”

  The statement hit my chest and spread over my skin like warm water. Because that single statement brought back some potent memories. Like the time I’d been with him at the fire house. Straddling his lap while he lifted weights. Stealing kisses between reps. My entire body ached from the recollection.

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  It would be smart to say no. To tell him distance was best. Instead, I nodded. Smart didn’t outweigh the want to be near him.

  He took a few long strides and didn’t stop until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. His scent was intoxicating. Spicy and woodsy and all man. I wanted to taste every inch of his salty skin and do a different kind of marathon, but that was not where we were anymore. The light and fun time in our relationship had passed. We didn’t even have a relationship anymore. And that fact knocked on something already broken deep in my chest.

  “I see you’re still hiding out in here,” he said, setting the box on the bed next to me.

  “I’m not hiding.”

  He grinned. “You’re not a good liar, Kitten.”

  Second man to say that to me today. Not cool.

  “Did you want something?”

  “Yes,” he said with a serious edge. “I want something very much actually.” Those aqua eyes bore into mine and just the intensity from his stare made my blood heat.

  “Cal…” I whispered. Which made him close his eyes for a moment and take a deep breath, as if warding off some kind of pain.

  “Do you have any idea how hard it is to hear you say my name, be close to you, and know you’re
so far away?”

  There was rawness behind every syllable. “Yes,” I answered honestly. “I know exactly how that feels.”

  “Then, tell me,” he asked. “Tell me everything. Be mad, say whatever you need to say. Please, I’m right here and I want to hear it. Whatever needs to happen so we can—”

  “Move on?” I interrupted.

  “Yes,” he whispered. “Move on.”

  “Funny thing about that,” I said around a shuddering voice. “There are some things that are impossible to move on from.” He hung his head and our conversation from all those weeks ago hit hard. “You were the one who told me that moving on from something that causes so much joy or pain is impossible.”

  “So, move then, Kitten. Please, just move toward me.”

  “I don’t think I can.” The truth punched my stomach so hard it made me want to retch.

  “Then, do something, make me pay, anything.”

  I shook my head and did the one thing I tried from the beginning to never do, I reached out for him. Cupping his face in my hands, I stared at the man I loved so much, but couldn’t have. “I don’t want to be mad anymore.”

  “No,” he said sternly. “Give me anger. Hate. Anything. But don’t give up on us.”

  I looked at the big strong man before me and realized how different he was. In every way. Not just from Jack, but from all men. Jack had my anger, even some hate, and he thrived on it. There was hope in it. Jack knew it. And so did Cal.

  How and what I felt for Cal was complex. Not better or worse—if there was such a thing.

  “What I feel for you isn’t vicious. It’s…devastating.”

  He looked like I’d just punched him in the face. “No,” he said again, his male dominance rising to the surface. “No, Lana. I fucked up. But that doesn’t mean what we have isn’t real. I love you, God damn it.”

  I swallowed hard and he leaned in closer. I went to pull my hand away, but he clasped it against his face.

  “Look at me right now and tell me to leave you alone. Tell me you’re through with me.”

  It sounded so similar to what Jack had asked. If I was done, I needed to say so now. All the strength in the world didn’t match my greatest weakness. Which was them. Both of them.

  I couldn’t bring the word to my lips. Because, just like I’d faced down Jack’s question, I faced Cal’s. And I couldn’t deny the truth. I did want him. So much. And it was tearing me up inside.

  “It’s hard enough to deal with what happened between us, but Jack too? I…I don’t know where to start.”

  “Start here.” Using his free hand he pushed the box closer to me. “There’s no pressure. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t give a shit what it takes or how long, you’re mine,” he said, and kissed my inner wrist. “When you’re done hiding, you know I’ll always chase you.”

  With that, he rose and walked out the door, shutting it softly behind him. I sat there, stunned. Cal’s approach was calm, but his dominance was very clear. He made his claim just like Jack had. And at one point, I’d given myself to each of them. I just never thought either of our relationships would end up like this.

  I looked at the box he’d just left and opened it.

  It was a pair of running shoes.

  My strong alpha warrior challenged me, told me what I was capable of, told me what he was willing to do, and left it up to me. Like he always did.

  I clutched the box to my chest, the piece of my heart that belonged to Cal throbbing with every beat.

  Chapter 10

  I’d given in and raided the closet in Jack’s room after he left for work this morning. Not because I wanted to, but because meeting with my father’s old attorney was nerve-racking enough and the plain T-shirts I had wouldn’t cut it. I wanted to look somewhat decent.

  Somehow, the guys had worked out for one of them to always be with me. How they kept their schedules, I didn’t know. And I wouldn’t ask, since their constant presence was hindering my plan for distance.

  A pair of dark jeans and a fuzzy pink sweater later—coupled with some make up and an amazing shower—I looked almost like myself again. Something Cal took an extra-long glace at as he held the office door open that led to Henry Dwyer, Attorney at Law.

  When I stepped through, his hand rested on the small of my back. The warmth that came from him was encompassing. It took a lot of concentration to be around either of them. A single glance or quick touch and I forgot the past and got lost in Jack’s dark eyes or Cal’s dimpled smile.

  Cal sat in the small waiting area as the secretary ushered me through one more door.

  “Mr. Dwyer, Lana Case to see you.” The woman smiled and left us.

  “Hello,” he said in a cheery voice and shook my hand.

  “Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice,” I said.

  “Of course.” He gestured for me to sit and I did. “After I got your call, I looked through all my old files. I put it…” He got up and walked to the large cabinet in the corner.

  He was sweet, but the deep wrinkles in his forehead and thin, combed-over white hair, told me he had to be pushing seventy. I sat in the squeaking chair while he fumbled through his massive file cabinet, pausing only to shove the thick-brimmed glasses up his nose.

  I glanced behind me at the “Henry Dwyer, Attorney at Law” on the window and knew Cal was on the other side of the door, waiting for me.

  “I haven’t seen Carter Case in years,” Henry said, looking through more files. “We ended our contract a while ago. He had a great mind for business.” He dug in the back and came up with a manila envelope. “Ah! Here it is.”

  He came to sit behind his desk once more, a bit winded, and opened the envelope. A single piece of paper came out, with what looked to be a key taped to it.

  “I am really sorry to hear of his passing,” Henry said, looking at me.

  “Thank you.”

  He read over the single sheet of paper then handed it to me. “This belongs to you. I don’t know what the key goes to, but the document is notarized.”

  I frowned. It was a short document that said the contents of the corresponding box that matches this key goes to Lana Case. And it was executed right after my father married Anita.

  “Thank you so much,” I said. He stood and shook my hand and I felt a little lighter. Maybe this would help solve the apprehension behind everything going on. At one point, my father had thought of me. Thought of the future. And this key was…the key.

  Leaving the office, I saw Cal in the waiting room, flipping through some car magazine, then standing when he saw me.

  “Got what you needed?”

  “I have no idea,” I answered honestly. As we walked out to his truck, the sun was fading into purples. He opened the truck door and helped me in.

  “It’s a key, but I don’t know to what.”

  Cal glanced at it and started the engine. “It’s small. Some kind of lockbox? A safe maybe?”

  I shrugged. “It’s from roughly ten years ago, so I have no idea. If he had a safe, Anita would have found it by now.”

  “It may not be a safe then. We can do some research.”

  I smiled at him. The term “we” made my body feel less heavy, and it was another one of those split seconds I forgot the real world. With a deep breath, the despair came back as realization of the last week hit home.

  Could I ever move on from Cal? From Jack?

  No.

  I knew that to be true. The question was, how do I survive in the meantime?

  Cal’s phone pinged. He grabbed it out of his pocket and read a text. “Jack is done in an hour and will meet us at home.”

  Meet us at home? This wasn’t some sleepover party. While the idea sounded amazing for the simplest of seconds, this wasn’t a situation that I’d say was conventional, nor was Jack’s home my home.

  I didn’t have a home, actually.

  But family? Friends? All of that was scattered few and far between, leaving me longing for the w
ord home while being sucker-punched with the reality that even if I had a roof of my own, there was no one to fill it with.

  I looked at Cal. So familiar, riding in his truck, his tattoos peeked out from beneath his T-shirt sleeve. A couple weeks ago we would have gone to his home, he would have made me feel like I belonged there, and I’d kiss every inch of ink he had. But this wasn’t a couple weeks ago.

  “Smile for me, Kitten.”

  “What?” I asked.

  He glanced at me when we turned down Jack’s street. “I can’t handle you looking at me like that.”

  Whatever look I was giving wasn’t a good one, and I didn’t want Cal thinking I was a wreck. Even though I was. Call it pride or stupidity, but I was trying to at least give the impression that I could somehow manage being a functioning human. So far, it was challenging.

  “Remember when you were at Bea’s with me and she brought out the scrapbooks?”

  I smiled, even laughed a little recalling the memory. “Yeah, page after page of naked baby pictures.”

  He looked at me and smiled back. He’d gotten what he wanted. What he’d asked of me. A smile.

  But his expression turned serious quickly when we pulled up to Jack’s and saw the window smashed, the door busted open, and the alarm going off.

  “Stay here,” Cal said.

  The blaring noise from the security system was screaming and shards of glass picking up flecks of light were shimmering in the grass.

  “Wait, no!”

  “The police are dispatched as soon as the alarm goes off. They’re not here yet, which means it just happened and the asshole is still inside,” he said, as he got out of the truck and headed toward the house.

  “Cal, stop!” But he was already bounding through the front door.

  A loud thud, then glass breaking shot over the alarm, and I jerked the door open. Cal was in there. I screamed his name again when more crashing noises came.

  I barely made it three steps before Cal ran out the front of the house and looked both ways.

  “Mother fucker!” he cursed, then ran toward me. “I’m getting you out of here now.” He ambled me back into the truck. For a second, I thought he was going to hoist me over his shoulder. Instead, his big body just overtook mine as he maneuvered me like a doll into the vehicle and shut the door. He was around the front and behind the wheel peeling away in record time.