Yours Forever

by Joya Ryan

  Cal cleared his throat from behind Jack and I looked at him over Jack’s shoulder.

  Jack backed away, grabbed one of the bags by the door that he’d brought, and headed down the hall. Cal followed suit, grabbing a second bag and patting me on the butt and winking at me as he went down the hall next.

  I marched down the hallway and saw two bedroom doors, one on each side of the hall. Jack stood in one entry way, Cal in the other.

  “Two bedrooms?” I asked.

  Cal nodded.

  “Where am I supposed to sleep?”

  “You tell us, baby,” Jack said with a steady tone. “You’re the one in charge, right? The one making the rules.” He glanced at Cal. “I don’t know what the hell went on between you two while I was gone, but she used to like giving up some of that control and letting me have it.”

  Cal shrugged and leaned against the doorway with all the casualness in the world. “Ah, she’s a spirted one. Stubborn. But she likes to take the reins now and again. Sometimes you have to give it to her.”

  I realized what had happened. The dynamic had shifted. I was up against not just Jack, but Cal too. And I was in trouble.

  Because I was finding it hard to breathe just hearing them talk like this. Like they knew me. Because they did. And the worst of it was, they were both right. But getting caught up wasn’t smart, and this time at the cabin would already be difficult as it was. Now that Jack and Cal had the upper hand, knew there was a chance, they were fighting dirty. And I couldn’t deny sleeping with either of them, or wanting to end everything between us.

  I was in big trouble. I could hold to my no commitment policy. I could also hang on to the fact that they hurt me. But sex? The consuming way Jack looked at me and Cal smiled my way? That was going to be the real challenge. Every second reminded me of why we worked so well, in different ways. And nothing about this situation would ever work. Ever.

  In fact. It had ended. Gone up in flames the night my house burned down and the truth came out.

  “I’m going to bed,” Jack said, using one hand to unfasten the top two buttons on his shirt, giving sight to that chiseled chest and what I knew to be rock hard abs even lower. He stared at me while he unbuttoned the third, then the fourth…

  I shook my head and looked away, only to find Cal faking a yawn and stretching. Reaching back, he pulled his T-shirt over his head and off, revealing muscles and tattoos and…damn them both.

  “Yeah, I’m going to bed too,” Cal said. Keeping his gaze on me. “Are you rethinking topless Tuesdays?”

  Before I could answer, Jack peeled his shirt off, showcasing all those perfectly ripped muscles coated in olive skin.

  “Based on the way you’re staring,” Jack said to me. “That’d be my guess.”

  I forced my gaze away. With a deep breath, I knew I only had one option. I walked past Cal, into his room. I saw him gesture at Jack with a victorious smile. But before either of them moved, I grabbed Cal’s bag, carried it across the hall, shoving past Jack, and tossed it on Jack’s bed.

  Dusting off my hands, I went back into Cal’s room and looked at both men, standing in the hallway, staring me down.

  “Since you two are both tired, you can sleep together. Sweet dreams.” With that, I slammed the door.

  Chapter 12

  “Okay, thank you anyway,” I said and hung up the phone.

  Two days had passed and I’d spent every hour calling banks in the Colorado area asking about their lockbox keys. So far, no luck in finding a bank that matched the mystery key my father had left.

  “Still nothing?” Cal asked, coming into the living room, bag of mini doughnuts in hand, popping one into his mouth.

  I looked at the papers spread out over the couch and me sitting in the middle with no answers. The list was long and I’d only started in the Colorado area. There was a chance it wasn’t even in this state, but I hoped it was. Hell, I didn’t even know if the bank would still be open.

  “No. And all the banks are closed for the holidays now, so I have to wait.”

  Cal held out the bag of doughnuts, offering me some. I took one and smiled. “Thanks.”

  He nodded and chewed on another. The way his jaw worked with a light dusting of stubble was hypnotic. A fresh blanket of snow was outside, and no one would ever know it was cold because Cal look so comfortable in well-loved jeans, a white T-shirt, and bare feet.

  “We’ll find the bank. In the meantime, try to relax.”

  I scoffed around my mouth of doughnut. Relaxing was something I wasn’t good at. Though the setting was perfect for it. The seclusion was nice. Just being away from the city, from anyone like Brock or Anita was very freeing. Still, I was holed up with the only two men who had the power to change my world, and had proven they could wreck it within seconds.

  “You okay?” Cal asked, as if reading something on my face.

  “I just feel a little off.”

  “It’s because you haven’t eaten real food today,” Jack said, walking in from the kitchen, holding a bowl of salad and roll. It smelled amazing and looked even better. He was a good cook and master salad craftsman. The thing looked more like art than food. He set both in front of me on the coffee table, then stood to look me over as if to assess me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I don’t like how you look,” he replied matter of factly.

  I frowned down at my simple jeans and sweater and tried not to cry from the insult. These were the clothes I’d found in the bag Jack brought.

  “You’re the one that packed this crap and—”

  “No, baby, I mean your expression. I don’t like how you look so sad.” His words were laced with his own kind of sadness, and it made me choke on a deep intake of air. He sat next to me and put the salad in my hands, gesturing me to eat.

  I glanced at him, then at the food.

  “You really think I’d ever say I don’t like the way you look?” he enunciated the last word and his fingertip trailed down my throat. He could burn through ice, much less my skin. Every nerve jumped beneath his touch, begging for deeper contact.

  I picked up my fork and started stabbing at the salad. I couldn’t face him. Not when he was being kind. Not when Cal was being casual. Not like that. I was so close to giving in to the heat and warmth they provided that I needed to get out of this moment.

  “Your salad isn’t cheering her up,” Cal said, taking a purposeful bite of his doughnut. “You want something sweeter, Kitten?”

  Cal was so good at keeping things calm and casual.

  “Salad is healthy,” Jack said.

  “Sugar gives you a rush, though,” Cal countered immediately.

  Refusing to give in to either of them, I put the salad down, grabbed the roll, and took a big bite. Only I couldn’t help but moan around the flaky buttery amazingness, which made Jack smile. Something that took my breath away in a whole other fashion.

  “Ah, so you’re looking for comfort food.” I chewed, hoping a full mouth would buy me time. It didn’t. Jack just continued on. “I have a question, and I’m going to expect an honest answer. Do you understand?”

  I glared at him and hustled through my bite so I could tell him off.

  “Hoo-hoo, she’s pissed at you,” Cal said.

  Jack ignored him and continued, flicking the bottom of my chin to have me face him. “I want to know what you want for Christmas.”

  That was his question? Judging by the lightness in his dark eyes, he’d phrased it that way on purpose to get a rise out of me. I swallowed down the roll and gave my answer honest thought.

  What did I want?

  I looked between Cal and Jack, and wasn’t that the question of the century? There was a time when what I wanted was in this room with me. I wanted to let go of fear, gain strength, and prove to myself and to others that I was okay. I wanted to hide in pleasure and never come out. I wanted Jack. Then I wanted to take control, to assert that strength I’d gained and run, sprint far from anything I didn’t wan
t to deal with. I wanted to fight. To be chased. I wanted Cal.

  I closed my eyes for a moment.

  I wanted life to be good. Wanted the man I love. Men I love. I wanted answers. But the past was true to its after effects. I couldn’t have any of it. Because I no longer wanted to hide or run…I wanted to get lost. And I was alone, while surrounded by the two men on earth that made me feel alive.

  What did I want for Christmas?

  So many things.

  But reality dictated that none of it was possible.

  I glanced at the empty corner of the living room. I may not have family left who wanted me. May not have answers or any idea how to get through what was to come, but maybe I could pretend, just for a moment, that life was normal. That one normal thing could bring a piece of simple joy. The kind I hadn’t had in a long time.

  I looked at Jack and obeyed his command. I was honest. “What I’d like for Christmas is a tree.”

  He glanced at Cal and nodded. Cal smiled wide. Their secret language in full effect. Jack tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and grinned.

  “That, we can do.”

  ~

  It was beautiful. The smell of cold air and the sound of two feet on fresh snow crunching beneath my boots was enough to make me think I was on another plane of existence. Not one that was complicated or painful. One that was easy and magical.

  We wove through the scattered fir trees. Some smaller than others. Cal walked ahead in his big jacket, an ax slung over his should like some sexy logger. Jack was right behind me. I glanced over my shoulder as we wound through the property. Property, that apparently, was all theirs.

  “See anything you like?” Jack asked, with a sexy edge to his voice that had me thinking he wasn’t talking about the trees. And he’d be right, since I’d again been caught staring at him.

  His thick gray wool coat fit his broad shoulders perfectly and his dark eyes looked bright and wild with the sun reflecting off the snow and lighting him up like an olive-skinned god.

  Oh yeah, I saw something I liked…

  But, feigning disinterest was hard, so I looked ahead once more, only to find Cal’s perfect ass in perfect jeans, strutting in front of me like a wall of muscle and manly sexiness. Good Lord, I’d never be able to get away from them.

  I turned my attention to the trees and pulled the tie of my coat tighter. Jack had thought of everything and packed us all heavy winter gear that kept us warm and, of course, high-end and fashionable. My chocolate jacket was thick and matched the boots he’d gotten me.

  He knew my size in everything. Attention to detail was one of his many qualities. Qualities I wasn’t thinking about. At least trying not to think about.

  “So, I can pick out any of these trees?” I asked.

  Cal turned and stopped, looking around at the scattered forest at our disposal. “Yep, so long as it fits through the doorway, whatever you want.”

  After taking a moment to examine the nearby prospects, I saw a full beautiful tree with thick needles that smelled amazing. It was barely taller than Jack and Cal, so a six and a half to seven footer, I’d guess.

  “I like this one?” I asked.

  “Yeah? Well, take your time, we’re not in a rush,” Cal said.

  I looked around…nope, this was the tree. “This is it,” I said with a smile.

  “Okay then, step back,” Cal said. I did and Jack was right behind me. With a hand around my waist, he guided us back several more paces.

  “You just cut down whatever you want?”

  “It’s a tradition,” he said. I looked at him and something fond flashed across his expression, like he was recalling a pleasant memory. “Bea would drive us out here when we were younger. We’d pick out a tree, cut it down, and bring it home.”

  My chest stilled for a moment, thinking of Jack and Cal as kids, teenagers even, getting a tree with Bea. Tradition. Something families did. And now they were sharing it with me?

  “That’s nice,” I said softly.

  “A few years ago, Cal and I bought the land and put a cabin on it.” I turned in his arms and looked at him. “It’s a place to escape when life gets…” His dark eyes took in every inch of my face, and he looked at me like he could see straight to my soul. “Complicated.”

  I nodded. Understanding that notion completely. “I can see how things feel less complicated out here.” There was nothing but miles of open space, trees, and snow. It was just us. For miles. A familiar feeling skated through my system like an old drug. One I instantly craved.

  Peace.

  I’d had this same feeling when I’d felt Jack for the first time. The tremors he calmed with his touch and the fire he ignited all at the same time. The same feeling when Cal took me up on the ladder and let me escape the world for a while then kissed me so softly, I wanted to stay in such a cloud forever.

  Complicated.

  One thing even all this space couldn’t solve was how complicated my life—our lives—had become. Because they were threaded into every fiber of my being. And escape was looking less and less likely. That, in itself, was terrifying because while there may be no escape, there was also nowhere to go from here. It was a choice I couldn’t make, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. That didn’t stop the notion from tapping on my temple.

  Choose between Jack and Cal…

  No. I could never.

  Just the thought riddled my bones with drama, anger, sadness, and soul crushing pain. There was no good way out of this.

  “Tell me how to make that stop,” Jack whispered, his lips skimming over my cheekbone. I hadn’t realized he’d gotten so close.

  “What?” I asked, and looked up into his dark eyes. A snowflake landed on his black lashes, and for a moment, he looked…worried.

  “Tell me how to make that look stop,” he said. I’d seen this expression on his face before. He was upset because he was…not in control. Jack had always been able to read me and always encouraged me to say what I needed to say. Own it. So I did.

  “I don’t know how to make it stop.” I was still grappling with the truth that I was doomed. Doomed from ever recovering from Jack’s love and doomed from ever breathing right again from Cal’s.

  All the hopes I’d once had for Jack and me, then Cal and me, were dashed. All I could hope for now was that now, at this cabin, was a momentary escape.

  A flash of white caught my peripheral as it whooshed past me and smacked Jack. I stepped back and saw Jack’s left arm covered in snow. Cal was grinning wide and dusting off his snowy hands.

  “Maybe you need to lighten up,” Cal called, and I didn’t know if he was talking to me or Jack or both maybe? “Having fun isn’t complicated.”

  Jack glared so forcefully that the sight alone frightened me. He looked lethal as his intense gaze stayed on Cal and he took a step closer like a cheetah stalking something that it would soon take down.

  “Oh…it’s on now,” Jack growled, then quickly scooped two handfuls of snow up, smashed them together forming a ball, and chucked it at Cal, beaning him in the chest.

  “Ah, shit,” Cal mumbled, shaking off the hit and ducking behind the nearest tree. He wasted no time gathering more ammunition. Jack hustled to a different tree, taking cover, and threw another snowball. If I wasn’t mistaken, I thought a smile broke free when the snowball splattered against the tree, millimeters from Cal’s face.

  “You throw like a pussy,” Cal called, then fired his own snowball, barely missing Jack’s leg.

  “Says the guy who couldn’t get it up just now,” Jack said, aiming high for Cal’s face again.

  “Oh, I have no problem getting it up,” Cal yelled back, throwing another and hitting Jack’s calf as they ducked and ran through trees, hucking snow as they went. “Just ask Lana.”

  Instead of growling or fussing over his comment, a snowball crashed against my ass. I turned to find Jack smiling and looking guilty.

  “What the hell?” I said with a laugh.

  “Sorry, baby, y
ou’re in between us.” He may be talking about the snow war going on, but his words hit hard. Before I could think further on that, another snowball hit my stomach. Cal.

  I glared his direction.

  “That’s it!” I scooped my own snow and threw it fast. First at Cal, then another handful at Jack, as I ran to take my own cover.

  “Oh you’re in for it now,” Jack called from his hideout. A small giggle of delight escaped me as I ducked low and packed another snowball. I wasn’t anywhere near as big as the guys, so the tree covered me pretty well. I took the opportunity to make a few snowballs and stock up. Breathing hard, I peeked out and caught a glimpse of Cal and Jack, moving and throwing snowballs as they strategically got closer to me.

  “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,” Cal called. Though he may be lighthearted, there was an underlying lust that tainted each word, and my nipples responded instantly and my breathing picked up.

  Adrenaline was coursing and this was…fun.

  With my snowballs in hand, I threw them as I went to gain more ground and a better location, attempting to run and hide at the same time.

  Jack caught my movement first and sprung after me. I playfully screamed when his strong arm wrapped around my waist and caught me.

  “You’re mine now, baby.” He turned me to face him and trailed his snowy gloves over my lips and chin, the chill surprising my hot skin. I breathed hard and smiled.

  “You’ll never catch me,” I panted, and spun quickly out of his grip. I made it two feet before meeting a wall of muscle. Cal.

  “Caught ya,” he smiled, his big arms wrapping me up. I did the only thing I could. I tossed the handful of snow I had at his face. He sputtered and I laughed, getting his grip loose enough to ease out, and I squirmed away. But Jack was right there again, and I was trapped between them.