Splitsville.com

by Tonya Kappes

  I’ve never been confined in an area full of dogs. The SPCA yearly fundraiser is outside where the dogs’ auras breathe, but a confined kennel area might send me into a tailspin. Animal auras aren’t much different from human auras.

  Bradley drags me into another room and the dizziness immediately subsides. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I sound as upbeat as I can. Being off balance, makes me more confused. I whisper so the girl who’s cleaning the dog cage won’t hear me, “I haven’t slept well in the past couple of night. Plus creepy Kent. . .”

  I stand on my own, but once I let go of Bradley’s arm, my legs wobble.

  “Come on, Olivia!” Bradley grabs the chair next to the door and eases me into it. “I want a relationship with you, not with you and Kent. What’s the deal?”

  The girl at the dog cages glances over her shoulder like she’s trying to hear what we’re saying. She pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

  “No deal,” I say under my breath. I really want to get my wooziness under control and thinking about Kent isn’t helping.

  “You talk about Kent and Erin all the time.” Bradley looks over at the girl, who’s now staring at us, and pulls me up from the chair and into the other room. “Listen, Olivia, I don’t know you well yet, but I want to. Kent isn't part of that, so if this is the way it’s going to be, then maybe we aren’t going to work.”

  I look down taking in every crease in the old tile floor. I can’t face him with all the lies between us. I can’t tell him about the auras or he won’t stick around.

  Bradley tilts my head up to look at him. “I want to date you. Not you, Erin and creepy. . .”

  “Ha!” I clap my hands together. The room has stopped spinning, and I stand up on my wobbly legs and hold onto the back of the chair. “You think he’s creepy too.”

  “I never said I didn’t, but I’m not going to waste every conversation on him and his creepiness.” Bradley steps back and crosses his arms.

  “I saw him at the gas station when I stopped to get our coffee. He knows you and I are seeing each other, so I got a little freaked when he wanted details of my relationship with you. It’s like he has no boundaries.” Bradley reaches out to take my hands and his warmth is a welcome touch.

  “God, I wish that guy wasn’t in Erin’s life.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I turn when I hear the shuffle of the dog cage girl coming into the room. “I promise, I’m going to tell Erin everything.”

  “If he doesn’t stop harassing you, I’ll take care of him.” Bradley’s blue aura began to darken around him.

  “Wow, I hope I don’t ever get on your bad side,” I say half joking.

  “Don’t worry. You could never make me very mad.”

  Feeling much better, we walk down to the dogs that need to have their morning ritual.

  “Every morning we get the dogs and throw balls or Frisbees. Sometimes they just want to be pet.” He gestures toward a small grey dog.

  “Hi there.” I put my fingers through the cage Bradley stops in front of. I try not to look at all the other small eyes begging to get out of the cages. I don’t need to see any more colliding auras today, especially animal ones.

  “That’s Herbie. He’s a Schnauzer.” Bradley opens the cage and Herbie jumps up on me. Bradley hands me the leash. “Put him on and we can take him for a walk.”

  Herbie jumps up and down like he knows exactly what the leash means. Once I manage to get the leash on him, I take the ponytail holder off my wrist and pull my hair up.

  “He likes you.” Bradley smiles as I finally manage to get the out of control dog on a leash.

  “I think he likes the idea behind the leash, not me.” Still, Herbie is adorable with his grey hair and mustache, and happy about going on a walk. If only life was that simple.

  “You need a dog.” The delight in his eyes scares me.

  “Forget it! I don’t have time for a dog.” I don’t want any stinking dog to take care of. Or at least for Aunt Matilda to take care of.

  I follow Bradley through the steel doors leading outside with Herbie close on his heels. It looks like a doggie daycare. All the dogs are running around, playing fetch or chewing on bones. Every one of them has a happy and healthy aura.

  “Harmony.” Peacefulness blankets me when I see how happy these dogs are. A sigh of relief comes over me. “Definitely not like the commercials.”

  Bradley smiles and says, “Nope. They love running around and playing with each other.”

  “Bradley, I hate to interrupt, but Sam doesn’t look so good.” The meek shelter worker from the dog cages can barely look Bradley in the eye, hiding behind her glasses.

  “I’ll be right back,” he tells me. He puts his hand up for me to stay put, but I don’t. “He’s sick and we don’t know what’s wrong. You don’t want to see him.”

  “I’ll be okay.” I’m certain I can tell them what’s wrong with the dog.

  Quickly we rush down the dimly lit hallway. The fluorescent lights buzz as we pass under them and the old tile creeks with old age. The oldness of it makes me think the sick animals are here.

  The black lab lies on some blankets in the kennel, not moving. Bradley crouches next to her moving her stuffed animals out of the way.

  “Sammy girl, what’s wrong?” Sammy lifts her sad eyes up to him when he calls her name.

  I crouch down next to him and touch her short prickly fur. Bradley stands back causing the timid girl to stand even farther towards the kennel door. His eyes are full of confusion, but he allows me to continue.

  “Hi girl.” I stare, allowing my eyes to go out of focus. I gently rub my hands down her back. Her spine feels good and she not too thin.

  Animals can sense when something or someone is good or bad. Sam is calm and relaxed, which gives me a good overall view of her.

  She licks me and her black aura begins to surround her tongue and flows along her body. “It’s okay, girl.” I work to gain her trust. She laps at my hand. “I want to help.”

  Her ailments hit me like a ton of bricks. I inhale deeply and exhale slowly so I won’t alarm Bradley or the other worker.

  “I know. It’s sad.” Bradley put his hands on my shoulder.

  “Shhhh.” I look to see where Sam’s aura darkens so I will know where to tell them to look. I know when I get home, I will be exhausted. Because this poor girl is really sick.

  When she stops licking me, I slowly stand up so not to disturb her.

  “Do you have a veterinarian here?” I look back at Bradley and see the suspicious eyes of the girl. I ask her, “What’s your name?” Bradley rushes to introduce us.

  “Oh, Bree, this is my girlfriend, Olivia.”

  I put my fingers in my ear. All my energy has been zapped and I know I didn’t hear him correctly.

  Girlfriend?

  “I’ll get Dr. Versant.” Bree takes off down the hall to get the house veterinarian. We bend back down to pet Sam.

  “She’s perked up a bit.” Bradley allows her to give him kisses.

  “No, she’s just relived I know what’s wrong with her.” My palms start to sweat. I can’t believe I let that slip.

  “What?” Bradley stares at me like I’ve lost my marbles.

  A tall balding man in a white lab coat strides up to us. The quiet Bree is standing behind him. “What’s the problem?” Dr. Versant asks.

  I stand up, trying not to cower under Bradley’s scrutiny. “I had a dog with Addison’s disease and he looked a lot like Sam. See. . .” I have to find a good way to tell the veterinarian what Sam and her aura told me without them knowing. I take a couple of really deep breaths to gain strength to explain my findings.

  It only takes a couple of minutes of explanation until Dr. Versant picks up on the symptoms.

  “I think you saved her life,” the veterinarian says while collecting the items he needs to begin treatment on Sammy.

  Bree stands by the door with her hand firmly planted on th
e knob. “I’m going to finish up cleaning the cages.” She quietly shuts the door leaving an eerie silence between Bradley and me.

  “So.” He keeps a good couple feet between us. I know where this is headed and it’s no good. “You want to tell me what this is all about?”

  He keeps his eyes completely focused on me. I crouch next to Sammy with my knees close together and my hands resting on them. I don’t have a good excuse or an explanation at this point. My ruse with the vet didn’t fool him.

  “You’ve never had a dog. Or at least that’s what you told me a few dates ago.”

  Crap! How could I forget that little detail? “I… I really have to go. I have to get to work.” I check my watch.

  “Olivia?” Bradley follows me to my car.

  “I’m late,” I say and pull my hair out of the ponytail. “See you tonight?”

  He hesitates for a few seconds before saying, “Sure, okay. Then you can tell me what just happened in there.”

  I nod as I drive away, but inside I’m saying goodbye to the loveliest relationship I’ve ever had.

  Ten

  Somehow I have to get some work done today. And it’s a good way to get Bradley, creepy Kent, and Sam the dog off my mind.

  I pull up the next dump in line. This one has been hounding me for days. I scroll down the computer screen to read the reason for the dump and prepare my little speech for the dumpee.

  I scan, then freeze.

  “What?”

  I re-read the reason out loud and slowly. “My boyfriend killed someone, and I can’t take the guilt. I moved out of town and don’t want him to know where I am. He doesn’t have my cell number. Please do this for me. I am worried for my life.”

  Oh my God! Of course this has to be the first dump of the day. And someone wants me to dump a killer? I’m trying to stay out of jail, not get there. I can’t do this even under the best circumstances-which isn’t right now with the looming death of client Dabi Stone. I do not want anyone else’s blood on my hands.

  I quickly find Sabrina Reed’s phone number on her file and dial the not so secret cell number.

  “Hello?” I’m a little taken aback at her answering. I most certainly wouldn’t answer any phone if I were privy to a murder. Sabrina’s sultry voice throws a big red wavy flag my way. “Hello, is anyone there?”

  Damn! I forgot to block my number by typing in star sixty-seven before I dialed her number. “Hi, is Sabrina there?” I decide not to hang up because she is going to have this number either way now. I kick myself for getting sloppy.

  “This is Sabrina.”

  Okay, seriously Sabrina, I want to say, you’re not good at hiding if you answer your phone and don’t change your name.

  “I’m Jenn from Spiltsville.com. I received a request from you to dump your boyfriend. You, um, you said he murdered someone.” I can’t stop myself from thinking she’s an idiot. “I’m just letting you know that your request to break up isn’t going to happen. You have to go to the police.”

  “I can’t do that, Jenn.” Sabrina sounds like a strong girl, and awfully together for someone who fears for her life. “You have to break up with him or he’s going to kill me. Isn’t that what your service is for?”

  “No, as a matter of fact, my service is all about helping people get into better relationships by shedding the old ones. I can not be an accessory to any murder or put my company’s name through the mud.”

  “So you’re telling me that with all the crazy people out there, you’ve never had any request like mine?”

  “Breaking up? Yes. Breaking up because you have pertinent information about the life and whereabouts of a human being’s murderer. No!” I practically come out of my seat. I wish I had a picture of her. “Again, No!”

  All the clues point to this dump as a fake. She did pay so it must be real. I pull up the picture of her murderous boyfriend. He looks more like a book nerd to me.

  “How much?” she asks.

  I rub my temples. “How much what?”

  “How much more money is it going to cost me for you to dump him and not go to the police?”

  “First off, you can’t bribe me.” The nerve of her. Of course first I have to figure out exactly how I’m going to alert the police without also alerting them that I’m behind Splitsville.com, but Sabrina doesn’t need to know that. “And secondly, I am going to give all this information to the police. I’m obligated to by law.”

  “Wow. Did you eat some bitch cereal today, Olivia?”

  I fall off my chair. Oh my god! She’d picked up on the fact I didn’t hide my number and now she knows my real name. Think! Think!

  “What did you call me?”

  “Are you referring to Olivia or Bitch?”

  I’m just plain offended by her comment. It snaps me out of my panic. “My name is Jenn and I do like bitch cereal and not only did I have a bowl, I had two.” I slam down the phone and anonymously make a call to the local Park City police department.

  “911 what’s your emergency?” the operator asks.

  “Yes, I’m not going to say my name, but…” I use my best southern drawl that sounds much like a dead cat.

  I tell the operator the names and numbers of both Sabrina and her murderous boyfriend and hang up. There is no way I’m going to expose who I am or how I know the information I gave her. Plus, if I keep it under a minute they can’t trace my call, right?

  Or at least that’s how it is on all the cop shows—under a minute. God, I hope they’re right.

  “What are you doing?”

  I jump around to find Aunt Matilda in a new tie-dyed peasant dress. Her coal black hair is in two low pigtails. “You scared me. I didn’t know you were coming by today.”

  She makes her way back to the kitchen. “I didn’t know I had to call.”

  I follow her to make sure I didn’t hurt her feelings. That’s the last thing I need to worry about. “No you don’t, it’s just normally I can hear you coming. I love your new dress. And your pig tails are very endearing.” I see the sparkle come back to her eye. She can never turn down a compliment.

  “Oh, just trying something new.” She works her way around the kitchen like a busy bee making another pot of coffee, while wiping the counter behind her.

  “I have another client, but I’ll take a cup of coffee afterwards,” I say walking back down the hall. That will be a good time to catch her up on Dabi, Kent and Michael.

  Some dumps just have to be fast. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of meat on this one. Michelle is breaking up with Keith because they aren’t right for each other and they both know it. I can get this one over before the coffee is done brewing.

  “Hello, is Keith there?” I ask when a guy answers. From his picture, he’s boring as dirt. Blond hair, glasses, and no expression. No wonder Michelle’s dumping him.

  “Mm, yeah,” he confirms.

  “Hi Keith, I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com.” The place to come if you want to be murdered, I think. “I am calling on behalf of Michelle. She hired Splitsville.com to break up with you because she says every time she tries to do it herself, you get angry or depressed.”

  “It’s a little too late for April Fool.” Keith chalks it up to a joke.

  “Keith this isn’t an April Fool’s joke. You know and she knows you aren’t good for each other, so just let it go.”

  It seems to sink in. “How do you expect me to do that?”

  “I don’t know. That’s beyond my realm of expertise. I do the breaking up, not the healing. I do know that you are going to call her when we get off the phone but don’t. She won’t answer.” I convince him to just cut his lose and move on.

  “Of course I’m going to call her.”

  “Don’t do that. How would I know all of this if this was a joke? She’s not going to take your call,” I assure him. I can’t bring myself to be a smart ass. Since Dabi, I’m afraid every dumpee might go cap the dumper.

  “Keith today of all days, this needs to be reall
y simple. All I need is for you to tell me you understand.” I have to cut to the chase and finish this call so I can get all of my problems off my chest by talking to Aunt Matilda. The coffee smells delicious.

  “I guess,” he mutters, which is all I need to hear. If I look up “guess” in the dictionary, I’m sure affirmation would be in the definition.

  I don’t care. I take it. “Thank you for using Splitsville.com.” I hang up the phone just as the doorbell rings. I hop up to answer it, but Matilda beats me to it.

  “Hi Matilda.”

  I peek over her shoulder to see who’s at my door that knows her.

  The police officer standing in front of her catches a glimpse of me, then looks back at her. “Hello Carl, it’s been a while.” Either Aunt Matilda is eating a sour grape or she sounds like it.

  I stare at the six foot tall thin man and wonder what Aunt Matilda’s distaste is. His salt and pepper hair is cut short exactly the way Aunt Matilda likes on a man, so it can’t be his appearance. Maybe it’s his aura?

  Really it sounds like Aunt Matilda is a little hacked off at Carl. Never having heard my aunt speak to anyone in this tone, I want to stay and listen a little longer. Not that I’m eavesdropping. It is my house and wait. . .why is he here?

  I keep silent, watching the ping-pong game going on between them.

  “How have you been?” He takes his hat off in a well-mannered Park City man way.

  “Fine. I don’t believe you told me why you’re here.” She’s so suspicious. Interesting.

  “I didn’t know you lived here.” He looks back at me and then right back at Aunt Matilda. “And I didn’t tell you why I’m here.”

  He glances over her shoulder to take another look at me.

  “I don’t. You remember Olivia don’t you?” she asks. To me she says, “Do you remember Carl, one of the police officers I used to work with?”

  I vaguely remember him giving me a doughnut once and him being one of the few nice auras around that place, but other than that, no. The muddy blue aura surrounds him causing me to wonder what he’s scared to say.