Liam's Journey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Why? We could blow this one up.”

  I shake my head. “I want that one slow. I want people to feel the words and what they mean. I don’t want them lost in the loud vibrations.”

  Painkillers is the first track we work on. It only takes a few tries before I’m happy with the melody. I’m going to have to push Sam to make this our first single. I want to release it as soon as possible.

  After the guys leave for the night I work on mixing. Playing Painkillers, over and over, until I’m happy. I decide we’re going to give it another shot tomorrow before we record the final.

  Papers land on my mixing board. I turn down the track and leave my head phones on. I want to hear myself sing to Josie. This song has to be perfect. Sam is leaning against the board, pissing me off because she knows not to touch my shit. “What’s this?”

  “What do you want?”

  “Were you going to tell me you’re back in town?”

  I turn away from her and move the papers she threw. “You’re my manager, not my mother. You handle my affairs, not my personal life, Sam.”

  “Well, this is my job.” She picks up the stacks of papers and starts flipping through them. “Let’s see… ‘Liam Page playing at Ralph’s no cover.’ ‘OMG Liam Page is so hot he’s at Ralph’s free show.’ Oh, and my personal favorite… ‘Liam Page Debuts New Song at local pub.’”

  “Get to the point. I’m busy.”

  “This!” She shakes the papers in my face. “Is my point! You were off doing god knows what with god knows who and decided to have a free show without even consulting me. Jesus, Liam! Do you know how much of a PR nightmare this is?”

  I refuse to answer her because she’d never understand why I did the show in the first place. She doesn’t do nice for any of her friends. It’s all about what-can-you-do-for-me with her and that’s not who I want to be. The show was a success and Ralph did a hell of a lot of business that night. I have no regrets.

  “Are you listening to me?”

  “Not really. I’m trying to work.”

  “I knew you heading back to that po-dunk town was a mistake. Maybe I should go check out Beaumont and see what all the excitement is about.”

  I pull off my head phones and stand-up to face her. “What’s your problem?”

  “You, Liam. I’m sick of this cat-and-mouse game we play. It’s time to make a decision.”

  I start to laugh, anger building. “You’re the one playing games. I’m not into you. What we did was a mistake, Sam, a very weak moment on my part because you were available and willing to give me what I wanted.”

  “You don’t mean that,” she whines. I stuff my hands into my pocket, feeling for my phone. It’s time for me to call Noah. I walk away from her, until she grabs my arm. “Liam, what we had was special.”

  “What we had was sex, nothing more.”

  I leave her standing in the studio. I need to rein her in before she gets out of hand. Lately she’s been more possessive and it’s starting to scare me. I should’ve never mixed business with pleasure and she’s strictly business.

  I walk down the hall until I’m far enough away from the studio. Crouching down, I pull out my phone and call Noah.

  “Hey dad,” he answers before the first ring has completed. The sound of his voice sends warmth through my body. I want to record his voice so I can play it all the time.

  “What’s up, buddy? How was school?”

  “It’s okay. I have to do a history report, but mom said she’d help me.”

  “That’s good. You know I’d help if I was there, right?”

  “Yeah, I know.” When he speaks, I know he means it. I can’t detect any remorse in his voice at all. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.” My knees start to cramp so I stand, leaning against the wall that holds my gold records.

  “Do your mom and dad want to be my grandparents?”

  I stiffen at the mention of my parents. I haven’t spoken to them since the night I left. My dad told me I was a disgrace and stupid for giving up football to pursue music. Said I’d never make it. My mom just stood there, a tumbler of vodka in her hand.

  “What are you doing home?”

  You always know you’re welcome in your home when you’re greeted like that. Sterling folds and sets his newspaper down, pulling off his glasses. Bianca stands in the foyer, her vodka glass permanently stained with her scarlet red lipstick.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “What did you do, Liam? Are you in some type of trouble?”

  “No, Sir. I…” I can’t look at him. He’s always looked down on me, making me feel two feet tall. “I left school.”

  “Obviously, you can return in the morning.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t go back. I quit.”

  “What do you mean you quit?” he bellows causing my mom to jump, the ice rattling around in her glass.

  “I thought it would be different and it’s not and I’ve been talking to Grandma Betty—”

  “YOU WHAT? Do you think I’ve raised you to be a Westbury so you can associate with trash like that?”

  “Trash? She’s your wife’s mother,” I point to mom who has no expression on her face. “My god, what is your problem? She’s family. I know what you did. What you both did. Mom, you gave up your dreams to marry him.” I point at my dad. “And you made her. Why? Why weren’t her dreams as important as yours? Look at her! She’s a damn robot.”

  “Betty is clearly poison if that is what she told you. So tell me smart ass, what are your plans?”

  “I’m going to go to Los Angeles for a bit to try my hand at music.”

  Sterling starts laughing. A maniacal laugh. Bianca walks into the room and fills her tumbler. She must coat her liver with medicine in order to function. Typical.

  “If you do not return to school immediately, don’t come back here.”

  “You’re kicking me out for following a dream?”

  Sterling picks up his paper and pops it open, crossing his leg. “No, Liam, I am simply instructing you of your options. You have two: you can go back to school, speak with your coach and secure your spot on the team, or you can walk out that door, lose your trust fund and forget that you’re a Westbury.”

  “I don’t know, buddy. Let’s talk about it when I come back okay. My parents… they’re difficult sometimes and we don’t always get along.”

  “Okay. What are we doing to do when you get here?”

  “Well, I thought we could look for a house. I don’t want to stay in a hotel when I’m there and I was thinking that maybe your mom will let you stay with me for the time I’m there, but I’ll have to talk to her about it, okay? You don’t need to bring it up. I’ll take care of everything. I gotta go though so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Night, I love you dad.”

  “I love you too.”

  I slide down the wall after Noah hangs up. I knew my parents were going to come up sooner or later, I was just hoping for much, much later.

  My hand runs through my hair. I think I’ll grow it out to the way Josie liked it, maybe then she’ll look at me with different eyes. I’m not going to lie, I want my girl back.

  “Did you knock someone up?”

  I turn to see Sam standing in the hall, hands on her hips. She’s pissed.

  With Halloween out of the way and the countdown to Liam’s return looming, Nick is on edge. He hasn’t changed much since Liam left last time and it’s not like I haven’t tried. He’s uptight and stressed. He says its work, but I know it’s me. It’s my actions and disrespect for his feelings. I’ve put unnecessary strain on our relationship and haven’t been fair to him.

  I’ve thrown myself into work, as much as I can anyway. I’ve decided to expand and have rented out the adjacent building for more window frontage. I plan to add a coffee shop and bring in live music. When I showed Nick my business plan, I thought he’d be happy. I was wrong. He accused me of providing Liam a place to play whenever
he wanted. When I kindly reminded him that Liam Page does not need me for anything, he scoffed and left the table.

  We were partners until I screwed it all up. Now I need to fix it and don’t know how. Everyone says you hit a rough patch in life, but this is more like road rash that won’t go away and I need it to because I miss Nick and I hate that he’s hurting because of me.

  When Jenna arrives, the contractor is following behind her, staring at her ass. Some men are so crass. She comes behind the counter and drops her purse in the cabinet before turning her attention on him. She thinks he’s a customer and he just might be after today. Maybe I can bribe her into dating him while construction is going on so I can get a good deal.

  I’ve just turned into not only a shitty fiancée but an equally bad friend. I need help.

  “Hi, Harry,” I say over Jenna.

  “Hey, Josie,” he replies while looking at Jenna. I snap my fingers to get his attention. It takes forever for his eyes to finally meet mine. Great, now he’ll be distracted by Jenna the whole time he’s here.

  “Let’s discuss my plans next door,” I say grabbing the keys and walking around the counter. I pull the sleeve of his shirt to follow me and don’t let go until we are safely outside. I whack him in the arm. “What the hell, Harry?”

  “She’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah, well she’s off limits. You’re here to work and she doesn’t date so don’t get any ideas.” I open the door to the adjacent building. Harry follows me in. I like his work. He renovated the flower shop for me. I know I can trust him.

  “I was thinking of opening the wall here,” I point to the adjoining wall. “And making the back wall either coolers or put a larger walk-in right over in that corner. This side of the room,” I say walking to the other side, “has backyard access so I’d like to be able to have a greenhouse. And in the corner by the second window I’d like to put a stage for performing. The counter will go right there.” I point the opposite wall.

  Harry starts making notes and begins measuring the walls. He knocks on the walls and writes notes where he was knocking. “I can start tomorrow if you’re ready?”

  “I’m ready,” I reply quickly. I’m eager to start and bring a new aspect to my business.

  “Will you want a new sign for out front?”

  I nod. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll order all the equipment and you can take care of the rest?”

  “Uh huh,” he says while writing on his notepad. “I’m going to have to hire someone for a sound system.”

  “That’s fine, Harry. I trust you.” I leave Harry to finish his assessment and head back to the shop. It will be nice once the wall comes down. I know my idea is grand, but I have a vision and I plan to make sure it succeeds.

  “Who was that?’ Jenna asks as soon as I walk in the door. I can’t tell by her expression if she was happy to be gawked at or disgusted.

  “That was Harry. He’s the contractor working on the expansion. I told him you were off limits.”

  “Good, thanks. I mean I know I’ve been here for three years, but I’m just not ready.” She bundles the bouquet she’s working on and wraps it in purple and gold paper. I love that we allow the customers the option of different colored paper. Most florists only offer green or newsprint. I like to add character to my flowers.

  “I brought you something that came in my email this morning,” Jenna says motioning to the counter. I pick up the piece of paper, reading the headline and looking at her.

  “What’s this?”

  “When I started here I signed up for these mailing lists about being a florist. I didn’t want you to think you could never take a day off, so I needed to learn. Anyway, it came today and I thought it might interest you.”

  Learning over the counter I read about the convention. The opportunity to take classes, workshops and attend a trade show all in one convenient location it says. I’ve never attended one before, but with the expansion maybe it’s time I start expanding my knowledge base.

  “I should do this.”

  “Yes you should,” she replies. When I look at her, she’s grinning from ear to ear.

  “What?”

  “It’s in Los Angeles and its next week.”

  I look back at the paper, sure enough, it is. My heart pounds just a bit faster at the thought of seeing Liam. What if I saw him walking down the street? Would he hug me if he saw me or ignore me? I’m being silly. It’s a huge place. I’ll never run into him.

  “You should go,” she says putting her hand on my arm. “You and Nick need a break. Maybe a few days apart will do you some good.”

  “Jenna—”

  She puts her hand up, stopping me. Her head shakes slightly. “Don’t, Josie. I’m not saying go there and cheat on Nick. I’m saying, go and work and if you meet the father of your son for dinner or coffee to discuss the upcoming holidays, then so be it. Just don’t deny yourself this opportunity.”

  Jenna turns her back and finishes up her orders. I stand, my hip against the counter, reading the blurred words over and over again. All I can think about is seeing Liam, but I know that doing so would hurt Nick and I refuse to hurt him anymore than I already have.

  I sit in the dark, still clutching the flyer. Jenna has long left, the shit-eating grin still plastered on her face when she shut and locked the door behind her. I wanted to ask her why she would give this to me, but could never get the words out.

  My thumb hovers over Liam’s name. I’m not sure if I should call him. What if he says it’s not a good idea or tells me to come but he’s busy? Can I take the rejection?

  I jump when a horn blares. My thumb inadvertently hits the call button, his and Noah’s faces light up my screen. It’s a picture I took when neither of them knew I was in the room. My hand shakes as I bring my phone to my ear. I listen through the rings and hope he doesn’t answer.

  “Hello.” He doesn’t sound out of breath or rushed when he answers, just calm and very Liam.

  “I didn’t mean to call,” I say barely audible.

  “I’m happy you did. I like hearing your voice.”

  “You shouldn’t say things like that to me.”

  He laughs. “Well, if you expect me to lie or keep my emotions in check, it’s not going to happen. So what do I owe the pleasure of your call? I’m very happy to hear your voice.”

  “God, are you this smooth with all your women?”

  “There are no women, Josie. I promise you. So what’s up?”

  “I’m thinking of coming to L.A. for a trade show and wanted to know if you wanted to get coffee?”

  Liam is silent for a moment. I can hear him breathing so I know he didn’t hang up on me. “Are you bringing Noah?”

  “No, this is next week and he has a Boy Scout camping trip. It would just be me. I mean if you’re busy and don’t have time, I understand. I know this is short notice and you probably have a bunch of parties and whatever to—”

  “Josie!”

  “What?”

  “Shut up for a minute, geez. I want to see you, Jojo. I’ll make the time. Where will you be staying?”

  I unfold the flyer and look. I tell him where and he starts to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing, it’s just that I live on the top floor.”

  I’m going to be spending the weekend in Liam’s hotel. I think I’m in trouble.

  Josie is in L.A. today. In fact, she’s downstairs in the convention center. I know this shouldn’t be the only thing on my mind, but it is. I snagged one of the agendas for the trade show she’s attending so I could keep my schedule clear. I’ve canceled two interviews – which did not go over well with Sam. She demanded, in a very high pitched screech, that I was to tell her who I knocked up while I was gone so she could do damage control. I’ve told her repeatedly that no one is pregnant, but she’s not buying it. Her obsession with pregnancy is starting to scare me.

  I wanted to meet Josie at the airport, but didn’t dare ask her when her flight was arriving. I ne
ed to try and keep my cool even though I’m tempted to visit that side of the hotel and see if I can find her. We’re having dinner tonight in my penthouse. I’m not taking her out of this hotel if I can manage it. I don’t want her face splattered all over the gossip columns and rag TV shows. I don’t even want the press to know her name. They’ll start digging and that will put Noah in harm’s way.

  I shouldn’t bring her to my room though. I know it’s a mistake, but since I kissed her the night we told Noah about me being his father, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. I know she’s off limits. I know she’s marrying another man, but I’m a glutton for punishment because having her in my space is enough for me, even if I can’t touch her like I want to.

  I look at the nameless cat sitting on the window sill and have to laugh. Noah can’t wait to meet him. I’ve started looking for houses in Beaumont, something for me and Noah. Most of the houses there are good size, but I want a nice big yard and something with a basement that I can soundproof and turn into a studio. As much as I’d love to take a week off a month, deadlines are looming and this new album is coming together rather quickly. That means Sam will schedule another tour and put us back out on the road and farther away from Noah. I should’ve stalled on these songs.

  A knock and announcement of room service puts a smile on my face. The front desk knows to give Josie an access card to my floor when she presents herself there in a few minutes. My nerves are on edge.

  Opening the door, it’s one of my regular delivery guys. This is good and bad. Good because I know him. Bad because he knows I eat alone and I’m definitely not eating alone tonight.

  “Having company tonight Mr. Page?” he asks as he pushes the service cart into my room.

  “No, Michael, just a meeting.”

  “This is some fancy and romantic dinner for a meeting.”

  “She’s writing a book. I need to make sure she gets everything right. I don’t want to be misquoted,” I lie through my teeth.

  “I hear that Mr. Page. Where do you want it?”

  I want it in my bedroom, but that’s just not an option. Over by the balcony is where we are going to eat, but I don’t want room service to know that. I have no doubt Michael is going to gossip when he gets back down downstairs.