Liam's Journey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “We’ll eat at the table,” I say. He nods and pushes the cart over there, unloading and setting the table. I look at my watch, counting the seconds as they go by. He seems to be moving extremely slow. She’s going to show up any moment.

  “I put the extra bottle of champagne in your refrigerator, sir.”

  “Thank you, Michael.” I hand him his tip and he’s out the door. I breathe a sigh of relief. Now I just need Josie.

  A soft knock sends me running to the door. I look down at what I’m wearing and bang my head against my fist. I should’ve changed. We’re having a nice dinner and I’m showing up in jeans and a t-shirt. I open the door, my breathing stops. Standing before me is my girl. Her hair is up in a bun, a few strands hanging down all around her head. She’s wearing a red v-neck dress that is showing me every curve that I remember and some new ones that I think I need to learn. Her dress stops at her knees and is quickly met by black knee-high boots. An image of me on my knees with the zipper in my mouth flashes before my eyes. Definitely something I want to try… with her… someday.

  “God, Jojo. You’re beautiful.”

  She blushes and runs her hands down the front of her dress. Moving aside to let her in, I inhale deeply when she passes so I can take in her scent. Pure flowers, very Josie. When she walks by my eyes feast on her backside, I swallow hard.

  I slam the door causing her to jump. When she turns her blush hasn’t subsided and I hope it’s because I do that to her and not because she’s having second thoughts about being up in my room.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “It’s fine. I’m just a little jumpy today.”

  I understand the nerves. I’ve had them all day. I guide her into the living room area. Her eyes go wide when she sees the view from the glass wall.

  “Wow, Liam this is…” she steps over to the wall, leaving me standing here and giving me the opportunity to watch her take in the bright lights of Los Angeles. She shakes her head, her hand covers her mouth.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, keeping my distance.

  “I can see why you left me. It’s beautiful.”

  “It’s pretty spectacular at night when it’s like this, during the day, not so much.” I come up behind her and place my hand gently on her hip. “Look over there.” I point to where the spotlights are lighting up the sky. “That’s a movie premiere. There are probably a couple thousand screaming fans down there right now.”

  “Have you ever been?” she asks. She closes her eyes and leans her head my shoulder. I have to remind myself to be a good boy.

  “I have. It’s an experience.” I hold her like this for a moment, wishing it could be all night. “Josie, what you said, about me, leaving you for this. It’s not like that. I wanted you with me every minute of every day, but I didn’t think you’d come.”

  She doesn’t reply and does the unthinkable and turns away from me to look around the room. She touches my Grammys, my gold records and the album covers I have on the wall.

  “You’ve done really well for yourself.”

  “I was determined. I had a lot to prove.”

  “To who?”

  “Me, mostly.” I bring her toward the table, pulling a chair out for her. She sits and I push it in slightly. She pulls her napkin to her lap while I pour glasses of champagne. “Sorry I didn’t dress up. This is my usual attire until I’m at one of those events.” I motion to the window.

  “Do you go often?”

  I pull the covers off our food and sit down. “It depends on what I have going on. If I have a new album coming out, yes I go. It’s free publicity and I’ll be able to push the release date or talk about the single playing on the radio. I’ve had to go a few times because I, well actually my band, have contributed to a soundtrack.”

  Josie is quiet for a few minutes. She focuses on her food and I wonder if I said something wrong. I hope that I didn’t, but she has to see how different my life is here over what we would’ve had in Beaumont.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course,” she says before taking a sip of her champagne.

  “Would you have liked all of this? The lights, noise, the traveling and long hours. Not being able to live a peaceful life. There would be no walking down the street without someone taking your picture. You’d worry about what or who you were wearing to a premiere and people would be your friends because of who you are or married too. Is this something you could see for yourself?”

  Josie puts down her fork, bringing her napkin to her lips. When she pulls it away, she smiles at me. “If you’re asking me today if I could live like this, the answer is no. I’ve lived such a quiet life for the last ten years I wouldn’t know what to do with all of this if I had to do it now. But had you said you were giving me an option of never seeing you again or moving here so you could try your hand at music, I would’ve gone with you. I would’ve left that night because you were my life, Liam.”

  “I didn’t think you would and I didn’t want to hear you tell me no or belittle me for wanting something different. I needed to try this.”

  “And now that you have?”

  I shake my head. There is no right answer for this one. It won’t matter what I say because I’ve lost ten years with her and our son. “I love my life, Jojo, and I hate it all in one. I love what I do – making music and entertaining people. I wrote a whole album that you and Noah inspired in two weeks. That feeling alone is indescribable for me.” I lean forward and pull her hand into mine. “But not having you in my life has been tough. I miss everything about you and I wake up in the morning and think ‘what the fuck did I do’ because I had the most beautiful girl on my arm and gave her up for what… this?” I spread my arm out. “I live in a hotel because it’s convenient. They do my cooking, cleaning and laundry if I want them to. I have someone who dictates what interviews I can give and whose designer clothes I’m going to wear. I’m her fucking puppet because I pay her to do this job and I think about giving it up, but then I remember why I do it and can’t.”

  “You’re really good at what you do.”

  “Thank you,” I say bringing her hand to my lips. I place small kisses along her knuckles. I reluctantly let her hand go and pour us some more champagne.

  “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

  I give her my patented look. Her mouth drops open, her eyes glaze over. Josie has just met Liam Page.

  I’ve been able to avoid most of Liam’s looks until this one. I know my mouth is hanging open like a fish, my tongue dry. I cross my legs to ward off the throbbing between my thighs. I sit back and he smiles, shaking his head. He gets up, stopping behind me.

  “What’s wrong, Jojo?” he whispers seductively, his nose skimming behind my ear making my breathing labored and unsteady. When he bites my ear, I squirm in my seat. I have to move away from him before I do something I regret.

  He starts laughing and plants a kiss on my cheek. When he returns from the kitchen he has another bottle of champagne, and now I’m in trouble.

  “That wasn’t nice,” I say, trying to be stern.

  “You know, if you’re having a bit of an issue, I could help you.” His eyes are devious as he stares at me. He swallows and I watch his adams apple move, remembering the countless kisses I’ve placed there.

  “I’ve heard about this look that you give women.”

  “I didn’t peg you for one who bought those trashy magazines.”

  “Jenna does and she told me. She wants to go to one of your concerts, she didn’t know who you were until you came to town. I mean she knew, just not the connection.

  “Remind me to send her tickets and a backstage pass.”

  “I don’t think so,” I reply. I don’t think I want any woman to ever experience that look from Liam again.

  “Josephine Preston, are you jealous?”

  I pick up my glass and down some liquid courage. “She thinks you’re hot. I know she’s my friend, but I also know she hasn
’t dated in three years and if you did that she’d turn to a pile of goo and fall down at your feet. I’d hate to think…”

  “I only have eyes for one woman, period.” Liam sets down his knife and fork, resting his elbows on the table and folding his hands together. “When I saw you, I knew I had made a mistake. I should have never left or at least come back for you. My life is better with you in it, Josie. I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize that.”

  “I’m getting married,” I choke out. Nick and I talked about setting a date when I get back and I’ve already let Liam touch me and kiss me. My god, what does that make me?

  “Where’s your ring?”

  I look down at my bare left finger. Of all the times Nick has asked, he’s never shown me a ring. Maybe he thinks I don’t want one, although I’m not sure where he’d get that idea from because I do want one. I want to wear what he’s picked out to symbolize his love for me.

  “He’s an idiot.” Liam throws his napkin down on the table. “If you were mine, that finger would not be bare, especially if you were visiting your ex-boyfriend.”

  “He doesn’t know I’m here. I mean he knows I’m in Los Angeles, but he doesn’t know I’m here with you.”

  Liam pushes his chair out and stands. He picks up a remote and music starts. He walks the three steps to me and holds out his hand. “Dance with me.”

  “I shouldn’t,” I whisper, unable to look at him.

  His fingers trail my jaw. He gently raises my face; my eyes find his. “You want to, Jojo, don’t deny it. I won’t tell.”

  I push my chair back and stand, taking his offered hand. He walks us to the middle of the living room, hitting a switch on the wall to dim the lights. We stand in the glow from the city lights.

  His hands press gently on my waist, his fingers spread out to feel more of me. I keep my hands on his shoulders, a safe distance from his hair, while our bodies sway to the soulful melody coming from his stereo. He pulls me closer, his hands moving up my back. One hand comes forward, moving strands of hair away from my face.

  Every inch of my body is on fire. The look in his eyes tells me he wants me, I just have to make the first move. His hand roams down my back, cupping my ass, pushing me closer into him. I haven’t forgotten what it’s like to be with him; I don’t think I ever will. We taught each other everything. We explored each other’s bodies, learning as we became lovers. I knew how to satisfy him, knew every secret spot to make him shiver and squirm.

  His other hand trails up my arm, picking up my hand and placing it on the nape of his neck. My fingers push into his hair and he groans. His eyes fluttering closed. He’s grown it out since I first saw him in Beaumont. I like it this way best.

  His hand grips my hip, pulling me even closer, grinding into me. I bite my lip to keep my mouth from falling open. Anticipation builds. The desire is there and he knows it. He’s studying me, marking me as his prey. His eyes are hooded, smoky. He licks his lips, watching me for some hint that he can take the next step.

  I can’t give it to him.

  I won’t.

  “Who are we listening to?” I ask hoping to break up the tension in the air. The singer’s voice is hoarse and sexy. I could listen to it for hours. Liam bends me back a bit, the swell of my chest even with his mouth. He kisses each breast before kissing the valley of my cleavage.

  “Me,” he says against my skin.

  “Who are you singing about?”

  He carefully pulls me forward. My hands instantly weave back into his hair. He looks at my mouth then my eyes.

  “You.”

  “Me?”

  “Only you, Jojo.” He says as his lips meet mine. He has one hand in my hair, the other splayed on my back. He is soft, ever so lightly pulling my bottom lip between his teeth. When he releases, he’s back on my mouth, tracing my lower lip with his tongue. I should push him away, but I can’t.

  I want this.

  I want to feel him.

  I meet his tongue with mine. He moans, setting a slow and steady pace. Our bodies work themselves into a heated frenzy. His mouth leaves mine, trailing kisses down my jaw to my ear and to my neck. He holds me securely in his hands as he sings to me with words and kisses.

  My hand slides under his shirt, the sensation of his skin under my fingertips is intoxicating.

  I need to stop this. I have Nick to think about, but this is Liam and I…

  He left me.

  My hands find his shoulders and push. His arms go lax as he looks at me. He shakes his head and steps away from me. His hands tug at his hair.

  “I’m sorry—”

  “You don’t need to apologize. I shouldn’t have done that,” I say. My hands feel empty without him. I want to reach for him, hold his hand, but that would send the wrong message. It’s bad enough we’ve gone this far. I’m engaged and this is cheating. “I should go.”

  He doesn’t say anything, just nods. He’s staring out into the city lights probably remembering why he left me. I look back at him one last time before opening the door.

  “Josie, wait.” I pause and turn around, closing the door behind me. He’s there, by my side, before I can catch my breath. “I’m sorry. I should have never put you in that position. I was being selfish and only thinking about myself and how much I miss you. You were here, in my home, and I couldn’t resist. You’re a temptation for me and right now I just want to pick you up and carry you to my bed and not let you leave.”

  “I can’t. I’m—”

  Liam puts his finger to my lips. “I’m just telling you what I want so my signals aren’t mixed. I want you to know exactly how I feel because the last time I kept secrets, I ruined us.”

  “We can’t do this, Liam. I’m getting married.”

  “Then I’ll wait. Forever, if I have to.” He places a lingering kiss on my cheek, holding me to him. “I want to see you tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’ll be a perfect gentleman. I promise you.”

  I nod as he opens the door for me. With one last look I walk out of his place. I look back as I wait for the elevator and he’s standing against the door, hands in his pockets, watching me. The ding from the arriving car breaks my heart.

  For the first time in years I’ll be sitting down for a Thanksgiving dinner. When Katelyn called and extended the invitation I immediately took her up on it. I knew that spending the holiday with Josie and Noah was completely out of the question. After she was here for her trade show, things between us became strained and that, once again, was my fault.

  I know I screwed things up with her and probably for her.

  Arriving in Beaumont is better this time. I’m staying at Katelyn’s house instead of a hotel and for that I’m thankful. I’ll be able to spend quality time with Noah in the comfort of a home. He and I will spend Saturday looking for houses because on Friday I promised to watch the twins so Katelyn could go shopping.

  I drive through town hoping to catch a glimpse of Josie at her shop. I know it’s a long shot, but I’m desperate. I’m in love with a girl that can’t love me back. I gotta take what I can get. I drive by twice, both to no avail.

  Pulling into the driveway, at Katelyn’s house, Peyton stands and waves from the back of the pick-up truck. When I step out of my rental, she’s jumping up and down yelling my name.

  “Hey, Miss Peyton.” I open the trunk and pull out my luggage. I packed extra clothes this time just in case I decide to stay past a week. Last time I was here for almost two weeks and ended up buying more clothes. I also pick up the Apple bag containing the laptop I purchased for the girls. I want to be able to video call Peyton and watch football with her so she’s not alone on Sundays.

  “What’s in the bag, Uncle Liam?” I stop in my tracks when she calls me uncle. This was something Mason and I joked about many times when we would talk about our lives and the direction we were heading.

  “Oh, nothing important just presents for you, Elle and your mom.” The excitement on he
r face is worth bringing gifts. I’m not sure how Katelyn is going to react to them or if she’ll even accept them.

  Peyton guides me into the house. The smell of pumpkin pie makes my stomach growl. Katelyn’s in the kitchen with an apron tied around her waist, as is Elle. Katelyn comes over to meet me. I kiss her on the cheek as she hugs me.

  “Thanks for inviting me.”

  “Well, Peyton needed someone to watch football with tomorrow.” I look at Peyton who shrugs. She’s holding her sisters hand eagerly waiting for the presents I’ve brought. “Peyton will show you to your room.”

  I follow Peyton downstairs. “Remember the TV?”

  “Of course,” I reply. We turn the corner into Mason’s room and I see why she brought it up. There’s a gaping hole in the middle of it. “What happened?”

  “Elle got mad and threw daddy’s football into it.”

  I don’t know what to say so I just shut my mouth. I’ve only been a parent little over a month so I’m not qualified to handle these types of things. Peyton opens a door and walks inside.

  “This is the doghouse.”

  I can’t help but laugh because not only is this where Mason likely spent a lot of time, but it’s decorated as such. I need to thank Katelyn for bringing humor into my life. Peyton leaves me to get settled. I text Noah to let him know that I’m in town and at Katelyn’s, and that we’ll see each other on Friday. I wanted to see him tonight or tomorrow, but Josie was adamant that he spend the holidays with her, Nick and their families. I couldn’t really argue with her, so I accepted what she said and left it alone.

  I bring my bag of goodies with me when I come upstairs. Katelyn is sitting at the table, her fingers rubbing her temple. I see an open checkbook and a pile of bills. I pull out the chair and sit down across from her and tap her lightly. She tries to smile, but she’s been crying.

  “Where are the girls?”

  She picks up her papers and pushes them aside. “They’re watching a movie in their room.”