Liam's Journey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Do you want to talk about those?” I point to the pile of bills. She shakes her head, wiping the tears away from her face.

  “I can’t make it. I have to sell the house.”

  I know I’m over-stepping my boundaries, but I can’t help it. I grab her checkbook and look. There isn’t enough to buy a gallon of milk in there. I reach for the pile of bills, but her hand comes down on mine.

  “Let me help, Katelyn. I know you don’t want handouts, but please listen. I have the means to take care of this. For Mason.”

  “I can’t, Liam.”

  “You can’t sell your house either. This is the home your girls shared with their dad, it has memories.” I reach across and pull her hand into mine. “I want to do this for the girls. Please let me fix all of this.”

  She pulls her hand away to cover her face as she sobs. She nods, giving me her consent to take care of her bills. I plan to do a lot more.

  I try to convince Katelyn that she needs a night out, but she refuses and pushes me out the door. I want her to come with me to Ralph’s. I told Ralph that I’d do some gigs for him if he charged a cover. I want him to make some profit off me. It’s the least I could do.

  I get there early, the door propped open by a cinder block. I walk in to see him setting up the stage and go over to give him a hand.

  “Hey, you’re early.”

  “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about something before I went on tonight.” I tape down the electrical plugs for the amp and mic, making sure they’ll be out of my way.

  “What’s up?”

  “I’d like to do a benefit show for Katelyn Powell and the girls. I’ll bring my band in and have my manager set it up. We’ll play for free, but all the door fees need to go to Katelyn.”

  Ralph rubs his chin, his fingers going back and forth. “Absolutely!” he says with much enthusiasm. “Hell, tonight all the door charges will go to them. I’ll have the missus make up some signs.”

  “Thanks, Ralph.” I pat him on the back before he leaves the stage. I head back out to my car and get my keyboard and guitar. I told Ralph we’d really do the show up tonight. As soon as my gear is set up I run through a quick sound check. I won’t be worrying about mic quality, but I do want to hear how the acoustics are in this place with an amp.

  Women mill around the stage, some dressed in the shortest of skirts. Before returning to Beaumont for Mason, I would’ve taken one of them into the back for a quick fuck, but not now. Not a single one of them appeals to me. In fact, the way they are dressed just shows how easy they are.

  As soon as the lights dim, I start my set. I’m doing twelve songs tonight, maybe an encore. I haven’t decided yet. I start with Unforgettable. This will be our second single. Sam will kill me if she finds out I played it, but I don’t really care.

  In between songs I take a few requests from the fans up front. They request some of my earlier hits, but most of the songs I’m playing tonight are off our recent album.

  “Okay, I have time for one more request,” I say to the crowd.

  “I have a request,” a male voice yells from the front of the bar. I look for the person to come forward, but no one is moving.

  “I have a request, I said!”

  “Okay, let’s hear it,” I reply, still waiting for the man to show himself.

  “My first request is that you leave my fucking fiancée alone. My second request is that you leave Beaumont and never come back. And my third request of the night is that you tell your son how much of a fucking loser you are so that when you leave, he won’t fucking hate me for driving you out of town.”

  Drunk people suck.

  Nick is finally in view, he’s swaying from side to side. He has a friend on each side trying to get him to sit down. Everyone in the bar is quiet, half looking at me, the other half at him.

  I strum my guitar to get the crowd’s attention.

  “Can’t you answer me, Westbury?”

  “No, Ashford. This isn’t the time or place.”

  “Let’s go outside then hot shot.”

  I shake my head and remove my guitar. “Sorry guys, show’s over. But don’t forget about the benefit concert we’ll be doing.”

  I pack up my guitar and keyboard as Ralph apologizes in my ear about Nick. I tell him not to worry about Nick, that he’s drunk. I look around the bar for him, but he’s gone so I decide to call it a night.

  When I step outside he’s leaning against a truck. I’m in no mood to talk to him if he’s like this. I set my gear in the backseat and turn to face him. He’s sauntering over to me, unable to walk a straight line.

  “Where are your buddies?”

  “I don’t need them to kick your ass, Westbury.”

  “I’m not fighting you,” I say as I move away from my car.

  “Well, I want to fight you. I need to fight for my family. Ever since you showed up here, it’s all Liam this and Liam that. My dad this, my dad that. I’m his fucking dad, not you. I raised him. I cleaned up the skinned knees and taught him how to play football all while you were off screwing half the female population.

  “And my soon to be wife… god what a bitch she’s been all because of you—”

  “Don’t call her a bitch, Nick. You’re drunk and you’re going to regret it.” I pull out my phone and text Josie telling her that she needs to come get him before something bad happens.

  “You left her. I picked up the pieces. I waited patiently for her to look in my direction and when she finally did, I was so happy. But no, you had to come back and screw shit up for us. She loves me, not you so why don’t you pack your shit and leave. Do us all a favor and get out of here. I want my family back and you’re in the way.”

  “He’s my son, Nick. I didn’t abandon him. He deserves to know me.”

  Nick shakes his head and leans against my car, his head hanging. If I didn’t know better I’d think he’s crying. I get where he’s coming from, but there’s no way I’ll give up Noah. Josie – yeah I’ll wait for her, but Noah’s mine and I intend to stay for him.

  Josie pulls up, the bright lights from the car shining against Nick. He looks up and shields his eyes. I stand, in the same spot I was in when he started in on me, waiting for her to get out of the car.

  “Hey baby,” he says when he sees Josie. She offers me a small smile before pulling Nick into her arms. “I love you, Josephine. Tell me you love me. Tell Westbury that you choose me over him.”

  “Come on, Nick, let’s go home.”

  “Tell him, Josie. Tell him so he’ll go away and leave us alone. I want my fiancée back.”

  “He can hear you. I don’t need to repeat what you’re saying.”

  “Did you sleep with him in L.A.?”

  “No, Nick. Now come on. You’re drunk and I want to go home.” Josie pulls Nick to her car, helping him inside. She doesn’t look at me before she gets in the driver’s seat or when she pulls out.

  I get in my car and slam the door.

  A perfect night ruined.

  I spent another night on the couch, but this time I didn’t sleep. I stared at the floor, my hands, the picture window that Nick installed for me a few years ago – anything to keep my mind off the utter mess my life has become and the passed out man upstairs in my bedroom sleeping off his drunken ass.

  When Liam texted me last night, I wanted to cry. Not just for me, but for Nick too. Through everything that has happened, everything that I’ve done wrong, no one stopped to consider his feelings. I should’ve put him first. He’s the one who has been there from day one, even before we were dating. He was there for Noah.

  And now he’s suffering because of my inability to see past Liam. I never thought Liam would come back.

  But he’s here and he makes me feel things I haven’t felt since I stopped thinking about him. Maybe I never truly stopped. Maybe I just masked my feelings. I love Nick, but not the same way I love Liam. Liam was my first everything, but that’s not enough to give up Nick.

  When t
he coffee is done brewing, I pour Nick a cup and place it on a tray with some dry toast and bacon. He’s rarely like this, so I don’t know how he’ll handle a hangover, especially when we sit down to dinner with his parents in a few hours.

  Climbing the stairs carefully, I push our bedroom door open with my toe. He’s lying on his back, arms spread out. Had I been in bed, he would’ve knocked me in the face. Standing there, I study him, his blonde hair in disarray. The comforter is on the floor at the foot of the bed, a sheet is covering him from the waist down. I watch as his defined chest moves up and down with his breath. I’m just happy he didn’t throw-up in the middle of the night.

  I set the tray down on the nightstand, walk over to the window and open it for some fresh air. I crawl onto the bed next to him and can’t help but reach out and touch him. I run my fingers down his chest, tracing his muscles. He flinches a bit and bats my hand away. I try to stifle a laugh, but I know he can hear me.

  Suddenly, his arm wraps around my waist and pulls me across his chest, his other arm resting on my back. He’s awake. He holds me as I snuggle in closer.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Like death.” His reply is hoarse. He has to cough a few times to clear out his throat.

  “You had a pretty rough night.”

  He doesn’t say anything. He rolls us over so that we’re face to face. He bunches up the hem of my shirt like he’s going to get lost if he’s not holding onto me. “I drank too much and have a feeling I did something stupid.”

  I nod, not wanting to embarrass him. He’s done enough of that himself. I move his hair away from his face, a face that I fell in love with years ago.

  “I made you some breakfast.”

  “Are you going to tell me what I did?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know it all, just the bit when I got there. I guess you and Liam exchanged some words because he texted me that you were drunk so I came and got you.”

  Nick closes his eyes and buries his head into my chest. He pulls me closer, needing the same reassurance I do that everything will be okay.

  “I’m trying, Josie. I really am. I don’t know what happened last night. I walked into Ralph’s and everyone was going crazy for him and all I could think about it is how I’m losing everything to this guy who doesn’t deserve it. I started drinking and I know I said something to him, but I can’t remember.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Nick.”

  After breakfast, Nick showered while Noah and I waited for him to come downstairs. I’m certain Liam won’t say anything about their fight, especially in front of Noah, so I told Nick we don’t need to talk about it anymore.

  He’s dressed in dark gray trousers and a white button down, his tie hanging open and loose when he comes down the stairs. I meet him at the bottom step and tie it for him. He pulls me into a deep embrace until Noah starts heckling us.

  “You just wait until you get a girlfriend,” Nick says as he helps me into my coat.

  “No way! Girls have cooties and don’t understand football.” Nick holds his hand up for a high-five that Noah hits dead on. I roll my eyes. My boys are incorrigible.

  Thanksgiving dinner at Nick’s parents’ house is always interesting. My parents join us and it’s a huge feast. Christmas is a much smaller event. As we all gather around the table, holding hands for prayer, I’m thankful that my family is whole – at least for today.

  After dinner the guys have cleaning duties while the women pour over the Black Friday ads for tomorrow’s shopping excursion. I haven’t a clue as what to get Noah and Nick for Christmas and I’m hoping that I’ll see something that will spark my interest.

  Nick and I are able to dodge marriage talk, even though we’ve talked about setting a date after the holidays. We want to get through Christmas without the pressure of people asking where we’re getting married.

  Noah, Nick, and the other men head outside to play some football. The weather’s changing and I know it will snow soon. Noah has one more game before his season is done and Liam has promised to be there.

  Liam. I don’t know what to do about him. Sometimes I wish he hadn’t come back or seen Noah that day. I think things would be so much easier, but then Noah wouldn’t know his dad. Then I think that every kid should know both their parents given the chance. Elle and Peyton will barely have any memories of Mason when they’re older. I don’t want that for Noah.

  The guys come back in, rosy-cheeked and dirty. Nick pulls me into a kiss, slipping his freezing hands underneath my sweater. I push him away, but he holds me tight. “I love you,” he says against my lips.

  “I love you, too.”

  He pushes my hair behind my ear. “I want to head over to Katelyn’s.”

  “Why?” I ask. Liam’s there and I don’t want them fighting, especially in front of Noah.

  “I need to apologize to Liam. I don’t want last night hanging over our heads and I think Noah would like to see him. Maybe we can stop at home and he can pack a bag and stay with Liam tonight. Give us some alone time.”

  “I’d like that,” I say before placing my lips to his.

  Noah is more than excited to be staying with Liam tonight. When we pull into Katelyn’s driveway, Noah is out of the car before Nick has it in park. Nick and I walk hand in hand into Katelyn’s house. Noah is already sitting with Liam, trying to push Peyton out of the way. Katelyn is in the chair with Elle. For a brief moment I look at Liam, so comfortable in Katelyn’s house and wonder if there could be something between them.

  She’s been the one to make him feel welcomed, opening her house to him, inviting him to Thanksgiving and now he’s lying on the floor, Peyton resting on his stomach, like he owns the place.

  He sits up when he sees me staring at him, Nick behind me. I know I’m imagining things, but can’t help it. My mind is going crazy here with images of them together. Katelyn closes her book and moves a sleeping Elle so she can sit up and greet us.

  “What’s going on?” she says, yawning.

  “We thought Liam would like to see Noah,” I say, eyeing Liam. “But if you guys are busy...”

  “I don’t think watching TV constitutes being busy, Josie. I’m glad Noah’s here,” Liam says to me. The way he looks at me tells me he knows what I’m thinking. We’ve been down the jealousy road before and it’s just reared it’s very ugly head with me again.

  “Make yourselves at home. I’ll put on a pot of coffee.” Liam gets up and helps Katelyn with Elle. My eyes follow him down the hall as he takes her to her bed. Apparently he puts the girls to bed now too.

  “Westbury,” Nick says when Liam walks back into the room. “Let’s go outside and talk.” Liam doesn’t say anything he just nods and walks out the side door leading to the driveway. Nick kisses me on the cheek and promises to be good.

  “I know you want to listen,” Katelyn says when she hands me a cup of coffee. She motions for me to follow her into the kitchen.

  “Where are they going?” Noah asks before I leave the room.

  “Just to talk.” I turn back to Katelyn.

  “What’s going on with you?” she asks sipping on her cup.

  “Nothing, just taken aback by how natural everything looked when I walked in, that’s all. I guess I didn’t expect you to move on so quickly.”

  Katelyn sprays hot coffee out of her mouth, ruining her white shirt. “Are you kidding me here, Josie? You think Liam and I are… oh god I can’t even. I just buried my husband. I have no intention of pursuing anything with anyone. Liam is here because I didn’t want him to be alone and I didn’t want to be alone on Thanksgiving and Peyton wanted someone to watch football with.”

  “I just thought—”

  “You thought wrong. He only agreed because it gave Noah a place to come and stay until he can buy a house.” Katelyn moves to the sink to clean herself up. “In case you didn’t know, that man is still head over heels for you.”

  “I know he is,” I mumble. I’m so stupid to think Katelyn would start
something with him.

  Katelyn wipes her hands on the towel and leans against the counter. “What the hell are you doing, Josie?”

  I stare at Katelyn and back at the door before looking at her again. Tears pool in my eyes. I hide my face and fall into her arms.

  If I ever mention buying a house again, someone please shoot me. Noah and I spent all of Saturday and Sunday wandering Beaumont with my excessively hyper real estate agent. The only thing I learned was how to eye roll like a nine year old.

  Sarah, Sadie or maybe it was Suzie – I don’t remember – showed us house after house, none of which met my requirements. Yes, I may be one person with a kid that I will have occasionally, but that doesn’t mean I want a small house. I want two stories with a full basement and attached two-car garage with at least a half-acre of land. I didn’t think these requirements were too over-the-top, but apparently they were.

  Now Noah and I sit outside this two-story house in the same neighborhood as my parents. I realized that this was exactly what I was looking for, so we drove though looking for a FOR SALE sign. We found one.

  We’re waiting for the agent to arrive so we can see the inside, but I know I already want it. I can imagine Noah climbing the giant oak trees that surround the property and can see him throwing the football around with his friends in the yard.

  This new agent steps out of his car and waves at us. He’s short and pudgy with white hair. He looks like a marshmallow.

  “Hi, I’m Liam Westbury and this is my son, Noah.”

  “Nice to meet you, I’m Stu. Let’s go in shall we.”

  We follow Stu up the brick steps. The porch is wide with white pillars in desperate need of a paint job. Stu opens the door allowing Noah and I to step in. Before us is the staircase, open on both sides so you can see into the dining room and living room. The living room has two large windows, one in front and one in back, two more on the side. The kitchen is new, with a nook and all new appliances, and windows facing the back yard. There is a nice sized bathroom just off the kitchen. The dining room faces the front yard with one large window and two that face the side yard.