April's Angel

by Danni Roan

  Above her, Angie could hear the other woman let out a breath, and she knew that it was because she hadn’t questioned the comment about God. Some people would have been offended by the reference but not Angie.

  “No, it truly isn’t always that easy. I’ve found that there are things in all of our lives that seem to be hard to turn over. For a while, I was so angry I didn’t want anything to do with God. I felt betrayed and fostered the anger I held. I didn’t realize that all I was doing was destroying myself and my chance of happiness. I met a teenage girl right here on the ranch who reminded me that I was more than one part of myself.”

  Angie smiled. She remembered the conversation she had all those years ago with the army veteran who had come to the ranch with her mother. “I get your point,” she huffed. It was never fun being reminded of your shortcomings. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now, but I’m scared of my own shadow. I’ll work on it though.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” Del said. “You have a lot of life ahead of you to figure things out. Maybe you’re here on the Broken J to deal with just one.” Her hands stilled and she stepped back. “I’ll let you get dressed, but holler if you need anything.”

  Angie grinned. It was nice that the message therapist understood her need for independence. “I’ll be fine,” she smiled. “Thanks, I feel much better.”

  A few minutes later Angie was wheeling toward her tiny home feeling quite relaxed. She would sit down and have a hard think about her reaction to getting on that horse. What was it that was holding her back?

  The sound of laughter caught her ear and she turned to see a petite woman with wild dark curls hurtling toward her in a pony cart. A little boy of about five giggled as they made the turn his hand locked onto his mother’s arm, while a little girl of possibly three clapped with glee from her mother’s lap.

  “Michelle,” Angie grinned turning to wave her forward. “I see you’re as reckless as always,” Angie laughed. She knew that though Michelle Ballard often drove the pony at a fast trot she was never out of control, and it was as plain as the nose on one's face that the petite graphic artist would never do anything to endanger her children.

  “Kade said you were here,” Michelle laughed. “I couldn’t disappoint my first pony cart partner now could I?”

  Angie’s laugh trickled into the cool day, and she pushed herself toward the tan pony who stood quietly in harness. “Hello, Dandy.” Angie ran a hand down the pony’s face pushing the gray and white mane from his forehead and giving him a scratch. “He looks good.”

  “Do you want to use the cart sometime this week?” Michelle asked. She had known that the last time Angie had visited the Broken J she didn’t feel confident enough to ride a horse.

  “No, I think this time I’m either going to ride a real horse or give it up for a bad job. It’s why I came here again.”

  “Good for you,” Michelle said, slapping her knee with a free hand. “Now come over here and meet my children.

  A few minutes later Angie was rolling toward her cabin once more. She had met a serious-looking Kadence and the sweetest little Olivia. Michelle had even confided that she was expecting the third Ballard Baby later that fall, and made her promise to sit with her at dinner that night. Overall it had been like meeting up with an old friend once more.

  At least for a little while, she felt confident and content again. It had been fun seeing Dandy again. The pony had never intimidated her the way a full-sized horse did. She wished she could pin down exactly what it was about a horse that scared her so much. If she could figure that out, perhaps, she would be able to take that next big step and ride.

  If she couldn’t overcome her fear of riding a horse or if she couldn’t find the way to prove that she was strong enough, how was she ever going to be certain she would have the strength and ability to help others overcome their fears?

  Chapter 6

  Jace walked old Ben from his stall tossing the buckskin’s reins over a rail of the corral. The cowboy had brought the old horse with him to the Broken J, just like he had so many jobs before. The animal was solid, steady, and trustworthy, one of his constant companions.

  Tossing a saddle on his horse’s back, he wondered what the afternoon would bring. There was a fake cattle drive and chuckwagon dinner scheduled for later that afternoon, but for now, he had some time to himself. Not for the first time that day, he wondered if the young woman in the wheelchair would come back and try again to overcome her fear of sitting astride a horse.

  The Broken J had been well outfitted with saddles that ranged from antique high cantled rigs to the most modern in handicap adaptive gear. If Angie would just get on a horse, she would see that she was safe and that she wouldn’t fall.

  Absently, Jace ran a brush through Ben’s black mane and wondered about the young woman. She seemed bright, intelligent, and determined, and he wanted her to accomplish all of the things she set her mind to. He knew all too well the feeling of being at loose ends. His family had worked the family ranch while he was growing up, but he’d moved on restlessly as a young adult. Even though he loved wrangling or working cows, nothing seemed to be quite the right fit. At nearly twenty-five, he still didn’t know his place in the world. He could turn his hand to nearly any job but nothing seemed to inspire him.

  “You’re gonna brush that horse’s mane right off,” a deep voice rumbled as Red Dixon sauntered toward him.

  “I guess I was lost in thought,” Jace agreed with a shake of his head.

  Red slapped the younger man on the back and grinned. “We’ve all been there before,” he said. “Some days the most routine aspects of life are the best for helping us work through our thoughts. What’s on your mind, Jace?”

  Jace ran the brush down Ben’s chest and over the animal’s black stockings. “Life I guess.”

  “That deep hey?” The old man rubbed his gray-streaked red whiskers, his dark eyes twinkling merrily.

  “I was just thinking on how I still don’t seem to know what I’m doing with my life. I’m here now, but I’ve wandered from job to job for years with no real direction. I feel like there’s something out there just out of reach, but I can’t find it.”

  “Well it could be worse,” Red said, scratching at his chin. “You could be certain you know exactly what to do with your life, and it turns out you got the wrong end of the stick.”

  Jace peered out from under his hat brim studying the older man. “You mean like gettin’ on the wrong track?”

  “Yep.”

  “Is Nan joining you for the roundup tonight?” Jace said not wanting to meet Red’s gaze. He knew that they were headed into the serious conversation zone and not knowing his mind made him feel like he was about to fall down a rabbit hole.

  “You bet. She and Florence are coming in for dessert. I suspect Elise had more to do with that decision than the women did.” The man’s soft chuckle was full of affection for one of the other wrangler’s daughters. “Josie’s planning on riding with the herd as well. She and Jackson have been so busy lately, she thought it would be nice to just take an easy ride, plus with this big crowd we can use the help.”

  “Jackson seems to be doing well,” Jace mused, happy that the conversation had shifted away from him. “He rides a lot more than he did even a year ago.”

  “He says it helps ease his twisted spine,” Red looked up offering a nod. Jackson had married the old rodeo clown’s granddaughter a couple of years earlier and despite the man’s wilder rodeo days, he had adjusted well to life at the Broken J.

  “How so?” Jace looked up meeting Red’s piercing gaze.

  “Oh, so that’s it,” Red grinned. “You got girl trouble.”

  “What? No?” Jace balked. “I mean, there’s a girl here, and I’d like to be able to help her. She’s a guest, that’s all.”

  Red’s sharp bark of laughter rolled over Jace, and he felt his face flush with frustration. It wasn’t like that with Angie, she was pretty and all, but it was some
thing else that drew him to her. She was so determined and yet so vulnerable. He wanted to help.

  Red’s laughter faded but his eyes never left Jace’s. “Tell me what’s on your mind Jace, you’ll feel better for it.”

  Jace slid his hand down Ben’s leg, lifting a hoof so he could pick it clean. “She’s in a wheelchair,” he started.

  “She, aye?” Red cut in with a grin. “Now why did I think a ‘she’ would be included in this conversation?”

  “It’s not like that Red,” Jace tried again. “This lady is a guest, and I want to help her. I know she wants to ride, but something is holding her back.”

  Red rubbed his scraggly jaw thoughtfully. “What have you done so far?”

  Jace moved toward his horse’s rump, sliding a hand in one smooth motion from hip to fetlock before giving a gentle tug. Old Ben lifted his leg waiting patiently for Jace to finish cleaning his hoof. “I tried to help her get mounted up today when the trail ride was getting ready, but she freaked out, and I had to put her back down.”

  “I see,” Red mused, making Jace wonder what in the world the older man saw. “I can’t say I know this young woman or nothin’, but if she’s handicapped maybe she’s afraid. I mean, it must be scary trying to get up on a big horse in the middle of a crowd. Imagine being unable to stand, walk, or even run in times of danger than being put in a situation you know nothing about and having to give up all control. It can’t be easy.”

  Jace nodded as he made his way to the other side of his old horse and lifted the other back hoof. “She needs to build confidence, get comfortable.”

  “That’d be my thought,” Red confirmed. “Maybe get to know her a little and let her get to know one particular horse, a good, steady, dependable critter that she won’t feel afraid of.”

  Jace lifted his head with a grin the hoof all but forgotten in his hand as he nodded. “I can see how that might help.” He lowered the hoof without cleaning it and the old horse snorted in disapproval. “Take some time and let her get comfortable with the idea first.”

  “Exactly,” Red stepped forward patting the big buckskin on the hip. “Just don’t lose your head or your heart along the way.”

  Jace gaped, his mouth falling open as the old rodeo clown turned on his heel walking away with a chuckle. The crazy old man must have sawdust for brains if he thought Jace would fall in love with a guest who would be on the ranch two weeks tops. Still, the idea had merit, and he would start by introducing Angie to Ben. He couldn’t think of another more dependable animal on the ranch. Phil and Chase Haven had a string of great stock on the Broken J. Animals breed for a steady disposition and calm nature, but Jace and Ben had been together so long they could practically read each other’s mind. Patting his old partner on the rump Jace lifted the back hoof once more and cleaned it properly this time.

  Chapter 7

  The sound of a horse walking by made Angie look up. She had rested in her cabin for a while after her massage and now was pushing toward the quiet waters of the stream. The warming afternoon sun brushed her face with feathery fingers, and she felt a peace settle over her.

  “Hi,” a familiar voice chimed and she cringed recognizing Jace’s low bass. He hadn’t even flinched when she had decided she couldn’t get on that horse, and now she had to face him.

  “Hi,” she said her face flushing with embarrassment.

  “Where are you headed?”

  “To the stream.” Angie still couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze.

  “Do you mind if we tag along?”

  For the first time, Angie looked back over her shoulder at the handsome cowboy leading a beautiful tan and black horse. The conversation was stilted, tense, but when he smiled, the awkwardness vanished.

  “Sure,” she said offering a smile as he fell into step. So often people wanted to help her, offering to push her chair, carry her things, so much else. Jace did none of these things. Instead, he fell in beside her, his dark tan horse shuffling along behind him like some loyal dog.

  For several yards, neither party spoke. The quiet clip, clop of the horse’s black feet on dirt was the only sound, but instead of feeling strained, the silence between them became a gentle buffer.

  “Who’s your friend?” Angie finally asked pushing her chair under the shade of an oak tree.

  Jace’s smile brightened. “This is Ben, my horse.”

  “Your horse?”

  “Yep, I’ve had him since he came to my grandfather’s ranch as a puny colt. We’ve been together ever since. I even trained him and broke him to ride.”

  “Can I pet him?” Angie felt silly but she wanted to prove that she wasn’t afraid of horses.

  “Ben won’t mind,” Jace offered, stepping aside and pulling the horse forward to stand before Angie. The tan and black horse lowered his head huffing softly as he breathed in the smell of the young woman and her wheelchair.

  “The chair doesn’t bother him does it?” Angie asked reaching up and rubbing the small white spot on the horse’s forehead.

  “Not much bothers Ben, seems he’s seen it all.”

  Angie was quiet for a long time as she rubbed the horse’s head then she grinned when the animal leaned his head into her chest. She rested her cheek against his head taking Jace’s breath away with the pure joy that seemed to fill her face.

  “He likes you.”

  “I like him too.” Angie lifted her eyes meeting Jace’s gaze. “I’m not afraid of horses.” Her words were direct, her gaze never wavering. “It’s not the animal I’m worried about, at least not for the most part.” The young woman’s grin zipped straight to his heart and he stepped closer.

  “What is it then?”

  Angie was quiet for so long that he was sure she wouldn’t answer. He had overstepped the inkling of friendship that had sparked between them.

  “I think it was Franklin Roosevelt that said, ‘the only thing we have to fear is fear itself,’ it’s something like that. I have been studying to become a trauma therapist. My job would be both physically and mentally demanding. I’ll have to help people try to rebuild their lives after something bad happens. I need to know I can do it, but I’m afraid I’ll fail.”

  Even as the words spilled out of Angie’s mouth, she didn’t know why she was telling this virtual stranger what was holding her back. His horse huffed softly into her lap, seemingly content to stand there letting her stroke his silky neck forever. For some reason she wanted Jace to understand why she hadn’t been able to get on a horse.

  “I’d like to help,” Jace spoke before his mind could begin to catch up with his mouth, but the words felt right. He wanted to help. He had never seemed to know where his place in the world was, but at this moment, it seemed he was right where he belonged.

  “I’d appreciate that,” Angie smiled and Ben nudged her with his head when her hand stopped the soothing motion along his neck. “Thanks.”

  “Would you like to start now?” Jace peered out under the brim of his hat studying her face. “We can use the big corral at the back of the barn so no one will see.”

  A smile tugged at Angie’s lips. It would be nice not to embarrass herself in front of the other guests. “I’m willing to try,” she said. “I can’t promise I’ll be able to go through with it though.”

  “Old Ben seems to like you pretty well so how about if we use him. He’s steady, dependable, and just about bomb-proof all around.”

  Angie ran her hand over the horse’s neck one more time feeling the warmth of it easing through her hand. “I think I’d like that.”

  Jace pulled Ben’s reins into his hands and turned toward the barn, Angie falling into step with him. “I’ll switch gear on Ben here,” he offered, stopping by the big corral and gesturing into the barn. “That way you’ll be able to sit up in the saddle. Once I have him tacked up we’ll cut through the barn and head to the corral.”

  “Are you sure this is all right with Chase and Phil, you won’t get in trouble for taking time to help me will
you?”

  “No, I also talked things over with Red, and he thinks if it makes a guest happier and more comfortable, it’s well worth my time.”

  Angie’s smile lit up the day. She felt so much better about her decision to come to the Broken J. She just knew she needed to do this to prove to herself that she was able to accomplish her dreams. Now if only she could prove it was true.

  Angie followed Jace into the barn breathing in the smell of horse and hay. The building was quiet at this time of day, and since guests weren’t allowed in the barn, she felt like something special was happening.

  Several horses leaned over their stall doors nickering softly as they moved toward the tack room at one corner of the barn.

  Jace stripped the everyday saddle from his buckskin then stepped into the solid wooden structure that held the gear for all of the mounts. A moment later, he returned with a different saddle in hand.

  “Would you mind explaining how the saddle works?” Angie asked looking at the western style saddle with a high back and padded strap. “Maybe it will help if I understand what I’m getting myself into.”

  Jace nodded setting the saddle on Ben’s back. “This saddle was designed to support someone in an upright position. You can see the high cantle or back is very much like the back support on your wheelchair. The strap goes around your middle to hold you in place and these extra straps leading down to the stirrups will position your legs for balance. If you have any strength in your legs you can use them to stay straight but if not there’s a strap that keeps them in line as well.”

  Angie tilted her head examining each part of the saddle. The system was clever and not overly complicated. “What if I start to fall?”

  “Odds are you won’t, but if you do, you’re kept in place with the straps and the wide step like stirrups. If your horse were to stumble I’d be right beside you the whole time and the quick releases on the buckles mean you can get out in a second.”