April's Angel

by Danni Roan

  Angie looked up into Jace’s soft blue eyes and grinned. She already felt better about the whole thing, and knowing that she wasn’t getting in anyone’s way or slowing others down made her feel even better. “I think I can do this.”

  Jace grinned back at her. “You can keep trying until you’re comfortable. If this isn’t the right time we’ll try again tomorrow.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “Why not? I’m a wrangler who works here, and you’re a guest who wants to ride. We have all the gear and as far as I can tell all we need is a little extra time to get it right.”

  “You can’t know what this means to me,” Angie said looking down at her hands folded in her lap. “When I finish my studies, I want to work for a group that helps people like me, or those with other injury-induced handicaps to do things they have always dreamed of. I even spent a couple of days observing at a stable where they have programs like Horses for Heroes, a program where injured veterans can come to ride and use the facility for rehabilitation. If I can’t even get on a horse myself, how can I help others work through their fears?”

  Jace was quiet for a long time as he double-checked the saddle and other gear. Angela had set herself a tough goal if she wanted to help others in her situation. Being a therapist usually required a great deal of strength, and her handicap might mean she would never be employed in that capacity. “You have big dreams,” he finally mused.

  “I know.” Angie bit her bottom lip. “I might not be able to do everything others of sound body can, but I understand the challenges people like me face. I’m hoping that will give me a unique opportunity.”

  “You’d make a great example. Now, are you ready for this?”

  “Let’s roll,” Angie grinned pushing her chair toward the wide door at the back of the barn. “We won’t know until we try.”

  The bright sunlight washed over Angie as they moved out of the barn and a feeling of peace soaked into her. She was on a fabulous dude ranch, with a handsome cowboy. To many of her friends, it would be a romantic dream come true. Angie, however, had only one goal. To overcome the fear that was holding her back from her life dreams.

  “What do we do first?” she asked.

  “If you won’t mind staying here with Ben, I’ll get the lift we use to help riders like you up. Then we’ll give it a try.”

  Angie reached out a hand taking the reins that Jace offered. “I think I can do that.”

  ***

  Jace lowered the lift for the third time as Ben stood by the fence. He had been trying to get Angie onto the horse’s back, but each time he got her lifted a few feet off the ground she would start to panic. He could see the remnants of unshed tears in her eyes and his heart clenched with sorrow for the girl.

  Settling her into her wheelchair, he unbuckled the sling seat and pulled it away before turning back and kneeling on the ground.

  “We’ll take a break,” he said placing his hands on the arms of her chair. “Don’t worry it will come together.”

  Angie sniffed, her face flushed red. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she growled. “I’ve used one of these things for most of my life and should not be freaking out just because I’m getting on a horse.” She flicked her hand at the tall portable lift. “I’ll never do this. I’m going to fail. I should have known it was too much for someone like me.”

  Jace placed his hands on either side of Angie’s face forcing her to look at him. “Don’t say that,” he whispered. “You’re strong, smart, and capable. This is just a new challenge, and you have to figure out what works for you. I believe in you. You can do this.”

  Angie tried to shake her head as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. “I thought I could, but I was wrong. I’m afraid and that fear keeps me from moving forward.”

  “Let’s go for a walk,” Jace said standing. “I mean…” he didn’t know how to finish the sentence and a hot blush rushed up his neck. “ Sorry.”

  Angie sniffed, then chuckled. “It’s all right,” she finally sighed. “I was having a pity party, so I can’t blame you for a slip of the tongue.”

  “Thanks,” Jace said tipping his head and looking at her from under his hat brim. It was something she had seen him do often as if he were too shy to look at someone directly, or maybe he didn’t want them to see him studying them. Something told her that Jace was a problem solver and that made her like him more.

  Straightening in her chair, she reached up and tugged at his hand. “Lead on,” she spoke her dark eyes finally reflecting the slight smile that touched her lips.

  Chapter 8

  The chatter and laughter of other guests filled the barnyard as an oversized red wagon pulled by the two huge mules rolled by. New guests had arrived and the ranch was a bustle of activity.

  Jace let Ben fall into step behind him as he and Angie moved across the road and onto a well-beaten path that led toward the fields.

  “It’s beautiful out here,” Angie said, pushing away the anger, fear, and bitterness her failure brought. “You must love working in a place like this.”

  Jace was quiet for so long that Angie stopped, turning to look at him. He was studying the reins in his hand attentively, and she wondered if her words had upset him.

  “I don’t know how to reply to that,” Jace said picking up his step once more. “I like it here. I have good work, a home for my horse, the kind of work I’m used to.” He stopped the sentence still hanging between them as they rolled around the fence line and out into the low growing wheat fields.

  “You aren’t happy?” Angie said as they rolled to a slow stop surrounded by green and growing things.

  “It isn’t that,” Jace said looking out across the fields. “It’s more of a feeling. I’ve never really felt that anywhere was home. It seems I’ve spent my life shifting from place to place and the only consistency has been this old horse and my grandpa.”

  Angie looked up at the cowboy. He was tall, lean, and strong. She’d felt the strength of his arms each time he had lifted her toward the horse using the sling, but at the same time, he was so vulnerable. Impulsively she reached out taking his hand then smiled when he turned to her in surprise.

  “I think we all feel that way at least sometimes.” Angie’s brown eyes were warm with understanding. It seemed that even with the best parents in the world and good friends all around her she had struggled to find her place on this earth. Even now, she was questioning her decisions and choices, but her heart softened toward the handsome cowboy who stood, staring out across the land next to her.

  “Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll never be able to settle down. I worry that I’ll be wandering forever.”

  “That’s not so bad if it makes you happy.”

  “I’m not sure I know what makes me happy.” Jace turned to look down at her. “I like the work I do here but…” he paused looking her up and down. “ I like being with you. I like the idea of helping.”

  Angie smiled at her heart swelling. Jace was only being honest but something in his words filled her with joy. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to get on Ben yet,” she blushed. “I promise to keep trying though.”

  Jace turned, his blue eyes shining. “How about we try now? I know it’s different, but you aren’t any bigger’ than a minute. I’ll just lift you.”

  Angie gaped, could she trust herself to his strong arms? He looked so earnest, so positive it would work that she hated to say no. Licking her lips she nodded as the icy fingers of fear began to wrap around her heart. She had always been so independent even with her handicap. At school, she had allowed a friend to help carry her books, but she had always insisted on getting herself to classes, or loaded into her parents specially equipped SUV. Agreeing to this attempt meant that she would be completely in Jace’s hands.

  “Put your arms around my neck,” Jace spoke softly. He had dropped the reins he had been holding only moments ago, and his blue eyes held Angie’s brown ones as he leaned toward her. His warm breath caressed her c
heek and something soft seemed to wash through her.

  Angie lifted her arms, draping them around his neck and breathing in the smell of horse, hay, and something musky that was all Jace. She felt his right arm slip under her legs as his left slipped around her back, and in one smooth motion, she was nestled against his chest. The position was intimate, cozy, warm, but it felt so safe. Angie let her head drop to Jace’s shoulder as he stood, turning to walk toward Ben who was delicately clipping fresh seeds from a wheat stalk.

  “How are you doing?” Jace asked as his eyes left hers and he made his way to the far side of the horse. Habit made him move to Ben’s left, though the old horse wouldn’t have cared what side Angie mounted on.

  “I’m good,” Angie admitted realizing that the fear she had been experiencing each time she tried to mount was absent.

  Jace glanced down at her matching her smile. She felt warm and soft in his arms. She wasn’t a tiny woman, but she felt like nothing in his arms as he twisted finding the right position to shift her upward onto the saddle.

  “Are you sure I’m not too heavy?” Angie asked with a cute blush.

  “You feel just right to me,” Jace teased lifting her with only the strength of his arms until her backside rested sidesaddle on the seat. “Take a hold of the saddle swells,” Jace instructed and Angie turned to grab the bars protruding from where the saddle horn should have been. “I’ll swing your other leg over and then get you buckled in.”

  Angie nodded her hands clamping around the saddle. Jace’s warm hand grasped her ankle and slid her leg gently over the saddle while she pulled herself into an astride position.

  “How’s that?” Jace looked up meeting her eyes.

  “Fine,” Angie whispered, amazed that she was sitting on top of a horse in the middle of a field. She wasn’t frightened. “Thank you.” Her throat closed with a rush of emotion and Jace reached up to pat her hand.

  “You did great,” he smiled. “Now just sit there and get used to the feel of it. When you’re ready, we’ll get Ben to walk out with you. I’ll be right here at your side.”

  A wave of emotion washed over Angie and fresh tears spilled from her eyes. This cowboy had taken the time to help her overcome her fear. He had given her a chance to test herself in a way she never had before. In his arms, she had felt safe, protected, and cared for. If only that could last, but she would be leaving in a few days. What would she do then?

  “Hey, are you okay?” Jace’s warm voice pushed the dark thoughts away and Angie nodded.

  “I’m good. I think I’m ready to try to move.”

  Jace patted her knee then stepped around and lifted Ben’s reins before moving back to her side. “Walk on Ben,” he commanded and the horse lifted his head and took a step.

  Angie’s hands curled around the bars built into the front of the saddle and she squealed as the horse moved, making her sway slightly. “I’m all right, I’m all right,” she called down as the horse took another step. It was a strange sensation moving like this. Feeling each hoof lift and fall as the horse moved on in a rocking step.

  Jace chuckled as he lifted his eyes to hers. “You sound all right,” he teased, and instantly Angie felt the tension ease.

  “It’s just so strange,” she mused. “It reminds me of when my dad would give me piggyback rides, but different too.”

  “Old Ben isn’t the smoothest horse either,” Jace admitted. “He’s steady though. Would you like to hold the reins? I’ll show you what to do.”

  “I’ll try but stay close.”

  Jace nodded. “Whoa Ben,” he called softly and the horse stopped turning its head to sniff at Angie’s boot. “Take the reins in one hand.” Jace began, placing the reins through her fingers. Her hands were warm but her fingers were calloused.

  This young woman, despite being in a wheelchair, despite struggling to overcome her fear of riding a horse, was tough. “Got it?” he asked, his eyes meeting hers.

  “Yes,” Angie held the reins in trembling fingers letting Jace’s warm grip steady her. “What do I do next?”

  Slowly Jace walked her through how to lay the reins on his buckskin’s neck to make him turn away from the pressure. The horse was responsive and didn’t hesitate to obey. When she was ready, Jace laid his hand on Ben’s withers just in front of the saddle and nodded. “Go on, show him what you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Angie felt her heart jump at the cowboy’s words. She knew he only meant he wouldn’t leave her side while she guided the horse toward the ranch, but for a moment, she wished he could be there always. She loved her parents and appreciated everything they had ever done for her, but she wondered what it would be like to have a partner in life who was there just for you.

  “Like this?” she asked turning Ben in a wide circle.

  “Just like that,” Jace smiled. “If I didn’t know better I’d think you’d done this before.”

  Angie smiled still concentrating on getting the horse to do what she wanted. In only a few minutes, they were moving together as one and the final doubts and fears seemed to be swept away on the wind that ruffled the growing wheat across the prairie. The gentle back and forth rhythm of the horse's walk was somehow soothing and invigorating at the same time and Angie’s heart soared. She could do this. She could reach for her dreams and have them.

  Together Jace and Angie took a loop around the edge of the field then came back to where her chair sat.

  “How are you feeling?” Jace asked. “Still scared?”

  Angie looked around her at the ranch but didn’t speak for several seconds. The pinch of panic no longer held her heart, but she still had doubts. The act of actually riding a horse had been accomplished, but could she truly become a person who would be able to help others?

  “Not afraid.” Her voice was flat as she thought of the words she wanted to say. “Maybe a little worried yet. Perhaps as well as accomplishing this feat, I need to reevaluate how I’ll manage to work as a therapist.”

  “You’re here for a while yet,” Jace said gesturing around him. “How about we take a little ride each day. You can bounce ideas off me and see how they sound.”

  “I don’t want to take all of your time.”

  Jace shook his head. “Some of my time is just that, mine. We’ll set it up for when I’m not working. I like your company anyway.”

  Angie smiled nodding down at the cowboy. “If you’re sure, I think I’d like that.” She lifted her arms toward him and he stepped up close to the horse settling her hands on his shoulders as he unbuckled the straps that held her upright.

  “Deal.”

  Angie giggled moving one hand from his shoulder and grasping the cuff of her pant leg to swing her leg over. A moment later, she was wrapped in Jace’s strong arms as he turned placing her into the confines of her wheelchair. As he lowered her, she held to his neck for just one second more until he tipped his head meeting her eyes. An understanding seemed to zing through her.

  There was a connection she couldn’t quite comprehend between her and the cowboy. Some recognition of the uncertainty of their futures. It was something she could comprehend and appreciate. They were alike in so many ways and yet so different.

  “Ready,” Jace said releasing her and letting her adjust her seat.

  “Ready,” Angie agreed. “Thank you again.”

  “It was my pleasure ma’am,” Jace drawled with a wicked grin that propelled them to the barn.

  Chapter 9

  Angie lounged in her tiny cabin that evening reading a good book and thinking about the day’s events. She had dined in the main dining room that evening but hadn’t seen Jace anywhere.

  She blushed lightly thinking about it. She had no right to look for the kindhearted cowboy yet she had. It was easy being with Jace, comfortable like your favorite pair of jeans.

  Shifting on the sofa, Angie’s mind wandered back to the cowboy. Was the fact that he didn’t feel he knew his place in the world one of the reasons they got along so well?
He seemed so confident and able, yet he had doubts too.

  Angie had always thought that her faith in God would keep the fear away and shame tweaked her heart as she considered it. Was her faith not enough? Where had she lost her confidence? Shaking her head to dispel the dark thoughts she closed her eyes.

  “God, I know I’m not perfect,” she began. “I’m worrying about things that in the end might come to nothing, but the worry is still there either way. I don’t know if it is my lack of faith that is making me feel this way, or if it is something else. All I know is that I have a desire to help others and to succeed in this area of my life.” She stopped the words floating in her mind choking her. “If this isn’t your will, give me the strength to accept it. I can’t do this on my own. I’m not strong enough, but you are almighty, invincible, God only wise, and I’m going to give you this burden today.” Angie opened her eyes on a smile and looked up to the simple wood slat ceiling above her. “That doesn’t mean I won’t try to take it back tomorrow, but tonight I’m giving it to you. Amen.”

  A warm peace filled her heart as Angie let go of her fear. She knew it might return tomorrow, but if she handed it back to God every day, eventually it would stick. She would have the faith, confidence, and assurance she needed to move forward. Perhaps even now God was putting things in place to give her the desires of her heart. Didn’t the Bible say that sometimes we don’t even know what our heart longs for?

  Stretching as a yawn overtook her, Angie sighed then leveraged herself back into her chair and rolled toward her bed. Tomorrow she was meeting Jace right after breakfast, and she needed to be rested if she were going to take a longer ride. Muscles, unfamiliar with sitting in a saddle for even a few minutes were already protesting, and as much as the straps had helped support her, she had found that she had tried to maintain her balance as best she could. Tomorrow would be a new test of her determination, dedication, and desire. She wanted, with all of her heart, to help others who had suffered life-changing injuries adapt to their new normal. This was one simple step in that direction.