by Nicety
The silence of the room echoed his footsteps as he marched towards the door. I stood there in pure and utter shock, almost in a trance wondering what the hell had just happened. Tears flowed down my cheeks believing that it had finally hit me what he had been saying this entire time.
He was done with me before we even began and all because I told him I loved him. All because I wanted his whore of a wife to see her competition. I had fucked up royally and there was little to no chance of ever getting him back. He wasn’t even willing to listen to reason.
From the top of my lungs I screamed. It sounded as if a car had gotten into the room and began screeching its tires doing donuts for a few minutes. I screamed until every breath in my lungs seeped out. I screamed until the back of my throat was sore. In the midst of it all, I managed to rip my baby tee sleeve all the way to the neck. Dropping to my knees in the process, it was the only way I sought to relieve the frustration building up inside of me. Having been patient long enough, it was time to show his ass exactly who he was fucking with.
“Oh my gosh. Was that you in here screaming like that?” A Caucasian student rushed through the door seemingly out of breath. “I ran as fast as I could from down the hall.”
Through my cries, I shook my head trying to shoo her away but she wouldn’t budge. She neared me discarding her backpack to the floor as she placed a hand on my shoulder tenderly. Her other hand brought my chin up from it’s hanging position locking her eyes with mine. I could see the sincerity in her facial expression that she truly wanted to help whatever was wrong with me. But even I didn’t know if I could be helped any longer.
“What’s wrong honey? Talk to me, it’s okay. I’m here to help.” Her voice was so calm and nice.
“Nothing, I just…”
“It’s okay, honey. I’m here for you.” Her hand moved across my back attempting to soothe my cries.
Tears formed in the depths of my eyes before spewing out heavily. “I’ve just been raped.”
Mika
The work hours picked back up at the hospital and I had even been picking up a few hours overtime to replace what we lost two weeks ago. Even though that money would reflect on my check this upcoming Friday, it wasn’t enough to satisfy David. We were already a month behind in all of our bills and my shortcomings only set us back even further.
Before the baby was born, David would be the one to go out and hustle up the money that we needed. But afterwards everything changed. It seemed like he began to resent me for having our son and making life more difficult for us. So whenever money was lower than expected, it was always my fault and I would always have to get dirty and fix it. Nothing else I did to ease his mind was ever good enough to make him happy again and get past it. I had to do what I had to do as a woman to get back on track again.
“You gon’ girl?” Laurie asked, standing to hand one of the doctors a patient chart.
“Yes, ma’am. You know once that clock strikes, I move. Can I pick up an extra shift for tomorrow, though?” I asked, snapping quickly up out of my daydream of depression and heartache from my home life.
“Are you serious? Girl, that’s the only off day you’ve got left this week. I can’t let you break your back like that Mika.” Laurie strolled past me but was halted by my hand on her arm.
“No, Laurie. I don’t need an off day. I need to work,” I said meekly. “Please.”
Laurie’s eyes cut to the left then the right before she leaned in close to reply, “Is all this because of that raggedy ass man of yours you’ve got at home, because if it is—“
“Uh uh, Laurie. Don’t do that. Don’t do that.”
The look she hawked at me could’ve burned a hole through a thousand men. She knew I was lying but with nothing from me there was nothing she could really do. Laurie was the type of woman who was not only a strong-headed feminist but also one who read bullshit when she saw it. I couldn’t have her all up in my business and getting the authorities involved. Breaking up my son’s two parent home was something that I wasn’t willing to have happen, especially before he got a chance to experience and enjoy it. Angel and I never knew who our dad even was, so it was beyond important for my son to have his in his life.
“Fine, Mika. But I’m doing this for you and that baby. Not for anybody else.” Laurie curled her lips before heading on down the hall.
I didn’t even bother to thank her. At the end of the day, she was a good person and cooler than a fan but she was also my boss. When it came down to it that was the position that mattered most to her. We could kick it and talk shit all day long but if push ever came to shove, and it was her ass or mine I could bet money she would save her ass first everyday of the week. If she needed to she would most definitely drop a dime and have my ass hauled out of there, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
At the car, I took my cell out of my purse. The screen showed me several missed calls from David. If I didn't have control of my bowels I would've shitted bricks right there in the driver's seat. Slowly my fingers dialed him back pressing the speaker rather than listen to his bullshit close up on my ear.
"What the fuck gives you the right not to answer my call?" David barked through the phone.
"I was just leaving work and didn't hear it. Honest baby." My breathing quickened.
"Girl, you lucky I'm at work and I can't say what I want to say." The words he didn't say echoed in my brain anyway. "Did you call him yet?"
"No, I just got in the car and was about to do it."
"Call him now, Mika. You ain't putting this shit off no longer."
“I wasn’t trying to put it off baby. I was just working hard to get it on my check,” My nerves had my voice shaky as hell. “Doing that shit is real scary, David.”
“Man, you’ve done it before so I ain’t even trying to hear that shit. Quit being scary and get the motherfucking money.”
David hung up on me before I could respond. Shaking and lowering my head, I searched my phone for Ox’s number. Ox had a house in the quiet suburb of Downers Grove, which was pretty far away from my job downtown. But he never had me meet him at any of his spots in the hood, which was closer to my house. He said he wouldn’t dare send a woman like myself to such a place. Honestly, I had no idea how to take that.
My throat seemed to close as I pushed the send button to call him. Apart of me wondered how bad would another beating be if I didn’t do this shit. I hated putting my life on the line to make sure that we were straight. I hated having to subject myself to vile disgusting things in order to keep our heads above water. But getting my way with David was like pulling teeth with no anesthesia.
“Yo.”
“Hey Ox. How are you?”
“Cut the niceties. Get to it,” his deep voice woofed through the food he was munching so heavily on.
I took a deep breath. “Oh, um, okay. This is Mika, I need to slide through and talk to you for a minute.”
“Ah yeah, Mika. Yep, I already know. Your boi already told me. Com’ on through.”
“On my way. Thanks.”
Hanging up, I tossed the phone back in my purse and started the car before wiping the sweat from my forehead. Ox was a no nonsense type of man so there was no playing games or beating around the bush with him. He was about his business and nothing else. If it weren’t for David knowing him since high school, we wouldn’t have any way to hustle up on any money when we were short or broke. I just wished David would hustle more than I had to.
Vega
“Thank you so much, Dr. Smart. He looks great.” The man happily shook my hand as he exited the delivery room behind me.
I smiled and obliged him. Even though I was happy to have delivered to him a healthy bouncing baby boy, I was still a bit broken that I couldn’t say the same for myself. All I wanted was a son to call my own. One that I could mold into a great young man as my father did me. One that I could call junior and who would actually bare that name with honor. It was fucked up that I was so focused on providing for my famil
y that I didn’t even have time to create one. When I did go home to surprise my lonely wife, she was never in the mood.
Yawning and stretching from lack of sleep, I headed towards my office for a long lunch. It was a busy day so I couldn’t get away from the hospital today but at least I could call Angel and let her know how much I loved her. She used to call me everyday to tell me how much I meant to her, how much she missed me and how much she wanted me. Lately, my phone has been dryer than the Sahara Desert and when I called her she would almost never answer.
The hospital was like a mad house. A bunch of burn victims had been shuffling in from a building explosion in the south loop, so it had been chaos and confusion the entire day. Nothing would make my day more complete than hearing her sweet moderate pitched voice even if it wasn't doing anything but nagging me. Our problems seemed to only increase by the day but I was in love with her, she was my queen. I would do everything in my power to make her happy again. Angel just needed to let her guard down and let me in instead of pushing me away all the time.
“Excuse me, Dr. Smart. There’s a woman they just brought in through Emergency who is specifically asking for you,” the nurse said as she handed me her chart. “They tried to tell her that you was busy but she said she won’t see anyone but you.”
“Thank you,” I replied as she darted away.
I headed off as well just as my phone began to ring. “Hello?”
“Aye, bro. What’s been good with you?” Jay asked.
“Nothing man, just working hard right now. What’s been up with you though? You’ve been missing in action lately. Is everything good, boi?” I asked noticing at that moment that I hadn’t spoken to my brother in weeks.
“Yeah, naw bro I’m good. I’m just staying on the straight and narrow and trying to make things all good on the home front. You feel me? I’m just working and staying at the crib for a little while. It’s all good though,” he replied keeping his responses vague as usual. “I just didn’t want you to think negatively about my distancing myself for a little while, you know?”
“Com’ on now, boi. You know me better than that. I know you’re a changed man, bro,” I assured him feeling as though I didn’t need any explanation from him. He was a grown man and whether he remained on the straight path or chose the crooked one, it would be his burden to bear.
“Aight man. Well I know you’re busy at the hospital and shit. But I just wanted to let you know that whatever happens, whatever, that I love you little bro. I’ll holla at you later.”
“Awe, with the mushy shit, dude,” I laughed, wondering why he was getting so emotional all of a sudden. “Stay up, Jay. I’ll let Angel know you said hi and that everything is okay with you. She was worried about you too.”
“Oh really. That’s nice of her. Tell her I said thanks,” his voice was dry, sounding distant and muffled as he spoke.
“I will. Love you too, bro.”
Hanging up the phone before stuffing it down in my pants pocket, I quickly glanced lancing down at the name in the chart’s file. At the elevator my eyebrows curled over realizing that it was unrecognizable. It had to be a patient that I couldn’t remember. My palms became a little sweaty as I tried to think back on any mistakes I could’ve made that would force one of my patients into the emergency room. That’s all I needed was some weird malpractice lawsuit on my hands for some shit I couldn’t remember. Rushing out of the elevator towards the room that held the woman, I was shitting bricks inside and forcing myself to remain cool on the outside.
“Hello ma’am. What seems to be the prob—“
“Well, if it isn’t the good doctor. Hi doc.” Her smile was like a warm summer breeze. “Didn’t think I would let you get off that easily, did you?”
“Hi, uh…I don’t think I ever got your name miss…” I slapped the chart on the counter next to the curtain as I pulled it closed.
“Violet. My name is Violet Williams, Dr. Smart.”
“Well, Ms. Williams—“
“Violet, please,” she smirked batting her slanted brown eyes my way.
“Violet, what brings you in today? Have you been having pains from the accident?” I asked, placing the ear tips of my stethoscope in my ears then placing the diaphragm end on her chest to examine her.
I was willing to do anything I needed to in order to take care of her medical needs. As long as she wasn’t talking about suing me or trying to blackmail me then I would provide all the medical attention she needed. She didn’t appear to be in kind of pain and she actually looked damn good in her skintight jeans and skimpy little top. Violet had the cutest smirk perched upon her face that I couldn’t stop staring at. I didn’t know what it was but it was something about her that drew me in tremendously. She intrigued me like an enigma in more ways than one.
“Not exactly. Something happened at my school today and I had the ambulance drive me here. You’re the only doctor that I trust right now.” Her eyes shot up to mine. “I’m just saying that you made me feel so comfortable that day you almost killed me.”
“Ah, I didn’t try to kill you girl. I was just thinking really hard in the car and lost my head,” my words rambled on. “Anyway, what school do you go to?”
“U of I at Chicago.”
“Oh that’s wassup. That’s my alma mater. I’ve got a few buddies who still work up there.” For a brief moment I reminisced on the old days with my Alpha Phi Alpha brothers as I removed the stethoscope from her and I, placing it back around my neck. “So what happened up there?”
“I guess people just like to take advantage of freshmen because… I was raped.” Violet lowered her voice.
“Oh my God! I’m so very sorry this happened to you. Well you look like you're in good spirits but I can give you a referral to a great psychiatrist in the hospital."
"Uh, no I wouldn't need that. I'll just deal with this on my own. It'll be fine once I get past the initial shock of it all." Her eyes cut to a corner of the room where they locked in a trance.
"So you need a rape kit done then.” I began to write it in her file hoping to snap her out of it before tears flowed.
“Yeah, here’s the thing though. I don’t want anyone to examine me but you. No one else, Dr. Smart, just you.” She rubbed my arm gently.
“I understand that, Violet, but you’ve gotta understand that my examining you might not be appropriate in your vulnerable state. Wouldn't you feel more comfortable with a female doctor?” For some reason my nerves were on edge in her presence.
Staring at her in her seemingly fragile condition, she didn’t seem very fazed by her ordeal at all. Violet was actually rather calm for a rape victim, at least anyone that I had ever seen before. Her body language didn’t give me the vibe of an afraid, timid woman. In fact, it looked like she was over confidently flirting with me. Admittedly, none of that bothered me. Instead, I was lost in her full lips, her almond skin and her sultry eyes.
“Well, it wasn’t that type of rape anyway. It wasn’t vaginally. It was orally.” Violet opened her mouth pointing a finger halfway inside. “So any type of doctor can examine that right? I’m not fragile, Dr. Smart. I’m a big girl.”
“Yes, I guess if you're okay with that. Still a rape kit should be done so they can swab for skin cells and extract any kind of DNA that they can in order to catch your assailant,” I assured her as I crossed my arms leaning back on the counter.
“Oh they know exactly who he is. He was someone I knew and I thought I trusted with life,” Violet gazed into my eyes sitting back against the upright bed as she slowly opened her mouth as wide as she could. “So swab me doctor.”
“Give me a second while I go get the kit,” I said trying not to smile as I left the room.
“Great. Maybe once we’re done here you can take me out to dinner or something,” Violet called after in a playful tone winking her eye seductively at me.
“Oh. Um, Violet as tempting as that sounds, I think I’m going to have to pass.”
“Why is tha
t, Dr. Smart? Are you afraid of women who come from your alma mater?” She chuckled before I followed cracking up as well. “Or do you not date your patients?”
“No, I wouldn’t got that far—“
“Then what’s the problem?” Her eyes batted eagerly in my direction.
“There’s no problem. I just can’t—“
“Can’t say no…right?” Violet winked.
Wednesday May 16 th, 2012
Angel
Sorry, the number you have dialed is busy. Please try your call again later.
For the past two weeks I had been trying to call Jay and every time it has been saying the same shit. I had no idea what was going on. Had something happened to him? Was he in some kind of trouble? Even if he was, there was nothing I could do to help him if he didn’t tell me. Vega hadn’t heard from him either and wasn’t too concerned about it. He was used to his brother dropping off the face of the earth without so much as a warning. Jay didn’t even show up to Vega’s Sports Saturdays, which was usually our special day together.
He never disappeared on me like that so there was no way I could be used to it. My thoughts were stressing me out so much that I had begun smoking cigarettes behind Vega’s back again. I could only smoke them when he wasn’t around, which was basically often. Taking out a Newport 100 from the box hidden in dirt of the floor plant in the living room, I sparked up the lighter I had hidden with it.
I puffed hard on the cigarette feeling a calming sense of relief as I blew out the smoke and placed the filter to my lips once more. I jumped up to light an incense to clear the air of the cigarette smoke just in case Vega came in too soon.
Trying to calm my nerves as I returned to the couch, my fingers hesitantly dialed his number again only to hear the exact same message. I didn’t know why I couldn’t accept the fact that it wasn’t going to change. It was like my hand took on a mind of it’s own, calling his number repeatedly every five minutes hoping for a change, hoping he would just pick up the damn phone.
