My Once and Future Love

by Carla Krae

  “No…no, no, no…I want to go home.”

  Someone knocked on the door. “Anyone in there? We need to clean and lock up.”

  “We’re coming out,” she yelled. “Come on, Beth, I drove, so where you gonna run, hmm?”

  “I can get a cab?”

  “Ah, no. I didn’t get you all dolled up just so you can wimp out now.” She took my elbow and steered me back to the room.

  Who knew Celeste had such a strong grip?

  ****

  Jacob knew women could take their good sweet time in the loo, but part of him couldn’t help wondering if they left. Maybe arena personnel swept them out. Maybe one of them received an urgent call. Maybe Beth just didn’t like being around him anymore.

  “Hey, man, we’re ready to head for the limo,” Bob said. “It’s been a long few months, and I’m looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight.”

  The other three nodded in agreement.

  He sighed. “Yeah, let’s go. The girls probably got forced outside, anyway.”

  They exchanged a look and picked up their bags. The PA had Jacob’s bag and guitar case in hand. Jacob pushed the door open and hit Beth in the face with it.

  “Oh, god, love, I’m so sorry,” he said, as she held her nose. He tried to pry her fingers away to have a look.

  “I’m fine, I’m fine…it just stings.” She batted his hands away.

  “I’m so sorry. Are you sure it’s not broken?”

  She wiggled her nose and sniffed. “Yeah…yeah, it’s fine. Just…keep your distance.”

  “Ah, dude, that was like, classic comedy,” Aaron said.

  Bob smacked him upside the head. “Shut up, moron. Jake, we’ll see you at the car.” He herded the rest toward the exit.

  Jacob tried inspecting her nose without touching her. Celeste snickered behind her hand.

  “Jacob, quit hovering.”

  “Sorry. I just hate that I hurt you.” He rubbed the back of his neck, nervously shuffling his feet. “Did you enjoy the concert?”

  “Sure. It’s different sitting out there.”

  He nodded. “I wish I could try it, you know, watch from a third person perspective.”

  “Those new songs were really pretty. Intimate, even,” Celeste said. Beth glared at her.

  He blushed. “Thank you. I was nervous about debuting them. Only the band’s heard any of it before, and that was just to help with the chords. L.A. felt like the right place to introduce them. Home court, you know?” he said, looking at Beth.

  “Well, the crowd seemed to enjoy them, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” she said.

  He stepped forward and ducked his head to try catching her eyes. “It wasn’t the fans I hoped would like them.”

  “Are they really--?”

  “Every word.”

  “You…”

  “Can we talk somewhere? Please?”

  “Celeste drove me,” she said.

  “I know where you live, love.”

  She blushed. “Right…”

  “The limo is outside. Please?”

  Celeste nudged her closer to him. “She’ll go.”

  Beth glared at her friend, but didn’t protest.

  “Well, ladies, shall we?”

  He led them to the exit.

  “I thought the show was great. Really energetic. So, what’s your favorite building?” the redhead babbled.

  Beth trailed a step behind. The limo idled outside the gate. He waited while Celeste got his mates to give her hugs and sign autographs, Beth taking photos.

  “What, Bethie, we don’t get a hug for old time’s sake?” Aaron said.

  She went to the group and got a hug.

  “Alright, which one of you yahoos copped a feel?” She pulled a slip of paper from her back pocket.

  He stepped up behind her, glaring at his chums. “I thought I made it clear Beth is off limits.”

  Aaron held his hands up. “Hey, easy, man. It was just harmless fun. Bethie’s one of the family.”

  “Don’t touch her without her permission again, are we clear?” He draped an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s get in the car, love.”

  “I didn’t ask for a rescue.” She stopped at the door to the limo and shrugged his arm off.

  “He shouldn’t have touched you like that.”

  “I don’t need protection, Jacob.”

  “Fine, sorry for being a gentleman.” Didn’t she get that he was their leader? He had to set the boundaries, and it was the first thing he told them after offering her the job—no touching.

  “You can be such a Neanderthal. It was about territory and we both know it. You’ve always been like that.”

  He grabbed her around the waist. “Because you’re mine. Remember, you let me go.”

  She trembled in his arms. “Then why did you stop trying?”

  “You tore my heart out.”

  “What I thought you did shred mine. Guess we’re even.”

  “Bethie…” He lifted his hand to brush her hair off her face.

  “I miss you all the time,” she whispered.

  He took her face in his hands and kissed her. She melted into him. Eight years, and kissing her still affected him like a drug.

  “Come home with me.”

  “I…” She shook her head.

  “To talk,” he added. “Please.”

  She nodded and let him draw her into the limo.

  The PA had already taken Jacob’s gear home. Marty had Bob in the car, the other three living in a different part of town and going in a separate limo. Jacob sat next to Beth with his best friend across from them.

  “You two going to finally hash things out?” Bob asked. “About damn time.”

  She blushed and looked out the window.

  “He’s been writing songs for the past six months.”

  “Bob.”

  “What, Jake, we’ve all seen she’s important to you. Someone has to say it. He’s been almost boring.”

  A ghost of a smile crossed her face. “Really?”

  “All the partying and shit got old. I couldn’t do it anymore after…” Jacob shook his head. “Wasn’t fun anymore.”

  “See, Beth? Boring. The boy’s lovesick.”

  “Bloody hell, mate!”

  “Hey, we’ve been friends a long damn time. I’d expect you to do the same for me.”

  The limo stopped at Bob’s building. He patted Jacob on the shoulder and left the car.

  The rest of the drive was quiet. Jacob’s new house sat up in the hills in a more private location. It could still be considered large, but Maria could clean it by herself, a gardener came once a week, and he drove most days. He’d been there for months, but it was still sparsely furnished. With the tour there wasn’t time, yet, and it didn’t feel right to bring in a decorator.

  Marty drove through the open gate. Jacob opened the door and offered her his hand.

  “Goodnight, sir. Miss Beth.”

  “G’night, Marty.”

  He found his keys and started up the drive.

  “The house is kind of empty still. I haven’t owned it long.”

  “That’s okay.”

  He unlocked the door and flipped the light for the entry. She gasped.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty nice. The previous owners left it in neutral colors when they sold so it’d be easy for the new person to paint.” He smiled, entering the kitchen and seeing a sandwich and bag of chips on the counter. Maria had been doting on him since Beth left.

  “How was the concert, Mr. Lindsey? Oh. Miss Beth.”

  “Maria.”

  “Same as usual. We played, they screamed, we went home. You didn’t have to wait up, Maria.” And he hoped she’d go back to bed.

  “I was just watching TV,” she said.

  “Of course you were. Goodnight, Maria.”

  She smiled. “Goodnight, Mr. Lindsey. Nice to see you again, Beth.”

  “Same here, Maria. We’ll catch up soon.”
/>
  She walked back to her room. He picked up his food and led Beth to the back patio. He loved this view. The full moon was out, giving an otherworldly cast to the plants and flowers. It was beautiful, but solemn.

  “I’ve been here before,” she said. “I don’t know how…or when…” She shook her head and turned her attention to him. “You wanted to talk?”

  No time like the present to get it over with. “I still love you.”

  She blinked. “I didn’t know you did the first time.”

  “I didn’t want to say it too soon.”

  She looked down at her hands. “I get that.”

  “You said you’ve missed me.”

  “Yes.”

  He studied her profile. “In what way?”

  “Well, I haven’t dated anyone else since you. There was a night and a guy, but it’s not worth mentioning. Mom’s death brought me closer to my brother, but I pushed everyone else away. He has a new baby, you know.”

  “Really?”

  “A little girl named after my mother. She’s adorable and sweet and so beautiful. We visited this summer.”

  “Sounds nice.”

  “It really was.”

  They sat gazing out at the garden for a while. There were so many things to say, if he could ever get them out. When she finally spoke in the silence, it startled him.

  “I want to go slow. I don’t know if I can handle all the media attention and I think we had problems last time because we were so…”

  “Intense?”

  “Desperate for each other. We can’t try to fix everything with sex.”

  “The sex was incredible, though.”

  She smiled. “No denying that. How can we be different this time?”

  “You scared me to death when I thought you weren’t going to wake up. It took nearly losing you for good to make me realize how I’d been treating you, and then we talked… I never set out to be a selfish prick. It hasn’t been the same without you, Beth. I’ve missed your smile, and seeing you every day. You call me out when I’m being an ass and I need that. This all means nothing if I can’t share it with the people I care about.”

  “I know. That’s why I’d get so mad, you know, because I knew you’re capable of better.”

  He reached for her hand and kissed her fingers. “Thank you.”

  “I want to trust, you, Jacob, but your track record the past three years has been spotty at best.”

  “What record?”

  “Dating more than one girl at the same time.”

  “I have not.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Did you forget Calandra?”

  Oh, bloody hell. He forgot all about her not knowing it was faked. “That relationship wasn’t real, Beth. It was a publicity stunt. The label made me help her out.”

  “But--”

  “She was never at the house, never went on trips with me, I never bought her gifts…think about it, love. Did I ever talk about her when we were off duty?”

  “No…I don’t remember that you did. Okay, so you weren’t cheating on her. What about all the other girls?”

  He sighed. “Beth, I’ve never cheated on a relationship in my life. Didn’t you notice I always came home, even if it was really late? The only girl I’ve ever slept next to is you. It was always you. Yeah, I’ve had a few fun times, but nothing ever compared. I don’t know what else to say.”

  She glanced away. “I’m sorry. I spent a lot of time mad at you.”

  “That’s because you wouldn’t talk to me.”

  She sighed. “Touché. When is your next concert?”

  “Friday. I fly out in the morning. Gives us four days to figure this out. What about you?”

  “I’m local this week.”

  “Good.” He threaded his fingers through her hair. “What brought on the change of color?” It was so soft, like silk.

  “I had a dream once about a makeover. Figured my subconscious had a good idea.”

  He smiled. “Explains the lack of glasses, too. I’m glad you wore your hair down tonight. I wanted to pull the pins out of those chignons all the time, see it tumble free.”

  She bumped his shoulder, shaking her head. “You just have librarian fantasies.”

  He twirled a strand around his finger. “No, I have Beth fantasies, and I’ve loved your hair since I was sixteen.” He inhaled. “Still using the same conditioner.”

  “Why change what works?” She was so close now.

  He closed the gap and kissed her. She moaned. A second later, he had her on his lap. He wanted to drag out every last second. Soon, they were panting, gulping in air between feverish kisses. Her hands slid up his neck into his hair as they devoured each other, him holding her flush against his body.

  “I love the little sounds you make,” he said, nibbling on her neck. He played with her earring with his tongue, making her squirm.

  “This isn’t slow.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I should go home,” she said.

  He groaned, then held her at arm’s length. She was a gorgeous vision, her hair mussed, lips swollen from kisses, cheeks flushed, and eyes luminous in the moonlight.

  “Are you sure?”

  She nuzzled his cheek with her nose. “No. God, I’ve missed you.”

  “I love you, Beth.” It got easier each time he said it.

  She met his eyes. “I know.”

  He wanted to hear her say it back, but he could wait, at least for a night. “You’ll be my girl again?”

  “Until you don’t want me.”

  “Silly girl.” He slid his hand under the back of her shirt, relearning her silky skin. “I’ll always want you.” He found the spot on her neck and lightly bit down.

  She sucked in a breath and squirmed. “Not fair, Jacob.”

  “All’s fair in love, baby. Come see my new bed.” He stood, carrying her by a hand under each buttock.

  She wrapped her legs around his waist to hold on, just like he knew she would.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Being carried up these stairs gave me a sense of déjà vu. The house was the same one from my coma-dream, though I didn’t know how that was possible. The décor was different, of course, but…

  Jacob paused at the double doors to the master bedroom. “I did do a little decorating besides putting a bed in here.”

  “Okay…”

  He set me down and opened the doors. The first set of pictures I sold were on his walls.

  “It was you?”

  "I didn't think you'd sell them to me if you knew who wanted them," he said, turning to look at the framed photographs on the walls. "They're really good, and you took them, so..."

  "How did you even know about the showing?"

  It was so surreal...

  "Marty drove by and I saw your name on the sign. I seriously doubted there were two Elizabeth Lawsons in L.A. interested in photography, so... I had to support your work, Bethie, like you did mine. The gallery gave you a good commission, didn't they?" he asked, his tone threatening retribution if I'd been treated unfairly.

  "Yeah...yeah, it was very fair. Oh, my God, Jacob! You've had these all this time and you never said? I'd frame a photograph you liked for free. You didn't need to buy them."

  He shrugged, walking over to look at the print hanging above the bed. It focused on the adornments on an Art Deco building in the city.

  "If you'd rather they go to a collector, I'll understand. I don't want you to doubt your talent."

  "I don't...unless you bought all the rest?"

  He shook his head, smiling. "No, just these. I've looked at them all, though."

  “You’re amazing.”

  “You supported me. I supported you.” He wrapped his arms around me. “Please stay.”

  I took a step back. “Sharing a bed isn’t going slow. I don’t know how many more chances we’ll have if we mess this up.”

  “You have a point, but I have plenty of guest bedrooms. I’m not tryin’ to be pushy, love, it�
��s just…it’s been so long since we were honest and friendly at the same time I don’t want the night to end.”

  “That’s really sweet, but I should go home.”

  “Are you sure?” Kisses along my jaw made my breath come quick. “There’s no rush…unless you have to work tomorrow?”

  “No…”

  “Then talk to me. We have months to catch up on.” He bit the spot on my neck again; I hissed.

  “This isn’t talking.”

  “Sure it is…you say words, I reply to them…”

  “Seducing me won’t help your case tomorrow.”

  He sighed, let me go, and nodded, then took my hand. We left the bedroom and walked down to the garage. I followed him to a black Mercedes. He opened my door first.

  “Thanks.”

  Once inside, his movements were casual, in no hurry. Though the streets were deserted, he stuck to the speed limit—a definite improvement. I remembered this route from the dream, which was way trippy. Maybe I did cross into an alternate universe for three days.

  “Is your dad in town?” he asked.

  “Why? Nervous?”

  “Only if he knows our past.”

  Scary thought. “He doesn’t. We’ve gotten closer, but not that close. So, when you leave Friday, how long will you be gone?”

  “Not long. Then, we get most of October off.”

  “Wow, a whole month? What will you do with yourself?”

  “A few weeks, and I hope you’ll help me figure that out,” he said with a smile.

  “Yeah, we can hang out.”

  Jacob pulled into the driveway next to my car and cut the engine. “Are we really doing this?”

  “What?”

  “Dating again,” he said.

  “Maybe… We could try being friends first. At this point, it’s kind of like starting from scratch.”

  His brows met in the middle. “What are you saying, Beth?”

  “Give me a little space. It’s late and you sprung all this on me…I’m glad we talked, but I need to absorb this. The summer was safe, you know, with e-mails and postcards, and now you make with the big gestures…”

  “I’m serious, Beth. When I got that call from the hospital, everything stopped and all I could think about was ‘please don’t let her die’. You hurt me when you kicked me away, but much as I wanted to stop loving you, I couldn’t…not completely. Took a long time to figure that out and after repairing some of the damage these past months--”