Sunlight

by Gwen Cole

  West nodded and continued out the door. But my thoughts still lingered on those letters. We all knew about the Fall, and how humankind was almost wiped out from the unexpected attack on Earth. But I never thought a lot about the people who went through it.

  Was like what we felt now in the war? Or was it worse?

  When we stepped outside it felt good to have the sun on my face and the warmth on my skin. Trees were scattered around the house; big and old that seemed to blend in with their surroundings. They were perfect. Past the yard was the barn, and behind that, Malcolm’s corn field.

  But West didn’t turn that way. Instead we went in the opposite direction, towards the woods. We passed under the shadows of the trees onto a narrow dirt path that blended between them.

  I told him, “I don’t want you to carry me if it’s far.”

  “It’s not,” he assured me.

  We turned around a small bend in the path and I finally saw our destination. He stop at the edge of the woods and watched my face as I took in the scene before us.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” I asked, looking back into his crystal eyes. My stomach fluttered, just like every other time I looked at him.

  “Well, that would’ve ruined the surprise, and I have to admit, I’m greedy that way.”

  “What do you have to be greedy about?” I wasn’t quite sure what he had meant by that.

  “Because,” West started softly, “I wanted to see your face when I showed you.”

  I was glad he didn’t tell me about it before; I would have had a false picture in my mind. I peeled my eyes off his face and looked back down the small hill. A field spread out before us, and the hills rolled on for miles without break.

  At the base of the hill was a picture perfect pond with blue water and great oaks placed at either end, their branches spreading out across the water like giant arms. The green grass covered the ground and was never ending, and a light breeze flowed through it, making it move, almost as if it were a living thing. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. The only thing that made it perfect was the fact I was with the only person that could make this little piece of earth shine.

  West sat me down at the base of a big tree near the edge of the pond. The grass was soft and cool as I brushed my hand across the tips. He laid down on his back near my feet, with his head sightly angled towards me. I watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed, his eyes watching the sky. I leaned my head up against the tree and tried not to make it obvious that I was looking at him.

  I found myself wanting to steal glances of him more often than usual.

  And that wasn’t normal for me. I never stole glances at boys. Reese never stole glances at boys. It was just something I never did.

  But there I was, staring at the most beautiful boy that I had ever encountered. His eyes were same color as the sky, his dark hair going in odd directions like indecisive waves, and his lips parted just slightly . . .

  “What are you thinking about?” West asked.

  Minor panic attack—like I could him the truth. I tried to think of something fast. “That cloud looks like a spaceship.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, it does.”

  “What are you thinking about?” I countered, trying to regain a composed face before he would see my heated cheeks.

  “Actually, I was thinking about the North City. Malcolm has reason to believe that the city hasn’t been over run yet.”

  “Do you really think so?”

  I didn’t think it was possible after the no-warning attack. I had no idea where our country stood with the war, but my hopes were never high. They had to be.

  “I think the possibility is good, but we won’t know until we get closer. We’re still quite a ways out.” West sighed. “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

  I nodded in return, staring at the ripples in the pond made by the slight breeze. My hope for the war was renewed when I thought of the possibility. Maybe Ethan was even there. I knew he could have made it that far already, he was tough and determined when he wanted to be.

  The possibility of him being dead just wasn’t settling with me and I wasn’t going to let it.

  “Carrie said that I might be able to walk in about two weeks or so, but I’ll have to use a cane at first.” I grimaced. “I have the feeling I’m going to feel like an old person for a while.”

  I watched his face, waiting for the smile that always followed my semi-witty comments, but it never came. He seemed distracted. Even though his face was looking at the sky, his eyes were somewhere else.

  Before I could read his expression, he turned his head, propped himself up on his elbow and smiled the smile I had been waiting for. “Maybe I’ll find you a pair of dentures to match it,” he said.

  My lip twitched, even though I was holding it back, and a laugh escaped my mouth as he grinned back.

  After our smiles had faded we were just left with staring at each other. His eyes dropped and stared at nothing, thinking again. I didn’t like the expression on his face. I don’t know why.

  “What’s wrong?” I finally asked.

  He looked up and his face was back to normal, no trace of anything but him.

  “I want pizza.”

  Liar, but I didn’t say anything because I had done the same thing to him five minutes before. Something was bothering him, but I didn’t want to press him for answers. He picked me up again and we made our way back to the house.

  West was quiet the rest of the day as we finished the movie and ate dinner. I knew his mind was still elsewhere, just thinking. In the pit of my stomach, I knew something was wrong, and I didn’t like it.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  I found out what was wrong that night.

  I woke with a start, my heart already beating fast. I could hear West and Malcolm arguing in the kitchen, Carrie trying to calm them. I hated being unable to walk.

  But before I could try to get out of bed, I heard someone coming down the hall, fast. West cracked open my door, thinking I was still asleep. He was wearing his hoodie and a pair of jeans, his shoes on, like he had just come back from a walk.

  When he saw that I was already awake, he shut the door and came over to sat on the edge of my bed, right next to me. I breathed in his smell of fresh air and warmth, filling my lungs of his familiarity. His eyes seemed to glow in the faint light. He didn’t look at me; the first clue to something wrong.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Reese—” his breathing seemed to falter. “I have to go.”

  The words echoed around in my head like an empty cave. One big, black cave. The very place I didn’t want to go back to. Back to where I started before I had met West. My eyes were frozen on his face as his eyes finally came up to mine.

  They were like blue ice again; too strong for their own good.

  “Why? What’s going on?” I whispered. I was holding back my tears but I wasn’t sure how long I had until they came out; me wanting them to or not. I couldn’t believe that he was really leaving.

  West never took his eyes off mine while he spoke. “They getting closer,” he said. “They never stopped searching for us, like you said, and Dersa must’ve known we couldn’t have gone far with your knee the way it is. He’s a tracker, Reese. He can track a wolf in a snow storm if he needed to. He’s going to find us here, and I can’t let that happen. I need to lead them away.”

  “But they could catch you. It’s too dangerous Please.”

  He tried to smile. “You underestimate me.”

  “West—”

  West put his hand on the side of my face, cutting me off. His fingers were smooth and warm on my skin, sending my heart crazy. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, they were as sad as I’d ever seen them.

  “I’m doing this, Reese, I have to. He won’t stop until he finds me, and if he can’t find me, then he’ll come after you. And until he’s dead, I won’t be able to sleep.” He slowly shook his head. “I haven’t slept. I just wa
nt us to be together, and we can’t until they stop hunting us. This is the only way.”

  I couldn’t hold my tears any longer. They rolled down my cheeks silently and down my neck, tracing my skin.

  “When will you come back?” I whispered again. My voice seemed unable to come out any stronger.

  He dropped his hand from my face, leaving it cold. “As soon as he’s dead.”

  “But what if they catch you? It’s too much of a risk.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “But I need to do this. So, I’m going to ask something of you.” My heart hammered even more. “If I’m not back by the time you’re able to travel again, I want to you go on without me.”

  More tears came and I started to shake, but I couldn’t stop. It was like the beginning all over again. When I realized I had to leave the house alone, without Ethan and Mom and Dad. And now West was doing the same thing. Except, this hurt more. Much more.

  “You know I can’t do that, West.”

  “Reese, please.” His eyes were so pleading that I almost broke down more than I already was. “Look . . . when your able to walk again, and Carrie lets you know when you can travel again, wait no more then three days. Then I want you to promise me you will leave. You have to find Ethan. I know he’s important to you, and I’ll catch up to you after you’ve left. I just don’t know how long this will take.”

  “You mean, you don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  West didn’t answer.

  I didn’t know what else to say. I knew I couldn’t convince him to stay, even though I wanted nothing more than for him to stay with me. I bottled up my emotions for the moment, knowing that they would erupt later, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to look into his face as long as I could—until I couldn’t anymore—just trying to memorize it.

  “You’ll be back?” I asked.

  “Yes.” He said it instantly, but I had a hard time believing him.

  “You promise?” I didn’t whisper this time. I wanted to make sure he meant it. I needed to hear his words so I would never forget them.

  West didn’t say anything at first, he just stared at me for the longest moment. Then, instead of saying something, he slowly leaned in closer until his face was inches from mine.

  Then he did something I would never forget.

  West pressed his lips softly against mine. They were like the softest velvet, warm and wet; the smoothest thing to ever touch my lips. My heart rate spiked rapidly and heat rose in my cheeks. My fingers itched to grab onto his hair and keep him there forever, but I was frozen in place, feeling everything and not knowing how to react.

  He held his lips there for a moment longer before pulling away to look into my eyes again.

  A single tear rolled down his face, over his cheekbone. “I promise.”

  It was him who whispered this time.

  He gave me his crooked smile and I returned it, even if it was half heartedly. Then he was gone, just like the shadow he had come in with.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  After West left, leaving the room in a claustrophobic silence, I laid down on my pillow and stared at the white wall. My thoughts were numb. I felt cold even though it was summer. I could no longer feel the warmth coming from the mattress where West had been sitting, and that was all I could think about.

  It was like he was never there.

  My tears dripped off my chin silently. My stomach ached, but it wasn’t from the lack of food.

  It scared me knowing he might not come back.

  It scared me more than anything. Now that he was really gone I felt so . . . alone. Even before this war, I’d never felt that way. It never ached this way or this bad.

  Before I had met West when I was alone in the woods, it felt different; I was focused on finding Ethan and my parents and that was my only priority. Everything had changed when I had met him. And even though I still wanted to find my brother, I wasn’t alone in doing it.

  Now I was again.

  It was like starting where I had left off.

  Just me.

  As I thought about West—possibly not coming back—it made me think about Ethan, too. I almost panicked. I tried to block the terrifying thoughts from coming, but they pushed through my mental barrier anyway. What if . . . Ethan wasn’t alive? And I was just chasing false hope this whole time? What if it was just me now, forever?

  The realization was terrifying.

  I curled up into a ball and tried to block everything from my mind. I shivered. The blankets weren’t giving me any warmth. Or maybe they were but I just couldn’t feel it. My hair clung to my face as I lay there staring at the wall, wishing everything wasn’t happening the way it was.

  I fell asleep like that.

  My mind shut down and I had horrible nightmares.

  Horrible because West was in them.

  Horrible because when I woke, he wasn’t there anymore.

  It was just me.

  ✢✢✢

  As I sat there at the table, I tried to keep my thoughts at bay. I needed to keep him out of my mind; it was too painful to think of the boy that changed my life. I stared at the natural patterns of the wooden table before me, loving the way they swirled and blended together perfectly. I didn’t want to think about him.

  West. I blinked, shifting my gaze over to my half empty glass of water. Drops of condensation clung to the sides. My mouth was dry, but I was content with staring at it for the moment.

  “Reese?”

  I looked up with eyebrows raised. Carrie was studying me with a small smile on her lips.

  “Would you like anymore food? You haven’t eaten much.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”

  My eyes went back to my glass of water and she went back to eating.

  For the last seven weeks I hadn’t talked much, and I felt bad about it. Carrie was so sweet and caring, and here I was being so sullen and far away. I didn’t mean too, and felt horrible about it. I just . . . drifted away sometimes without realizing it.

  “Where’s Malcolm this morning?” I asked, trying to be conversational. Her eyes lit up when she realized I was going to talk with her; which made me feel even worse. Was I really that bad?

  “He decided to go hunting with winter coming and all,” she said. “He figures we could freeze some deer meat.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. If you want, I could help you package it if he brings one home.”

  She nodded. “That would be a big help, thank you.” Carrie went back to eating her food. I looked down at my own I realized that I hadn’t eaten much, but my stomach was still aching.

  West.

  I picked my head up quickly. “How’re your neighbors doing?”

  “Both of them are doing well, they’re going to be hunting too so we’ll be able to share with each other if the other gets low. You remember Katie’s oldest son, Marcus?” I nodded, remembering. He had come over once to visit since I’d been here. “I guess he left last week to go up to the North City.”

  This was news, something to take my mind off of unwanted subjects. “Why? He is going to try to find out what’s going on? To see who’s in control?”

  “He’s going to try anyway. He said he’ll come back once he finds out anything.” Her voice seemed to falter towards the end and I knew by the sound of her voice that she hoped he would also find out any news about her daughter, Casey.

  I nodded in return and moved my fork around on my plate, separating my eggs from the potatoes. I realized then we’d been eating a lot of potatoes lately. They were probably low on food, and I was just another mouth to feed.

  Carrie picked up her plate and moved over to the sink, her feet barely making a sound. She turned back around and I knew she wanted to ask me something.

  And she did; the very one I didn’t want to answer.

  “So, when are you planning to leave, Reese?” I cringed at the question, and she noticed, “You know you can stay here as long as you want. We love you and love ha
ving you. You know that.”

  I looked out the window and nodded. Summer was well on it’s way out and it felt as though I had missed half of it. The warm season was short this far north. Back when people had lived down south, it had been said that summers used to last longer than they did here.

  But that was a long time ago, and miles away from here. It was just history now.

  “It’s just . . .” she paused, hating the conversation almost as much as I was. “I know West wanted you to leave, just in case they decide to come look for you, too. And I don’t want them to find you.”

  “I know,” I said still looking away, my heart pounding silently in my chest. “But you said I still had a couple of days.”

  “Yes, I did say that. But you’re ready now. Your knee is almost as strong as it was before, but I just wanted to make sure, to give you more time if you needed it.”

  I knew I was ready, too. I took walks every morning and evening, and even jogging every few minutes. It was finally healed, even though I still had a slight limp. I could stay three days; that was all he gave me until I had to leave.

  As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stay, I had promised him I wouldn’t, and I had hoped if I didn’t break my promise, then maybe he wouldn’t either.

  “I’ll leave in three days,” I said. “That’s how long he gave me.”

  Carrie seemed content with that answer and started cleaning the table. I stood and took my plate over to the sink, but she shoed me away. She always did; she was weird when it came to cleaning.

  I went back to my room and dropped onto the bed face up. I didn’t want to leave. Leaving would admit that he wasn’t coming back. He said he would catch up with me when I finally did leave, but he had been gone for more than seven weeks. I trained myself to not think of it to deeply. It hurt to think of him. It hurt more than I had thought possible.

  Every time I thought of him I would drift away for a moment, just remembering his eyes, his hair, the shape of his face. I would get this empty feeling in my stomach and tears would threaten to come.

  I felt so weak when it happened, and I hated it.