To Catch a Spirit

by Carrie Pulkinen

  * * *

  Logan darted across the parking lot and into the emergency room. He followed a nurse down the hallway until she stopped and pulled back a curtain.

  “Well, this is where she’s supposed to be.” She picked up Allison’s chart on the wall. “Oh, she’s getting a CT scan. You can wait here. She’ll be back in a few.”

  “Thanks.” He sat in a green vinyl chair and wringed his hands. There was no doubt in his mind now, he had to get rid of that house. He could find another place. It probably wouldn’t be as big, but that would be okay. Cozy might be nice. Maybe he could even convince Allison to move in with him. For her to be there with him every night, to wake up in her arms every morning, that would be pure heaven. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Tina’s number.

  “Hi, Logan. Did you get rid of the ghost?”

  “No. That’s why I’m calling. There was an accident, and Allison fell down the stairs. The ghost pushed her down the stairs.”

  “Is she all right? Where is she? I’ll be right there.”

  “No, no. She’s okay. We’re at the hospital, and she’s getting a CT scan to see if she has a concussion. But she was up and talking before we got here. You don’t need to come down.”

  “Are you sure? Maybe I better come anyway.”

  “I’m here. She’ll be okay.”

  “Okay. I’m just so used to being Allison’s only family, it’s kind of weird that she has you to take care of her now.”

  “Yeah.” And he was doing a great job at it, too. In less than a week he’d already dumped her and given her a concussion. Shit.

  “I need you to get my house on the market ASAP. I’m not letting Allison back in there again. It’s too dangerous.”

  “Does she know about this?”

  “She knows.”

  “And did she agree to it?”

  “Not yet. But I can be very convincing.”

  “She can be pretty stubborn. Logan, I don’t think she’s going to back down on this one. It’s personal for her, especially if the spirit physically harmed her. And when she sets her mind to something, she finishes it.”

  “She’s not finishing this one. I’m not going to let her get hurt again.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. But I’ll go ahead and look into getting it listed for you.”

  “That’s all I’m asking.”

  “Okay. Tell her to call me as soon as she finds out about the concussion.”

  “Will do. Thanks, Tina.”

  “My pleasure. And thanks for letting me know about Allison. Sometimes she forgets to call me.”

  * * *

  Allison clutched the rolled-up magazine to her chest as she watched the ceiling tiles slide over her head. She had to wait outside the radiology room for half an hour for her CT scan, so she had plenty of time to read the entire article about Logan. She tightened her grip on the magazine. He was probably waiting for her in the curtained off room. What in the world would she say to him?

  She’d read the line over and over again. “I’m not interested in settling down with a woman,” he’d said. “My job is fulfilling, and that’s all I need.”

  Did he really feel that way?

  And then there were the pictures. The one on the cover was innocent enough, but inside the article he was featured wearing nothing but a pair of jeans with the button undone. It was no wonder why women threw themselves at him like they did. Maybe she’d been wrong about Logan. Maybe he wasn’t as scared and lonely as she first thought.

  The orderly pulled back the curtain and wheeled Allison into her room. Logan jumped to his feet as soon as he saw her, but she couldn’t look at him. She declined his help getting into her bed and climbed onto it herself. With the magazine still rolled up tight, a tear slid down her cheek.

  “Why are you crying? Are you in pain?” He tried to take her hand, but she jerked it out of his grasp. “Allison, what’s wrong?”

  She choked back a sob and threw the magazine at his chest before she leaned her head back and squeezed her eyes shut.

  “Shit. Is this the first time you’ve seen this?” He tossed the magazine onto a table and raked his hand through his hair.

  She nodded, still not trusting her voice.

  He cursed under his breath and sat on the edge of the bed. “I agreed to do this before I met you. I don’t…It’s not me. You know that.”

  She took a shaky breath and opened her eyes. “It sure looks like you. Bare chested and everything. I thought…Well, I don’t know what I thought, but I didn’t think you would agree to something like this.”

  “It’s not like it’s porn.”

  “I know it’s not porn.” She exhaled an exasperated breath. “Why did you do it? You said you didn’t care about making a name for yourself or what anybody else thought. You wonder why everyone’s after your money? It’s because you go around flaunting it…and your body.”

  She rolled onto her side away from him. She was torn. Part of her loved him and wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, but the other part of her said maybe she really didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. Maybe her own emotions had clouded her judgement.

  She could always read him. Just tear down the walls and let his psyche soak into her. Then she’d know the truth. But he didn’t want her to. Now she knew why.

  “Christ, Allison. It was a PR move. That’s all. When the magazine approached me about it, I told them no. I didn’t want to do it. You know me; I’m not after that kind of attention. But after I talked about it with Trent and my PR people, we decided it would be good for business. I didn’t do it for attention. I did it for business, I swear.”

  “Yeah? What kind of business are you in that you have to take your clothes off in front of the entire city?”

  He fisted his hands at his sides. “That part was stupid. I admit it, and if I could take it back, I would. Honestly, I regretted doing the whole thing when I saw what kind of attention I was getting from it.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “Come on, Allison. You know me.”

  She turned to face him. “Do I, Logan? Because I’m not so sure. I read that article. You said you didn’t want to settle down with a woman. Your job is fulfilling enough for you. Can you really change your mind that fast?”

  “Yes, I can. I didn’t know you then. Allison, that’s not me. That’s the façade. That’s the part you saw right through. The shell I put on to protect myself. It doesn't matter what was said in the article. You know the real me, and you know I’m in love with you.”

  “No, I don’t.” She pointed to the magazine on the table. “That’s who you’ve been all your life. We live in two different worlds, and I don’t want to be with someone who has to change for me.”

  He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “Allison, please don’t do this. I don’t have to change for you. I’m not trying to change. I’m finally being myself, because with you, I don’t have to pretend anymore.”

  The doctor walked into the room, and Logan wiped at his eyes.

  “Good news, Ms. Gray. Your concussion is minor, and I don’t think it’s going to give you any trouble. I’m going to release you, but I want you to come back if you start feeling dizzy or if you get a headache or vision problems, okay?”

  “Thank you.” She sat up in the bed, swinging her legs over the side as the doctor nodded and left the room.

  “Logan, I can’t do this. I don’t want to hang around waiting for you to change your mind. For you to decide you really didn’t want to settle down and you were just caught up in the passion with me.” She picked up her purse and swung it over her shoulder. “I called Tina, and she’s coming to pick me up.”

  Logan swallowed hard, and a tear slid down his cheek. “Allison, no. I love you.”

  She shook her head. She couldn’t stand there and listen to him talk like that, or she might change her mind. It took all the strength she had not to throw herself into his arms. She did love him, but she couldn’t change him. And
she was done pretending he was someone he wasn’t.

  “You think you love me. But you’ve been living this lifestyle for too long. I don’t want anything to do with it, and I’m not going to ask you to change.”

  “Allison, I do love you. If you don’t believe me, then read me. Go ahead and do it.” He held out his arms, inviting her in, but she crossed hers over her stomach.

  “Whenever people find out what I do, they always ask me to read them. Whether they believe in my ability or not, they’re always curious to see what I can pick up. But you never were. You refused my offer for a reading, and now I understand why. It’s because you didn’t want me to see this side of you, isn’t it?”

  “No. Allison, you know why I didn’t ask you to do it before. I didn’t want you to find out about all my issues. My OCD, the ghost, everything. I’m fucked up. But you know everything now. I’ve got nothing to hide from you. Please, just do it.”

  She saw the pain in his eyes, but she threw up her walls before she could feel it. “No. Because now I don’t want to know. I have to go.” She turned on her heel and left him standing there alone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “Chocolate, chocolate chip ice cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and cherries. Eat up!” Tina handed Allison a big bowl and curled up on the couch next to her.

  “Thanks. I think there’s a week’s worth of calories in here.” She gave her friend a half smile and licked some whipped cream off the spoon.

  Tina shrugged. “Chocolate is good for the soul. How’s your head?”

  “It’s fine. The bruise on my back bothers me more.” She sat cross-legged on the sofa and set the bowl in her lap.

  “I’m glad you’re okay. Now, start talking.”

  Allison took a deep breath and sighed. “I really don’t want to talk about it.” She didn’t even want to think about what she’d done. She broke up with the man she loved because he posed half-naked in a magazine before she ever met him. It sounded ridiculous even to her. But it was more than that. It was his image. That magazine article was a reminder of who he really was, not the idea of him she’d created in her mind.

  “Allie, I’ve been patient. You didn’t say a word the entire way home from the hospital. I sat there silently while you stared out the window and cried. You haven’t moved from your spot on the couch, even when I went to the grocery store. You have to tell me what’s going on. Or should I call Logan and ask him?”

  “Don’t call him. I broke up with him.” She focused on her ice cream, mixing the whipped cream in with the chocolate. Could Logan eat ice cream like this? Or would he have to have the toppings on the side? Maybe since it was all in the same bowl, it would be okay. Crap. She needed to stop thinking about him.

  “You broke up with him.” Tina nodded and put her bowl on the coffee table. “Do you want to tell me why you’ve gone out of your mind?”

  She sighed. “I don’t need a lecture.”

  “What happened? I thought you loved him.”

  “I did. I do. But I saw that article in Detroit City Magazine. Did you know he was named this year’s Most Eligible Bachelor?”

  “Sure. Everyone knows that.”

  “I didn’t. Not until the EMT showed me the magazine.”

  “And that’s why you broke up with him? You didn’t even know him when he did that. You can’t hold it against him.”

  Allison put her bowl on the table and pulled her knees to her chest. “It’s not just that he did it. Did you read the article? He basically told the world he didn’t want to get involved with anyone. He’s an eternal bachelor. I don’t know. I guess I’m finally seeing Logan for who he really is, and not who I want him to be.”

  “What happened to the whole ‘he’s scared and lonely’ thing? You said he was different.”

  “I know I did, but what if I was wrong? What if I just wanted him to be different? He’s been this one-and-done party boy for so long. I can’t expect him to change for me.”

  “You can if he wants to change. And when have you ever been wrong about someone? You’re the best judge of character I know.”

  “No, I…crap.” She pulled her buzzing phone out of her pocket checked the caller ID. She pushed the ignore button and threw the phone on the coffee table.

  “That was him, wasn’t it?” Tina picked up the phone and checked the number.

  “Yes, but I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t even know what I would say.”

  Tina put her arm around her. “Look, Allie. You’re my best friend, and I try to support you no matter what you do. But this time, I think you’re making a mistake. You two are great together. Oh, look. You’ve got a voice mail.”

  “I don’t want to hear it.”

  “I do.” Tina put the phone on speaker and played the message. Allison fought back the tears as Logan’s voice filled the room. She could hear his pain. Almost feel it as he spoke.

  “Hey, Allison. It’s Logan. Look…I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say to make you believe me. I love you. Please call me.”

  Tina saved the message and hung up the phone. “What are you going to do?” She offered her the phone, but Allison shook her head. “Why don’t you call him?”

  “I can’t.” A sob bubbled up from her throat, and she wiped the tears from her cheeks. She picked up her bowl of ice cream and shoveled a big bite into her mouth, closing her eyes and letting the frozen treat melt on her tongue. But she could hardly taste it.

  Tina picked up her own bowl. “Did you ever do a reading on him? You’re so good at picking up on people’s emotions. Couldn’t you figure out how he really feels?”

  “He never wanted me to, and you know I won’t do it without permission. It’s just not right.”

  “I bet he’d let you now.”

  “Now I don’t want to know.” Allison stood and took her bowl to the kitchen sink. It was the same argument over and over, and she couldn’t listen to it anymore. “And even if I tried, my own emotions would probably get in the way. When I’m this emotional, who knows if I’ll pick up on how he really feels? Maybe I’ll only sense what I want him to feel. It’s not an exact science.”

  Maybe she was being stupid. Maybe she was making a mistake like Tina said. But it was her mistake to make, wasn’t it?

  “I didn’t realize it was so complicated.”

  “Well, it is. I’m going to bed. You don’t have to stay all night. I’m fine.”

  “You’re obviously not fine if you’re going to bed at seven o’clock. Besides, you have a head injury. I’m not leaving you alone. I’ll be in to check on you every few hours.”

  “Thanks.” She closed her bedroom door and crawled under the covers. As soon as her head hit the pillow, loneliness engulfed her, hollowing out her chest and leaving nothing but aching pain behind. Her bed was too big and cold without Logan there to share it with her. But she’d have to get used to it, because this was how it was going to be from now on. She clutched a pillow to her chest and cried herself to sleep.

  * * *

  Logan turned off his phone and threw it across the bedroom. It was the sixth time he’d called Allison since she left him at the hospital and the sixth time he’d gotten her voicemail. Two days had gone by without a word from the woman he loved, but he wasn’t about to give up. He would quit calling her, though. For a few days. Maybe if he gave her some space. Some time to think without him calling her every few hours. Surely, she’d come around. She had to.

  At least today was a productive day. He signed two new investment deals that looked promising, and he cut through a lot of paperwork that had been piling up on his desk. If he buried himself in his work, the hours without Allison weren’t quite as agonizing. But when he got home, things really got bad.

  He was getting used to Lily banging around in the house. She didn’t bother him much since he wasn’t bringing any women home for her to be jealous of. He still wanted to get rid of the ghost, but since Allison was apparently the only one who could do it, he wa
s out of luck.

  He changed into some shorts and a t-shirt and put his dirty clothes into the color-coded hampers before he headed to his weight room. Hopefully the rhythmic movements and order of the reps would stave off the impending OCD attack that lurked in the corner of his mind.

  The first night without Allison was the worst. When he got home from the hospital, he tried to calm himself down. He tried Allison’s meditation, but thinking about her just made it harder. He ended up cleaning the entire downstairs, scrubbing the floors in five hundred even strokes for each room. He finally collapsed on the couch at three in the morning, only to wake up at six to go to work.

  Night number two wasn’t much better. He’d spent most of the day staring at the wall in his office. Jumping every time the phone rang in hopes that it would be Allison. It never was, and it was looking like it never would be. Shit, he couldn’t think like that. He wouldn’t let go of the hope that she might change her mind.

  He loaded the weights on the bar and lay down on the bench. Three sets of fifteen, pumping up and down, the rhythm eased his mind. When he finished one exercise, he quickly moved on to the next without pausing to think. He couldn’t think, because if he did, he was sure to spiral into another debilitating episode.

  He worked out for a solid hour, and when his muscles burned to the point of exhaustion, he went straight to the shower. From one routine to the next. As long as he kept his mind busy, he didn’t have to think about Allison. He scrubbed his face, then washed his hair, and finally worked the soap down the rest of his body.

  He shut off the water and took a deep breath before he stepped out of the shower and toweled off. This evening wasn’t so bad. If he could just stick with a routine every night. Some order. He could learn to live without Allison, couldn’t he?

  Shit, who am I kidding?

  He couldn’t live without her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he had to figure out a way to get her back. What would it take to convince her she was the only one he wanted? He popped a sleeping pill before he could think about it anymore and climbed into bed.