To Catch a Spirit

by Carrie Pulkinen

  * * *

  Allison finished her healing session and said good-bye to her client before she collapsed in her chair. Reiki usually left her feeling relaxed and energized, but for the past three days, she just felt drained. It took everything she had to help her patients, and she wasn’t giving them her best. She was only going through the motions, unable to truly focus on their needs.

  She opened her eyes when she heard a soft tap on the door, and Lucia came in carrying two cups of steaming ginger tea. She handed one to Allison and leaned against the treatment table silently.

  Allison took a sip of her tea and closed her eyes again. She hadn’t been good company to anyone lately, choosing to spend most of her time alone. She leaned her head back and took a deep breath, trying to regain some of the energy she lost during her healing session.

  She wasn’t protecting herself. Rather than acting as a conduit, she was giving away her own energy, and it was taking its toll on her body and mind.

  “How are you, Allison?” Lucia’s voice cut through the silence, bringing Allison back to the present.

  “What time is it?” She’d been avoiding the question for days. She was miserable, and she wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone, including herself.

  “It’s five o’clock.”

  “He hasn’t called today.” She didn’t look at Lucia as she spoke; she just stared at the ceiling.

  “Can you blame him, dear? How many messages has he left?”

  “Six.”

  “And you haven’t returned any of them. He has to save what pride he has left. You’re sure you don’t want to call him?”

  She took another sip of her tea and looked at Lucia. “I’m sure.” But she wasn’t. With each tick of the clock, she doubted her decision more and more. It didn’t feel right being without Logan.

  “Hello, ladies!” Tina’s voice carried through the showroom, and Allison pulled her knees into her chest. She recognized that musical octave; it was Tina’s party tone, and Allison did not want to go out tonight. Tina walked into the office and looked down at her curled up in the chair.

  “Get up, Allie. We’re going out.” Her voice was short, commanding.

  Allison groaned. “You go ahead. I was just getting ready to go home.”

  Tina crossed her arms over her chest and stood in the doorway. “To do what? Cry yourself to sleep again? I, for one, have had enough of your moping. If you’re not going to get it on with your man, then you’re going to get on with your life. Now get your purse, and let’s go.”

  She didn’t move. “I uh…promised Lucia I’d help her get some pieces ready for auction tonight.”

  “No, you didn’t,” Lucia said. “You need to get out, Allison. Go.”

  “All right. I’ll go, but I’m not going to have fun. And you’re going to be so bored, you’ll wish you didn’t make me come.”

  Tina smiled and rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

  Allison glared at her friend as she followed her through the showroom. The ominous sky grew dark outside, dampening her mood even more. And when Tina stepped out the door, Allison briefly thought about locking it and running for the back exit. But how mature would that be? Instead, she climbed into the passenger seat like a dutiful friend and crossed her arms over her chest like a pouting child.

  “Cheer up, Allie. It won’t be that bad. There’s a new band playing at Molly’s Place tonight that I want to check out. They sound pretty cool.”

  “Great.”

  Tina shook her head, and they drove the rest of the way in silence. When they got to Molly’s, the happy hour crowd had already filled the bar, so they made their way to the tables in the back. Allison ordered her usual club sandwich with mixed fruit, and then she excused herself to the restroom.

  “You’re coming back, aren’t you?” Tina asked. “You’re not planning on slipping out the back and leaving me stranded here all alone?”

  “No. But even if I did, I doubt you’d be alone for long.”

  “That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile in three days. It looks good on you.”

  Allison rolled her eyes and shuffled to the restroom. She washed her hands and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She wore a pair of tight, faded jeans and a low-cut, pink, clingy sweater. She'd been going for the “if you look good, you feel good” effect when she got dressed this morning, but she'd failed miserably. She felt like hell, and the look on her face proved it.

  The dark circles under her eyes contrasted with her pale skin, giving the illusion she was sleep deprived. But lately, sleeping was all she wanted to do. Who was this hollow woman staring back at her? She used to be so vibrant and full of energy. What happened to her?

  Tina was right. If she was too stubborn to call Logan, then she needed to get on with her life. To live her life, rather than sitting back and watching it happen. She put on some lipstick and powder and straightened her spine.

  Get over it.

  Yeah, right.

  The crowd seemed thicker as Allison waded back to her table. Her dinner was already there, and Tina tried to smile with a mouth full of food.

  “A club sandwich, Tina? What happened to your burger?”

  She swallowed and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “You’ve inspired me to eat healthy.”

  Allison looked at Tina’s plate and chuckled. “You still got the fries.”

  “Baby steps.”

  She finished off half her sandwich in record time. She’d been depriving herself so much the past three days, she'd forgotten what good food tasted like.

  Tina arched an eyebrow. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

  “I can’t remember. I haven’t been hungry.” She took another bite of her sandwich and looked around the restaurant. The band would be starting their first set in half an hour. Hopefully they were as good as Tina said. She could use a little distraction for a change.

  “How was your date with the doctor? I’ve been so wrapped up in my issues, I forgot to ask.”

  “Eh.” She shrugged. “I decided he wasn’t my type.”

  “It was the vagina thing, wasn’t it?”

  “You were right; it was too weird. The whole time we were in bed I kept thinking about him sticking his fingers up twenty vaginas a day.” She shuddered and rubbed her arms. “It grossed me out. Now I’m going to have to find a new doctor.” She rolled her eyes. “Go ahead and say it. ‘I told you so.’ I know you want to say it.”

  Allison held up her hands in a show of innocence. “I wasn’t going to say a thing.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “At least you’re getting some.” She picked at the fruit on her plate and stared off into space.

  “Oh, Allie. Don’t go there. Not tonight. I brought you out so you could get your mind off of him. We don’t have to talk about guys anymore. Let’s talk about something else. My mom can’t wait to see you at Thanksgiving. She keeps raving about that chocolate pecan pie you made last year. Will you make it again?”

  “Sure, but don’t you think it’s a little early to start planning Thanksgiving?”

  “Not really. It’s only six weeks away. Umm…Allie?” Tina gestured to the fruit on Allison’s plate, arranged into neat, color-coded rows. “I think you’re supposed to eat it, not organize it.”

  “Oh, my God.” She dropped her fork and put her head in her hands as the realization came crashing down. She couldn't live without Logan, regardless of his past. “Tina, I think I made a huge mistake.”

  “Do you want some of my fries?”

  “No, not the food. Logan. I’m miserable without him. What am I going to do? He didn’t even call me today.”

  Tina reached across the table and patted her arm. “What did you expect? You haven’t returned any of his calls.”

  “I know, and he gave up. He gave up on me.” She swallowed down the sob that threatened to choke her.

  “I doubt that. He’s probably just trying to save face or to give you some space. He loves you, girl. He wouldn
’t give up that fast. In fact, I bet if you called him right now, he’d drop whatever he was doing and be here in a heartbeat.”

  “You think? No…I can’t call him now. Not after all that. And I sure can’t call him from a bar.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” Should she call him? Would he even answer his phone? “Let’s go listen to the band. Have a few drinks. I need to clear my head.” And she needed to figure out what the hell she was going to do. She could read him, if he was still open to it. Then she’d know for sure. Or would she? Her own emotions could get in the way, clouding her perception. She groaned and shot to her feet. “Let’s go find some seats near the stage.”

  Tina smiled. “Whatever you say.”

  She spotted a small table with two chairs in the corner by a speaker, so she headed straight for it. Hopefully, the music would be so loud, she wouldn’t be able to think. Tina stopped when they passed by the bar.

  “You go grab the table; I’m going to get us some drinks. What do you want?”

  “Something strong and fruity.”

  “You got it.”

  She slipped into her chair just as the band took to the stage. They opened with their own version of Bush’s “Glycerine,” and Allison knew she was going to like them. Nineties grunge was one of her favorite types of music. The band belted out three more songs before Tina finally arrived with a cherry vodka sour for Allison and a martini for herself.

  “What took you so long?” Allison shouted over the music. “I thought you ran off with a guy or something.”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you. I just had to make a phone call. Business stuff. The band’s pretty good, huh?”

  She took a long drink and smiled. “They’re awesome!”

  * * *

  Logan finished off the last of his steamed broccoli and put down his fork. Thank goodness he had Trent’s company tonight, because it took every ounce of willpower he could muster to keep himself from taking out his phone and calling Allison. He had managed to keep himself busy enough all day to avoid the temptation, but he desperately missed the sound of her voice. Even if it was just a recording.

  “How are you holding up, man?” Trent’s concern washed over him like a blanket, and he had every reason to be concerned.

  “As good as can be expected, I guess.” Logan shrugged and leaned back in his chair.

  Trent gave him a sympathetic look. “You really love her, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “I’m worried about you. I’ve never seen you this down before.”

  “I know.”

  “Of course you do.” Trent’s phone rang, and he checked the caller ID. “I don’t recognize the number. I better take the call. I’ll be right back.” He walked toward the front of the restaurant, leaving Logan alone with his thoughts.

  Only Logan didn’t want to think about it anymore. Instead, he dumped the container of sweeteners out on the table and started organizing. Pink, blue, white, pink, blue, white. He created a pattern as he put the packets back into the container, thirty-two in all. The act was nothing but pathetic, but it served its purpose. He finished his arrangement and paid the bill just as Trent returned to the table.

  “Change of plans, man. We’re going to Molly’s Place.” Trent’s grin told Logan he was up to something, and he wasn’t in the mood for games.

  “What happened to seeing a movie? I’m not in the mood for clubbing.”

  “Come on, man. There’s a new band playing tonight, and I want to see them.”

  “Shit, Trent. I’m not playing wing man. Are you meeting a woman there?”

  “You won’t have to. Let’s go check it out, okay?”

  He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Maybe a change of scenery would help him get his mind off Allison for a while. And the music would probably be so loud, he wouldn’t be able to hear himself think. He took another drink of his Coke and nodded.

  “All right. Let’s do it.”

  * * *

  The band's upbeat music blasting through the speakers kept Allison entertained and distracted, but Tina kept looking at the front door.

  “Are you expecting someone?”

  She flashed a mischievous grin. “No. I’m just checking out the guys.”

  “This band is really good. Thanks for making me come out tonight. I needed it.”

  “Yes, you did.” Tina gazed at the door again and sprang out of her chair, waving her arms in the air.

  “What are you doing?” Allison looked toward the door, but from her chair she couldn’t see through the crowd.

  “Oh, I just saw someone I know. Wow, that drummer is really hot.”

  Allison turned back to the band to look at the drummer. “You really think so? He’s kind of skinny. I prefer men to have some muscle.”

  Tina giggled. “Yeah, like Logan.”

  She closed her eyes and sighed. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about him anymore tonight.”

  “We’re not going to talk about him. You’re going to talk to him.”

  “What?” She turned around to face Tina and found herself staring at a man’s stomach. She raised her gaze to his face as Tina slipped out of her chair and stood next to Trent.

  “Hi, Allison.” Logan held her gaze, dark lashes fringing his sad, blue eyes.

  Her heart pounded at the sight of him. “Hi.”

  “Can I sit with you?”

  “Sure.”

  “Come on, Trent.” Tina led him away by the arm. “Let’s go get a drink.”

  Logan settled into the chair next to her as the music vibrated through the speakers. He leaned toward her, raising his voice over the noise. “I didn’t know you would be here. It was Trent’s idea to come.”

  She swallowed the sandpaper from her throat and wringed her hands in her lap. Her fingers itched with the need to touch him. The overwhelming urge to crawl into his lap and wrap her arms around him had her gripping the sides of the chair. “It’s a public place. You can be wherever you want.”

  He ran his hand through his hair and blew out a hard breath. “Where I want to be is with you.”

  The band finished the last song of their set and left the stage. The sudden quiet rang in her ears, and she clamped her mouth shut. What could she say to him after she’d behaved so badly?

  “Logan, I…”

  “Please, Allison. Let me talk.” He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “I’ve been miserable without you. I’m sorry I did that magazine article. I’m sorry I told the entire city I didn’t want a girlfriend. Believe me, if I’d known you then, I never would have stepped foot in that photography studio. I don’t know what else to do to convince you. I love you. I always will. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I can’t live without you.”

  “Logan…”

  “What do you want me to do? Do you want me to announce it to the world? Because I will. You know what? I’ll start right here. Wait a second.” He jumped out of his chair and strode to the bar where he whispered something to the bartender. The man looked at him and grinned.

  Her heart pounded against her ribs. What in the world was he doing? If she could only find her voice, she’d tell him she was sorry. He didn’t need to do whatever he was about to do. He hopped onto the stage and grabbed the microphone.

  Dear Lord, he was going to embarrass her.

  “Hello? Is this thing on?” He flashed a charming smile as he spoke to the crowded bar. “How many people are here? About two hundred? Can the people in the restaurant hear me?” He looked at the bartender, who nodded.

  “Good. I hope this is enough. Hello, everyone. My name is Logan Mitchell, and I have something very important to say to you all.”

  “Woo hoo!” a drunk woman in the back screamed.

  He ignored her. “Some of you may know who I am from an article in a magazine a few weeks ago where I was named Detroit’s Most Eligible Bachelor.”

  “Ow!” the wom
an screamed, and Allison sank in her chair. What in the world did Logan think he was doing?

  “Could someone get her under control?” he said. “She isn’t helping my case.”

  A short man with blond hair wrapped his arm around her waist and led her out of the bar. Poor guy.

  “Thank you.” Logan smiled. “About that article. I want you all to know I’m not eligible anymore. I’m in love with the most amazing woman in the world, but she doesn’t believe me. She doesn’t believe me because that damn magazine article called me an eternal bachelor.”

  He chuckled. “A month ago, I might have believed that myself, but not anymore.” He looked at Allison, imploring her with his deep blue eyes. “I love you, Allison. And I can’t take back what I said to that magazine. But I can promise you that I will love you forever. I will be yours and yours alone, if you’ll have me.”

  He looked out into the crowd. “I’m shameless when it comes to this woman. I’ll take out an ad on national television and tell the world I love her, if that’s what it takes. Thanks for listening. Oh, and the next round’s on me.”

  The crowd erupted into applause as he put the microphone back on the stand and jumped off the stage. He slid into the chair next to her and looked into her eyes. “I don’t know what else to do. I’d offer you my soul if that’s what it would take. Read me. I want you to know how I feel. I want you to know everything about me. Please.”

  A tear slid down her cheek as she cradled his face in her hands. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and dropped the wall between them. She focused on Logan, allowing the rest of the world to slip away as his emotions cascaded through her body. She felt his desire and the pain she caused him when she left. His discontent with the life he was leading and the longing to be loved unconditionally. She felt his love for her—complete and utter devotion.

  A sob bubbled up from her chest, forming a lump in her throat. This man loved her, and she’d tried to throw it all away.

  “Well,” he said. “What do you think?”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn’t form an appropriate apology. No words existed to tell him how sorry she was, so instead, she kissed him. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she slid into his lap, reveling in the warmth of his welcoming embrace. God, how she missed the feel of his strong arms wrapped around her waist, the pounding of his heart against her chest.