Clementine

by R. Jean Wilson

  “You’re perfect Addison. The way you feel in my hands...” he spoke into her ear, his words vibrating her soul.

  “Please don’t stop Holden,” she begged, her own voice hoarse with need.

  He began to slowly and methodically grind his hips against Addison’s. He took his time, making each movement precise and hitting the exact spot she needed him to. His hands explored her breasts and stomach, running delicately across them, at times touching her skin so softly and affectionately that it make her heart seem to palpitate.

  She could feel the tension building deep within her and she knew he was about to push her over the edge. Just a few more moments and she’d be tumbling into complete bliss. Suddenly, Holden’s hips stopped moving against her and the abrupt absence of his tantalizing movements made her want to scream. Ahhh… don’t stop.

  “I said I was going to make you pay for that little incident at the telescope, but on second thought...I think I like this better,” he spoke nuzzling her neck and gently biting her earlobe.

  She’d never been with a man like Holden before. As his words sunk in, and she felt the pool of lust continuing to build within her, she knew she would never be the same. She was crazy for this man. It took only two more slow grinds before Addison’s body began to shudder and she lost control completely. On some level Addison knew she was digging her nails into Holden’s back, crying his name, and lifting her hips to meet his. On some level she also knew that she could never go back to the way they were after this night. In that moment Holden was as intrinsic to Addison as the skin over her bones and the blood coursing through her veins.

  Chapter 9

  Addison woke the next morning to an empty bed and small note resting on the pillow next to her.

  He’s sorry about last night? Addison didn’t know what to make of the letter. She tried to remember when he had left last night. She remembered him rubbing her back and she must have drifted off. She guessed he had slipped out after that. Why is he apologizing for last night? Is he having second thoughts? It was the best night of my life. She ran her hands through her hair, a sinking feeling beginning to develop in her stomach. Her mom was driving up to Austin that day to help her pack up and move her things back to Houston. She tore the sheets off her bed so she could wash them before packing them away. She kept herself busy packing last minute items and finishing her laundry. She couldn’t pinpoint the feeling of dread in her stomach, it could’ve just been nerves from starting a new chapter in her life, but she couldn’t shake it as the morning whipped by. Her mother arrived an hour later and together, the women loaded up their two cars with all of Addison’s belongings.

  “Sweetie, want to stop to grab dinner on the way home?” It was already early evening by the time they had finished loading up.

  “Actually mom, I have to stop by the hospital really quick to say goodbye to Holden,” Addison answered dejectedly. She’d given her mom constant updates about her growing “friendship” with the man so Addison’s reply didn’t surprise her.

  Vickie gave her an encouraging smile, “Okay, well be careful driving and I’ll see you at home. Maybe I’ll have Dad pick up your favorite takeout?” She offered before hopping in her car.

  Addison pulled into the hospital parking lot, looking at her phone one last time. The past few weeks she and Holden had texted and talked constantly so it made her even more nervous that her phone had been silent all day. She walked through the front entrance of the hospital, deciding to postpone the inevitable and check up on Sue first. She’d kept her promise to visit the older woman every week, and had the pleasure of delivering her quite a few bouquets from her bridge partner.

  She walked down the hallway toward Sue’s room but didn’t find her name on the laminated list next to the door. She peeked her head through the tiny window only to find the bed empty and fully made; no sign of Sue to be found. Addison turned and found a nurse sitting at her station typing away at a computer.

  Oh no, oh no, oh no.

  “Excuse me, what happened to Sue?”

  “Oh, she was discharged today,” The nurse answered nonchalantly.

  Addison sighed at the nurse’s answer before thanking her and walking away. She shook her head, laughing at how quickly her thoughts had turned to the worst scenario. Good for you Sue. At least one of us got our man, she thought. Her nerves hadn’t settled down like she’d hoped and she couldn’t shake them off as she headed toward the opposite end of the hospital, hoping to find Holden in the Neurology and Spine ward.

  With each step she felt her heart rate increase and her stomach become more and more queasy. What do I expect him to do? Beg me to stay? Drop his residency and go to North Carolina with me? Last night doesn’t change the fact that we aren’t technically dating.

  She ran her hand through her long hair as she pushed the doors open, stepping into the neurology ward of the hospital. She only took two steps through the door before stopping dead in her tracks. I should have gone home right away. I should have gone to dinner with my mom, she thought as her eyes found Holden with his arm wrapped around a sickeningly-beautiful brunette. The woman giggled at something he said and reached her arm around to hug him, closing the space between them. Their posture was too intimate for her to be a patient’s family member. No, she was something much more than that. She took in the beauty of the girl whose touch on Holden was anything but business-like. Addison felt the life seep out of her in that moment. Her stomach clenched into a tight ball and she stood rooted in time as she comprehended the fact that for the last few weeks she’d completely deluded herself into thinking her situation with Holden was anything other than a platonic friendship. They’d been inseparable the past few weeks but she now realized that in his eyes she fell under the veil of friendship. With the exception of his lack of judgment last night, he’d never pursued her as anything more than a friend. He was the complete package and there wasn’t a single woman in that hospital who wouldn’t throw herself at him. Addison had just been caught in the crossfire. She was naīve in thinking she could play in a league she hadn’t quite belonged in.

  The brunette said something to Holden and he shook his head playfully. He turned to enter a room and the woman began making her way toward where Addison was standing. Oh, god I don’t want to see her up close. Addison knew she had to leave; she had to pick up her feet and move them one at a time until she was back at her car, but she couldn’t make her body respond. The woman stopped just short of Addison and leaned over to speak with a nurse. Addison could just barely make out what she was saying.

  “Can you arrange it so Dr. Taylor has a free afternoon? I’m taking him out to lunch,” She woman cooed.

  The nurse looked up at her confused, her brows furrowed. “Umm… that’s not really how it works…”

  “Well, he’ll be taking a long lunch. I haven’t seen him in far too long and we need to do quite a bit of catching up.” Since their date two months ago?

  “Oh Addison, what brings you to our hospital today?”

  Addison turned at the sound of Stacy’s voice and slightly cringed. Her old classmate made her way over with fakest smile she’d ever seen. “I guess you saw that gorgeous girl wrapped around Dr. Taylor?” She asked, nodding in the brunette’s direction. When Addison didn’t make a move to speak, Stacy continued.

  “She was the same girl that he was with the other week,” she tilted her head to the side, her sympathetic expression doing a poor job of covering her vindictive tone. “They’re just so cute together.”

  Addison took a deep breath, finally finding her movement and voice all at once.

  “Oh, Fuck off, Stacy.”

  She turned on her heel, forcing herself to look away from the beautiful brunette and the horrible situation she’d stumbled upon. She concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as she walked out of the hallway, out of the ward, and out of the hospital. She felt her heart building walls around the millions of shards that had once been held together by the man she wa
s walking away from forever.

  Time to move on.

  (♫5)Addison got in her car, shoved the note Holden had left on her pillow into her glove box, and drove to Houston without looking back. She had known from the beginning that Holden wasn’t the type of guy to date a girl like her. He was beautiful and captivating. Not to mention he repairs people’s spines for Christ sakes. Knowing this still didn’t prevent her mind from replaying their encounters from the past few months. The early morning kayak trips and the show at the comedy club, the hilarious night he’d attempted to teach her to play darts at a pub, and the time they went to the animal shelter just to play with the dogs. He had never asked her out on an official date. Sure, he’d paid for their meals when they went out to eat, but he’d never called them dates. She thought back to dozens of times he could have made a move but he’d kept his distance.

  She’d played out how the night before was meant to happen in her mind countless times. In her dreams Holden would finally come to his senses and see her standing in front of him, mad with love for him. They would’ve lounged together all morning. He’d brew two cups of coffee and she’d whip up French toast. He’d give her the comics section of the morning paper without her even having to ask. She’d read him the funniest ones while he browsed through the news.

  Unfortunately, she hadn’t taken the time to prepare herself for the sadness of waking up to find her bed empty and the heart wrenching image of Holden’s arms around another woman.

  I’m glad I’m moving away, she told herself, glad to have an excuse to run from Holden before he had the chance to really hurt her. She knew that what she’d seen that day in the hospital was a small taste of what she’d have to deal with if she tried to love a man like Holden. At least I didn’t sleep with him.

  When she made it to her house in Houston she was relieved to find her favorite Chinese take-out and a movie already loaded in the DVD player. It was the perfect ending to a day she never wanted to experience again. She let her mind go numb as she sat watching the movie tucked close to her mom, feeling like a little kid after a bad day at school. Her mom was always able to make her feel loved and that night was no exception. She wanted to wrap herself into a little ball and let her mom fight all of her battles. If only. Later that night she reluctantly checked her phone and found two missed calls and a text from Holden.

  Addison rolled her eyes, deciding then and there to not text him back. She didn’t want to come off as a jealous girl and she couldn’t seem to push her pride out of the way enough to tell him how she really was feeling. He said it himself hadn’t he? “I’m sorry if things got out of hand last night. I had no intentions of any of that happening when I followed you upstairs”.

  Well good maybe I didn’t want it to happen either. Alone in her room her tears finally fell. She finally succumbed to the overwhelming emotions attempting to vie their way out of her. She pulled her blanket up to her neck and let the sadness of the day surround her. She didn’t even notice Holden’s second text.

  Holden called everyday for a week and Addison ignored each one. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say about the girl she saw him with. He would want to share the details of his new love with his pal, and Addison didn’t think she could listen to him talk about her without crumbling back into a million pieces. After that first week, she finally decided to text him back, if only to avoid having to test her will power if he continued to try to contact her.

  Her heart pleaded with her not to hit the send button. The message was vague enough to give him the hint without him realizing she was upset about anything. Besides what did she have to be upset about, friends moved away from each other all the time. I’m just moving away from a friend, she told herself, trying to push away the sick feeling in her stomach.

  The weather turned chilly and Addison helped her mom prep for the upcoming holidays. They decorated around the house and whipped up their favorite holiday desserts even if Addison found herself unable to work up an appetite. Going through the motions of her daily routine seemed to ease the pain she felt at each turn. Alone in her room at night she’d still find herself recreating each of her encounters with Holden, trying to decide where she hadn’t added up. Was she too emotional, too honest, too excited, too obvious? Everything she was too much of someone didn’t add up to what Holden was looking for. The sadness was something she felt she could deal with, but it was the disappointment and sense of failure that kept Addison awake at night.

  She wasn’t sure what to expect from her PA Program, but she thought it’d be a good idea to brush up on some Anatomy and at least it would be a source of distraction from the crippling numbness she’d find herself emerged in at times. Her mom was worried about her and tried to get her out of the house as much as possible. They went shopping for a thick winter coat since none of Addison’s jackets would protect her from anything other than the mild weather of a Texas winter. Addison picked out a cream colored wool jacket that fit her slim frame perfectly. As she looked at her reflection in the ornate shop mirror, a hollowed version of herself stared back, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Holden would have liked the coat. She pushed the thought aside as she walked with her mom to the checkout counter. Doesn’t matter.

  She hated that she couldn’t control her subconscious better. She didn’t want to think of him constantly. She wanted to pretend thoughts of him didn’t force their way into her mind, hitting her like a brick wall. There was no escaping the war taking place within herself, between her body, trying so hard to propel her forward, and her heart, rooted in defeat and unsure of her next move. Addison had texted him weeks ago, wanting him to stop calling her. And he had. He hadn’t put up a fight; he didn’t ask her why she’d acted so weird or if she was okay. He’d stopped calling and texting her, no questions asked. She hadn’t sent the text hoping he would still fight to turn their friendship into something more, but when he didn’t, she couldn’t help feeling a new wave of heartache.

  Part 2

  Chapter 10

  1 Month Later

  Addison was two weeks into classes and already felt like she was getting the hang of her new life. She’d found a small one bedroom apartment a few minutes from campus and lucked out when a few of her neighbors were in her same PA program. They had all latched onto one another, knowing they were all in a new city and a new school. Their professors also encouraged them to form study groups, so the fact that they were all neighbors seemed like fate.

  Her closest friend was Katherine, a Florida native, who Addison bonded with instantly over their mutual love/hate relationship with southern weather. Katherine was simple and sweet and Addison knew she’d lucked out in finding her among her classmates. Anything is better than another Stacy. Katherine had short red hair and beautiful snowy pale skin. She was slightly taller than Addison but they could still easily swap clothes with one another, too bad most of the time they were studying in tshirts and workout shorts…

  They’d also befriended two boys that lived down the hall. Tyler was from New York and spoke with a heavy accent. He was quiet but incredibly smart so the two girls knew they had to force him into their study group, even if it came down to making him cookies as a bribe every time they met. The last member of their group was Jordan, a California native who kept his blonde hair long enough that it swept perfectly across his forehead and handsome features. He was tall and had lively blue eyes that the girls in class swooned over. He had an easygoing and charming demeanor. Where Tyler was a bit of a wallflower, Jordan was the life of the party and one of the best known students in their program.

  Addison felt at home when the crew was all crammed into one of their apartments. They’d quiz each other over various facts trying to stay on track as much as possible, but they’d eventually find themselves letting loose after hours of studying. Addison taught them how to play “Would You Rather” one Friday night after they’d been studying anatomy for far too long.

  “I can’t believe you guys haven’t played this. T
his game was the catalyst for some of the funniest memories I have from my undergrad years,” Addison began.

  “You can literally ask anything, and of course, most of the time we would get pretty risqué with it,” she laughed.

  “How am I not surprised by that Addison?” Katherine joked, throwing a piece of popcorn as Addison dodged out of the way.

  Jordan and Tyler laughed as they grabbed beers out of the fridge and joined the girls.

  “I’ll start...” Addison began as she narrowed her eyes and looked over each of her friends as if trying to read their weaknesses, “would you rather have to kiss old Professor Mayberry in private without anyone finding out?” she paused as each of them groaned in protest at the thought of being near their nearly eighty year old anatomy professor, “or make out with a girl or guy of your choice in front of our entire class?”

  They all laughed, taking a minute to mull it over.

  “It’s not fair, Mayberry is a guy and he’s old… can’t I kiss an old lady professor?” Tyler joked.

  “No, Tyler, those aren’t how you place,” Katherine protested playfully, “I’d pick Mayberry… if no one would find out about it then I wouldn’t care. I’d be way too embarrassed to make out with someone in front of the whole class.”

  Their eyes fell on Jordan, waiting to see what his answer would be.

  With a suggestive smile, he looked directly at Addison as he declared, “I’d choose the second option.” His cocky demeanor clearly hinted at the girl he’d choose but she didn’t think their other friends had picked up on it. She blushed at his unexpected answer, not sure how she felt about his sly declaration.