Undisclosed Desire (The Complete Box Set

by Falon Gold

  “It’s okay, Apollo,” I whisper. “Not having family is nothing to be ashamed about.”

  His head drops. “Yeah, well, for the most part, I don’t care that my parents dumped me in an orphanage in Montreal, Canada… when I was two. I migrated to the United States and ended up in Utah, where I went to college, after a series of foster homes that never adopted me as one of their own in any way.”

  I wonder how could someone feel unloved most of their life and still become successful. Apollo looks off, seeming to drift mentally, while picking at the food on his plate, with a captive audience made of everyone in the room waiting for him to pick up where he’d left off.

  “When I hired Malisa, she became the only family I wanted around, and I tried to make her a permanent, solitary member of it without her permission.” Then he smiles, with one side of his mouth, and I’ve never felt so loved, and that’s saying something when I’ve had the Owens standing behind me since I’d formed my first memory.

  Apollo shuffles the eggs on the fork with one hand then guides it to my mouth. “I finally met someone that I needed more than I needed to make something of myself, proving to the people who dumped me as a child and took half-hearted stabs at raising me that I had worth.”

  His eyes meet mine. The emotions swirling in his dark orbs grab something deep within me, holds on firmly, and makes the world shift around me. I could actually see the love he has for me, and it’s a heady sight.

  “And then I lost you in Vegas, my Lisa, and lost everything that really mattered. So yes, I followed you here to tell you that face to face and whatever else anyone wants to know about me. You’re the reason my parents not raising me themselves doesn’t hurt like it used to, and I don’t care if I don’t ever make another cent at my company. All of that will never be as important as making you happy.”

  Apollo’s words hit me right in the throat. Emotions well up there and the backs of my eyes begin to burn. My hand lifts to pinch his chin lightly between my fingers. Then I tilt it up so his mouth will be in place for my lips that are dipping to touch down on his softly. I’m seeking comfort from him instead of giving it to him, but he’d rocked me, again, from the inside out. I need to touch something that isn’t rocking with me. Then I back away slowly. I’m not much for public displays of affections, but I needed to do that.

  Blake appears behind Apollo and tosses a blue manila folder on the table between the platter of the bacon he’d confiscated and Apollo’s plate. “They did love you, Apollo. You should read that when you get a chance.”

  Apollo and I both stare down at the folder. It quickly becomes my version of poisonous snakes, with fangs in the form of words and Blake’s deed, which was sinking into me. I look back at Blake, who’s reversing to his corner in the doorway of my father’s den, as if he’s getting out of harm’s way.

  “Where did you get this?” I snarl. “When?”

  “I had a detective who owed me a favor working around the clock since Sunday on this. When you disappeared, I needed to know who was with you last and if a serial killer was following my sister home to her family.”

  I glance at my mother. She looks back, unashamed. But my father glimpses at Tommy, both wearing a guilty look so much like the one on Apollo’s face before he revealed where he’d come from. Tommy looks at Derek. The network of spies have gone too far with invading Apollo’s life. This has probably made him feel unwelcomed here. I feel as if my choices in life aren’t trusted. I stab the folder with a trembling fingertip.

  “This is an invasion of privacy! Blake, you had no right to do this. Apollo’s parents have nothing to do with me going missing, which I wasn’t.” I scan the room including each person in the room in my raging glare.

  Apollo grabs my finger and moves it to his lips. “They did the right thing, sweetheart, even if I didn’t really want to track down my parents yet. At least Blake had the nerve to do what I never could, find out who they. I convinced myself that I didn’t need them in my life if they were still alive, and it was a constant battle. But when you came into my life, I knew it wasn’t true. If I were your family, I’d look into everyone’s background that was around you the time you’d gone missing, too. I may have known you were safe at the hotel, but your family doesn’t know me from a hill of beans, and I’m not surprised that they didn’t take my word.”

  I feel the urge to ball up the manila folder and throw it away. Whatever’s in it, I want to hear right out of Apollo’s mouth. My family should’ve waited for him to tell us, too.

  “We need to talk, Apollo,” I mumble, needing more to apologize for Blake’s behavior privately than discuss the contents of the file.

  He flops back in his chair. “Yes, we do. Where is there to go so we aren’t interrupted?”

  My father’s shed outside the French doors of the dining room comes to mind immediately, and Apollo having to leave soon to go back to work does, too.

  “I’ll show you, but I need to change my clothes first. It’s cold out there,” I mention quietly grabbing the file. Fury is flowing through me, but I force a comforting smile to my lips for Apollo’s sake.

  Chapter Sixteen

  My mother reaches over my knees to seize my hand and grab my attention before I can get to my feet. “That ski suit is on my bed, Malisa, with the fur-lined boots and matching hat that go nicely with it. I’m sure you have T-shirt in one of those boxes upstairs.”

  She lets my hand go. “See you when you get back from the shed, and please put on lots of clothing. It’s really cold out there.”

  I glance down at Apollo and snap, “See what I mean?”

  He starts to vibrate with quiet amusement, again, while standing up behind me. “I envy you for having so many people that genuinely care for you. I didn’t find that until I met you.”

  I start to think that I attract orphaned men, then I lift my chin and squint my eyes at Apollo. “You don’t know that yet.”

  “Even if my parents do care for me, I know you did when you blasted me for spending money on you without checking with you first. I didn’t know how to take that until now. Anyone that cares for you wants you to keep what you’ve worked for and give you what they have to go with it. I haven’t had anyone in my life to teach me that before you. Now let’s go get you dressed again.”

  He scoots the chair back then stands up with me still cradled in his arms. I wait for him to set me down. When he doesn’t immediately, I get the notion that he isn’t going to. Like I said, I’m not that much into public displays of affection, and this counts as one of them.

  “Apollo, what are you doing?” I ask, horrified that he’s going to carry me out of the room, in front of everyone.

  “I’m taking you to the stairs, where I’ll wait for you to come down,” he responds loudly then looks down at me proudly.

  I turn to mush inside. The twins, Jen and Barbie, tall women with my father’s dark skin and eyes, crinkle up their mother’s small nose and high cheekbones and release duplicate ahhh’s behind me. I cringe. Uncle Tommy makes a gagging sign, which tickles the hell out of Derek, of course. My first instinct is to struggle. I can still walk, even if I have to let him do things for me sometimes just to make him happy. And then, I let him have his way just to make him happy.

  He crosses the great room, still looking down at me. I’m secretly loving being this close to him and having his undivided attention. By the time he places me on my feet at the bottom of the staircase, I don’t want to leave his arms or his presence. So I stand, soaking up his nearness while eye level with his intense gaze. Then he smiles and pats me on the ass.

  “Go or I’ll kiss you right here, and we know where that will lead, not to talking. And we need to talk, sweetheart.”

  I nod, then turn, hurrying up the stairs. Every time I look back, he’s standing at the bottom like he promised. I realize I’m afraid that he won’t be and that he’s spoiling me. How will I be able to let him go when it’s time for him to fly home?

  I don’t think I
’m going to be able to do it without shedding at least a few tears, at least, not before my independence streak kicks in.

  God, I hope it kicks in quickly or I’ll shed more than a few.

  At the top of the stairs, I turn left toward my parents’ room and cover the few steps between the doorway and king-sized bed with thin, curved posts and thick comforter that my father probably kicks on the floor every night. At the edge of the bed, lays the deep-pink ski suit and white fur-lined matching hat and boots, with the tags still on them. I pick it all up and rush back into the hall, peeking over the railing at Apollo, who’s still standing at the bottom of the stairs.

  I smile then turn down around the corner, to rummage in the boxes for a white T-shirt before closing myself off in my room. I undress and redress in the snug bubble bottoms and matching coat. Too anxious to be alone with Apollo, I don’t bother to put away my first outfit. I want to arrive in record time at the top of the stairs, where I find Apollo is missing.

  A cloud of disappointment descends before I take my first step down with the folder in my hand. I set off a loud creak from the aged boards beneath my boot. Apollo appears at the bottom of the stairs immediately, with his coat on, the reason for his disappearance. A stupid grin encompasses my face.

  Yep, I’m spoiled now… and I like it.

  I pick up the pace in my descent. Apollo grins, and I have to push back the impulse to run to him. When I reach the last step, he just stands, watching me watch him.

  “You look like a ski bunny,” he says suddenly. “Let me take you to Aspen while we’re here.”

  That trip would be interesting.

  “I can’t ski, Apollo.”

  His mouth falls open. “You lived in Colorado, and you can’t ski?”

  “Living here doesn’t make everyone a skier. I didn’t want to learn. Looking at the mountains is good enough for me. When did you have time to learn anyway? You were born in an Armani business suit with a contract in both of your hands.”

  He smirks, which is just as beautiful an expression as any other he wears. “I was teenager once, my Lisa, and knew how to have a good time. I want to have one with you. But first, let’s go talk, and then I’ll teach you. Are we taking your Jeep, my truck, or walking?”

  I hope his version of talking is the same as mine.

  “Walking,” I say before reaching for his hand. “We’re just going to the backyard into my father’s shed like my mother predicted. We’ll still be cold, but we’ll be out of the elements.”

  He opens the front door, steps to the side, and motions with his empty hand for me to take the lead. At the bottom of the front steps, I walk across the front lawn in front of the driveway, to the side of the house, where carefully laid octagon-shaped, concrete blocks begin. They circle around the house to the backyard. An intersecting footpath leads to my father’s shed, which is a thousand feet away and is actually a barn that contains his lawn equipment and remnants of his hobbies that he starts but never finishes.

  The double doors are unlocked. Apollo reaches around me and pulls one open. A breeze, much colder and sharper than the air outside, slaps me in the face when I walk inside. I veer to the left, to find the light switch and avoid running into the back of the covered old-model car that used to belong to my father’s father. It should’ve been on the road years ago, and I don’t think it ever will make it if my father hasn’t finished restoring it by now.

  Lights flicker on overhead, one at a time, pushing the shadows to the back corners of the barn. I stop beside the hood of the car, letting my eyes roam along the rows of tools mounted on the walls. My mind wanders back in time, to the memories of playing in here with Blake, with and without my father’s permission. But I didn’t come in here to reminiscence. If I have my way, I’ll be making new memories with Apollo, who’s standing with his back to the closed doors, watching me closely.

  But first things first.

  “What did you want to talk about, Apollo?”

  “You go first, love. My subject is going to piss you off and you may not even want to be with me after I bring it up.”

  “Okay.” I extend the folder to him, wanting to intrigued by his news. “This is yours. I apologize for Blake’s behavior. Yes, I get he was looking into you because of me, but he had no right to dig that far back into your past and I won’t lie and say I don’t want to know what’s in the folder. I also need to apologize for Derek’s and my mother’s actions. She’s been setting you up from the start and pulled Derek into it, who called you a jackass just to see how you’d react at her instigation.”

  He takes it and flips through the pages. “Yeah, I caught the wink he gave you afterwards. No one calms down that quickly. So they want to know if I’m abusive or psycho. Hopefully, I passed that test, and you’re not the only one that wants to see what’s in this file.”

  There’s only four pages, but he seems to forget that I’m here with him while reading. Suddenly, he covers his mouth, closes the folder, and lays it on top of the car. I walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist, unable to tell if he’s upset or just shocked.

  “It’s alright, Apollo. I’m here, baby.”

  His arms encircle my body and pull me even closer. “There’s nothing bad in it, sweetheart. At least, nothing bad about my parents except my father has passed. The owners of the orphanage and social workers in Montreal is another matter.” He takes a shuddering breath.

  I hug him harder, waiting for him to find the words.

  “I should probably start at the beginning. Jobs were scarce in the seventies in Montreal. My parents were broke and couldn’t afford to take care of me. They trusted the people at the orphanage to do it, while they migrated to the United States with every intention of coming back for me. They did a month later, but the owners of the orphanage had already dumped all the small kids in the system without warning. Apparently, that was routine, just to get a kickback from the mayor for providing the city with a way to get extra money from the government for the Department of Children Services. Most of it went in the corrupt officials’ pockets. The foster families got what was left for the kids who all got lost in the system after they changed our last names. Since we were declared as legally abandoned, they could do what they wanted with us and no one could legally give Sienna and Lazarus Ford information on what home I was in. They covered their tracks well. The money kept rolling. I lost the chance to grow up with my parents and my name.”

  “Does it say where they are?” I ask quietly over my heart breaking for him. He’d lost even more than he thought.

  He drops his chin on the top of my head. “My mother is in Newport, Vermont. My father died five years ago. He had a heart attack after they petitioned the government for the tenth time for my last whereabouts. They’re still broke, spent every penny they could save on lawyers that are always blocked by the Montreal government. Unless the laws change, she will never know where I am.”

  “When are you going to see her?”

  “As soon as I can, but I need to see about my best girl first.”

  I smile and tilt my head, to look up at him. “You’re always seeing about me and about to open a door that you can’t close back, Apollo, so you should probably tell me what’s on your mind first.” And I hope he talks quickly.

  He clears his throat. “It’s about Blake. He doesn’t like me much and there’s a reason for that, which may make making love with me the last thing that you want to do. You may even decide to quit me and your job despite the contract you signed that’s good for the next seven months.”

  Immediately, I think Apollo is jealous of not just Derek’s new place in my life but Blake’s everlasting one, as well.

  Just when I don’t need any more doubts about us, or my mother being justified in saying, ‘I told you so’, after this conversation is over.

  “Apollo, your place in my life is solid.”

  “I’m not jealous of Blake’s position in your family, sweetheart, and I hope for your sake that he isn’
t jealous of mine, or things are about to get awkward… but he doesn’t just feel brotherly towards you either.”

  What?

  I step back out of his reach, thoroughly shocked. “That’s not true, Apollo. He’s just seeking the love that his family wouldn’t or couldn’t give him as child. He’ll grow up soon… I hope.”

  “That may be true, my Lisa. But Blake still likes you as much more than a surrogate sister. How could he not when you’re beautiful and he’s intelligent as hell?”

  “Apollo, I don’t want to argue about this. I’m going back inside the house.” I push off the car to walk away, then change my mind. I’m essentially running away from the situation, when this is one that I need to face head on, for Apollo’s and my sake, and Blake’s. “Why would you even say that, Apollo?”

  He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “A grown man doesn’t sleep with his sister.”

  A fierce need to defend my family rises.

  “What Blake did last night may seem weird to you, Apollo, but it’s not for us. We took him in when his was just a child, even though he wasn’t an orphan. He’s slept with me, or by my bed, since he was seven. My mother believes he’s still looking for his place in this world, and I believe her. I haven’t seen or talked to him in years, so maybe he’s still looking for this right place for him and sticking close to me while he does it. I can’t just push him away if being at my side makes him feel better when I’m around.”

  “I get that, my Lisa. But why your bedside? Why would he just go all incommunicado if he still needs you to find his place, and then jump back in your bed as soon as you show up at home? If he doesn’t want you, then he sure as hell doesn’t want you with me.”

  I grow cold all over.

  “Are you saying he’s a deal breaker? Are we destined to break up only after a few hours in each other’s company every single time a problem pops up? That’s not fair... at least not to me, Apollo. I didn’t encourage Blake to pick my lock and crawl into bed with me last night, especially after he stuck me on the no-fly list just to keep me here because he’s worried about me concerning you. He does crazy shit like that, but you wouldn’t know that because you don’t know him.”