If Given a Choice

by Tracie Peterson

  Dan grimaced and ran a hand through his thick hair. “I suppose you’re right about telling her before she runs into him here. It might be more than a little awkward for her.” Dan seemed to be reasoning aloud. “I’ll tell her.”

  “I was just going to wake her up. I have to leave in a half hour or so, but I’ll be here to cover the desk until then. In the meantime, why don’t you wake her up for me? Then you two can have a private talk,” Kelly suggested.

  “All right,” Dan agreed and took off his jacket. He made his way to Jenni’s bedroom.

  For a moment, Dan leaned against the doorway, watching Jenni as she slept. Her brown hair cascaded around her shoulders and spilled onto the pillow. Her thick lashes stayed closed tightly in sleep even when Dan came to sit on the bed beside her, leaving the door open behind him.

  Pushing back a strand of hair, Dan couldn’t help but wonder if Brian’s appearance would put an end to his plans with Jenni Campbell. He felt angry even thinking about coming face to face with the man who’d hurt Jenni so badly. Dan could think of quite a few things he’d like to say to the calloused and cold-hearted Brian Givens. Down deep inside, however, Dan knew that he would refrain from saying anything. Unless, of course, he was provoked.

  “Jenni,” he whispered her name softly. His hand stroked her cheek ever so lightly. “Wake up, Jenni.”

  Jenni opened her eyes to find Dan bent over her. She smiled. She had dreamt they were married. She had been Mrs. Daniel James. Jennifer James. She had to admit, it had a nice ring to it. Now, here he was.

  “Dan. What are you doing here?” she asked sleepily. She thought maybe she was still dreaming. When Dan pulled her into his arms and kissed her, Jenni knew, however, that it was no dream.

  Suddenly conscious of the fact that she was in bed, she pushed him away. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “I’m sorry. Kelly asked me to wake you and. . .” he grinned broadly as Jenni blushed. “What can I say?” He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke.

  Jenni laughed, but in her heart she was aware of her earlier decision to talk to Dan about God. The memory dampened her spirits, and noticing this, Dan pulled her close again.

  He grimaced over Jenni’s head. He hated to spoil their time together by bringing up the bad news that Brian Givens was in town.

  Jenni placed her head against Dan’s broad chest and sighed. How very nice it would be if she could only do this every time she woke up.

  “Dan . . .”

  “Jenni . . .”

  Both of them started to speak at the same time. Jenni couldn’t help but laugh at the serious look on Dan’s face. He was so seldom serious, that Jenni thought perhaps he was just uncomfortable about being in her bedroom.

  “You go ahead,” Jenni prompted.

  “No, you,” Dan insisted. “What I have to say isn’t all that pleasant.”

  Jenni’s look of alarm matched the concern in her voice. “What’s wrong? Is it Kelly?”

  “No, no. Kelly is fine,” Dan hushed. He saw the fear in her eyes and his helplessness to change the situation overwhelmed him. He wanted to hug her to him, but instead he drew back a little. “Please don’t look like that.”

  “Like what?” she questioned in concern.

  “Like a lost child. So big-eyed and scared,” Dan said in a husky whisper. He reached his hand to Jenni’s face and cupped her chin in it. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t let anything or anybody hurt you.”

  Jenni felt comforted by his words, but nonetheless she felt a nagging worry that something was terribly wrong, something that would change things between herself and Dan.

  “Anybody?” Jenni questioned warily. “What are you talking about? Tell me now.”

  Dan pushed back his hair, and lowered his face. When he raised it again to look deep into Jenni’s eyes, he had managed to steady his nerves. “Brian Givens is in Estes,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “What!” Jenni exclaimed. “Brian? Here?”

  “I’m sorry, Jenni. Kelly asked me to tell you. She knew it wouldn’t be pleasant news,” Dan offered sympathetically.

  “But how does she know? She doesn’t know Brian or what he looks like. How does she know he’s here?” But even as Jenni said the words, she began to remember her earlier conversation with Kelly. Before Dan could answer, Jenni continued, “Kelly said she’d checked someone new into cabin six. Someone from Topeka who acted like he was important. Brian is here at O’Reilly’s, isn’t he?”

  “Yes,” Dan affirmed softly.

  Jenni buried her face in her hands. “Oh, no! Why is this happening?”

  “It’s all right, Jenni. Everything will work out for good, you’ll see,” Dan tried to assure her, but despite the fact that his words came very close to one of her favorite Bible verses, Jenni was not comforted.

  “Oh, Dan, I don’t want him here. I don’t want to see him. Everything was finally beginning to make sense again. I hadn’t thought of Brian in weeks.” As she spoke, she felt almost as if Dan were just another of her friends, instead of the man she’d given serious thoughts to spending the rest of her life with. “I’m not going to stay here while he’s here. I’ll move.”

  “You’re the manager here. Did you forget that?” Dan questioned, as he stroked Jenni’s hair.

  Jenni heaved a sigh. “Yes, I did.” Throwing her head back, Jenni stared at the ceiling. “I’m afraid of seeing him, Dan.” She had nothing to lose by being honest.

  “I know,” Dan said softly as she slowly lowered her gaze to meet his eyes.

  “You know? How could you know what I’m feeling?” Jenni questioned with a whisper.

  “I’ve been there. Just because I’m not married or divorced, doesn’t mean I haven’t had my heart broken. I’m a seasoned veteran, believe me.”

  “Does it get any better?” Jenni wondered aloud.

  “Yes, it does. Especially if you have something else to interest yourself with,” Dan said simply.

  “Something, or someone?” Jenni tried to tease.

  “Either way, it gets your heart on the mend and your mind off the past.” His eyes were intensely blue and Jenni felt herself falling in love, all over again. The kindness, the soft boyishness of his face, his gentle tone, all these things made her love Dan James with all her heart.

  “Oh, Dan,” Jenni whispered, letting him embrace her again. Her mind was engulfed with the fearful wonder of why Brian had come to Estes.

  “I must say, you certainly aren’t the frigid ice queen I left in Topeka,” Brian’s sarcastic voice rang out.

  Jenni pulled away from Dan, suddenly conscious of how this encounter must look to Brian. Dan stood up, but made no offer to move away from Jenni. Jenni sat opened-mouthed, staring at Brian. She was completely unable to speak.

  “I didn’t expect to see you,” she managed to say, finally finding her voice.

  “I can see that,” Brian smirked.

  “If you can’t speak respectfully to this woman, then don’t waste her time.” Dan said in a menacing tone Jenni had never heard him use before.

  “Ah, the new man on the block,” Brian said with a superior air. “Did she tell you that she has a fiancé?”

  “Had,” Jenni said flatly. “Had a fiancé. Why are you here, Brian?” The irritation was clear in her voice.

  “I came for you.” He spoke as if Dan were nothing more than another piece of furniture.

  Jennifer couldn’t keep from gasping aloud. “You have to be joking.” She threw back the covers so that he would see she was fully dressed.

  “I’m completely serious. By the way, who’s your friend?” Brian sneered.

  Dan stood eye to eye with Brian. The tension was unbearable. “The name is James. Daniel James,” Dan said, moving forward to edge Brian out of the room.

  Jennifer grew more uncomfortable. She prayed silently that neither man would resort to using force. For several minutes nobody said a word. She finally realized that she had to end the stalemate. “Please leave, Brian. I have n
othing to say to you and I don’t want to see you.” Her words were surprisingly calm.

  “You heard her,” Dan added. “Now do I have to force you?”

  “I seriously doubt that you could,” Brian said, giving Daniel a brief look. “But, under the circumstances, I’ll go. But,” he added with his gaze fixed firmly on Jennifer, “only as far as the living room. We’re going to talk.”

  “Very well,” Jenni said sternly. “If you’ll both wait outside, I’ll be there directly.”

  Daniel’s eyes never left Brian as they moved from the room. Closing the door behind them, Jenni sank to the floor. “Dear God,” she began to sob, “make it all go away.”

  Nearly twenty minutes had passed before Jenni joined the two stern-faced men in her living room. Her eyes were re-rimmed, and both Dan and Brian knew that she’d been crying.

  Dan couldn’t help but wonder if seeing Brian had caused Jenni’s old feelings to return. He shoved his hands deep into his jeans and leaned against the stone wall beside the fireplace.

  Brian, on the other hand, started to move toward Jennifer. “Stay back,” Jenni said raising her hand. “I don’t want you to touch me and I don’t want you crowding me.”

  Brian looked surprised, but he stayed where he was. Dan knew better than to say a word and remained fixed to the wall.

  Jenni moved past both of them and went to where the coffee was warming for the resort guests. She poured herself a cup, hoping it would steady her nerves.

  She stood for a moment looking first at Dan and then at Brian. Neither one said a word, and Jenni’s face remained blank. Dan wished he knew her better in order to read her thoughts.

  With an unsettling calm, Jenni took a seat on the rock ledge on the opposite side of the fireplace from where Dan stood. “Brian,” she finally spoke in a barely audible voice, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I really have nothing to say to you. When I think about you, about us, I only feel sad. Not because it’s over, but because of all the time I wasted with you.”

  Brian opened his mouth, but Jenni put out her hand. “No, don’t say anything. I want you to hear me for once. You’re so used to running the show. You always called the shots in our relationship and I think it’s about time you considered someone else besides yourself.”

  “You’re right, of course,” Brian said ignoring her request for silence.

  Jenni was surprised at his agreeable comment, but Dan remained unimpressed. He crossed his arms against his chest and narrowed his eyes as he examined Brian Givens closely.

  “Can we talk alone?” Brian asked Jenni earnestly.

  “No,” Jenni answered quickly. “I don’t trust you and I haven’t any desire to be alone with you.”

  Brian tried to hide his rage with a look of disappointment. “All those years mean nothing to you?” he questioned sadly.

  “I didn’t say that,” Jenni replied. “They mean a great deal. They taught me about deception and pain. I’ve learned well to gauge my future relationships by the mistakes I’ve made in the past. Especially,” she said pausing to glance at Dan before returning her gaze to Brian, “in regards to being unequally yoked with unbelievers.”

  “But, Jenni,” Brian’s voice took on a pleading tone, “the things that separated us, that made me say and do the things I did, no longer exist. Things have changed. I’ve changed.”

  “I don’t care.” Jenni responded.

  Dan was almost enjoying Brian’s discomfort. If he didn’t feel compassion for most troubled souls, he’d have laughed out loud. Even so, for Jennifer’s sake, he’d do nothing more than observe.

  “Jennifer, you don’t understand,” Brian tried to explain, but Jenni cut him off.

  “That’s right, Brian. I don’t understand.” She began to realize that this was an opportunity to share many of her feelings regarding God and Christianity, with both Brian and Dan. She wasn’t about to miss her chance. “I don’t understand how a person could make money or power his god, and forsake the Savior that was sent to die for him, so long ago. I realize that when I do marry, if I marry, it will be to a man who has accepted salvation in Jesus. A man who has turned his whole heart towards God’s will and seeks to live by the Bible. A true man of God.”

  Brian got up and walked to the living room window. He gazed out across the mountain range and the purple-hued sky. Twilight had left pink streaks against the dusky tones of evening. With tears in his eyes, Brian turned back to face Jennifer and Dan.

  “But that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Jenni. I have accepted Christ. I realized you were right. Your words to me, all the words you spoke about God over and over, they finally hit home. I realized once you’d gone that I was really alone. I thought breaking up with you would dispel the frustration and anguish I felt inside, but God had other plans. You were right, Jenni, and I knew I had to deal with my spiritual battle. I made peace with God and that’s why I’m here. I had to tell you and win you back.”

  TWELVE

  Dan had remained silent long enough. Pushing away from the wall, he came to stand between Jenni and Brian.

  “Even if you have accepted the truth of salvation, what makes you think you have the right to come in here, insult Jenni, and then tell her in practically the same breath that you want to win her back?”

  Jenni was captivated by his statement about accepting the truth of salvation. Could it be that Dan knew the truth? Momentarily, Jenni lost track of the words exchanged by Brian and Daniel. The world seemed so crazy right now.

  “I can’t believe you have the nerve to even show your face, Givens,” Dan said quietly to the still seated Brian.

  At this, Brian got quickly to his feet and stood within inches of Dan’s face. “Just who do you think you are? I was engaged to this woman for two years and knew her long before that!” Brian exclaimed.

  “Was is the important word here,” Dan returned coolly. “The word is past tense, if you notice. It implies a condition that no longer exists.”

  Jenni watched them as if they were actors in a play. The two men continued to argue even as she got to her feet and made her way outside. She could hear them from the balcony, and as she gazed into the darkening sky, she found herself praying for guidance.

  “So that’s why you acted as if she were behaving indecently with me?” Dan was questioning Brian now. Jenni couldn’t stand it anymore and left the balcony by way of the outside stairs.

  She knew it was foolhardy in the dim light of late evening, but nevertheless she climbed up the mountainside toward the sanctuary of the solitary peaks far above. After climbing several hundred feet, she took a seat on top of a boulder and gazed back down on O’Reilly’s and the Fall River Canyon. The scene was so deceptively peaceful. How could the rest of the world not know about the battle that raged below her?

  Oblivious to the cold, she sat for over an hour. At one point, she heard Brian and Dan calling her name, but she refused to answer. She could not deal with this situation. What was she supposed to do?

  Stars like crystals shed their light in the black night sky. The cold was penetrating Jenni’s bones now, causing her to tremble from the lack of warmth. Still, she didn’t want to go home.

  Home? Funny how she’d come so soon to consider O’Reilly’s home. She seldom thought of Topeka or anything there.

  “I thought I’d find you up here,” Dan’s voice sounded.

  Jenni was startled, but not unhappy with his appearance. “I couldn’t take it,” she admitted. She was shivering uncontrollably and her teeth were chattering.

  “Come on. You can stay in my cabin until you warm up and we can talk,” Dan said as he took hold of Jenni’s arm. She allowed him to lead her back to his cabin. The cold numbing her brain made her unable to think clearly, but she noticed that despite the cool air, Dan was careful to leave the front door open. From outside, the voices of the other visitors to O’Reilly’s were clearly audible, dispelling the sense of intimacy that she might otherwise have felt alone with Dan in
his cabin.

  Sitting in front of Dan’s fireplace with a blanket wrapped around her and a cup of hot chocolate in her hand, Jenni’s mind began to resurface until once again she could think rationally.

  “I’m sorry about arguing with your Mr. Givens,” Dan started.

  “He’s not my anything,” Jenni corrected.

  Dan grinned and his eyes betrayed his satisfaction with her answer. “Good. I’m glad to hear it.”

  “Oh, Dan, why did this have to happen? I don’t want to have to deal with this,” Jenni said as she gazed into the fire. “It just isn’t fair. I was just starting to figure out what I wanted, and then this.”

  “Does Brian really change anything?” Dan questioned as he came to sit beside Jenni on the couch.

  “In some senses, no. In others, I’m not so sure,” Jenni answered honestly.

  “Such as?”

  “Such as,” Jenni hesitated. “Such as the issue of God and salvation.”

  “I see,” Dan said distantly as he sat to the edge of the seat. He refused to look at Jenni, but she could tell his mind and soul were troubled.

  “What is this all about, Dan? Every time I bring up God, you seem further and further away. Is it that hard to conceive that this issue would have to be cleared between us before we could go on with a relationship of any serious degree?” Jenni finally felt bold enough to lay all her cards on the table.

  “No, I know it’s important. I just feel that now is the worst possible timing. I have that writers’ conference coming up in less than a week,” Dan replied in a subdued tone.

  “And what does the writers’ conference have to do with this issue?” Jenni asked, puzzled by Dan’s reference to the conference. She suddenly realized that she hadn’t even thought to find out whether he’d decided to accept the speaking request or not.

  Dan walked to the fireplace and carefully placed another log on the fire. The silence stretched into minutes, but Jenni was determined to wait as long as was needed to get her answer.

  Dan stood up and walked back to the couch. For a moment all he could do was stare intently at Jenni’s face. Would she understand, he wondered. Would she believe the words he needed to say?