If Given a Choice

by Tracie Peterson

  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he began. “I see you’ve been reading again.” He motioned toward the book and Jenni nodded.

  “The author’s a genius. His intricate style and obvious talent blend together to make delightful reading, Jenni smiled. “I’ve been trying to finish it all summer.”

  “I can tell you how it ends,” Dan offered.

  Jenni stretched and forced herself to sit up. “I don’t think so,” she grinned. “You might leave something out.”

  Dan chuckled at this and then fell silent. “I suppose,” he said after a moment, speaking with some reluctance, “that I’ve managed to put us in one of those compromising situations again.” The fire glow illuminated his face with shadowy amber light.

  “So why are you here?” Jenni questioned softly.

  Dan watched her for a moment and offered her a sad smile. “I couldn’t stay away. I knocked but when nobody answered, I tried the door. Since it was open, I thought I’d come in and wait for you. But, when I looked in here I found Sleeping Beauty. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “You should have awakened me with a kiss. Haven’t you ever read the story?” Jenni teased.

  “I’ve read it all right, but after he kissed her, they lived happily ever after,” Dan barely whispered.

  “True,” Jenni said, as if contemplating some great truth. “I think I’d like that happily ever after has nice ring to it.”

  “Yeah,” Dan agreed, but said nothing else.

  Jenni hugged her knees to her chest. She suddenly felt bold and talkative. She motioned Dan to join her on the couch. “You seem so far away,” she began. “I can’t take care of the mental distance, but the physical distance is easy to handle.”

  Dan stood up and paused beside the couch as if considering the situation. Jenni appraised his frame appreciatively. He was a handsome man, she could not deny that, but what attracted her even more than his looks was his tender and loving manner. Almost spiritual, Jenni thought to herself.

  “Please sit with me, Dan. I want to talk to you.”

  He looked deep into her eyes momentarily, and then as if what he saw reflected there caused him pain, he looked quickly away. “I don’t know if this is a good idea,” he argued.

  Jenni noted his inner battle, and yet she felt confident about what she needed to say. “I promise to behave,” she said lightly.

  Dan took a place at the end of the couch. “In that case, I’m at your disposal.”

  A log on the hearth suddenly crackled and sparked. When it fell against the other pieces of wood, the flame ignited in a bright blaze.

  “Dan,” Jenni began, “are you angry at me?”

  Dan looked shocked. “Angry? Are you kidding? I’m feeling many things right now, but anger has never figured into it.”

  “Good, I’m glad,” Jenni said, her relief clearly sounding in her voice.

  “How could you believe I was angry at you?” Dan questioned.

  “I didn’t know what to think, Dan. I thought perhaps you felt angry with me for what I did at the park.”

  “That wasn’t your fault,” Dan remarked.

  “Well, whoever’s fault it was, I didn’t stop it. . .,” her words slipped into a whisper, “. . .and so you had to. I thought maybe you thought less of me, maybe even despised me,” Jenni said honestly. She had no idea where she was finding the courage to say what she’d been thinking all day.

  “Jennifer, I could never despise you,” Dan whispered. The sound of his voice made Jenni feel warm and cared for.

  “Then you haven’t changed your mind about wanting to court?”

  “No, of course not,” Dan said, suddenly snapping to attention. “If I gave you that impression – ”

  “No, Daniel,” Jenni interrupted, “you didn’t. I just needed to know for sure, before I continued.”

  “That sounds promising. Please do continue,” Dan requested.

  “I’ve come to a decision,” Jenni said as she rested her chin on her knees. Her hazel eyes glowed warmly.

  Daniel thought she’d never looked more beautiful. He longed to tell her so, but he was afraid he might break the magic of the moment. Instead, he waited for her to continue.

  “I would like very much to commit myself to a relationship with you. I’ve given this a lot of thought, as you well know,” Jenni said softly. “It hasn’t been easy, because I had to sort through my emotions. I didn’t want to decide to court you because I was lonely. I also didn’t want to court you without knowing more about you, but maybe that’s what’s best about courting. You get to know each other in a more dedicated way than when you’re simply dating for fun. And, Daniel, I want to know everything about you.”

  Relief flooded Dan’s face, and he sighed aloud as he fell back against the back of the couch. “I was afraid you’d never want to see me again.”

  “No chance of that,” Jenni said saucily. “I like what I see too much.”

  Dan grinned broadly. Jenni continued to intrigue him. She was soft and innocent one mined and a wild fire consuming him the next.

  “So where do we go from here?” Dan questioned.

  “I was hoping you’d tell me,” Jenni said with a grin. She moved toward him; although he knew she did not know how she affected him, Dan was visibly shaken as he watched her.

  “Jenni, I. . .” he struggled to remember what he wanted to say.

  Jenni leaned back on her knees, still not touching him. She was within inches of him, though, as she waited silently for him to collect his thoughts.

  Dan sat up and put Jenni at arm’s length. “Honey, you ignite a fire in me without even realizing it. You have no idea how sensuous you are.”

  “I’m not trying to be.” Jenni fell silent as Dan placed his finger against her lips.

  “Just listen. It’s important to me that you remain chaste. It’s also important to me that we see each other often and exclusively. I think the best thing we can do is be very selective in regards to our physical contact.” Dan paused for a moment to take account of Jenni’s expression. She said nothing, but the question in her eyes was clear.

  “If this is going to work, I suggest we only kiss occasionally. I further suggest that we avoid situations like this. I want to treat you with the utmost respect and I know I’ll have a better chance of that if I don’t allow certain kinds of situations to develop. Do you understand?”

  Jenni nodded, and smiled. “I think you’re wonderful, Dan James.”

  Dan laughed. “And just why is that?”

  “Because you care so much,” Jenni answered softly. “You care about all the right things, for all the right reasons.” But even as Jenni said the words a question nagged at the back of her mind. Did Dan love God?“Well, I think enough said for tonight,” Dan said uncomfortably. He wasn’t sued to intimate praise.

  “I have one more thing to say,” Jenni decided. She knew that this wouldn’t wait. “Will you promise me something?”

  Daniel eyed her suspiciously. He had a feeling that he knew what she was about to request. “I’ll consider it.”

  Jenni swallowed and took a deep breath. “When you feel you can trust me, would you please share with me your feelings about God?”

  Dan grimaced only for a moment, but his uneasiness was clear. He reached up and traced the outline of Jenni’s cheek, then allowed his hand to fall to her shoulder. He looked deeply into Jenni’s eyes and for a moment lost himself.

  “Well?” Jenni pushed for a response.

  Dan dropped his hand. “I promise, Jenni.”

  With that he walked out of the cabin, leaving Jenni to contemplate the situation.

  TEN

  True to his word, Jenni noticed that Dan held a more guarded attitude when he was with her. He was pleasant enough company and always found ways to astonish Jenni with little meaningful surprises, but he was also making certain he held his distance.

  With Labor Day a month behind her, Jenni kept waiting for the tourists to slow their steady stream in
to O’Reilly’s, but such was not the case. She tried to alternate time between the resort and Dan, but the feelings that she’d come to terms with left her little interest in the resort. More often than not, Jenni found herself just going through the motions of her daily tasks.

  Kelly had noticed Jenni’s preoccupation and tried on several occasions to draw her out, but Jenni wasn’t ready to discuss matters with Kelly. The nagging doubt in the back of Jenni’s mind continued to resurface until it consumed most of her waking – and often her sleeping – hours. How could she continue to become more and more serious about Dan, when she had no idea where he stood with God?

  Loading her backpack with food and drink, Jenni decided to spend the day in Rocky Mountain National Park. There were plenty of secluded hiking trails, and Jenni intended to see and speak to no one but God.

  She slid in behind the wheel of the car and was startled to find yet another one of Dan’s surprises – a note was taped to the steering wheel, with candy kisses lined up across the dashboard. Jenni removed the note and read:

  Jenni – These kisses should be safe – Dan

  Jenni would have laughed out loud if her heart hadn’t been so heavy. Tenderly, she scooped the kisses up with her gloved hands, placed them in her backpack, and made her way to the park.

  Rocky Mountain National Park never lacked life. Even though heavy snowfall had already closed Trail Ridge Road, many of the lower elevation valleys were snow-free. Snow in the higher reaches, however, had caused wildlife to edge its way lower into the valleys below.

  After driving around the park, Jenni decided to follow one of the popular hiking trails back into the seclusion of the park. She followed the winding park roads to the nearest ranger station and told the ranger of her plans.

  After receiving the older man’s praise for the prudence she’d shown by communicating her plans to him, Jenni turned the car back around and found her way to her planned destination. She parked in the designated area, donned her backpack, and followed the well-marked trail across the valley.

  Jenni knew this to be one of the easier trails, and she found she could maintain a steady stride with little effort. She paced her steps against the slightly increased incline.

  The morning sun had warmed the air, and Jenni soon found her scarf and gloves too warm. She slipped these into her sweater pockets and reveled in the sun’s warmth against her face. Everything around her took on a brilliance that was never noticeable from the car. A person truly needed to walk these pathways to appreciate the grandeur God had placed here.

  The altitude began to take its toll, however, leaving Jenni breathless. She decided to rest, choosing a stand of ancient pines. She breathed deeply of the fresh mountain air and knew a pleasure not possible anywhere else. The solitude and serenity of being one with God and at peace with her soul gave her the strength she needed to look for the answers that had eluded her.

  Taking the pack from her back, Jenni found her well-worn Bible and began to pore over the Scriptures she’d come to love so dearly. Her eyes fell on verses nine and ten of Philippians chapter one: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.”

  She felt almost as if the Apostle Paul were offering up a petition on behalf of her own concerns. She was always amazed how personalized the Scriptures became, just when she needed to feel an intimacy with God.

  Setting the Bible aside, Jenni looked out across the valley. “Father, I’m ready to do whatever You direct me to do. Please let me be aware of Your guidance and help me to accept Your will as my own.”

  For a long time after that, she sat and watched the shadows fall across the valley floor. At noon, she took off her heavy sweater and rolled it up in order to squeeze it into the backpack. As she unzipped the pack, she noticed the candy kisses there.

  “Oh, Dan,” she murmured against the wind. “How can I love you so much and know nothing about you?” She listened to her own words, and then she said, her voice louder this time and filled with wonder, “I love him!”

  The words hit her like a revelation. She had known their truth for some time, but only now could she deal with it. “I really love him,” she admitted. “I can’t imagine life without him and I don’t know what I would do if I had to say goodbye to him now.”

  The wind picked up slightly and large puffy white clouds blew over the jutted peaks. The sky was a rich hue of cobalt blue, and the cotton ball billows brought signs of a fall storm.

  Jenni reached down to still the Bible pages that fluttered in the breeze. “I trust you, Father,” Jenni murmured, making her way down the pathway.

  The clouds turned from white to gray and then blackened, heavy with rain. Jenni had just made it to the car, when the first rain drops started to fall. She threw her pack across the front seat and headed to the ranger station. After checking in with the same attendant, Jenni headed out the south park gates and back to O’Reilly’s.

  She pulled into her usual place and parked. As she made her way into the office cabin, she was grateful to find a warm fire blazing in the hearth.

  “Kelly, I’m back,” Jenni called out as she picked up the mail on the office counter and began to sift through it.

  “I was beginning to wonder where you were,” Kelly said, coming through the back door. “I thought I might have to call out the troops.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jenni apologized. “It was just so beautiful and I couldn’t bear to leave. That is, until I saw those clouds move in.”

  Kelly shook off a few raindrops. “I know what you mean. I had to check in a last minute guest. I told him we were lucky to have any vacancies at all, but it just so happened that cabin six was empty so I put him there. He insisted that I bring him extra wood and towels, so I had to go over in the rain.”

  “Some guests can be very inconsiderate.”

  “Oh, that’s okay. By the way, he’s from Topeka. Looked important too,” Kelly said as she toweled dry her blond hair by the fire’s warmth.

  “Um,” Jenni said in a rather disinterested way. “I’ll have to check the register and see if the name rings a bell.” She made no effort to go to the computer, though, feeling too tired to move.

  “You look worn out. Why don’t you go lay down for a while,” Kelly suggested. “I’m fine now and I don’t intend to go out again unless it’s an emergency.”

  “I think you’re right,” Jenni yawned. “I’m beat.”

  She got up and crossed the room to the hallway. “By the way,” Kelly called after her, “did you figure anything out?”

  “As a matter of fact, I did,” Jenni said simply. “I intend to sit down and talk to Dan tonight. If he won’t give me any answers, then I’m going to end the relationship.” The words seemed so effortless, and yet Jenni felt a stabbing pain inside her heart.

  “That’s quite a bit of figuring,” Kelly replied. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” Jenni said reluctantly. “I have to put God first. No, I want to put God first and I can’t do that if the man I love doesn’t love God.”

  “So you love Dan?”

  “Of course – but then you’ve always known that,” Jenni said with a smile.

  “Well, I’m just a good guesser,” Kelly said with a shrug of her shoulders. “I’ve seen enough falling in love around me to know what it looks like. You know, ‘always a bridesmaid, never a bride.’”

  Jenni laughed at this. “My track record isn’t exactly good, given the outcome of my previous relationship with Brian Givens.”

  At this, Kelly’s face turned ashen, but she tried to hide her feelings from Jenni. “You’d better hurry. It’s already two-thirty and I get to leave at five.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Jenni questioned. “You don’t look well.”

  “I’m fine,” Kelly assured. “Now go on, you’re going to need your rest.”

  As soon as Jenni had c
losed her door, Kelly rushed to the computer and called up the information she’d just typed in before Jenni’s return. She sat down hard, as the computer confirmed her fears.

  Brian Givens was the guest she’d registered in cabin six.

  “Dear Lord,” she prayed, “please help us all.”

  ELEVEN

  Kelly was about to wake Jenni up when Dan walked through the office door. He smiled a hello at Kelly and asked her about Jenni.

  “She’s taking a nap. I was just about to wake her up,” Kelly’s words answered his question, but her face left a new concern in Dan’s heart.

  “Is she all right? You look upset about something.” Dan spoke out of genuine concern. Kelly looked like she’d seen a ghost.

  “I – uh- Jenni is fine, for now,” Kelly began, wondering if she would be doing the right thing by telling Dan about Brian’s arrival.

  “For now?” Dan questioned. He moved closer to Kelly, who was avoiding his intense eyes. “What’s going on, Kelly?”

  Kelly picked at the buttons on her red gingham camp shirt. “I don’t know if I should be telling you this or not,” she said anxiously. “But that guy, Brian Givens – you know who I mean?” Dan nodded and Kelly continued, “He’s here. He’s just rented cabin six.”

  “Here? What for?” Dan hoped that Kelly would still the fear inside him that was growing stronger by the minute.

  “I’m not sure. I mean, I think I know why he’s here, but he didn’t say anything if that’s what you want to know.”

  Dan unzipped the leather bomber’s jacket he wore and pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his blue jeans. “So,” he started, “just what do you think you know about this, Kelly?”

  “I don’t know that I should tell you anymore, Dan. I just thought maybe you could. . .” her words fell silent.

  “You thought I could what?”

  “I thought you could tell Jenni. She doesn’t know yet.” Kelly looked troubled. “Please, Dan. I think she needs to know – and I hate to be the one to tell her. . .”